Thanks Kathy!

Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. Barbara Johnson

We worry about what a child will be tomorrow, yet we forget that he is something today. Stacia Tauscher

Medical Info

According to the donation coordinator:

"The degree of donor match is no longer a factor in the selection of
potential donors. The statistics have shown that there is no difference in
success of transplant between a donor that is a 0 donor match thru a 5 donor
match. The only difference is a 1% better success rate on a 6 of 6 match,
which is difficult to find. The only thing that we are interested in is the
ABO blood group of the donor and if Amy has a positive crossmatch with that
particular donor."

Well. I know I have the blood match, so it looks like the crossmatch is the only thing left. If I only knew what the hell that meant. I am gonna have to do me some research!

Phone Tag

One of the things I hate most about the telephone (and there are many things I hate about the telephone) is that I often end up playing phone tag with people I really need to talk to. I called the donation coordinator first thing this morning and left a message on her voice mail. I checked my cell phone at every break throughout the day to no avail. At about 4 pm, I noticed that I had a voice message which I promptly tried to return, only to find that they had all gone home about 2 hours before (this time difference thing isn't helping either). Grr. Maybe tomorrow. I will make sure that my phone is on my person all day long.

And so it begins

Remember how I told you that my cousin needed a new kidney? Well, after talking with my beloved and my parental units, I have decided that I am going to start the screening process. I know that I have a matching blood type (provided that Red Cross knows what it's doing), so that is one hurdle out of the way.

Tomorrow, I am going to call the donor coordinator and tell her that I am interested. Hopefully, she will send me a blood test kit and my kidneys and I will be off on a wonderful adventure. Although I will admit that the idea of surgery gives me a touch of the willies (I have never even broken a bone before), I am very psyched at the idea of being able to help Amy out. I am going to keep an ongoing record of this whole process from now until I either get booted out of the running or finish my post-surgery recovery.

I have to say that it is wierd trying to think about a decision this big without really knowing all the details. Normally, I am a totally detail oriented person, and I like to have all my little rubber duckies in a row before I make any decisions. I'm not sweating the small stuff here. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I want to do this if possible, and it doesn't really matter to me how the details fit together.

For example: I would like to make this as easy on my class as possible. Having a teacher who is gone a lot is hard on kids. But I also know that these kids will adjust and get over any stress they might have from me missing several weeks of school. They are young and I would leave them in the hands of a competent substitute. Amy, on the other hand, cannot adjust and get over her kidney problem. It is something that needs to be dealt with and it has its own agenda. So, although I know how I would like it to go, I am not sweating the details.

The one concern I had was that I would not have enough sick days built up to cover the majority of the absence. After all, we are living on a pretty tight budget and not getting a paycheck one month would make a big difference. Turns out that I have 19 days of sick leave right now (according to my calculations, I need to verify this) which will cover about half of the absence. Not too shabby. Between that and our savings, we can definitely manage.

People keep telling me how "commendable" and "impressive" my decision is. I know what they mean, and I would probably say the same to someone if they told me they were giving up a body part for someone, but I don't feel impressive. I just feel like I am doing the only possible thing. If I have the opportunity to save someone's life, how can I ignore it? I wouldn't walk away from someone who needed CPR or the Heimlich (not even if it was Bill O'Reilly!). So how can I not give this a shot? I am a young, healthy individual. If anyone can afford to take this risk, it is me. Besides, who would I message with if Amy were busy at dialysis 3 days a week? C'mon. I need my chats.

Okay. That's enough for now. I have tons of grading to do. But I have many more thoughts about this rattling around in my head. I will keep you posted.

"Shame on Bush"

This is what the protesters are shouting as they march past the CSPAN camera near Madison Square Garden. The caption says that they have been marching past continuously since 12 pm eastern time. That is for the past 4 hours. Steady. As Mikey said, "That's a lot of pissed off people." Just one more reason for me to love New Yorkers. :)

Great Galloping Guppies

My fishtank now contains 4 beautiful guppies, all male so I can avoid having a hundred guppy fry show up each month. Imagine - one hundred babies every month. Just the thought of it makes me tired. I was careful to get fish that all looked very different from each other so that we can be sure which one is which in the future. The kids are very excited about naming them and I suspect that will be the focus of our upcoming week. I think I will take nominations for a day and then we will vote on the final names. There is a white with orange trim, a speckled black with orange trim (my favorite), a white with yellow trim, and a white with belly spot and bluish trim. I have already noticed that the bluish one is the most voracious eater. Feel free to give name ideas...especially if there is a (thematic) set of four names that go well together.

Hooray Amazon

The internet is a wonderful thing, allowing access to things that were previously thought out of reach. :)

Got A Spare?

The following is an excerpt from my cousin's blog. Several years ago she was diagnosed with an extremely rare disease called Goodpastures Syndrome, which attacked her lungs and kidneys and nearly killed her. She spent the good part of a year on intensive dialysis, after which she received a new kidney. After a slow, but steady decline, we got official word that things are not looking good...

My kidney is failing. This should not come as a suprize to anyone. I need a new transplant. This also should not come as a suprize, but it's still hard when it's officially proclaimed. My kidney is not to the point that is making me very ill yet, but there is no breathing room, and I have maybe 6 months before I'll have to go back on dialysis. Dialysis is not an ok option in my mind, hence the idea of getting on with a new transplant. So if you know anyone who would like to donate a kidney to the "keep amy alive association" It would be greatly appreciated. Those wanting to donate should contact me via email or at my home phone next week (I won't be home till then, and I may not be able to really deal with it till then)

So there it is. A plea for help. Amy is a mother, a daughter, a wife and an all around amazing person. She lives more in one week than I will manage in my whole life. She dotes on her 5 year old son and just wants to be healthy again. If you know someone who might be interested in the donor process (for more info check here or here), please contact us. Chances are the donor will be from our extremely large and extremely wonderful family (in fact, one of my kidneys has recently been complaining that it longs to belong to someone who will take it to RenFest), but if there are no good matches there, she will have to look elsewhere.

School Yard Pranks

I work with a great team. Not only are they supportive, but they are FUN. We spend much of our planning time laughing ourselves to tears over silly little things that make no sense to anyone else. I won't go into detail (because you just wouldn't get it), but we have a schoolwide reputation for being silly and rambunctious. (We also have a reputation for being cooperative and hard-working.) So, when I ended up the butt end of a practical joke yesterday, I was surprised, but not SURPRISED.

My team members refer to me as "the organized one". This is their nice way of saying that I am a little bit compulsive and a little bit obsessive. But they know that if they can't locate their own copy of something, chances are that I can get my hands on mine in under a minute. My undiagnosed OCD often presents itself in the form of lists and labels. Everything in my room has a place and that place is often labeled. This is a carry-over from when I was teaching preschoolers with autism and we labeled things so they could help clean up. My team-mates have commented several times about my labels and my "organization" already this year. Yesterday, returning to my room after lunch, I found that everything on my nicely organized desk had been labeled for me. Sticky notes all over the place read, "Highlighters", "Pens", "Overhead", "Flag", "Desk", "Calculator", and "Files". My "Water Bottle" was labeled, and so was the "Water Bottle Cap" that had been sitting next to it. I almost fell over I was laughing so hard. As I picked up my kids in their lines, the rest of the team tried to look innocent and failed. After school, we all had a good laugh and I thought it was over.

Oh, no. How could I be so silly? I was the very last person to leave from my wing (as usual). As I bent down to get my bag-o'-stuff from under my desk, I read the word "Purse". I giggled to myself and shook my head. In the parking lot I was faced with the label "Car". I pulled the label off the window, put it on the steering wheel, and laughed my way home.

The best part of the whole thing is the feeling of comradary and teamwork that we have. My first thought at seeing those labels was "They really like me!". Silly as that sounds ("D" asked me, "Did you think we DIDN'T like you?"), it is true. Seeing the time and effort they put into making me laugh highlighted the fact that I am an accepted and important part of this group. These are not just my co-workers, they are my friends. Now it is my turn to pass on the warm fuzzies.

Well Worth It

Some of you know how hard I worked last year to reach particular students. Many of "my kids" had family lives that were less than desirable and suffered from low self-esteem and buried anger issues. Today two of my most challenging students stopped in to say hello and tell me about their summer. They didn't stay long and they didn't say much, but the fact that they bothered to stop in at all let me know that they recognized my efforts and reciprocate my feelings of affection. It made my day to have such obvious proof that I made a difference to them. I can't wait to see how they do as 5th graders.

Back-to-School Night

I can stand in front of a whole auditorium full of kids and be just fine. I will have most of them eating out of my hand in under 5 minutes. But put me in a room full of parents and I want to crawl under my desk. Wish me luck as I explain my procedures, curriculum, and expectations to the grown-ups I will be working with this year. Hopefully, they find my wacky sense of humor funny and not disturbing. I am making myself the following promises:

1. I will not trip and fall on my face. (I hope.)
2. I will not imagine them in their underwear (shudder).
3. I will not throttle the parents of the boy who has no backpack. (Not that they will show up, but just in case.)

I just have to get through tonight and I can go back to talking to a room full of 9-year-olds. Who, by the way, are still the best class in the whole school and working on capturing the title of Best Class in the Whole World.

Warning: Too Much Information Ahead

You probably don't want to know this, but the multi-vitamin I am taking turns urine DAY-GLOW YELLOW! It is a bit startling at first. :)

Woot

I love my job!

Today I got the final and most important ingredient for the perfect class. At 8:45, my students began streaming in, and by 9:00 am I was staring at a sea of shining 9 year old faces. All day long, I was dancing on air. I am pretty sure I have the best class in the whole freakin' school! :)

Other highlights for the day:

I got the fish tank up and running. After a couple days of filtration it will be ready for fish. The kids are excited at the prospect of naming them.

My room is lookin' good. There is color. There is fun. It is ready for learning.

The P.E. teacher brough my class back saying, "Wow! What a great class. They did great." That NEVER happened last year.

Several of my students from last year smiled and waved through the window as they walked past with their new teacher. I am a little sad to see them with another teacher, but mostly hopeful that they will have a great year.

And finally:
I have already had my heart broken. Everyone in my class had to answer a questionaire about themselves. For the question "What do you need a little help with?" (a place for them to tell if they struggle with their times tables or spelling or whatever), one of my students listed the following items:
1. a pencil
2. a backpack
3. close (clothes)

I wanted to cry. But I helped his brother last year. I can only hope that I can do the same for this little guy this year. Wish me luck.

Grrrr.

I had to make an emergency run to the library this evening after working a very long day putting finishing touches on my room (more on that later). It was a bitter-sweet experience.

First, I had the nicest lady help me locate some important books. I am going to have a boy with autism in my class this year, mainstreamed from the new Special Day Class at our school. I am very excited by this prospect, because I see many ways for my other students to benefit from the interaction. I have been told that this student displays behaviors that others may find odd or frightening. I want everyone in my class to be prepared for these surprising behaviors, to better allow them to see past them and interact on a more "normal" level. This librarian helped me find several books that will assist me in preparing my class.

Then, as another librarian was checking my books our for me, I was told that I had an almost overdue book. This was a book I was 100% sure I had just turned in, along with a large stack of others. We looked all around the check-in area, finding only the others. I was told there was no where else the books could possibly be and to look in my car and my home. I had to allow that through some fluke I may have missed putting this particular book with the others.

Arriving home, I didn't see the missing book anywhere. Knowing that they would start charging me late fees if it wasn't found, I called the library and asked them to look again. I was all prepared to be tough and insist that I had returned it. They threw a totally different pitch. I was told that the book had been given to the "Circulation Manager" because of "writing in the front cover". Because this was a "very new book" and it "hadn't been checked out very often", they were deciding what to do about this. Of course, the manager in question had already gone home. I told the lady on the phone that I had absolutely not written in the book. She pointed out that they "flip through the new books when they return and definitely check the front cover".

I know that it is their job to protect these books, and I understand that they are just doing their job, but I am going to be really pissed if I end up getting charged or fined after some other jerk wrote in this book. I don't writing in books I own, much less books I am borrowing. I didn't even highlight in my college texts. Grrrr.

Bite Your Tongue

I am, of course, happy to count myself among the few who are able to control themselves in times of frustration. I did, after all, work hard to reach this level of self-censorship. Sometimes I worry that I take it a little too far, though. Instead of saying what needs to be said to those who need to hear it, I suppress to the point of nightmares. And yet, what would be the result of saying what needs to be said? Perhaps I would relieve the rock solid shoulder muscles that are a constant part of my being. More likely I would trade the stress of silence for the stress of confrontation and unpleasantness. Let's take a look at the numbers:

Now - 1 stressed me
After verbal sewage dumping - 1 stressed me + indeterminate sad/angry/confused/frustrated others

Math has never been one of my strong suits, but I think I get the basics of that equation. Re-adjusting tongue, throwing back shoulders.

Whoa

I woke up in a state of pissiness that I can't even describe to you. An accumulation of normally unimportant hassles, combined with a dream that left me sobbing in my sleep and wondering if I shouldn't be seeing a therapist, have me snarling in my head and ready to bite the first thing that gets in my way. Yikes.

So close and yet so far

That phrase was created to describe the feeling of getting ready for the first day of school, I am sure. I have been working my ass off cleaning and organizing and labeling and numbering and planning and copying, and I think I am just about there. Except for the gazillion little things I could do to make the room perfect. There are so many miniscule things I could be doing that thinking about them actually makes me dizzy. Luckily, none of these things will be missed, so I am doing what I can and ignoring the rest.

This is gonna be the best year ever! :) I am so excited! :) I can't wait! :)

The Stewart

For my esteemed readers who have yet to experience all that is Jon Stewart, may I suggest using this website to find the correct time to tune your television to Comedy Central? Enjoy!

PS - It says to watch Mon - Thur at 10:00 pm Central Standard, but there is also a showing at 6:00 pm each of those days. :)

Class Rules

Last year, I had two "rules" posted on the first day. "Respect" and "Responsibility" were the things I expected from my students. I found that these terms were too vague to really help them guide their own actions.

This year, I have termed my "rules" as The Six C's. Along with more specific wording, I am going to be more active in helping them interpret these words and apply them to their choices. This is what they will see on the first day:

The Six C's - Making the World a Better Place for Living and Learning

1. Compassion ~ deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it
2. Cooperation ~ the practice of working together toward a common goal
3. Creativity ~ having originality and expressiveness of thought, action, and speech
4. Courtesy ~ polite behavior
5. Conservation ~ preservation from loss, damage, or neglect
6. Cleanliness ~ the state of being neat or tidy

I know that the definitions may seem too difficult for 4th graders to understand, but over the course of the year, this will help them expand their vocabulary. We will be discussion what each of these words means and brainstorming examples together. My expectations for the year will be founded on these "rules".

Room 9 Update

Bulletin boards that are already up:
*where I will display student writing throughout the year
*where students will write and post compliments to each other
*where students will display work they are proud of each week

Bulletin boards to be made tomorrow:
*where I will post current math concepts and work
*something relating to the book clubs we will be having
*a welcome back for the hallway
*the board where I will display the "What Peace Looks/Sounds/Feels Like to Me" project we will be doing during the first week
*something relating to science/social studies (probably CA regions)

My goal was to have boards that could stay up all year long (or as close to that as possible!), since I have very little time for messing with them once school starts.

Hmmm...

"Sometimes I think that remembering too much history is like alcohol or heroin - an addiction that seems to give meaning to your life but just wears you down and destroys you in the end."
Dan Simmons, A Winter Haunting

For some reason this line really struck me. I think I was translating "history" as "the past", feeling it on a more individual level, as opposed to a societal level. What do you think?

I am SO jealous!

http://laidoffdad.typepad.com/lod/2004/08/gawker_stalker_.html

Words Can't Describe

Looking for something to add to the "That Movie Really Sucked" list? May I suggest Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones? 'Cause, boy, did it ever. As Mikey observed, "Sci-Fi Original Movies aren't even this bad".

And, boy, are my feet tired!

I spent the day in my new classroom, taking everything out of storage and setting things up is what I hope is the most usable, teacher-friendly way. I got my classroom library set up, arranged the desks (all facing forward, I am afraid), put a mini-computer lab in the back of the room, and sorted through paper supplies, art supplies, and more writing utensils that you can shake a ruler at.

I even managed to watch some Olympics while I was at it. Can I just say that the sychronized diving event was SERIOUSLY disappointing? I am happy that Greece got to win the gold on this, their very first time in this event, but the other teams were choking right and left. It just wasn't a good competition.

The only problems with the day? 1 - One shelf in my cupboard is CRAAAAWLING with ants. 2 - My feet are killing me. Other than that, everything was like but-ta. Like but-ta, ah tell you.

You know you missed these random ramblings...

*I am receiving 6 months of Time magazine for free after doing some kind of feedback thing online. Pretty cool. Mikey is also getting some computer magazine.

*I want to see the gymnastics and diving competitions, but I keep forgetting that the Olympics are on.

*Does anyone really believe that "terrorists" would be so stupid as to attack the Olympics as a whole - disrupting this planetary tradition and forcing those who hate us into siding with us? Just wondering.

*There is a Monk marathon happening right now.

*I am in that foggy fog that comes from getting up way too early (3:0 am), trying to sleep jammed in between two strangers on an airplane, and taking a nap that wasn't quite long enough. Plus I am thirsty.

*America West is now my airline of choice.

*If you haven't read The Milagro Beanfield War, you should. Don't worry if it takes awhile to really fall into it - it is worth the struggle. I have a feeling that something in my life will end up being called "Milagro".

*That is all. For now. I journaled every day of my trip, but I am not sure what will make it here and what won't. I found it delightfully freeing to be writing for no one but me (and my Mikey). Perhaps I need to do some of my journaling in Word rather than all in Blogger. Hmm.

Hi, Honey!

I'm Hoooooooooome! Is there anyone still reading this thing? :) What a pleasant surprise to have so many different comments when I got home. I hope it keeps up now that I am here to read them.

Just Around the Bend

I will be facing a new batch of kiddos on the 23rd of this month. That may seem like a long way off to some of you (especially the parents of said kiddos!), but to me that day is looming like a giant foot over my little anthill. There were so many things I intended to get done this summer. I'm sure Hell is enjoying its newly paved road. For the last couple of nights, I have tossed and turned for hours with random ideas floating through my head. Last night it was so bad, I got up, grabbed some paper and a pen, and wrote down everything. That purge seemed to help some, although it was still some time before sleep claimed me (ooh...how cliche!). I have my work cut out for me after my trip.

Here's Jam in Your Eye

So, remember how someone in our house managed to get shampoo in HIS eye not too long ago? Well, it would seem that is not an isolated occurance. Yesterday, the very same person was attempting to make a PB&J sandwich, when HE dropped the jam container, splattering strawberry ooze all over the inside of the refridgerator, and, yes, also the inside of HIS very own eye. He got JAM in his EYE. If that doesn't make you giggle, nothing will.

Terminal

(I have not seen that movie, which I overheard some travellers condemn as "the Worst!")

I felt like Tom Hank's character in Terminal yesterday. I arrived at 5:15, checked my bag and got myself confirmed using one of those handy self-check in computers. Very smooth. Took all of 15 minutes, and that was only because I was tagged to wait with my bag while is was scanned. No problem. I had faith that I was going to get where I needed to go, despite the dire warnings of my in-laws, who are much more experienced with the chaos stand-by can create.

Then I was told by the ticket counter lady that there had been a computer malfunction and the airline I was using couldn't make any of its flight plans. They had no idea when it would be fixed. Turned out that they were back up and running by 6:00, but because they then had to do all kinds of plans and fuel calculations and such, all the flights were about 2 hours delayed. It stayed that way for the rest of the day. This meant people getting rerouted all over the place, which meant that my little non-rev, stand-by butt was staying right where it was. I was number 26 on a list for 5 empty seats at one point. They kept saying "Oh, the next one looks better...keep trying", so I stayed until almost 2 pm, when I finally gave up.

I was so frustrated at not being able to end the day by seeing family (the thing that made it worthwhile to sit in an airport alone for hours), and so tired from getting up 3:45 am, that I cried as I waited for Mikey to come pick me up. I just couldn't convince myself that my faith hadn't been misplaced. I had spent the whole day in a state of calm, telling myself that "it was okay I missed that flight, I guess the next one is the one I am supposed to be on". And there I was sitting in the front of the airport (without my luggage, which DID get to Minneapolis on the first flight), choking in the smoke 3 desperate smokers (tampering with smoke detectors in the lavetory is a federal offence), and headed back to the home I wasn't supposed to see for another 2 weeks.

As I calmed down, I realized that behind the frustration, I still did have that faith. I decided that there was no way for me to know why, but I was not supposed to leave yesterday. Maybe by staying in Cali, some horrible tragedy was diverted. My mom was supposed to drive to the cities to pick me up, but she didn't have to... Or perhaps, there was someone else who needed to get where they were going more than I did - a man going home to see his father for the last time or a mother who needed to be at her only daughters wedding. Or maybe I was just supposed to learn that it is worth $400 to get home to see family. I don't know. Whatever it was, I am greatful for the opportunity to be a part of it.

So, I still have my faith that things happen for the best. It was tested a bit in the San Diego airport yesterday, but in the end strengthened. However, when I got home, I booked myself a flight to MN. After all, to paraphrase, life helps those who help themselves. I am headed back down to the airport in about an hour. I have faith that I will be in MN by 8:35 tonight. I just hope that all the sons are with their soon-to-be-departed fathers and all the mothers with their soon-to-be-married daughters. Because today it is my turn to see my parents.