I'm here. Now I'm leaving.

We have satellite! Despite the downpour that occured all day long. Hooray.

In other news, I had a crappy day. I had to lead a meeting where we had too little time to cover too many important issues. It was a rainy day, so the kids were squirrely. I have had a headache all week from the wacked out barometric happenings. Someone keeps leaving prank messages on my voicemail at school. Report cards are due to go home this week, so I am scrambling to get them done. I am required to call in every day at 5:30 to see if they want me for jury duty the next day. And it seemed as though every time I turned around there was some horrible emergency needing to be dealt with. Bleh.

David Wilcox is coming to San Diego in April, though. And I even know someone locally who would be interested in going with me. I have always wanted to see him live. So, it hasn't been all bad.

Oh. And if Amber is reading this:

I tried to post a message on your site and couldn't. I tried to send you an email and found I had lost your address. I just read about your loss and I want you to know I am very sorry. I hope your father is in a better place and that you and your family can be a comfort to each other. Peace be with you all.

Now, I am going to bed to try to sleep off some of this nasty migraine. Night-night.

A frustration and a success

I have told anyone and everyone who will listen about how wonderful my class is this year. I have an amazing number of dedicated, motivated, enthusiastic learners. We are having a lot of fun and doing a lot of learning. I wish I could take even a tiny bit of credit for the accomplishments of those individuals, but since they were just as wonderful last year, I don't feel I had much to do with it. If anything, I have spend more time telling these kiddos to relax and ease up on themselves. I had to have a long conversation with one little girl this afternoon explaining to her that four As and a B+ make for an admirable report card and that she didn't need to spend the whole evening crying about her failure to receive straight A+s. I especially feel her frustration, since she had 5 As before taking the rediculous district assessments. "A"s that she earned through hard work and dedication. Because of the "standardized" tests and the stress that goes along with them, she feels that she is a failure despite 12 weeks of amazing effort. Our final agreement was that we would ignore that B+ with the understanding that multiple choice tests like the ones we just took only tell me if they know how to take multiple choice tests. Since everything she did all trimester shows me that she knows how to learn and how to read, write, and figure math at an appropriate level, that is what we are going to focus on.

On a more positive note, I have one little guy who has been struggling for...well, basically forever. He has a challenging homelife, and his self-esteem is in the toilet. He used to sit in the back of my room and bang his head on the cabinets when he got frustrated by an assignment. Last week, I had to tell him that he was in danger of failing 5th grade. He had several Fs and his highest grade was a C-. I handed him a pack of assignments that had never been turned in (his biggest problem is not academic ability, but instead lack of confidence and a consequent refusal to even try) and told him that if he spent a week making academics his number one priority I thought he could bring all his grades up to at least passing. Although we have tried things like this in the past (always starting strong, but fading quickly), he put serious effort into it this time. He spent time before school and after school, during recess, and during lunch working on these assignments. He always chose to work in close proximity to me so he could ask for help when he needed it, but he did all of the work on his own. As of today, even with the district test scores, he had pulled every grade up to passing. Some of them are pretty close calls (60.9% close), but he is not failing anything. You should have seen the look on his face today when he realized that HE had managed to make such a difference. He was especially amazed at how relatively easy it had been. It wasn't the agonizing torture he thought it would be.

In a perfect world, he would realize that it made more sense for him to do the work when it was assigned, but I am not going to hold my breath for that. I would be happy if he just decided that he was, in fact, capable of succeeding when it came to 5th grade work. I know he can do it, and now (hopefully) he does too.

Tuesday

That's when we will find out if my lack of posting has really been because of the crappy internet connection we have or if that has all be a big, fat excuse on my part. Thanks to Daddy, we did some research into satellite internet access in this area, and we found a place with reasonable pricing and bandwidth allowances. On Tuesday, they will be hooking us up. I will be able to surf the net at speeds that have been unknown to me since moving out into the Boondocks. We will also be able to have numerous computers online at a time (or at all times, if we wish!), so I will no longer need to boot Mikey when I want to check my mail and drop y'all a line. Hooray!

Mr. Lincoln and Mr. Washington

Just in time to prevent me from total mental breakdown, we are rewarded with 2 three day weekends in a row. Lincoln and Washington - you are my two favorite gentlemen.

Yesterday, I plowed through a massive pile of grading. Today I did nothing. Well...I read, I took a long bath, I took a long nap, I played Elebits. Enjoying much and accomplishing very little. Tomorrow, I will go in to school to complete necessary planning and prepping and decorating. Next weekend, I will (hopefully) make progress on my masters class. With a little luck I will manage to do all this without getting sick (thank goodness for Airborne!) or going crazy!

Wii!!

Mikey finally got his Wii. (No, I'm not being vulgar. It's a game system!) Although I am not at all interested in playing a "typical" game on it, since using the motion sensitive remote for things like running around the Zelda world or driving cars isn't remotely interesting (haha. I am punny!). I do, however, like some of the more unique games available for this system. I am somewhat hooked on tossing rooms in search of Elibits and I am seriously addicted to the rush of saving lives in Trauma Center. I even enjoy the baseball, tennis, and bowling bits of Wii Games. Anyone else out there enjoying their Wii? (Okay, that time I was being a tiny bit vulgar.)

Perspective

It's all about perspective, isn't it? This evening I was walking with the dogs. It had rained all day and we were all glad to take advantage of a break in the clouds. I looked at our trees and thought about how unimportant I am to them. I looked at the huge gray masses slowing drifting across the sky and realized that they didn't care I was there. I gazed around the world and knew that I didn't matter at all. Little, insignificant me. I am nothing but a microbe in this gigantic universe.

Then Mia and Trooper ran up to me. As they sat in front of me, waiting for a kind word, a pat on the head, (who am I kidding) a cookie, they gazed at me adoringly. And I realized that I am their whole universe.

It's all about perspective.

Busy!

I'm a person who likes to stay a little ahead of the game. I can procrastinate like crazy when I have to write something (Apparently I can only write if there's a deadline hanging over my head. This is something I learned repeatedly in college.), but for the most part I get things done in a timely manner. It makes me nervous to let projects go undone for too long.

This is perhaps why I have been feeling like I am about to cross the stateline between Calm and Overwhelmed. For the last month, I have been working like a maniac to keep ahead of the deadlines that keep coming at me fast and furious. I have become involved in so many things - inservices, school projects, classroom experiments, observations, etc. - that I don't have enough time in the day to devote to all of them.

I suppose I should stop letting people volunteer me for things, but many of them have been out of honor. It feels good to get recognition and I like knowing that I am trusted and respected. Since I can't back out of anything I am currently involved in, I need to just make it to the end of these projects and then avoid starting up too many new ones. Hopefully that will be enough to keep me from moving across that dreaded state line into Overwhelmed.

I've got to run, though. Today is one of the many days recently when I have had to leave my lovely classroom for meetings and trainings. Don't want to be late!

Play!

Yesterday, we had our second annual Groundhog's Day party. It was a small one, with 6 of the 8 families invited cancelling for some reason or another. Never-the-less, a splendid time was had by all who did show, especially the 4 small girls, who had a blast searching for Groundhog shadows in the yard. For the first time in weeks, the sun was out in all its glory. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Back in MN, I would have been worried, what with the threat of extended winter, but around here I am almost tempted to think this means that this winter weather is on its way out. I know, I should know better...what can I say?

Today, My pal "K" and I headed to Solana Beach for lunch and a play. We have season tickets at a rep theatre and so far, we have greatly enjoyed them. Today's play was a Depression Era drama by Eugene O'neill. It was well done, if a bit too melancholy for me. Any excuse to get together with "K" for conversation is wonderful, though.

Returning?

I make no promises about the regularity or quality of any writing happening on this blog from now until next summer. Still, since I am here...

Life has been quite busy lately. I have become the queen of continuing education. I am still working on my masters. On top of that, I am reading a book on how to best standardized reading scores (without selling my soul), attending district funded training on how to work with technology, English Language Learners, and Gifted and Talented students. I have learned so many new things lately that my brain is leaking. The only disappointment is that I can't do everything all at once. Unfortunately, I don't trust myself to remember all these great tricks for as long as it takes for me to get them all implemented. Regardless, I am enjoying all the brain exercise.

My students continue to amaze me with their depth of thinking, creativity, independence, and thoughtfulness. It is a pleasure to work with such a responsible and cooperative group. I still have to deal with missing homework and blurting and hormone driven "girl drama", but it is on a dramatically reduced level. This has given us opportunities for many extra activities and experiments.

We are currently trying something new with our seating. We threw out the seating chart and the kids are allowed to sit wherever they need to in order to get the current task done to the best of their ability. All desks are communal property, switched and moved many times a day, while personal belongings are stored in individual cubbies. After two weeks, we had a class meeting to discuss the new arrangement and voted overwhelmingly to keep it despite the minor frustrations. I have had 4 students request (and receive) permanent desk assignments, but the rest are doing quite well at choosing the best work space for any given activity. The funniest thing is that when I told them they could arrange the desks however they wanted, they lined them up in three long rows facing forward. I guess that is the "novel" arrangement in this age of "table grouping".

The weather has been crazy. It regularly gets below freezing here. We have had a few nice, warm days, but on the whole it has been much cooler than I would choose. We have only had a small dusting of snow (back before Christmas), but the dog water is often frozen several inches deep when I head off to work in the morning. Luckily, the garage is enough to keep my little diesel Jetta happy.

Speaking of Christmas, I had a very pleasant time entertaining family in my little home. It was one of my happiest Christmases since leaving Minnesota, actually. I got to talk "teacher" to my hearts content with Dad. Brooks and I played poker and video games, chatted, and hiked in the mountains. All in all, it was a wonderful time.

I can hardly believe how quickly this year is flying by. (Keep in mind that my teacher brain considers the "year" to begin in August and end in June.) We are already half-way through the second trimester. The very idea that I have been writing 2007 on my schedule for a whole month already is mind-boggling. Anyway, I think that is enough for now. I make absolutely no promises regarding my next post. Until then - Peace.

Christmas!!

I am way into the Christmas spirit this year. It sure helps to have company coming. Now I have a reason (beyond myself) for decorating and cleaning and planning. I am looking forward to sharing the holidays with 2 very important members of my family.

Winter Break

The weather gods are taking the "Winter" part of my winter break seriously. Last night we got at least a half inch of snow and a whole lot of sleety rain. It didn't get above 40 degrees all day. Brrr.

Blogger: New and Improved

I finally logged into Blogger, after a month of absence, to find that there is newness and improvedness to be enjoyed. I haven't been able to explore it all, because as soon as I saw that I could add labels to my posts (so they can be categorized) I started doing so. Several hours later, I have labeled only 300 of the 2000 posts in the archive. Yikes. I think i am giving up.

It was fun reading some of my old thoughts, however.

Moola

I have completed enough of my Masters course that I have moved columns on our payscale. Whoo hoo! :) Now if I could just keep progressing...

Vacation Getaway!

Recently, there has been an increase in potential social life around here and I am greatly enjoying it. First, my friend "K" and I bought season tickets to a theater in Solana Beach and we have been to two plays already, both of which made me cry. The first ("Leading Ladies") because I was laughing so hard, and the second ("Tuesdays With Morrie") because it was so touching. Both were well performed, but even if they had been horrible, the chance to hang out with a pal is great. We even have plans to drag our hubbies with us the next time.

I also have lots of upcoming travel plans. I will be heading home to visit with Mom and the MN gang next week. At the end of the year, I will be taking a school related trip to Virginia and Washington, DC. At some unknown date in the future, "K" and I have promised to go on a "girl's vacation" cruise to the Carribean. On the flip side, I will be hosting my Daddy over Christmas. Those plans have been made for the last year and I am very much looking forward to it.

It all sounds fun to me!

Thoughtless

I have no thoughts to share. Or rather, I have thoughts at times when it is inconvenient or impossible to share. I apologize.

Mikey is currently working on this year's NaNoWriMo experiment. The dogs are getting used to the colder nights (it regularly gets into the 20's lately). The cats are, well, cats. And I continue to spend more time than I should working and watching TV.

Thanks to the recent time change, I am now getting up at 5:30. This is good for getting school things done in the morning, but somehow I STILL can't get away from work at a reasonable hour. On the days when I waste time chatting with friends, that makes sense, but on the days that I am working my tail off I just can't understand how I can spend 10 hours there and have to leave with so much undone.

On the plus side, I am having my best year yet. We just finished our trimester assessments and the average score on the three major tests was in the high 70's. In prior years I have been lucky to get into the 70's at all. The studious nature of my class and their willingness to actually WORK at things is making for some extremely pleasant teaching.

I thought I could start writing and inspire myself to come up with worthwhile things to say, but it isn't working. Perhaps another time...until then, I hope all are well and if you want to know what's going on with me, you'll have to give me a call. :)

What's On My Mind

In the past few years, I have had to deal with quite a few changes in my family. I have lost people and gained people. Others have changed their roles in my life to varying degrees. While this is something that happens all the time, I have faced a lion's share of changes recently (read: in the last 5 years).

Ever since I was small, I have had people commenting on my maturity. "You're awfully grown up for your age." "What a mature outlook on life." "She sure seems to have things together for someone from her generation." As the oldest of 4 kids, I took on a lot of early responsibility. I grew up seeing myself as a peacekeeper, a problem solver, and a fixer of all things broken. Perhaps because I willingly took on these jobs (and became relatively successful at them) they soon became the expectation.

Most of the time, I revel in these expectations. I find great satisfaction in helping others untangle and troubleshoot. I enjoy the feeling of being "in the know" when my family members share their secrets and problems. However, I have a weakness. An achilles heel, as it were. I don't handle change well. I like to see it coming, planning and preparing for the transition far in advance. I like to know exactly where I am going, and if I'm not sure of the future I travel as though I am traversing a strange room in the dark: I move very slowly.

Consequently, when this plethora of changes occured throughout my familial spheres, I struggled. Many of the changes were abrupt, leaving me limited time to come to terms with my new reality. Most of them were ultimately out of my control so I stumbled through the changes, tripping over little things that wouldn't have bothered me much in the full light of experience and expertise. I made mistakes. Worse, I began to shy away from the changes all together, as though ignoring them could make them go away.

Over time, I learned to navigate my new surroundings. Some changes, like the addition of a brother-in-law, were easy. It's hard not to like someone who is so wonderful to my dear sister and her children. He may not realize it (we don't see each other often), but he quickly earned a special place in my heart. Others, like the re-establishment of the earlier warm relationship with my Daddy, took longer. Slowly, we both found our way back to that comfortable place that hadn't been lost in the darkness after all. It had just been moved slightly. These and others are changes that I have become used to, changes that have ceased to be changes and moved into the realm of "what is".

There are areas which are still confusing to me. Places where it is easy to mis-step and become lost. For example, while I understand with my brain that my beloved grandma is no longer with us, I continue to pretend that it has just been awhile since I've called her and I will do it again some Sunday soon. I keep her phone number in my cell, just in case. The only day of the week on which I do not think of her is Sunday. The better to pretend I simply got too busy to call again.

The damage I did to my relationship with my brother, no matter how well-intentioned, has gone mostly unrepaired. I suspect we both know that although I am sorry for the rift between us, I would do exactly the same thing if I had the chance to go back. I continue to admire him like no other. And yet, somehow, I let days...weeks...months pile up while I think of the right way to tell him how worried and proud I am. I hold back the words, afraid to make things worse, unsure how to make them better.

And finally, my mother's husband. Despite being the mature, open-minded, peacekeeping one of the family, it has taken me the longest to accept him. Is it because I was so comfortable with him in the role of close family friend that I am reluctant to move him to a newer, more intimate position? Or is it because he so thoroughly replaced me as my mother's confidant and supporter? Could it be that, given the thousands of miles between us, I just haven't had enough "real" time to adjust? Or am I just surprising everyone and displaying the behaviors of a frightened child? I suspect that it is a little bit of everything rolled into one.

There you have it. I have a reputation for control and strength and solutions, but I continue to flounder in a sea of change. I can only hope that those family members with whom I have yet to reconnect - my brother, my step-father - understand the hesitation I feel. After all, who hasn't found themselves in a strange dark without a flashlight at one time or another? I can't say how long it will take me to baby-step my way back onto a familiar path. I can only promise that I will keep moving forward to the best of my ability.

My Lesson

We have been talking at work about improving communication and creating a code of conduct to encourage a friendlier environment. The whole time we have been doing this I have been nodding my head and thinking, "Duh. Of course we need to improve our communication. Why can't everyone see this?"

Today I realized that the same problems others are having at work are manifesting themselves in some of my personal relationships. The openness and honesty that are so obvious to me in my place of employment (and most other areas in my life) were completely missing in a few key areas. No wonder there were problems. I have resolved to make some changes, even if it means being the "grown-up" in a situation where I am not actually the grown-up.

Exercise that's FUN

This afternoon, I played an intense, 30 minute soccer game with some of the boys in my class. They ran circles around me, and I loved every minute of it. It was nice to have some small group time with these particular boys - good bonding and whatnot. They were very kind about my lack of skills on the field, and it was a great way to end the week even if it did make me look like I was on the verge of passing out. My students practiced making similies as we walked back inside. "Mrs. H, your face is as red as a strawberry and your freckles are like the seeds." (Whoo hoo, they're learning something!) I plan on doing it again very soon.

Um

Hi. I thought I would come tell you things, but I can't think of anything to say. Or rather, I can think of lots of things to say, but none of them are right for this particular venue. My class is great, my dogs are great, my hubby is great, my life is great. I am happy. This week I have been helpful to those who needed help, and I have extended an olive branch to one who needed it. I have tried to share the joy that is flowing through me with those around me. Although I continue to be slothful and prone to procrasitination, I have made an effort to overcome these vices. I guess I'm pretty satisfied with things. I can only hope that all of you are feeling some of this, too.

Stuff

I will do as Kathy suggested and videotape the project in its final glory if it should happen to reach that stage. :) Thanks to all who are adding to my list of names.

- - - -

It is amazing how much of a difference a couple of kids can make. I usually have about 30 in my room. Today, with 4 absent, I kept thinking, "Why is it so quiet in here?" Of coure, it can make a difference WHICH kids are gone sometimes. This time it was more a product of just 4 fewer bodies/voices/issues.

- - - -

Scholastic Book Clubs (a wonderful setup that has netted me many free books for both my classroom library and my resource library) has a great online ordering thing. It is quick and easy. Unless every other click leads you to an error page. Ugh. I hope it is back to normal tomorrow.

- - - -

Mikey and I set up a double looped walking/jogging track on our property. If you complete both loops you travel 1/3 of a mile. This evening, as soon as I got home, we walked the whole thing 3 times. Hooray us. We are also trying to eat more fresh fruits and veggies as snacks instead of chips and candy. We were very successful with that today (I nearly turned into a bunny!) Where are we getting the motivation for this? Over the weekend we bought a new bathroom scale. If you stand on it barefoot, it can measure your bodyfat. Quite the motivator.

- - - -

On the same trip that we bought the scale, we also got some bathroom towels, clothing, video games, and a remarkable number of other items that we didn't actually need. It's a good thing we don't go to town together very often.

- - - -

Time for bed. I am exhausted tonight (YAWN) and I have an important and potentially stressful meeting first thing in the morning. Sleep well, all.

Project Update

Told the kids that I had an interesting idea involving a play that I wanted to talk to them about. We will be listening to the story/song and discussing the idea for the project tomorrow. They thought it was funny that I would have to bleep out some words from the song. :) Also discovered that there is another person at my school who has heard of and enjoys David Wilcox. Who know?

Idea Update

David Wilcox has already responded (or had his manager respond) saying it was fine to use his story. I am fleshing out the idea further. I will let you know when I have a finished script. In the meantime, I still need the names of bridgebuilders throughout time and space. :)

My list currently holds:

Ghandi
John Lennon
Jesus
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Mother Teresa
Oscar Schindler
the Dalai Lama
Jimmy Carter

I want it to be MUCH bigger - hopefully one per student (32) at least.

Brilliant Idea!!!

I have just sent an email to David Wilcox. No, I'm not becoming a stalker fan. Rather, I had a wonderful idea on my way home and I am asking for his assistance in making it a possiblity.

On his album, East Ashville Hardware, there is a story about a carpenter. In breif, this carpenter is asked to build a wall between two feuding neighbors, but instead builds a bridge, bringing them back together before heading into the sunset. I have always enjoyed this particular story, because it reminds me of my Grandpa Norm. However, this evening I had a new vision. I pictured my 5th graders performing this story. I know exactly which one would recite it. I could envision the set dressings and the actions perfectly. There would be 2 feuding families (allowing for more parts, you know) and in the end, after they are reunited as friends, my students would hold up the names of everyone we can think of throughout history who has reached across the boundry of difference and fear to build a bridge. They would say,

"BUILD A BRIDGE. YOU'RE IN GOOD COMPANY."

Or something like that.

Anyway, I have emailed Mr. Wilcox asking if we could get permission to use his story. You could help me by adding to my list of BridgeBuilders. On my way home I came up with...
Ghandi
John Lennon
Jesus
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Mother Teresa
and
Oscar Schindler

Please help me expand on this small group. I want it to be as diverse as possible, so the more creative the better. If possible, leave me a link or a blurb about the bridges they built. :)

You Know What Happens When You're Having Fun...

We have now completed 3 weeks of school. I have roughly 35 weeks left with these kids. time moves too damn fast, you know. On a more positive note, I realized mid-week that I have transitioned out of the beginning of the year mode where I have to pre-think everyone's names before I say them to the more comfortable mode of saying a name before I consciously realize who is talking to me. It feels good to be the leader of a group of friendly faces. Much easier than trying to lead complete strangers.

I am definitely reaping the benefits of a year of experience and a summer of prep time. While I am still staying later than I would like (not because I don't like it at school, but because there are so few hours left to spend with hubby and home), I am able to plan farther in advance, available for more one on one instruction, and doing things like documenting parent contact and "important" daily events. I am also participating in the running of the school on a greater level.

The best thing about this is that I am working more social/emotional development, art, and music into my schedule. We are conducting a once weekly class meeting, and the children are already using it productively. They have shared numerous compliments with one another, as well as addressed important classroom management issues (the same people keep getting to lie on the crotched blankets at silent reading time and people are moving backpacks around so they can have the "best" hook). Each Monday, my students will either spend 20 minutes doing an art project with another teacher (while I work with his kids) or learning music appreciation with me. It's not much, but it is more than my kids got last year. I am also going to try to participate in the morning exercise program. Students have 15 minutes to run or walk around the playing field. Those who reach certain goals (25 miles, 50 miles, etc.) receive goodies from one of the local grocery stores. I can't remember a teacher ever taking part, but I figure it will encourage more of my students to do so AND as an added bonus, give me 15 minutes of exercise each morning. We'll see if it works out.

All in all, I am feeling quite pleased with the progress my group has made toward becoming a cohesive unit. I am looking forward to a very productive and enjoyable year. Oh! And best of all, the kids have relaxed enough to laugh at my little jokes instead of worrying that I am being serious all the time.

Treading Softly

There are times in my classroom when I feel the need to tread lightly and think even more carefully than usual before speaking. The majority of these days seem to be when we are discussing politics or religion. I know that my opinions aren't necessarily the same as those my students hear at home. It is important, for both job security and general comfort, that I balance the need to share my thoughts and feelings with my need to respect and understand the background of my students. Tricky business, I tell you.

In the near future I will be dealing with two such times. Sept. 11th is falling on a school day for the first time in three years. People have very strong feelings about the Middle East, terrorism, and war - even 10 year olds. I will not allow "Patriot Day" (yes, I'm afraid those are sarcastic quote marks you see there) to become a day of celebration and Yay, America-ism. However, if I am going to focus on the horrors of violence, hatred, and war, I have to do it carefully or I will find dozens of nasty voicemails blinking at me on Sept. 12th. For example, I most likely will NOT get to point out the fact that Bush's war has killed more Americans (2,646 military + 136 civilian) than the fall of the World Trade Center towers (2,752).

Next, we have Sept. 15th. This has been identified as "Constitution Day" and we are required to spend 1 hour teaching our classes about the U.S. Constitution. This, by itself, is not the problem. The problem is that I will be sorely tempted to focus on the recent dismantling of this important document. The fact that our basic rights are being taken away one by one in the name of national security and "patriotism" is disturbing and wrong. The trick is getting that point across to my students without seeming as though I am attacking people they love and respect.

Instead of shouting my thoughts from the top of a soapbox, I will be asking and encouraging questions. I won't get to say all the things I would like to say, but I will be able to challenge my students and get them thinking a little bit further than their own dining room table. I'm going to count that as a win.

Miss You

I'm sorry I haven't been writing. I think about writing. I plan to write. Then other things happen instead. I have learned the following things recently:

* There is nothing quite as relaxing as an early evening meander around the property with the dogs dashing about me.

* I Heart Huckabees is an amusing and intriguing movie. You should watch it.

* The first half of Utterly Monkey is well written and enjoyable.

* Teaching 5th grade is MUCH easier the second time around, but it is still hard to leave school at a decent hour.

Overheard

These are some of the things I heard just today that encourage and inspire and drive me to be at school tomorrow. And tomorrow. And tomorrow.

"Mrs. H? I think I fully grasp this concept now."

"I hate my life."

"Mrs. H makes coming to school fun."

"He's itching all over, but we think it's a physical reaction to the stress he's been under."

"That was fun!"

"I got lost trying to solve this multiplication problem. Can you show me how to do it?"

"Can we have writing time EVERY day?"

"Is this a good book? Do you think I would like it?"

"Can I help you?"

"Oh! I know the answer to his question. I'll show him."

"Ungh. I forgot my binder at home again."

All this from or about kids I have known for roughly 10 days. I am already needed and loved and trusted. This is going to be a great year.

Why Do People Inflict Pain On Others?

This is the question I was contemplating on one of my recent drives to school. Why do we inflict pain and how can I teach my students to avoid doing so as often as possible? This involves breaking the issue down to components that are simple enough to express to children. This is what I came up with...

There are 3 reasons or motivations that cause us to inflict pain on another.

1. Indifference
(the act of not caring)
What does it look like? Imagine you are walking across the playground. To your right, there are 3 fifth graders picking on a fourth grader. They have taken his basketball and are keeping it away from him while calling him names. You are so excited about getting in line at the handball court that you don't really notice it and walk right past.
What should you be asking yourself? "Am I paying attention?"


2. Good Intentions
(making things worse through a poorly thought out attempt to help)
What does it look like? Imagine that you meet someone who is very hungry. They have obviously not eaten in many days and if they don't eat soon they are going to die. The only food you have with you is a bag of peanuts. You kindly offer the stranger your peanuts. They refuse to eat them. Thinking that they must be disoriented and confused by the hunger, you force some peanuts down their throat. Suddenly, they have a severe allergic reaction and die.
What should you be asking yourself? "Do I have all the necessary informtion?"

3. Self-interest
(doing something to help yourself no matter how it affects another)
What does it look like? Imagine that you are grown up, driving to work. You know the rules (speed limits, stop lights, etc) and understand that they are there to reduce the risk to yourself and others. However, you are very late for a meeting, so you run a red light. You get through fine, but the car that had to stop for you gets hit from behind.
What should you be asking yourself? "How many people am I helping right now?"

Gandhi

We recently watched the movie Gandhi, and I continue to be amazed at his empathy, self-control, and influence. It is one thing to hold a hunger strike in an attempt to stop fighting. This is something anyone could do, given enough inner strength and motivation. It is something much more amazing to be so beloved and respected that both sides of a battle will lay down their arms in order to convince you to eat. If I were to go on a hunger strike over the war in Iraq, a small handful of people would mourn me, another (slightly larger) handful would mock me mercilessly, and a great majority of the people in my city, country, and world would never even know it was happening. The influence he had, and the humility with which he had it, are mind-boggleing.

And on a slightly different topic:

It inspires me to no end to know that Gandhi was an unknown, "bumbling lawyer" until his 30's. I still have time.

A.N.T.

This morning, for no reason at all, an ant bit me on the foot right where my second and third toes come together. That spot has been on a slow burn all day long. Ugh. I have learned some new things from this fun adventure, however...

1. Ants, bees, and hornets are all of the order hymenoptera.
2. Ants, like all hymenoptera, sting rather than biting.
3. Ants will grab on with their mandibles and spin their butt around, stinging you repeatedly in a circular pattern.
4. Ant stings can cause an anaphylactic reaction in humans, occasionally leading to death.
5. Benedryll can help counteract a mild reaction to ant stings.
6. We are currently out of Benedryll.

Fortunately, all but the last were learned through internet research, rather than personal experience.

School Daze

I have been quite busy cleaning and organizing and arranging and planning and decorating in my classroom lately. The kids come back on Monday and it almost looks like I will be ready for them. Whoot!

Good News

Ollie went to the vet to have a large lump checked out. It is a reaction to his recent vaccines that will go away on its own. No problem. Whew. Now I don't have to feel bad for calling him "Lumpy" for the past 2 weeks.

Morning Rant

I recently received a forwarded e-mail about the problems teachers face when teaching illegal immigrants (a hot topic here in California). The article talked about wasted money, graffiti, teenage pregnancy, and feelings of entitlement in Title 1 schools with large Hispanic populations. While I don't disagree that these things are happening, I can say with certainty that Title 1 schools aren't the only ones wasting money, and Hispanic students aren't the only ones being disrespectful, getting pregnant, and feeling entitled. The tone of the entire article bothered me, but it wasn't until I reached the following paragraph that I started yelling:

There are many hardworking Hispanic/American citizens that contribute to our country and many that I consider my true friends. We should encourage and accept those Hispanics who have done it the right and legal way. It does, however, have everything to do with culture. A third-world culture that does not value education, that accepts children getting pregnant and dropping out of school by 15 and that refuses to assimilate...

I don't know that I could come up with a more racist paragraph if I tried. "We would accept them if they were more like us. Especially if they weren't lazy, stupid, and immoral." Ugh.

The part that really gets me steamed is how the author accuses Hispanics of not valuing education. I live in a upper middle class district. I would estimate that on any given year my classroom is 20% Hispanic (along with 15% Asian, 10% Native American, and <5% African American). My students aren't dealing with an inner city environment, and they are elementary aged, but even with those difference my experiences don't fit with what this author has stated at all.

To say that Hispanics as a culture don't value education is flat-out bullshit. This is like saying that Jews like money and Italians are all connected to the mob. It's a stereotype, designed to spread fear and distrust. From my experiences, the value of education has less to do with culture and more to do with the parent's own experiences with education as a child. Many times, I have had a conference for a Hispanic student, during which a father who is working three jobs to make ends meet tells me that he has changed his shift hours so he can be home to help a wayward son with homework or motivation.

Although I have dealt with that pre-teen sense of entitlement in many of my 5th graders, it is not limited to any one culture. Most parents work hard to give their kids a better childhood than the one they had growing up. Unfortunately, after several generations of this, we are no longer sheilding our youngsters from famine and factory work, but instead excusing them from having to do simple chores or practice basic courtesy. This isn't a cultural thing...it's a generational thing.

While I don't have to deal with the teenaged pregnancy issue at my level (yet...shudder), I know this is not a cultural thing either. In my opinion, the rise in teenaged pregnancy stems from low self-esteem, lack of sex education, boredom among teens, a shifting of influential power from families to peers, a decreasing of responsibility, and the effects of sexual repression.

Finally, assimilation is for the Borg. The sheer variety of languages, foods, traditions, and beliefs found in our borders SHOULD give us one of the richest, most experienced countries in the world. Instead, we give in to our fear of the unknown and refuse to accept anyone who isn't just like us or willing to become just like us.

In summation:
I agree that there are problems with our educational system, our society, and our world, but I refuse to lay the blame of those problems at the feet of one group. No amount of anger or hatred is going to change things. We need to work together if we hope to tackle these issues.

Drat

My recent blood tests indicate that my cholestoral is still climbing*. Just before the kidney donation, it checked in at just below the 200 mark. Then 6 months later, it was just above the 200 mark. Now it's up to 247. Not good.

Internet research indicates that diet and exercise are recommended in treating high cholesterol. A healthy diet should included plenty of fruits and veggies, lots of whole grains, and legumes. Check. Dairy products should be low-fat and egg consumption limited. Check. Limit intake of high fat meats. Check. Reduce amount of butter and sugar ingested. Um...

Okay. So the first step is cutting back on butter and candy. I can do that.

Further research identifies 4 foods that can help lower LDLs ("bad" cholesterol) or raise HDLs ("good" cholesterol). Step two - work them into my diet more often:

Oats - No problem. I'll start having oatmeal for breakfast before school. Or granola. I'll have to make it myself though, cause it's rediculously expensive at the store.

Soy - Since becoming vegetarian, we have made soy a staple in our diets. We eat soy regularly and in many forms.

Nuts - Walnuts, almonds, hazlenuts, and peanuts are great for your heart AND full of protein. Yay! Brazil nuts, macadamias, and cashews (my favorites) are also full of fat, so easy on those guys.

Fish - Hmm. If the other stuff doesn't work, Mikey and I may have to have a talk about this. I am all for eating fish, but at this point it is not included in our vegetarian diet. Salmon and tuna are both chock full of Omega-3 fatty acids, which are great for your heart.

Now that the diet is revamped, it's time to look at exercise. I currently do...nothing. Not NOTHING exactly, but very, VERY little. How can I increase the exercise in my day? Come August 7th I will be heading back to the classroom. The two weeks of preparation should get me started, and having the kids back on the 21st will really increase my activity level. But that obviously isn't enough, because this problem was evident before my summer slacking started. I see two choices:

1. The Gym - This is expensive. I would need something in Temecula, where I could fit it in before or after school, so Mikey wouldn't be there with me. On the plus side, I could find somewhere that had classes. I have always wanted to do an aerobics or biking class. Do I trust myself to stay dedicated for the length of the whole contract? I dunno.

2. Walking - Cheap and flexible. Mikey might join me. I might also be able to join my pals at school who walk during lunch. I have tried this before and it isn't exciting enough to motivate me after a long day at school. It's too easy to put it off until the next day. Or week. Or month.

I'll have to keep thinking about that one. At least now I have a game plan. When I go in to see the doctor again (they are requesting a follow-up) I won't sound like a total putz.

*In the "Good News" column...my sodium continues to be lower than normal. Yay me.

In Preparation

My neck is feeling somewhat better, thanks for asking. :) Mikey knew I was feeling back to my normal self when he realized that I was vacuuming then entire house. Why? No, not because we have company coming. (Good guess, though.) We are going on a trip. We will be away from our house for more than 24 hours and so the fates decree that I must clean every nook and crany of our humble abode. There is nothing worse than coming home from a trip only to find clutter and disruption. Okay, so there ARE worse things, but this ranks right up there, don't you think? Anyway, since we will be leaving soon, I am cleaning, packing, and generally getting ready for travel. The cats have yet to figure out what is happening, but as soon as I get out the suitcase, they will start begging us to stay. Poor things. I'm off to clean out the fridge...

Clerks II

Yes, I saw it.

Yes, I laughed my fool head off.

Yes, I am mortified that you will think badly of me for doing so.

This is not a movie for the faint of heart, although it did have a very strong, important message (forget about what you are "supposed" to do and do what makes you happy). Mr. Kevin Smith is taking his own advice and doing what he likes, which seems to be making sophmoric jokes at a witty, rapid-fire pace. Fortunately, I am a fan of rapid-fire, sophmoric humor. If you liked Jay, Silent Bob, and their raunchy, politically inappropriate friends in Clerks, you will enjoy this second peek into their slacker lives. Oh, and there were plenty of those disturbingly gross, yet oddly realistic conversational gambits that Kevin Smith is so good at writing.

Irony

So, it finally cooled off and I was able to sleep really well last night. So well, in fact, that I slept a kink into my neck that makes it impossible for me to turn my head more than 45 degrees in any direction. It has actually loosened some since I got up, but not enough for my taste. I just hope that it clears up completely before I have to get on a plane. No fun travelling with a sore spine.

Losing Sleep

Could it be...

the squeeky fan?
the noisy cat?
the intolerable heat?
the late afternoon naps?
the iced tea?
the snoring?
the impending school year?

Ugh.

The Good Ones

Dad's comment got me thinking about the different authors I read and enjoy (so much better than thinking about those I DON'T enjoy), so I decided to make a list (I am also studiously avoiding work on my master's class):

Character Authors
- These folks create characters you will either love or hate with a passion. You laugh at their foolishness, cry over their losses, or shake with anger at their inhumanity. These characters remain in your mind always.

Stephen King
I know there are those of you who would consider him brain candy, but you must admit he has a talent for bringing his characters, even the incidental ones, to life.

Barbara Kingsolver
I just finished rereading The Poisonwood Bible, and even the second time through I suffered right along with those girls and their mother.

Amy Tan
She gets you right into the minds of the women in her stories. I especially enjoy feeling as though I am gaining an understanding of a culture I know little about when I read her books.

Jodi Picoult
I add her to the list because of My Sisters Keeper. While dissecting the issues of a young girl defined by the sacrifices she makes to keep her sister alive, Picoult manages to put us inside each of the family members equally.

Poetic Prose
- These writers can turn a phrase with the best of them. You don't so much read the descriptions as fall right into them. They provide full-color and surround sound in such a way that you often don't even realize they're doing it.

Margaret Atwood
I just lent my friend my copy of The Blind Assassin, telling her to pay extra attention to the beautiful language contained therein. Several times, I paused my reading just to enjoy a particularly enthusiastic metaphor or apt simile.

Khaled Hossseini
His story, The Kite Runner, puts you in Afghanistan as revolution tears it apart. His descriptions, like Amy Tan's characters, give you insight to a culture many fear, but few understand.

Ursula Hegi
Although I initially thought she would be one of those pompous writers of my previous post, I am glad I gave her a chance. Her descriptions in Stones From the River of life in Germany, both before and during the rise of Hitler, are quite haunting. She has a tendency to drift from topic to topic, but it seems appropriate for the narrative style of the main character.

...

That seems to be all I can think of at the moment. Perhaps another day I will discuss my favorite "brain candy"...or humorous books...or young adult books. There are so many good books to read out there! Please share your thoughts, either on the books I have mentioned or the ones I should have mentioned in these categories.

Get Over Yourself!

I like books that make you think.
Granted, I spend most of my time reading the exact opposite - courtroom dramas, cereal boxes, murder mysteries (the kind that spell everything out for you at the end so there's no reason to try to solve it yourself), trashy science fiction and/or romance. Despite my love of the books I call "brain candy", I have been known to pick up a higher class of literature from time to time. I can appreciate the poetry of good prose - the well-turned phrase, the meaningful dialogue, the lesson to be learned. It just doesn't happen very often.
Why? If I enjoy thought provoking writing, why don't I partake of it more often? Simply this - it is too hard to tell the good stuff from the bad. With brain candy, you know what you are getting from word one. It's just the opposite with the meaningful stuff. There are too many authors out there who have deep and meaningful thoughts but absolutely no talent with which to express them. And of course, these people compensate by trying to be deeper and meaningfuller...er...more meaningful. They use too many flowery phrases, spend too much time telling us what things look like, and basically just sound stuck up.
I find that these same authors have trouble expressing human interaction in a realistic way. It is as though their own awkwardness and fear around people is generalized out to everyone in the world. All conversations become stilted and everyone is full of suffering and angst. I know that everyone feels that way now and again, but do we really need 372 pages of non-stop teenaged, goth-wanna-be drama? I mean, really. I don't need to spend 3 pages reading about how the character really felt about the color of the sheets on the bed. It isn't moving the story along and, frankly, I don't care.
There are plenty of writers who can use figurative language and adjectives in ways that pull you deep into the story. There are lots of authors who can create characters that you truly care about. These people have a talent that I envy and enjoy. The trouble is that the old saying "you can't tell a book by its cover" is so very, very true. It could be extended to say "you can't tell a book by its cover, the blurb on the inside of the jacket, or what your friends told you". Many a time, I have picked up a well-reviewed, attractive book with an interesting premise only to find that it is pompous, drivel by an author who just likes to read their own writing. I'm sure your experiences are quite interesting and you have important things to say to the general public, but if you can't do it without putting me to sleep in the middle of the day or making me feel as though you are lecturing from the front of the classroom, at least have the courtesy to put a little mark on the spine...perhaps a capital T for Talentless?

My rant comes from having recently read a book called "Accidents". While it could have been a beautiful study of the interactions between children and parents at different stages in life, instead I spent the whole time wondering why all the characters weren't just drugged at put into a mental hospital. It was so obvious that each and every one of them needed therapy. It makes me worry for the mental stability of the author if the only human interactions she knows are those of anger, betrayal, frustration, disappointment, and fear. Ugh.

Energy Sapping Heat

85 F at 7 am. 107 F at 4 pm.

I needed a nap shortly after breakfast. Mikey napped this afternoon. The animals slept all day long. The electric company conked out on us for a few seconds as well. This heat is just sucking the energy right out of all of us.

Good Dogs!

My puppies have been getting their full allotment of cookies these days for their excellent outside behavior. It seems that the zapping they got going over the fence that last time took the joy out of the jumping. We have settled into a nice little routine that involves an hour or so of "free play" after they show my they remember how to "sit" and "down" and walk nicely without pulling at the leash. They do all their tricks for me and then I unhook the leash and release them. You should see those puppies run! :) They wander all over the property, chasing whatever moves and having a good time. Occasionally, they will come back to check in with me (I encourage this by rewarding them with cookies when they do it - sometimes after doing a trick, sometimes not). When it's time to go in, they follow me back to the kennel and voluntarily go in (granted I am putting down food as they do it, but still...) and that is that. This is good. Very good.

Cute side-note:
Mia likes to hop up in the chair next to me while I am reading after she's done running around. She just jumps up there and keeps me company for awhile. It's adorable.

Gross side-note:
Trooper caught a frog this evening and spend most of the hour playing with it despite the fact that it tasted bad enough to make him do funny, spitty things with his mouth.

Clear as Smoke

I should clarify to my beloved family and friends that I am not in any danger from the big fires that you are hearing about in the news. They are far enough away that I can only see the smoke way off on the horizon at night when it makes the sun glow a beautiful (but worrisome) red. The fire I mentioned yesterday was a small one, probably brush fire or some such, that was soon extinguished by the local fire department. I am sorry if I was unclear and causing worry of any kind.

Too Close

Today, at about 12:50 pm, a neighbor called us to make sure we were aware of the fire burning just 1/2 mile from our front door. After thanking her (as we were completely unaware until her call) we looked out the window to see a giant plume of black smoke rising into the air just to the south of us. Since the wind was blowing in a northerly direction, we decided it was time to practice the fire evacuation plan we had come up with not too long ago. Within the hour the wind had changed direction and the black plume of smoke had turned into a pale gray plume of steam and ash. Thank goodness for firefighters.

I don't know about the rest of you, but my fear of fire is deeply instinctual. I knew that this fire was far enough away that it probably wouldn't affect me. I knew that we had the important things* safely packed and ready for a quick flight, should the need arise. But no amount of certainty could stop the surge of adrenaline I felt when I actually saw flames reaching over the bushes. Yes, they were 1/2 a mile away, but they were red and they were hungry and I was scared.

As humans, we depend on fire in many forms. It propels our vehicles. It cooks our food, heats our homes and dries our clothes. Controlled fire does good things for me every day, but all it takes is the thought of an uncontrolled fire to send the primitive bits of my brain into a panic. DANGER! FIRE BAD! RUN AWAY!

Fire is like that one weird looking homeless guy who walks around muttering to himself all the time. He's never hurt anyone, has even been known to lend a hand when needed, but the minute he starts getting too loud or agitated, everyone is sure he's going to do something dangerous. You know what I mean? It's hard to trust fire no matter how helpful/friendly/harmless it's has been in the past.

Today's adventure was mostly harmless(to us - I hope to everyone else as well), but that doesn't mean that I will feel any less frightened the next time fire decides to take a jaunt through my neighborhood. You just never know when it's going to turn on you.

So, you might be wondering what qualifies as important in the event of a fire here at Quail Corner? This is our list, in order of importance.
1. Pets and Cars
2. Mike's computer, containing all he needs to keep his business up and running
3. "Vital Papers" file - birth and marriage certs, teaching license, passports, etc.
4. My school files (this one isn't usually on the list, but I have all my 5th grade stuff here and I have worked my tail off to get it organized. I'm NOT losing it now!)
5. Some quickly grabbed clothing and toiletries

Beyond this is the stuff that you want to save, but that you could manage without. This afternoon I looked around at all the "stuff" we own and wondered what of it I would remember if it were to suddenly disappear. How could I possibly replace the things that I have been collecting for almost 30 years? So many of my memories are tied to the things I own. That cd reminds me of the summer between my junior and senior years in high school. Will I still remember all the details if I lose it? That ratty, old T-shirt was purchased in Russia. That game kept me entertained while I recovered from my donation surgery. Those bowls were given to us for our wedding. That picture from my daddy, the book that so often lent me courage while I was in college, those Pyrex bowls my sister sent one Christmas...

None of it is vital, but all of it is important. I am an amalgamation of my thoughts and memories. Without my things will I still have the same thoughts and memories? Without my thoughts and memories, will I still be the same person? I hope I never have to find out.

Inheritance

A friend of mine is caught between two family members. They had a falling out of some kind (the details are lost behind a curtain of bitter silence) over an inheritance some time ago. These two family members are both caring and kind and very concerned that the problems between them might repeat themselves later, causing similar problems between my friend and her siblings. Consequently, they are making sure that all belongings are clearly marked for the day when the siblings will have to go through the process of dividing up someone else's belongings - a difficult task no matter when it is done. The only problem is that this pre-planning, combined with the lack of communication between loved ones, is giving my friend a whole new bundle of goodies to inherit. Silence, anger, and sorrow are being packed up right along with that old waffle iron and the 16 sets of pillowcases. Although she doesn't mention it much, I know that my friend worries about the day when reconciliation is no longer an option and the material things are all that are left. Because when it comes right down to it, it's not the cookbooks and tool kits and knick-knacks that are important. It's the memories that are attached to them that make them worth inheriting.

Bu-bye, now.

I am so not a fan of Adam Carolla (of The Man Show fame), but I enjoyed his interview with Ann Coulter very much. I know that the joy in my heart after hearing it is cutting into my karma budget, but I don't care. It was worth it. It is petty and unkind, but sometimes it is good to hear one of those evil, stuck-up, "I'm-so-much-more-important-than-you" idiots put in their place. I must now go plant something or rescue a bug from drowning to make up for my bad thoughts. :)

If Wishes Were Horses...

...We'd All Be Eatin' Steak! (said by Jayne Cobb of Firefly)

My head hurts. I wish it would stop.

Mikey is on a family trip without me. I wish he would return.

It is very hot. I wish it would cool down.

Ya just can't make me happy, can you? Ugh. Something I am happy about - I picked a handful of green beans, a dozen jalepanos, a zucchini, and a cherry tomato from my garden and had some of the beans on my salad tonight as I ate dinner alone. Time to tuck myself into bed and hope that my head is clear when I wake up.

On a brighter note

Yesterday, Mikey and I managed to replace the light fixture in our office with a ceiling fan/light combo. It illuminates. It causes air to drift at varying speeds. It is wonderful. And all withouth electrocuting ourselves (I wanted to save that experience for this morning, apparantly). We are pretty amazing.

Also amazing is our beautiful garden. It has now produced half a dozen zucchini, half a dozen cherry tomatoes, and 2 sweet peas. There are plenty of things still in the works: several watermelon and cantelope, many more zucchini and tomatoes (cherry and regular), some jalepano peppers, and hopefully a few bush beans and cucumbers. Potentially, we should end up with some corn, bell peppers, raspberries, and strawberries, but those aren't doing so well that I feel I can count on them. We'll see.

Success! Or Not.

We finished the electric fence! I got brave and tested it on myself (not really painful, but my arm muscles are sore from the tensing up it caused) after we turned it on. That was enough to convince me that the dogs would be fine if they got shocked.

The first thing Trooper did was run over to the fence, get shocked, yelp, and run off to chase rabbits in the yard. All good. Except, 10 minutes later they both jumped the fence, pausing slightly to yelp as they got shocked on their way over. DAMMIT. Luckily, they were tired from running around the yard like lunatics, so it didn't take long to catch them. They both flopped in the shade inside the kennel in a relieved manner.

The next time I take them out will be to intentionally shock them on the fence while we're walking on the leashes. They have until the first day of school to learn to respect this fence. If that doesn't happen, I am going to have to really rethink my ability to care for them.

The thought of giving them up after all this effort makes me want to cry. I spend at least 2 hours a day working with them. I get up at 6:30 every morning (of my VACATION!) to walk them. We have refrained from making any summer plans that involve both of us being gone for more than 12 hours at a time (including cancelling my birthday plans). We spent plenty of money on this electric fencing and took the time and energy to put it up (I have blisters on my hands and a nasty bruise on my trachea thanks to this project). I have done everything in my power to teach these dogs that I am the one who feeds them and cares for them and loves them and provides them with cookies. So it is understandably frustrating when they jump the fence and run away as soon as they get the opportunity.

I know this isn't a personal thing. They like us just fine, wagging and smiling and getting excited when they see us. The trouble is, they don't really care about us. We're fun if there's nothing better to do. Otherwise, they can take us or leave us. I know this isn't surprising considering what they have been through, but I was naively hoping that once they realized what a great home we provided, they would fall at our feet in gratitude. Not so much.

I actually wouldn't mind so much if their attitude didn't make it impossible to keep them safe. If they just ran around the yard, only coming to me when they wanted to...fine. But they aren't content with the yard. They have to run around the entire damn neighborhood, putting themselves at risk of all the vehicles, loose animals, nutjobs, and weapons contained therein. I don't want them to get hurt and I think it is only right that if I am unable to contain them while simultaneously providing them with a decent standard of living (I don't consider 22 hours a day in a 8 x 24 ft. box to be a decent standard of living) then it is my duty to find something better for them.

Of course, we tried that. Nobody wants to take on 2 black labs who can escape any enclosure, who fight with other dogs, who chase livestock, and who will only follow basic commands while on a leash and bribed with a cookie. Not that I blame them. So, then the issue becomes this: isn't 184 sq. ft. of living space better than a crate at the Humane Shelter. And infinitely preferable to the solution the pound would provide? And if so, can I continue this regiment of twice-daily walkings, knowing that it will cost me every future vacation I can think of?

But maybe I am over-reacting. (Who, me?) Mayabe, with the proper introduction, I can teach them to respect this fence that bites (obviously not hard enough) and stay inside the property. Hopefully, I can do it by the end of August, when I will be returning to my school schedule - a routine that will severely limit my dog walking time.

I know.

"This is not a black and white world.
To be alive, the colors must be swirled.
And I believe that maybe some day
we will all learn to appreciate
the beauty of grey."

Live, The Beauty of Grey

I know, I KNOW. I quote this line every time I hear it. But it just strikes me in such a powerful way every, single time.

2 Random Bits

BIT ONE

An interesting side effect of taking these classes for my masters is that I am finding myself inspired to learn more about the field in which I am working. Not so much the actual teaching part - I'm already way interested in that - but in the politics of it. I am the kind of person who feels mountains of guilt for every horrible thing in the world that I can't fix. Usually, I ignore all news/information regarding bad things that I can't make better out of simple mental self-preservation. If I were to pay too much attention to the big, scary world, I would end up curled up in the fetal position, mumbling things, and flinching at every sound. Same goes for education. If I start reading about the things that are happening in the arena of public education, I become even more disgusted and horrified than I already am. Regardless of this well established fact, I have added several educationally-minded blogs to my reading list and I am making a solid attempt at becoming informed. If you don't hear from me in a while, call and help Mikey talk me out of the dark recesses of my closet where I will no doubt be muttering about charter schools and pay scales and idiot bastard politicians who know nothing about children or teaching or even humanity for that matter but still think they should be in charge of telling me how to do my job...whew. I'm okay.

But, seriously. If you don't hear from me...

BIT TWO

I got new glasses last week, one pair of regular ones and one pair of sunglasses. For the first time in my life I put some actual thought into how they looked on me and what kind of image I wanted to present to those who gaze upon my visage (oooh! fancy word!). In both cases, I ditched the roundness of my previous frames, going for a blockier, slightly hinting at the 50's look. I like 'em. I like 'em a lot.
What I don't like is the way my regular glasses make me feel like I am walking around in a circus funhouse. The walls won't stay where they belong and everything seems slightly out of perspective. Like I've fallen into an M.C. Esher picture. This is not completely unexpected. It always takes awhile for my eyes to adjust to a new prescription, but this is rediculous. It has been 3 days and I still get seasick just walking across the house. Bleh. The sunglasses, on the other hand, are working perfectly. I had them polarize those lenses and I am thrilled with the way my head doesn't hurt after being outside now. Whoot.

She Really Likes Me!

On Saturday, the nearby casino sponsored some fireworks. They're nothing special, but they were pretty to look at. I liked them. Mia hated them. She's one of those dogs that gets freaked out by loud noises. She was in the kennel whimpering (as Trooper tried to chase the booms away by barking) until Mikey got them both out on the leashes. I was already outside, standing on the big rock in front of the house (the better to see the sky with). As they came around the corner, and poor, terrified Mia saw me standing there, she pulled like crazy on the leash until she was close enough to jump up next to me and snuggle up close. She sat there, shivering against my side, until the last of those nasty noises was done. It makes me feel pretty darn good that she trusts me to keep her safe when she's scared. That is a big step.

Progress and Not Progress

I have finished the first unit of my Research Methodology class. I am really enjoying the book - clearly written and factually based (unlike the overly biased and rambling piece of crap I am reading for my other class)- and the format is much friendlier. Not to mention that the information about research is facinating. With my penchant for organization and labelling, perhaps I should have become a research scientist. Oh yeah...the math. Nevermind.
I have also finished the third unit in the aforementioned "other class". I'm not really enjoying this one as much, since it feels like I am slogging through a 200 page info-mercial - lots of weighted language and very little balance. And I am getting tired of regergitating information for my essay answers. The questions go something like this...

Charter schools are bad. How do you feel about charter schools? Copy the three reasons from page 103 to explain why you hate them.

Okay, so it isn't quite that bad, but pretty darn close.

The Not Progress is in the area of electrical fences. We have decided to go ahead with the fence and the solar panel in question. The top wire is on and the only thing stopping us from doing the bottom wire is a lack of supplies (back to Home Depot!). The problem lies in the grounding rods. We're supposed to stick those giant metal poles 6 feet into the ground. Yeah, RIGHT. It's not easy to dig around here anyway, and to make matters even more exciting frustrating we keep hitting rock. Ugh. But I haven't given up yet. The thought of my darling puppies getting to run free is still driving me on. I just hope that this works.

Almost

We are almost finished clearing a path around the fence in preparation for the electric wiring. Considering that we have only been doing a half hour a day (we get overwhelmed by too much manual labor at one time, you know), I am pretty impressed with us. The next step is to start stringing the wire. Whoot.

I am almost done with the essay questions for unit 3 of my current class. Which technically means that I am almost done with the whole 4 unit class. Whoot again.

I am almost done organizing all of the math materials I need for next year. When finished, I am going to have everything broken into 3 binders (one for each trimester) and organized according to topic and order of use. Whooty whoot.

Best of all, it is almost lunch time. Food is good.

Random Ramblings

Not much to say...just little tidbits...

1. We ordered a solar powered charger for the electric fence. I should say potential electric fence because we haven't put it up or anything, but we have cleared the fence on 2 of the 4 sides. Anyway, the charger finally showed up yesterday. While reading the instructions, we noticed that it showed a series of little shadow animals representing its many uses: a pig, a goat, a sheep, a deer (?), a cow...wait a minute! Where is the little shadow doggie? No dog. Then we see the very last line in the instruction manual. "This charger should NOT be used to contain pets or dogs." WTF??? They coulsdn't mention this on the website? Sigh. So here's the thing. It is a small charger. I can't find an output measurement anywhere, but it says it is good for 5 miles or 10 acres. It is low-impedence, it pulses, and it has a 4 V input battery. We will be putting it on a fence surrounding 2 acres (not sure of exact perimeter) in such a way so that it covers both the top and bottom of the fence. Since electricity is scary and unfathomable to me, I am humbly begging for the expertise of my readers. Am I going to kill or even hurt my dogs (beyond a corrective nip) with this charger if I use it? (It's an online purchase that has already been opened or I would just send it back and try again.) If you need more information, I would be happy to supply it.

2. "Dude! I got a arm!" I haven't even seen the barnyard movie that is coming out (not even sure what it's called), but I can't stop saying this line that I heard during a preview. My name is Isha and I have a problem.

3. We bought some solar powered malibu lights today and they are sparkling out there in the front yard as I type. Puuuurty.

4. My 10th year high school reunion is happening this weekend. I am not going to be there. Honestly, I can only think of 3 people I am really interested in seeing. (That number would just about double if they combined our reunion with the one from the previous graduation year.) I had many aquaintences, but not many friends in high school. I didn't feel like I fit in much (who does?) and I never really "got" what most of my classmates were doing. Although I am mildly curious what has happened to them - who got fat? who got kids? who is making a million dollars? - it's not enough to motivate me to travel thousands of miles and spend hundreds of dollars so that I can relive the isolated, alienated, "I'm-just-not-like-these-people" feeling I remember so well from my high school dances. However, it has given me the opportunity to get in touch with one of those special 3 and that is definitely a good thing. What I would really like? A chance to time travel back to my high school years. Not to relive them, but to be a fly on the wall, observing myself and those around me. I would be in a much better position to find out what I was really like and what they really thought of me. Because all I can remember is being a freak and thinking that they thought I was a freak. Ugh.

5. I have offially become the first official beta-tester on Mikey's latest game, Loonyland II: Winter Woods. Officially. (Heh. If you haven't seen Clerks: The Animated Series you aren't living your life to the fullest.) This means that I get to sit around playing all afternoon while Mikey takes notes. It's fun. Especially since part of my job is to help him tweak the balance. At this point, I am making way too much money, buy way too powerful weapons, and kicking WAY too much monster butt. I suspect that will be changed by tomorrow. Anway. Let it be known that this game is fun and it rocks. Officially.

6. Let me end this rediculous ramble of the random by saying that Sarah Silverman is a very funny woman and it's a good thing that God has a better sense of humor than most humans or she would be burning in hell for all eternity. The irony and sarcasm, it is delicious. If you can understand the difference between what a comic says and what they are "saying" then you should immediately run out and get a copy of Silverman's stand up comedy movie, Jesus is Magic. If you think that Stephen Colbert is a Bush supporter, you should just forget I said anything. You can't say I didn't warn you.

Adios, mis muchachos!

Yes, Master

I have been busy, but only with the same old things that I have already told you about too many times: cleaning, reading, studying, planning. Since it has been too hot (normal) and humid (NOT normal) for any interesting thoughts, I have decided to share some of the writing I have done for my masters* program. Thoughts are welcome.

On the media's role in education:
Americans have one main source of information - the news media. In theory, the media provides a place for citizens to receive data from a variety of sources which can then be synthesized into an educated and informed opinion. Unfortunately, the American media system is largely controlled by a small handful of powerful, politically driven individuals and financially driven corporations. As a result, the media consists of a tightly controlled smattering of talking points, rather than a broad collection of informative material.

Although the media's information on education often comes from respected researchers and research communities, the numbers are manipulated to present the results desired by those in control. Sometimes this means shifting the blame from the guilty to the scapegoat, like when public education is blamed for economic weaknesses. Other times, it means sensationalizing failures and accusations in order to induce panic in the general public, like accenting the worst test scores and minimizing the best in order to influence the future of education. No matter the reason, the misinformation presented in the news media today is intentionally and deliberately designed to induce panic and fear, allowing the political right to maintain control and accomplish its goals of privatizing education and gutting the public school system.

On the "factory model" of education:
Although the pendulum of public education has swung far in the opposite direction since 1912, supporting many child-based education models, it is currently on its way back toward the "factory model". Once again, teachers are being hired, not for the job of educating, but for that of training. Students are again seen as recipients of education, rather than participants, leaving them uninterested and uninvested in their own achievements. Administration's current role in education is to streamline the process, economically, socially, and politically. Increased testing results in more frustration and failure, but not better scores. We are using the factory model of education today and, once again, it is failing to produce the results for which it was designed.

On education and the economy:
By 1983, although the Cold War was still a prominent aspect of American politics, the United States had already demonstrated its superiority over the Russian space program. In keeping with historical habit, it was time to find a new crisis on which to focus American attention. Enter A Nation at Risk, a report on the public education system. Using European and Asian business structures for comparison, this report claimed that American schools were producing students who were incapable of competing in a global economic market. The paper concluded that a dramatic reform of public education was required.

While the U.S. is in danger of losing its place in global economy, I do not believe the greatest threat lies in Europe or Asia. The greatest danger we face is in our own economic practices. Businesses sacrifice quality in the name of increased productivity. Industry demands more high-tech training than it can support, driving down wages at all economic levels. 1% of American families control 43% of the money in the United States, magnifying the existing class divisions and increasing disillusionment and resentment among the remaining 99%. Although we are "a nation at risk", it is not the fault of public education, nor is it a result of superior practices in competing countries.

While the U.S. is in danger of losing its place in global economy, I do not believe the greatest threat lies in Europe or Asia. The greatest danger we face is in our own economic practices. Businesses sacrifice quality in the name of increased productivity. Industry demands more high-tech training than it can support, driving down wages at all economic levels. 1% of American families control 43% of the money in the United States, magnifying the existing class divisions and increasing disillusionment and resentment among the remaining 99%. Although we are "a nation at risk", it is not the fault of public education, nor is it a result of superior practices in competing countries.


*I still feel like I am cheating and getting my masters from the back of a cereal box, but at least I now feel as though I am putting some serious effort into it.

Summer is off to a great start, if I may be so braggardly. I am feeling rested already - it's amazing how good it feels to NOT be responsible for anything important - and I am actually accomplishing things here and there.

Yesterday was a trip to the big city, complete with a Kohl's shopping spree (courtesy of my students!), an hour in the dentist's chair (no cavities!), and a trip to the grocery store. I also stopped by school to grab my files so that I can work from home rather than going in to get organized. I currently have approximatly 10 file boxes full of teaching stuff. I will be wrangling it into some sort of usefulness over the next two months.

Today started with an hour of gardening, resulting in a weed-free garden, thinned corn, and planted wildflowers in the bare spots. (NONE of my herbs came up. :( I hope the flowers do better.) I also started some laundry, did the dishes, toasted up some homemade croutons, finished one unit on my "Strategic Issues Management" class, and swept the kitchen. I know that doesn't sound exciting to you...but it feels darn good to have all that done and still have an afternoon to goof around.

We have ordered a solar-powered electric fence kit. Once I get it set up, the dogs will be allowed limited outdoor freedom. I can't stand that they aren't able to do any running. They have been doing very well with their training. Not only are they very well behaved on the leash now, but they are starting to resist the urge to chase and bark when they see a rabbit. Hopefully, their newfound self-control combined with the electric fence will make it possible for them to get some running time.

Um. I think that is it. I am off to do some well-deserved reading. :)

Oh - if you are interested in working toward an "oil-free congress", you might want to check out the information here. MoveOn.org has a letter you can sent to your representative asking them to make a pledge refusing to take money from the oil industry. Check it out.

Summer Plans

If I don't have a schedule, I tend to fall into the habit of staying up too late, getting up too late, sitting around too much, and spending my entire summer with a headache and aching knees. This summer I have daily plans, including (but not limited to):
walking/training dogs at least twice daily
1 hour of housework
1 hour of garden/yard work
several hours of masters classwork
weekly trips to the beach with my good pal and her family
watching the baby quail
planning for next year (5th grade again!)
lots of reading
occasional napping
cooking (for real instead of from a box)
setting up the guest room for our Christmas company
plenty of Law and Order

I think it sounds divine. What's on YOUR summer schedule?

Parting Words

Below is my final goodbye message to my students this year.

The other day, I was listening to my Counting Crows cd, and I heard a line in one of the songs that perfectly describes how I feel right now.

"I wanted to see you walking away from me
without the sensation of you leaving me alone."

I am so very proud of each and every one of you. I have watched you grow from just-out-of-4th-graders, confused and looking for a helping hand, to almost-6th-graders, knowledgable and independent. I am thrilled when I imagine the individuals you will be next year, 5 years from now, 10 years from now.
Unfortunately, I am going to be left behind as you walk your path. I have to stay here, waving and trying to be cheerful for you, as you head off for your next adventure. I just wish I could see you walking away from me without the sensation of you leaving me alone.


- - - - - - -

These kids are my hope for the future. This is the poem I wrote (and read) for them:

I Hope

For you, my risible litter of rumbly, tumbly puppies,
I hope you never forget the pleasure of playing with friends.
I hope you always have a reason to laugh out loud.
I hope you fill your future with hope and joy.

For you, my compassionate, considerate class of friends,
I hope you never fail to lift up a fallen neighbor.
I hope you always remember the kindness of your classmates.
I hope you continue to grow as Peace Builders for our world.

For you, my beautiful rainbow of ideas and personalities and individuals,
I hope you never stop searching for knowledge.
I hope you always have exciting thoughts and plans.
I hope you hold onto your dreams with all your strength.

For you, the children of my heart,
I hope you don't forget to visit me as often as possible.
I hope you look back on 5th grade with fondness.
I hope you realize that I will always be thinking of you.

I know it isn't the most stunning piece of poetry ever written. I had too many things I wanted to say and not enough time to get it all ironed out. I think it managed to get across the most important things.

- - - - - - -

This was probably my favorite moment of the day.

Me: You know that I don't have any kids of my own. Who are my kids?
Them: US!

VACATION!!!

I'm officially on it.

Officially.

Whoot!

Gotta Love 'Em

brief exchange with my class the other day (after some particularly bad behavior)

Me (in frustration): It's like I have two sets of students. One set I adore with all my heart. I get tears in my eyes thinking that I will have to let you go. The other set is doing everything they possibly can to drive me out of my mind!

"J" (in a hushed, but meant to be heard voice): Mission accomplished.

One of the reasons I will miss them is their terrific sense of comedic timing. :)

Love is...

being willing to drive into the depths of Los Angeles not only once, but TWICE in a three day period so that you can spend time with your brother. And I now have proof that I do indeed love my baby brother. And since he willingly spent the day with me and my roomful of pre-teenagers, it has been pretty well established that he loves me too. Or at the very least is willing to go to great lengths to ensure that I will feed him dinner. :)

There is much going on during this, the final week of school and I am increasingly saddened by the thought that I won't be seeing these terrific kids very much longer. They all SAY they will come back to visit, but it is so rare when one actually does. There are so many kids, both from my 5th grade this year and my 4th grade last year, who I am going to miss. The smiles, the stories, the jokes, the cheerful greetings in teh hall (Dogg - your pup is a great one for that) - all of this is going to be hard to give up. I don't think that the kids or the parents truly realize how much I invest in my class each year and how much it hurts to have to let them go. This year has been particularly hard on me because I can't tell myself that I can always ask next year's teacher how they're doing. They will be in a different school, in a different atmosphere. I can only hope that the knowledge and love that I poured into them while they were with me will help them in the future. Perhaps someday some of them will come back, all grown up and successful, to show me that they still remember the lesssons they learned in my classroom.

Okay. Enough of that maudlin stuff. Mostly I am thrilled to see how terrific my kiddos are.

I would tell you more about the stuff that is going on, but my brother is only here for one more evening and I am not going to waste it. Buh-bye.

Egg Babies

In fifth grade we spend 2 carefully proscribed, meticulously censored hours teaching "Growth and Development". Basically, this means we shut the blinds, separate the XX from the XY and talk about puberty. It's all very hush-hush - I mean what else would you expect from a country founded by Puritans? Anyway, my Thursday afternoon was taken up watching an ancient, but factual video (seriously, the outfits were dated enough that I would have mocked them when I was in 5th grade), answering questions asked by blushing, but intensely focused, girls ("What if I get it when only my dad is home?"), and displaying transparencies of genitalia on the overhead.

Coupled (pun NOT intended) with this is our Egg Baby unit, a two day project during which students are given a hard-boiled egg and told to name it, love it, and protect it. The idea is to show what kind of responsibility goes along with being an adult and, ultimately, a parent. The reality of it, at least in my room, was that my relatively well balanced students LOST THEIR FREAKIN' MINDS. From Thursday morning to Friday afternoon I was dealing with a constant barrage of egg related problems.

"So-and-so bumped me and made me drop my egg!"

"Somebody called my egg a name."

"My egg and That Other Girl's egg are boyfriend and girlfriend."

"I can't go outside yet, my egg hasn't been fed and burped and bathed and put down for his afternoon nap."

"But I needed to finish making this outfit for my egg, so I couldn't work on the assignment."

"A student in your class grabbed an egg belonging to one of my students and smashed it repeatedly against a desk."

"I don't want a girl egg baby."

By the end of the first day I was ready to take all the little darling Egg Babies and make a giant egg salad sandwich.

The children were required to provide a "safe" home for their egg baby. Most were housed in cardboard boxes of various sizes. The simplest of homes were stuffed with tissues and fabric scraps to cushion their travels. The most complex had beds and tables and Barbie food and toys and BBQs and clothing.

I collected the eggs after lunch on Friday. Some of them were still in perfect condition. ("Do I have to give him to you? Can't I keep him?") Most were slightly cracked or dented. ("I think I squeezed him too hard while I was sleeping.") A few were in pretty bad shape. ("All his skin fell off so I put him in this plastic egg to be safe.") One came back to me missing half the white and all of the yolk and covered in dirt. (There was no explaination for this one.) I'm just grateful that no one cried when they had to give up their little darling.

166 down, 14 to go

There are three weeks of school left and I have a 3 day weekend during which I may prepare. (I use the term prepare loosely here, as my recent "preparation" strategy is to turn around after finishing a lesson, stare blankly at the board, and wonder what we should be doing next*.) I think I am off to a good start today, having taken a total of three naps ranging in duration from 2 hours to 15 minutes. I can only imagine the excitement that tomorrow will bring!

Per the usual End-Of-The-Year rush there are too many things to do and not enough time in which to do them. I submit to you a partial list:

final reading test
final writing test
final math test
make solar system posters
presend solar system posters
attend 3rd grade performance
thank parent volunteers
attend chorus performance
kick ass at field day
participate in softball tournament
picnic with 2nd grade buddies
rehearse for graduation
collect and return all library books
strip walls
empty desks and cubbies
hold goodie auction
attend graduation
tearfully say goodbye

You can see it is going to be a stressful few weeks.



*To any parents who might have accidentally come across this blog I beg you to see the sarcasm and self-depreciation contained within this sentence and refrain from reporting me to the authorities! In case you need motivation, and since I have yet to fill in the report cards for this trimester, just contact me with your prefered GPA and it can be arranged**.

**Again, I jest. Really.

The Reason

We read a story in class today about a young Italian man. It took place just as Italy was joining WWI, and the plot focused on how his mother smuggled him out of town in a hay wagon so he could take a boat to America to avoid being drafted. It was just a quick story that was supposed to help them identify elements of story structure: setting, characters, problem, solution. We ended up having a 30 minute discussion about the draft, Vietnam, regime change, the internet, political leaders, war vets, Iraq, the bombing of the world trade center, sexism, and the reality of war versus the stuff we see on TV and in the movies. Dang. And the only real contributions I made revolved around making sure they weren't interrupting one another and providing factual information when asked (Does everyone get drafted?). They led the conversation where they wanted it to go.

I make a very conscious effort to avoid labelling political or religious beliefs as "right" or "wrong" in my classroom. (I'll let you imagine the state of my tongue after one girl quoted our pal, Mr. Bill O'Reilly!) It isn't my job to tell them what to think. Any time those topics come up, I stick to two main phrases...

"That is what some people believe."

and

"But what about..."

No matter which side of the fence students are standing, there is always room for them to realize that they are, in fact, on one side of a very twisted and winding fence and that it's never too late to ask questions to better help you decide which side of that fence you really want to be on. If they take nothing more from my classroom, I hope they remember that I taught them to question everything and take nothing at face value, because there are too damn many people out there trying to take advantage of those who don't think.

I will now step off my soapbox and head to bed. Have a nice night, y'all.

How Does My Garden Grow?

I broke down and bought seedlings from Home Depot this year. My seedlings didn't grow due to negligence and abuse, and by the time I had time to replant it was too late in the season. So, I sold out and bought my veggies pre-started. (This is the last time!)

Here's the overall layout:



Mikey has to have his strawberries!


This shows where the corn will grow (hopefully!),


and this shows where the herbs will be. I planted rosemary, thyme, sage, basil, oregano, and parsley. And maybe something else that I can't remember and will surprise me. There are also carrots and onions planted in there.


We planted two rows of tomatoes, two rows of bell peppers, and a row of beans. Yum!


It said that watermelon like sandy, well-drained soil, so I have hopes for our crop this year. We also have cantelope and zucchini for the fun of it.

The Sights

It is definitely spring around here. The whole property is growing rapidly, in an effort to do what needs to be done before the summer heat hits and dries everything out.

The hill behind the garden. Mia and Trooper love to hunt here. I am just in awe that our little desert habitat can get so green.


We have tons of flowers in bloom: jaunty, purple ones,


tiny, yellow ones,


tall, red ones,


and elegant, blue ones.


Even the cactus is getting into the act.


If you recall, our house was covered in snow in the middle of March. Now it looks a little warmer.