Living the Dream

Lots of grown ups like to tell teenagers to enjoy what they have because they are in the "best years of your life". Not me. I remember how horrible my teen years were. I remember the anguish and the heartache and the confusion. I remember being torn between childhood and adulthood in a way that made things come out of my mouth that shocked even me. I wouldn't go back to that if you paid me a million dollars. And my teenage-ed-ness was mild compared to most.

However, I think I am currently living a personal era that I will look back on and long for. At this moment (re: just about any moment from the past couple of years) I am residing in a state of contentment and enjoyment that would be difficult to duplicate. I was contemplating this on the ride home the other night. I decided there were several "fronts" which affect my life, each of which just happens to be in a well-balanced, pleasant place right now...

Family: A large majority of my family members are happy and healthy. They are all getting along relatively well with each other and spectacularly well with me. Although many are very far away, I am in regular contact.

Marriage: Things are going quite well on this front. There are a minimum of disagreements and those that crop up are dealt with through open communication and compromise.

Home: The house is in good shape and we are doing small projects to make it even better. Our location continues to suit us perfectly. Chores are getting done regularly, often by Mikey. (hee hee) The kitties are healthy and well-behaved.

Work: I am enjoying the experience of working with 5th graders. My students are remarkably responsible, cooperative, and friendly. The challenges of teaching a new grade level keep me interested and involved without getting totally overwhelming. My coworkers continue to be supportive in both work and personal matters.

Friends: My friends are among the most entertaining and amusing people in the world. They are always there when I need them. They trust me and are trustworthy.

Fun: I have found a variety of ways to have fun. I am knitting and reading and playing games with friends and generally having a blast.

All in all, I am truly enjoying myself. Life is good and I know that when I am older I will think back to this time and wish I could experience it again. Better enjoy it while I can, huh?

Circle Time

A few weeks ago, as we were discussing the good and bad of our first trimester together, my students requested that we have a time to share our grievances with each other regularly rather than letting them build up until the end of each 12 week period. Since I thought this was a very useful, thoughtful suggestion, I agreed and we scheduled a meeting for each Tuesday.

Today was our first meeting. I set some basic ground rules:
1. You can share a "thank you", a "complaint", or a "comment"
2. "Complaints" and negative "comments" may NOT include a specific name. "Thank yous', however, can be to a specific person.
3. "Comments" must pertain to the whole class and have some relevance to our interactions together.

With the rules in place, I started drawing names. Each student had a chance to share something or pass. Although about half of them chose not to say anything, the ones who did came up with some great stuff. For example:

"Thank you to M and S for being on my side and being great friends."
"Thank you to B and L for finding a nice way to tell me I was being annoying."
"Happy birthday, T!"
"I think it is good when people find a way to talk about what is bothering them rather than just fighting. My friends and I did that and now everything is better."
"I don't like it when there are people talking while I am trying to learn."
"I am having trouble with some boys from another class. They kick me and make fun of me at lunch." (The group gave him suggestions on how to take care of this - tell them to stop, ask a noon duty to help, tell the teacher or the principal.)
"Good job, everyone, on our showing writing talent show."
"Thank you to the whole class for being such good friends."

This is exactly the kind of thing that the people in charge are eliminating from our classroom. Instead of sitting in a big circle on the front lawn, sharing our feelings, we should have been inside studying European explorers or multiplying fractions. Seeing how great everyone felt having been heard and recognized, I wouldn't give this up for anything. I just wish that I could get the "No Child Left Behind" people to realize that this is the real area in which we need to be watching the cracks and patrolling the borders. Adults can catch up on math skills over time. It is much harder for them to learn how to be good people.

One Year.

One year ago this morning, I woke up very, very early. Despite the lack of food in my system, I was not hungry. Nor was I particularly nervous despite the magnitude of the day. The whole scene felt so surreal - it was my first time checking into a hospital and I was as healthy as I get. They had proved it with all their poking and prodding. There I was, removing a perfectly healthy organ from my body.

But for such a good cause.

One year ago this afternoon, I woke up (or tried to) as a nurse said my name. My very first thought (and question) was about Amy...had it worked? Was she okay? Whether the nurse could actually understand my drugged mumbling, or whether she was just intuitive, I don't know, but I was immediately reassured that Amy was fine and doing her own recovery from the cocktail they mixed to put us to sleep.

It was some time before I worked up the nerve to touch, or even look at, the incision. It wasn't pretty - all black and blue, red and white - that slash across my abdomen. Now it is my badge of honor. I look at it often, smoothing my fingers over the right side, where the severed nerves still shirk their responsibilities. I look at it and I think about the combined fragility and strength of this thing we call life.

It's been awhile since I talked to Amy - she's busy with all the chores that attend a healthy life. She plays and works and lives. And no matter how long it is between phone calls or internet chats, I know that I am a part of everything she does.

I love you, Amy. Happy Kidneyversary.

Flotsum

It's good to be back with my kiddos. We all seemed to be a little more...stabilized after such a nice break. We were all ready for a nap around 2:30, too, but it won't take long to get back into the routine. I hope they go to bed early tonight! And in three more weeks we get another nice break. Yay!

A brief note about blogs that require you to type in a series of letters to prove you are a real commentor and not a spammer...it would be easier if you could actually tell what the letters are! I swear, I was just asked to type in a letter from a different alphabet. Good thing they give you more than one chance!

My little tastebuds are so very happy because it is Eggnog time again. Bring on the nutmeg!

I am thinking that I had something quite interesting to tell you and now I can't remember what it was. Hmm. I will think on it and hopefully tell you tomorrow. Until then, be well, smile, and say a prayer for my aunt Kate. She's in San Fran for her second round of treatment.

Fun

Today we had lunch with another couple and then played tennis to work it off. It was quite enjoyable, despite the fact that I am a lousy tennis player.

I am sad that my vacation is almost over and I will once again be too busy to play with my friends.

More Scarves

I have finished two more. The first I mentioned previously:



Because of the coloring and the shaping, it reminds Mikey of Finding Nemo. It was fun to make with all the curving, although I didn't do a very good job of keeping the stripes even. If you fold it in half, you can see it isn't exactly symmetrical. However, I don't think it's all that obvious otherwise.



This one is much more sophisticated. It is a thick black chenille type material, knitted very loosely, with two teal stripes of the same kind of yarn on each end. I added fringe of both colors, but I am not sure I like it. Again, the stripes aren't exactly even, but it doesn't really show too badly.

Knitting Fool

I have been knitting up a storm. I am actually wondering if there might not be a way for me to earn some extra cash here...but that would make it work, not play. Anyway - here's what I've got so far.



This is one of my first attempts at changing colors and patterns. It is about 5 feet long, not including the fringes. It was made with long, cold hockey games in mind.



I just made this scarf today. It is a double knit - a solid light brown coupled with a nobby verigated blue/brown yarn. I am fairly pleased with the results, but I should have made it longer (it is 4 ft. long).



While I was knitting this scarf, Mikey kept telling me that it looked like something a vampire would wear. It is 4 ft. single knit with a light, feathery yarn.



This was one of two scarves I knit yesterday. I know a pair of twin girls who just love anything "princess". This one is double knit with faux fur type yarn paired with plain old white. I am very pleased with this look and I will be making more like it as soon as I get more white yarn.



Here's a very straightforward design. I started with a bright, verigated yarn and just kept knitting. The only think I don't like about it is that the synthetic yarn collected quite a bit of static electricity as I worked. It is very light and child-friendly, however.



The second of the "princess" scarves. The yarn was already doubled - solid pink base and a verigated feathery addition - so I just knit it up. I made the ends wider than the middle for a little fun.



I am currently working on one that has a solid black base paired with a brighter, feathery yarn. It is mostly electric blue with some orange, yellow, pink, and green stripes. I am reducing and adding stitches regularly to make it a kind of wavery shape. I'm not sure if I like the color scheme yet, but I am quite happy with the design.

Isn't It Ironic?

I find it amusing that I spend so much time trying to teach these kids to be the exact opposite of what I was in school. I tell them to pay attention and put that book away during math class. I tell them to stop procrastinating and get their work done ahead of time. I tell them to take the time to read the directions before starting an assignment. Most of all, I tell them to push themselves beyond what is easy and find the challenge in each day.

If only they could learn from my mistakes. As I am sure my parents and teachers wished I could learn from theirs.

Ego-boosters

I have decided to be honest and tell you that I haven't been having conferences at all. I have been having a series of scheduled ego-boosters. That isn't what I THOUGHT they would be, but I'm liking it. I am perfectly willing to give up my afternoon to a bunch of parents who want to tell me how much their child loves my class and how much they appreciate the work I am doing. I left school so pumped with the love that I am eager to get back and continue. :)

The fact that the days have been productive and the atmosphere during class just as positive doesn't hurt any either. I HEART my class.

Progress

graded those darn writing samples
completed 0.5 of total report cards
washed dishes
cleaned kitty litter
completed 2.0 chapters of tech class
knitted 1 adult scarf, 1 beret (of questionable quality), 1 child scarf
prepped for next trimester's writing lessons
cooked mashed potatoes in the crockpot
watched The Matrix and Unbreakable
took the houseplants out for some fresh air
wiped down the counters
washed 4 loads of laundry, dried 3, folded 2 (I'm falling behind!)
talked with Daddy
helped Mikey come up with puzzles for his site

It's been a productive weekend. :)

My Favorite Author

My hubby is participating in NaNoWriMo - National Novel Writing Month - and he is well on his way to "winning". (That is what they call reaching the set goal of 50,000 words.) Today he printed out a copy of the approximately 25,000 words he has written since the beginning of November. I am going to curl up on the couch and read it in just a moment. First, I wanted to tell you (and him, cause I know he reads this) how totally impressed and amazed I am at what he has already accomplished. :) Now I am off to read.

In the Rough

This hasn't been edited - it is purely what came pouring out of my head this morning. Thankfully, I have started carrying that hand-held recorder in the car, so I talked to myself all the way to school and then typed it up. Please forgive grammatical errors. I have added in a few bits - those are in italics as well.

Mahatma Gandhi, in 1925, developed a list of what he called the Seven Social Sins. (It has since had an eighth added.) While they cover a wealth of topics, the one that always strikes me is "Knowledge Without Character". No one ever questions the teacher's responsibility in passing on knowledge, but are we not just as obligated to be teaching our students about character? How can they be expected to use their knowledge if we haven't given them wisdom? How can they manage the power they will one day wield if we haven't taught them self-control?

Across the country, the focus of education has become The Standards, as though adherence to them will somehow prevent failure. In the name of honesty, let me tell you that I despise standardized testing and teaching to the test. It grinds down the students' belief in themselves while giving questionable, easily manipulated results. That doesn't mean that I don't appreciate the need to make education as efficient and effective as possible.

I love my Standards-On-A-Ring - they give me a reference point, helping me focus my thoughts and better reach my children. The standards help me develop my expectations. With them, I can hold myself accountable to those expectations and that is a good thing. The standards do not, however, take into consideration the individual needs, experiences, or interests of the 32 kids in my room. They don't help me teach respect, responsibility, creativity, thoughtfulness, or cooperation, all of which are vital to the atmosphere of my room as well as the success of my students upon joining the real world.

Although recent test results show that we are producing higher-achieving students, it is at a great cost. (Apparently a cost that others are willing to pay.) We are creating a generation of people who fit perfectly inside the box of standardized education, but few of them could be called well-rounded individuals. They can recite facts and regurgitate the information that has been deemed "essential", but they can't problem-solve, compromise, or other-wise think outside the set parameters of their lives.

This last paragraph doesn't connect very nicely, but is also important none-the-less.


When board members and district officials tell us that there is no morale problem among our teachers beyond our desire for more money, I ask you to look for yourself. Teacher morale is suffering, possibly more than it has in decades, and although I would be lying if I told you that paying my bills was not a concern, that is not the only, nor even the most important, reason for our unhappiness. (Sorry - that is a looooong sentence.) Our sinking morale is related to what we are being asked to do in the classroom and what we are being asked to ignore. It come from the poorly stated and supported teacher expectations, a threatening and disheartening district atmosphere, and the frustration of speaking without being heard. At my school, I am surrounded by people who have a passion and a dedication that is extraordinary, but it is difficult for any of us to maintain that fire when we feel as though our needs, beliefs, and expertise are being totally disregarded.

You just gotta know the questions.

"He who has courage and faith will never perish in misery." ~Anne Frank

Funny how the universe has all the answers.

Hmm

I talked at a meeting tonight about the problems I see with the current direction of education. Mostly, I was expressing a concern over the fact that we are teaching to the standardized tests rather than to the whole child. I was seriously disturbed to hear most of the room say that they didn't feel that was a problem. One woman told me that I just needed to "fit it in". That is what she does.

So, as I drove home, I wondered:

Is she an amazing teacher who is able to teach all the skills expected of her students while still exposing them to music, the arts, AND addressing all their social/emotional needs?

Is she delusional, thinking she is doing all this while her students suffer the consequences?

Is she a master of time, able to stretch it to her will, freeing up chunks of time that the rest of us don't have?

OR

Is the problem with me? Am I not using my time as efficiently as possible? Should I be trying harder to assimilate all of the things thrown at me - am I being stopped by my own bad attitude?

Holy Moly

conference...report cards...meetings...master's classes...housekeeping...wildly out of control paperwork...belated correspondence...daylight savings...promises that must be kept...plans that must be made...games that must be played...papers that must be graded...

All seem to be piling up faster than I can wade through them. As I told my class today, "I cannot be held responsible for anything I say or do this week. My body is here, but my mind is somewhere on a Hawaiian island." I daresay they are feeling much the same, since they all understood perfectly.

One of those days

Do you ever have one of those days when thinking is just TOO HARD? A can't wait for this day to be over. I have been tripping over my words all day. At lunch I wrote my own name incorrectly. Right now, I am making more mistakes than not with my typing. It is like my brain has decided to take a vacation and forgot to leave a forwarding address. Unfortunately, I need it. At least until Thanksgiving Break.

Hump Day

I have always hated that phrase. Anyway, here we are, on a beautiful Wednesday. Thanks to Daylight Savings, I can tell how beautiful it is already. It is nice to be getting up in a daylight hour again, but it stinks like rotten eggs to have to drive home in the pitch black every night. Oh well. I guess I can't have everything.

Time to head to school. Have a nice day.