Moola

I have completed enough of my Masters course that I have moved columns on our payscale. Whoo hoo! :) Now if I could just keep progressing...

Vacation Getaway!

Recently, there has been an increase in potential social life around here and I am greatly enjoying it. First, my friend "K" and I bought season tickets to a theater in Solana Beach and we have been to two plays already, both of which made me cry. The first ("Leading Ladies") because I was laughing so hard, and the second ("Tuesdays With Morrie") because it was so touching. Both were well performed, but even if they had been horrible, the chance to hang out with a pal is great. We even have plans to drag our hubbies with us the next time.

I also have lots of upcoming travel plans. I will be heading home to visit with Mom and the MN gang next week. At the end of the year, I will be taking a school related trip to Virginia and Washington, DC. At some unknown date in the future, "K" and I have promised to go on a "girl's vacation" cruise to the Carribean. On the flip side, I will be hosting my Daddy over Christmas. Those plans have been made for the last year and I am very much looking forward to it.

It all sounds fun to me!

Thoughtless

I have no thoughts to share. Or rather, I have thoughts at times when it is inconvenient or impossible to share. I apologize.

Mikey is currently working on this year's NaNoWriMo experiment. The dogs are getting used to the colder nights (it regularly gets into the 20's lately). The cats are, well, cats. And I continue to spend more time than I should working and watching TV.

Thanks to the recent time change, I am now getting up at 5:30. This is good for getting school things done in the morning, but somehow I STILL can't get away from work at a reasonable hour. On the days when I waste time chatting with friends, that makes sense, but on the days that I am working my tail off I just can't understand how I can spend 10 hours there and have to leave with so much undone.

On the plus side, I am having my best year yet. We just finished our trimester assessments and the average score on the three major tests was in the high 70's. In prior years I have been lucky to get into the 70's at all. The studious nature of my class and their willingness to actually WORK at things is making for some extremely pleasant teaching.

I thought I could start writing and inspire myself to come up with worthwhile things to say, but it isn't working. Perhaps another time...until then, I hope all are well and if you want to know what's going on with me, you'll have to give me a call. :)

What's On My Mind

In the past few years, I have had to deal with quite a few changes in my family. I have lost people and gained people. Others have changed their roles in my life to varying degrees. While this is something that happens all the time, I have faced a lion's share of changes recently (read: in the last 5 years).

Ever since I was small, I have had people commenting on my maturity. "You're awfully grown up for your age." "What a mature outlook on life." "She sure seems to have things together for someone from her generation." As the oldest of 4 kids, I took on a lot of early responsibility. I grew up seeing myself as a peacekeeper, a problem solver, and a fixer of all things broken. Perhaps because I willingly took on these jobs (and became relatively successful at them) they soon became the expectation.

Most of the time, I revel in these expectations. I find great satisfaction in helping others untangle and troubleshoot. I enjoy the feeling of being "in the know" when my family members share their secrets and problems. However, I have a weakness. An achilles heel, as it were. I don't handle change well. I like to see it coming, planning and preparing for the transition far in advance. I like to know exactly where I am going, and if I'm not sure of the future I travel as though I am traversing a strange room in the dark: I move very slowly.

Consequently, when this plethora of changes occured throughout my familial spheres, I struggled. Many of the changes were abrupt, leaving me limited time to come to terms with my new reality. Most of them were ultimately out of my control so I stumbled through the changes, tripping over little things that wouldn't have bothered me much in the full light of experience and expertise. I made mistakes. Worse, I began to shy away from the changes all together, as though ignoring them could make them go away.

Over time, I learned to navigate my new surroundings. Some changes, like the addition of a brother-in-law, were easy. It's hard not to like someone who is so wonderful to my dear sister and her children. He may not realize it (we don't see each other often), but he quickly earned a special place in my heart. Others, like the re-establishment of the earlier warm relationship with my Daddy, took longer. Slowly, we both found our way back to that comfortable place that hadn't been lost in the darkness after all. It had just been moved slightly. These and others are changes that I have become used to, changes that have ceased to be changes and moved into the realm of "what is".

There are areas which are still confusing to me. Places where it is easy to mis-step and become lost. For example, while I understand with my brain that my beloved grandma is no longer with us, I continue to pretend that it has just been awhile since I've called her and I will do it again some Sunday soon. I keep her phone number in my cell, just in case. The only day of the week on which I do not think of her is Sunday. The better to pretend I simply got too busy to call again.

The damage I did to my relationship with my brother, no matter how well-intentioned, has gone mostly unrepaired. I suspect we both know that although I am sorry for the rift between us, I would do exactly the same thing if I had the chance to go back. I continue to admire him like no other. And yet, somehow, I let days...weeks...months pile up while I think of the right way to tell him how worried and proud I am. I hold back the words, afraid to make things worse, unsure how to make them better.

And finally, my mother's husband. Despite being the mature, open-minded, peacekeeping one of the family, it has taken me the longest to accept him. Is it because I was so comfortable with him in the role of close family friend that I am reluctant to move him to a newer, more intimate position? Or is it because he so thoroughly replaced me as my mother's confidant and supporter? Could it be that, given the thousands of miles between us, I just haven't had enough "real" time to adjust? Or am I just surprising everyone and displaying the behaviors of a frightened child? I suspect that it is a little bit of everything rolled into one.

There you have it. I have a reputation for control and strength and solutions, but I continue to flounder in a sea of change. I can only hope that those family members with whom I have yet to reconnect - my brother, my step-father - understand the hesitation I feel. After all, who hasn't found themselves in a strange dark without a flashlight at one time or another? I can't say how long it will take me to baby-step my way back onto a familiar path. I can only promise that I will keep moving forward to the best of my ability.

My Lesson

We have been talking at work about improving communication and creating a code of conduct to encourage a friendlier environment. The whole time we have been doing this I have been nodding my head and thinking, "Duh. Of course we need to improve our communication. Why can't everyone see this?"

Today I realized that the same problems others are having at work are manifesting themselves in some of my personal relationships. The openness and honesty that are so obvious to me in my place of employment (and most other areas in my life) were completely missing in a few key areas. No wonder there were problems. I have resolved to make some changes, even if it means being the "grown-up" in a situation where I am not actually the grown-up.

Exercise that's FUN

This afternoon, I played an intense, 30 minute soccer game with some of the boys in my class. They ran circles around me, and I loved every minute of it. It was nice to have some small group time with these particular boys - good bonding and whatnot. They were very kind about my lack of skills on the field, and it was a great way to end the week even if it did make me look like I was on the verge of passing out. My students practiced making similies as we walked back inside. "Mrs. H, your face is as red as a strawberry and your freckles are like the seeds." (Whoo hoo, they're learning something!) I plan on doing it again very soon.

Um

Hi. I thought I would come tell you things, but I can't think of anything to say. Or rather, I can think of lots of things to say, but none of them are right for this particular venue. My class is great, my dogs are great, my hubby is great, my life is great. I am happy. This week I have been helpful to those who needed help, and I have extended an olive branch to one who needed it. I have tried to share the joy that is flowing through me with those around me. Although I continue to be slothful and prone to procrasitination, I have made an effort to overcome these vices. I guess I'm pretty satisfied with things. I can only hope that all of you are feeling some of this, too.

Stuff

I will do as Kathy suggested and videotape the project in its final glory if it should happen to reach that stage. :) Thanks to all who are adding to my list of names.

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It is amazing how much of a difference a couple of kids can make. I usually have about 30 in my room. Today, with 4 absent, I kept thinking, "Why is it so quiet in here?" Of coure, it can make a difference WHICH kids are gone sometimes. This time it was more a product of just 4 fewer bodies/voices/issues.

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Scholastic Book Clubs (a wonderful setup that has netted me many free books for both my classroom library and my resource library) has a great online ordering thing. It is quick and easy. Unless every other click leads you to an error page. Ugh. I hope it is back to normal tomorrow.

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Mikey and I set up a double looped walking/jogging track on our property. If you complete both loops you travel 1/3 of a mile. This evening, as soon as I got home, we walked the whole thing 3 times. Hooray us. We are also trying to eat more fresh fruits and veggies as snacks instead of chips and candy. We were very successful with that today (I nearly turned into a bunny!) Where are we getting the motivation for this? Over the weekend we bought a new bathroom scale. If you stand on it barefoot, it can measure your bodyfat. Quite the motivator.

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On the same trip that we bought the scale, we also got some bathroom towels, clothing, video games, and a remarkable number of other items that we didn't actually need. It's a good thing we don't go to town together very often.

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Time for bed. I am exhausted tonight (YAWN) and I have an important and potentially stressful meeting first thing in the morning. Sleep well, all.

Project Update

Told the kids that I had an interesting idea involving a play that I wanted to talk to them about. We will be listening to the story/song and discussing the idea for the project tomorrow. They thought it was funny that I would have to bleep out some words from the song. :) Also discovered that there is another person at my school who has heard of and enjoys David Wilcox. Who know?

Idea Update

David Wilcox has already responded (or had his manager respond) saying it was fine to use his story. I am fleshing out the idea further. I will let you know when I have a finished script. In the meantime, I still need the names of bridgebuilders throughout time and space. :)

My list currently holds:

Ghandi
John Lennon
Jesus
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Mother Teresa
Oscar Schindler
the Dalai Lama
Jimmy Carter

I want it to be MUCH bigger - hopefully one per student (32) at least.

Brilliant Idea!!!

I have just sent an email to David Wilcox. No, I'm not becoming a stalker fan. Rather, I had a wonderful idea on my way home and I am asking for his assistance in making it a possiblity.

On his album, East Ashville Hardware, there is a story about a carpenter. In breif, this carpenter is asked to build a wall between two feuding neighbors, but instead builds a bridge, bringing them back together before heading into the sunset. I have always enjoyed this particular story, because it reminds me of my Grandpa Norm. However, this evening I had a new vision. I pictured my 5th graders performing this story. I know exactly which one would recite it. I could envision the set dressings and the actions perfectly. There would be 2 feuding families (allowing for more parts, you know) and in the end, after they are reunited as friends, my students would hold up the names of everyone we can think of throughout history who has reached across the boundry of difference and fear to build a bridge. They would say,

"BUILD A BRIDGE. YOU'RE IN GOOD COMPANY."

Or something like that.

Anyway, I have emailed Mr. Wilcox asking if we could get permission to use his story. You could help me by adding to my list of BridgeBuilders. On my way home I came up with...
Ghandi
John Lennon
Jesus
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Mother Teresa
and
Oscar Schindler

Please help me expand on this small group. I want it to be as diverse as possible, so the more creative the better. If possible, leave me a link or a blurb about the bridges they built. :)

You Know What Happens When You're Having Fun...

We have now completed 3 weeks of school. I have roughly 35 weeks left with these kids. time moves too damn fast, you know. On a more positive note, I realized mid-week that I have transitioned out of the beginning of the year mode where I have to pre-think everyone's names before I say them to the more comfortable mode of saying a name before I consciously realize who is talking to me. It feels good to be the leader of a group of friendly faces. Much easier than trying to lead complete strangers.

I am definitely reaping the benefits of a year of experience and a summer of prep time. While I am still staying later than I would like (not because I don't like it at school, but because there are so few hours left to spend with hubby and home), I am able to plan farther in advance, available for more one on one instruction, and doing things like documenting parent contact and "important" daily events. I am also participating in the running of the school on a greater level.

The best thing about this is that I am working more social/emotional development, art, and music into my schedule. We are conducting a once weekly class meeting, and the children are already using it productively. They have shared numerous compliments with one another, as well as addressed important classroom management issues (the same people keep getting to lie on the crotched blankets at silent reading time and people are moving backpacks around so they can have the "best" hook). Each Monday, my students will either spend 20 minutes doing an art project with another teacher (while I work with his kids) or learning music appreciation with me. It's not much, but it is more than my kids got last year. I am also going to try to participate in the morning exercise program. Students have 15 minutes to run or walk around the playing field. Those who reach certain goals (25 miles, 50 miles, etc.) receive goodies from one of the local grocery stores. I can't remember a teacher ever taking part, but I figure it will encourage more of my students to do so AND as an added bonus, give me 15 minutes of exercise each morning. We'll see if it works out.

All in all, I am feeling quite pleased with the progress my group has made toward becoming a cohesive unit. I am looking forward to a very productive and enjoyable year. Oh! And best of all, the kids have relaxed enough to laugh at my little jokes instead of worrying that I am being serious all the time.

Treading Softly

There are times in my classroom when I feel the need to tread lightly and think even more carefully than usual before speaking. The majority of these days seem to be when we are discussing politics or religion. I know that my opinions aren't necessarily the same as those my students hear at home. It is important, for both job security and general comfort, that I balance the need to share my thoughts and feelings with my need to respect and understand the background of my students. Tricky business, I tell you.

In the near future I will be dealing with two such times. Sept. 11th is falling on a school day for the first time in three years. People have very strong feelings about the Middle East, terrorism, and war - even 10 year olds. I will not allow "Patriot Day" (yes, I'm afraid those are sarcastic quote marks you see there) to become a day of celebration and Yay, America-ism. However, if I am going to focus on the horrors of violence, hatred, and war, I have to do it carefully or I will find dozens of nasty voicemails blinking at me on Sept. 12th. For example, I most likely will NOT get to point out the fact that Bush's war has killed more Americans (2,646 military + 136 civilian) than the fall of the World Trade Center towers (2,752).

Next, we have Sept. 15th. This has been identified as "Constitution Day" and we are required to spend 1 hour teaching our classes about the U.S. Constitution. This, by itself, is not the problem. The problem is that I will be sorely tempted to focus on the recent dismantling of this important document. The fact that our basic rights are being taken away one by one in the name of national security and "patriotism" is disturbing and wrong. The trick is getting that point across to my students without seeming as though I am attacking people they love and respect.

Instead of shouting my thoughts from the top of a soapbox, I will be asking and encouraging questions. I won't get to say all the things I would like to say, but I will be able to challenge my students and get them thinking a little bit further than their own dining room table. I'm going to count that as a win.

Miss You

I'm sorry I haven't been writing. I think about writing. I plan to write. Then other things happen instead. I have learned the following things recently:

* There is nothing quite as relaxing as an early evening meander around the property with the dogs dashing about me.

* I Heart Huckabees is an amusing and intriguing movie. You should watch it.

* The first half of Utterly Monkey is well written and enjoyable.

* Teaching 5th grade is MUCH easier the second time around, but it is still hard to leave school at a decent hour.

Overheard

These are some of the things I heard just today that encourage and inspire and drive me to be at school tomorrow. And tomorrow. And tomorrow.

"Mrs. H? I think I fully grasp this concept now."

"I hate my life."

"Mrs. H makes coming to school fun."

"He's itching all over, but we think it's a physical reaction to the stress he's been under."

"That was fun!"

"I got lost trying to solve this multiplication problem. Can you show me how to do it?"

"Can we have writing time EVERY day?"

"Is this a good book? Do you think I would like it?"

"Can I help you?"

"Oh! I know the answer to his question. I'll show him."

"Ungh. I forgot my binder at home again."

All this from or about kids I have known for roughly 10 days. I am already needed and loved and trusted. This is going to be a great year.

Why Do People Inflict Pain On Others?

This is the question I was contemplating on one of my recent drives to school. Why do we inflict pain and how can I teach my students to avoid doing so as often as possible? This involves breaking the issue down to components that are simple enough to express to children. This is what I came up with...

There are 3 reasons or motivations that cause us to inflict pain on another.

1. Indifference
(the act of not caring)
What does it look like? Imagine you are walking across the playground. To your right, there are 3 fifth graders picking on a fourth grader. They have taken his basketball and are keeping it away from him while calling him names. You are so excited about getting in line at the handball court that you don't really notice it and walk right past.
What should you be asking yourself? "Am I paying attention?"


2. Good Intentions
(making things worse through a poorly thought out attempt to help)
What does it look like? Imagine that you meet someone who is very hungry. They have obviously not eaten in many days and if they don't eat soon they are going to die. The only food you have with you is a bag of peanuts. You kindly offer the stranger your peanuts. They refuse to eat them. Thinking that they must be disoriented and confused by the hunger, you force some peanuts down their throat. Suddenly, they have a severe allergic reaction and die.
What should you be asking yourself? "Do I have all the necessary informtion?"

3. Self-interest
(doing something to help yourself no matter how it affects another)
What does it look like? Imagine that you are grown up, driving to work. You know the rules (speed limits, stop lights, etc) and understand that they are there to reduce the risk to yourself and others. However, you are very late for a meeting, so you run a red light. You get through fine, but the car that had to stop for you gets hit from behind.
What should you be asking yourself? "How many people am I helping right now?"

Gandhi

We recently watched the movie Gandhi, and I continue to be amazed at his empathy, self-control, and influence. It is one thing to hold a hunger strike in an attempt to stop fighting. This is something anyone could do, given enough inner strength and motivation. It is something much more amazing to be so beloved and respected that both sides of a battle will lay down their arms in order to convince you to eat. If I were to go on a hunger strike over the war in Iraq, a small handful of people would mourn me, another (slightly larger) handful would mock me mercilessly, and a great majority of the people in my city, country, and world would never even know it was happening. The influence he had, and the humility with which he had it, are mind-boggleing.

And on a slightly different topic:

It inspires me to no end to know that Gandhi was an unknown, "bumbling lawyer" until his 30's. I still have time.

A.N.T.

This morning, for no reason at all, an ant bit me on the foot right where my second and third toes come together. That spot has been on a slow burn all day long. Ugh. I have learned some new things from this fun adventure, however...

1. Ants, bees, and hornets are all of the order hymenoptera.
2. Ants, like all hymenoptera, sting rather than biting.
3. Ants will grab on with their mandibles and spin their butt around, stinging you repeatedly in a circular pattern.
4. Ant stings can cause an anaphylactic reaction in humans, occasionally leading to death.
5. Benedryll can help counteract a mild reaction to ant stings.
6. We are currently out of Benedryll.

Fortunately, all but the last were learned through internet research, rather than personal experience.

School Daze

I have been quite busy cleaning and organizing and arranging and planning and decorating in my classroom lately. The kids come back on Monday and it almost looks like I will be ready for them. Whoot!

Good News

Ollie went to the vet to have a large lump checked out. It is a reaction to his recent vaccines that will go away on its own. No problem. Whew. Now I don't have to feel bad for calling him "Lumpy" for the past 2 weeks.