it's the little things that give me away

If you were to sit and have lunch with me today we would probably talk at length about the two exciting things that are soon occuring in my life: starting a new school year at a new school, opening a new business. I would seem calm and confident, exuding enthusiasm for both projects equally. You would later tell someone how impressed you are with my ability to take on such challenges and still remain so relaxed and energetic.

That is because I wouldn't mention how hard it is for me to fall asleep these days. Or how I look for any excuse to keep sleeping in the morning. I won't tell you how much hair I find in the drain after a shower in the morning. You wouldn't notice how I avoid moving my right arm too often or too quickly due to that pain that just won't go away.

I am very excited about my new classroom. I can't wait to meet my new team and my new students. I am thrilled that I am making an attempt at a dream I have had for some time. I am just as enthusiastic as I seem, but I am in no way as confident as I look. I am terrified by both of these new things, and it's the little things that give me away.