Warning: Rant Ahead...

First, read this article.

No, really. Go read it. I'll wait.

Second, I am not, nor do I claim to be, a medical doctor or an expert of any kind. I am completely speaking from personal experience and my own (very unscientific) understanding of this topic. So take what I say with a grain or two of salt and a healthy dash of skepticism.

..........

Even though I completely and utterly agree with everything the article says, I am also completely and utterly irritated by it. Yes, ADD/ADHD is over-diagnosed and over-medicated. Yes, children need healthier diets, better sleep habits and more exercise. Yes, families have become too splintered by work/sports/etc schedules, and children have been given too much freedom and forced to take on too much responsibility. (Not the good, character-building, take out the trash and clean your room kind... that's always good. I'm talking about the get yourself off to school in the morning, let yourself in with the key after school, microwave yourself some EZ Mac for dinner, and make sure you put yourself to bed at a reasonable time cuz I have important adult things to do and I'll be home sometime after 11 kind.) YES, relying on medication to "fix" your kid because you are too busy/lazy/disinterested to be a parent is (in my humble, I have no kids so it's easy for me to talk opinion) is a crime.

HOWEVER.

I have known a great number of kids who needed just the tiniest medicinal boost to help them get control over themselves. These are kids who had loving, caring, involved parents who were doing all the right things. They got plenty of sleep, ate healthy food, spent time together as a family, and so on. These kids wanted to do the right thing. They were desperate to please their parents, their teachers, their friends. They wanted to get good grades and finish things they started and stay focused. They just couldn't.

Although there are many things that can cause a child to present with ADD/ADHD-like symptoms - many environmental, some behavioral - I firmly believe that some children have a chemical imbalance in their brains that prevents them from being able to be completely in control, no matter how hard they try. This chemical imbalance is present from birth and when adults tell them to "control themselves" they have NO IDEA what we are talking about. They have never experienced the feeling of being fully in charge (as much as that is possible for anyone) of their own actions/thoughts/emotions.

Medication can help balance the brain chemicals and allow these children to see what being in control feels like. Once they have the ablility to focus, they can be taught various methods of self-control. More importantly, they can be taught how to observe and interpret their own brains. Metacognition - thinking about thinking - is not something you are born with. By helping these children recognize the non-medical things that effect their brains, we can give them the tools to maintain self-control on their own. Medication can sometimes be a way to enable them to reach the point where they no longer need to be medicated. It should NOT be considered the solution to the problem.

My irritation with this article stems from the fact that they are treating the question of medication as if it has one simple answer. As if what is right for one child is right for ALL children. Not only is this bad for children (just take a peek at the NCLB fiasco to know that the "one size fits all" approach doesn't work), but it is bad for parents. Being a parent is hard enough without having people throw headlines like

"Ritalin Linked With 500% Increase
in Sudden Death of Children!!"

at you. Ritalin is not the only (or as far as I can tell the most commonly recommended) ADD/ADHD medication out there any more. Telling parents that the health, well-being, happiness, and future of their child hangs on this one little question might be truthful (after all, don't all choices effect those things one way or another?) but it is terrifying and unnecessary. No one does their best thinking under that kind of stress.
So, let's try a little less hyperbole and a little more reasonable discussion all around* when dealing with the question of helping students with ADD/ADHD (or any learning disability, for that matter). Helping children who have trouble focusing is difficult. There are risks and benefits to any potential solution, whether it is medical or otherwise. Cooperation, understanding, and level-headed behavior is the name of the game. At least, that's what I think.

.......

*Yes, that goes for the teachers who immediately call for medication when 7 year old has a little trouble sitting still and doing what he's told for 6 hours. Can we say "developmentally appropriate behavior" anyone?

Top Dog?

So, yesterday I took Mia to work with me. She loves going for car rides, is well behaved around other people and in new places, and could use a break from the abuse Wiggles heaps on her all day, every day in an attempt to be the "bigger" dog. Seemed win/win, you know.
I failed to understand the fine line my pups are balancing with regards to their relevant positions in our little world. When Mia and I returned home last night, Wiggles increased her posturing and aggressive behavior. I tried all the tricks I've used in the past: leash work, training sessions, socialization-type things, etc. Things seemed edgy, but better when it came time to put them to bed. Per the usual, Mia and Trooper were in the igloo, and Wiggles was on the blanket (tucked under another blanket cuz the people in our house can't help projecting and anthropomorphizing their pets).
This morning I woke up to the sound of a dog yelping in a most unhappy way. I rushed outside to release them, sure that Wiggles had somehow hurt Mia with her obnoxious one-up-man-ship. I looked her all over, and almost missed the gaping wound on Wiggles' ear. It looks pretty ugly. Blood on the inside and outside make me think someone bit right through it. I've made an appointment to have the vet look at it. Everyone seems to be getting along okay now, although Mia is acting pretty spooked.
We're going to get a second igloo as soon as possible. (We have a second doghouse already, but it's second hand and none of the dogs will go inside it.) Other than that and not ever taking Mia somewhere without Wiggles again, I have no idea how to help them work this out. All I know is that I am tired of dealing with it.

UPDATE:
I swear our vet thinks we're idiots.
.....
As he began to examine Wiggles, he looked inside her ear.
"Is this the injury?" He points to the miniscule wound you can see from that side. I can tell he is wondering why the hell we bothered him with this injury he can barely see. I lean in.
"Yes, that's part of it. But I'm more worried about..."
As I am speaking he turns the ear over and notices the inch long chunk of fur and skin missing.
"Oh! This is definitely going to need sutures," he says to his assistant as if one of us had disagreed with him. I bite my tongue to stop myself from making some inappropriate, albeit probably very witty, remark.
.....
We ended up signing the anesthesia forms and leaving her to have her ear stitched up. Poor baby is going to be be all wobbly instead of wiggly when we pick her up at 4:00.

More Goals...

Work Goal #2 - Productivity
Baseline - I enjoy being at Escuela del Sol and doing business related things, but I waste a lot of time there. I get distracted by personal things: doing my nails, watching TV, or knitting.
Goal - I will create a work schedule and limit myself to work related activities during work times.
Sub-goal A – I will stick to the following work schedule: M – 12 - 8 pm, T – 8 am - 7:30 pm, W – 12 - 8 pm, Th – 12 - 8 pm, F – 12 - 5 pm
Sub-goal B - I will refrain from FB, Netflix, and Twitter during work hours except for my official breaks.
Sub-goal C - I will take a one hour break each day from 12:30 to 1:30 pm, during which I can entertain myself however I like.

Health Goal #1 - Exercise
Baseline – I currently do a few laps with the dogs a couple times a week, as well as rarely using the elliptical and occasionally doing some stretches. Exercise happens randomly based on my motivation, schedule, and awareness.
Goal – I will create a regular exercise routine.
Sub-goal A – I will complete at least 5 laps with the dogs at least 3 times a week.
Sub-goal B – I will walk on the elliptical instead of sitting on the couch for the first 30 minutes of reading or TV watching time each day.
Sub-goal C – I will do 10 push-ups and 30 sit-ups each day.

Health Goal #2 - Diet
Baseline – Although I enjoy healthy foods such as fruits and veggies, I eat way too much of everything, especially carbohydrates and fried foods. I currently weigh [mssg redacted] lbs.
Goal – I will reduce my weight to [mssg redacted] lbs.
Sub-goal A – I will record my weight and caloric intake at least 6 days of each week.
Sub-goal B – I will limit my caloric intake to 1,400 cal/day.
Sub-goal C – I will refrain from buying chips and candy as snacks when shopping.

GOOOOOOOOAAAALLL!

The new year, not to mention a new decade, is upon us, and it is time to take stock of my life. I'm not one for making resolutions (too easy to fail), but I do like to take a moment to evaluate my progress through this thing we call life.
Resolutions seem to be too scary. If I resolve not to eat fatty foods, I'm bound to think of nothing but onion rings until I break down and gorge myself. Once that happens, the resolution is broken and there's no going back. My brain considers that a free pass until the next Jan 1st comes along.
Instead, I like to make goals for myself. These are things I am working toward. If I happen to eat some onion rings along the way, it's okay. I just try to do a little better the next week. Goals are more about knowing where I'm headed and less about staying on exactly the right path to get there.
Although I was too overwhelmed last year (and possibly the year before) to even think about the future, I am ready to grab hold of the reins once again. Here's how I do it, in case you'd like to play along at home:

Categories - I try to keep it fairly simple. If I give myself too many goals, I can't keep up with them. Failure is NOT a good motivator.

Work - goals relating to my job and the earning of money
Home - goals about chores and home ownership
Relationships - goals for improving my interactions with family and friends
Health - goals for exercise and eating habits
Fun - goals that encourage me to continue things I know I like and explore things I think I might like

Format - As a teacher, I relate my yearly goals to those that I might write for a student's Individualized Education Plan. Consequently, I follow the same guides that I would use when creating an IEP. I try to keep the goals as specific as possible. I make sure that my goals are both measurable and reachable. I use my current baseline as a starting point, and I develop sub-goals that will help me monitor my progress.
For example:

Work Goal #1 - Master's Degree
Baseline - I have 5 classes left to complete my online Master's degree. I have received A's on on my coursework and tests so far, but I have not turned anything for the last 12 months.
Goal - I will complete 4 classes toward my master's degree this year.
Sub-goals - I will have 2 finished by May, and the other 2 finished by next January. I will complete an average of 3 questions a week.

I plan to have the rest of my goals fleshed out before the calendar clicks over to 2010. I'll probably even share them with you! I'd be interested in hearing about your New Year's goals and/or resolutions. What are you feelings about them? How do you do it? What are you planning for 2010?

The horses have escaped? Quick! Shut the barn door!

Is anyone else concerned about the idiocy with which the FAA and the US Government are dealing with the latest airline security issue? I mean, I’m all for safety precautions, but it seems to me that the security measures that have been implemented in the past decade are purely reactionary. Someone uses a liquid to do damage, so liquids are restricted to 3 ounces. Someone uses a shoe, so we all have to walk through security barefoot. While I understand the basic logic behind these choices, they have proven time and time again to be completely useless. Imagine if you will, being in an elementary classroom:

……….
Vandalism has become a problem in Room 7. The first time profanity was written on the whiteboard while the teacher was talking with some students in the hall, so the students were no longer allowed to work outside the classroom. That sounds reasonable enough, right? The next time pictures are drawn on some of the desks while the class is out at recess, so recess is limited to indoor activities for the rest of the week. The kids don’t like it, but there’s not much they can do about it. Despite the teacher’s watchful eye, doodles are found on the wall by the library sometime after writing. This time, the teacher collects all the pencils and requires students to sign them out each time they need one. Some of the students see this restriction of their activities as a challenge. It becomes a status builder to be able to commit vandalism without getting caught. Eventually, the teacher has implemented a rule prohibiting any students from getting out of their seats outside of their assigned 15 minute window each day. All writing utensils are considered contraband materials, and students are patted down prior to entering the classroom each morning. Not only has the vandalism not stopped, now the students of Room 7 are rebelling in a variety of other ways.
………

In the wake of the most recent terrorist activity, the FAA has come up with yet another asinine security measure. “Among other things, during the final hour of flight customers must remain seated, will not be allowed to access carry-on baggage, or have personal belongings or other items on their laps.” Because that’s going to fix everything, right? At least until some pissed off terrorist realizes that they can get up to mischief BEFORE the one hour cut-off time. At which point the rest of us - honest passengers just trying to get from point A to point B - will be told to sit without moving in our seats for the last TWO hours of the flight. And so on.

Why is it that authority figures inevitably choose to demonstrate their power and might over those who challenge or disagree with them? These attempts to micromanage the behavior of others so rarely fixes anything. Instead the situation is escalated back and forth, with each side trying harder to one-up the other. How can it be that after thousands of years, the driving forces behind human actions can still be so misunderstood? Good people can do amazing things when they are treated with respect and understanding, but will fight back and make stupid choices when they feel their freedoms are being threatened. Bad people find a way to do bad things no matter what restrictions they are facing. “The attempted attack on a Northwest Airlines flight to Detroit has raised concerns among U.S. security officials that the device the suspect allegedly tried to detonate appeared to be made of materials that met U.S. airline-security regulations, Rep. Peter King, R.-N.Y., the top Republican on the House Homeland Security committee, said in an interview Saturday.”

I, for one, am done traveling the friendly skies. The insane expense, the endless lines, the indisputable carbon footprint, the inevitable airline incompetence, and the increasingly restricting (yet consistently useless) rules and regulations have convinced me. If I need to go somewhere in the foreseeable future, it will be on the ground.

Friendly Reminder...

This blog was created many years ago - 2002, to be exact. It was (and hopefully will be once again) a vent for my thoughts and feelings and a record of the important events in my life. It began as an attempt to increase communication with various family members. While that didn't pan out exactly as I'd planned, it did become a valued way for me to express and expand upon the random thoughts that pass through my head each day.

Since 2002, many things have changed in my life. The pages of this blog contain the words I used to share and process a variety of things - both good and bad - that I have experienced. I have always been the kind of person who wears her heart right out on her sleeve, and I wish to remain so. Therefore, I am going to refrain from going through and editing, deleting, or hiding anything I have written in the past. I simply ask that you remember 2 things:

1. You are under no obligation to read the words that I have written. If something I say (or said) offends you, please feel free to stop reading. I enjoy sharing my thoughts, but I have no desire to hurt or upset you. I will completely understand if you choose not to read what I have written. However, I try to remain true to my own feelings and avoid censoring myself as much as possible.

2. Just because I expressed love/hate/anger/joy/etc for something on a previous date does not mean that I feel the same way now. As a human, I am continually growing and changing, as well as occasionally sticking my foot in my mouth. Please give me a little room for mistakes and/or foolishness.

Ode to Time Zones

We are winging our way east at 250 mph. During our two and a half
hour flight, the minutes of four and a half hours are devoured in one
gulp. The sun doesn't slip past the horizon, but dives past, toes
pointed at just the right angle, leaving barely a ripple to mark its
passing. I would mourn the loss of these precious minutes, but I know
that on my way home the sun will float lazily along with me, returning
that borrowed time with a smile.

Observations from a Southwest Flight

The teen boy with the military hair cut and the earring who is sitting
across from me avidly watches the teen girl with the pink and teal stripes in
her hair who is sitting in front of me. He requests a Sprite
and 'that girl's phone number' from the flight attendant. He
convinces the elderly man sitting next to him to switch seats so he
can tap her on the shoulder and inquire as to where she attends
school. (Being sure to mention that he is a recent graduate of a nearby school
himself.) She's not quite sure how to take this unexpected, but
perhaps not entirely undesired, attention. I'm immensely amused by
his persistent questions and her polite but brief answers. This
amusement, derived from the knowledge that I no longer have to fear
being in either of these kids' shoes, makes me feel old. But it's an
old I am comfortable with.

All I Ever Wanted

There is no school (my 8 - 4 job) and no tutoring (my 4 - 8 job) for the next two weeks. I am on vacation, and as much as I hate being in school until the middle of June, I must say that I enjoy my long breaks. I have a large rolling crate, a big tupperware storage bin, and 3 filing baskets FULL of things that I have to deal with before January 5th. I have to revamp my math and reading programs to address the needs of myself and my students. I have a masters program that has been seriously neglected. And I have dogs who are so desperate for attention that we can't go outside without being attacked. Finally, I will have some time to address all of these things and more. I have plans to wrap presents as they come in (my overcrowded schedule kept me from Christmas shopping until about a week ago), knit a few scarves (a hobby I returned to this week during my snow-enforced free day on Thursday), and do a lot of sleeping in. It might be that I manage to do some more regular blogging, too, but I'm not making any promises. :)

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas...

Yesterday we had a snowstorm that would have even impressed some of my MN relatives (a little, at any rate). It snowed all day, leaving a thick layer of slush/snow/water/ice mixture covering our entire yard. This morning the sun came out long enough to burn off the layer of fog covering the whole world, then went back behind the gray woolen clouds. CalTrans currently has the main road closed to anyone without chains or snowtires starting just about where we are and going up into the mountains. A friend reported seeing several cars and an ambulance in the ditch last night as she drove home. I am trying to balance my intense guilt at missing school with a healthy concern for my own safety. Luckily, I have Mikey (my voice of reason) to weight in on the side of safety. We used Mikey's new video camera (a birthday present) to take footage, and turn a tiny bit of it into a YouTube video. It can be found by clicking here. While I doubt it will stick around long enough to make Christmas white, it was certainly exciting.

I'm Not Dead Yet!

Wow. That was a busy 6 weeks! I honestly wanted to sit down and write several times and just couldn't. I have barely had time to shower, eat, or sleep, much less communicate.
I have lots to share, so let's play a little game...

In Ten Words

Tutoring
students progressing
reputation blossoming
recovering from summer losses
exhausting, yet exhilarating

School
student teacher
many responsibilities
not enough hours
love my work

My Class
young and enthusiastic
chatty
willing to work hard
somewhat needy

Home
dirty, so dirty
comforting
too rarely visited
too often left

Solar Panels
saving money
cutting energy use
voting Obama
doing our all

FYI

* The solar panels have been put on hold due to our inability to procure satisfactory funding. We're currently saving up as fast as we can (drat - no more eating out) and if we miss the current tax rebate window (they expire on 12/31) then we'll just wait for the bigger and better one that President Obama is going to put together. :)

* My back is at about 90%. I can still feel stiffness and my range of motion isn't what it once was, but the pain is under control. In fact, I haven't had one flare up since my appointment a week ago. I haven't been able to say that since the beginning of July.

* The new fridge is beautiful and does its job well. It was worth the wait.

Time to get to work. I have Back 2 School presentations to give this evening and I'm trying to get a PhotoStory set up so that all I have to do is press "play". :)

School Days

I've been back at school for 3 days now. We're starting to get into the swing of things. A couple of notes about my class...

1. They are GREAT direction followers. I have been very impressed with how well they can stick with me as I am rushing through things trying to get everything done. When I ask for their attention, I get it.

2. They are still a little shaky on the organizational side, but I'm going to pick up some 3 ring binders and some dividers to share with some of them and then I think things will be better.

3. They seem to be able to handle a little extra freedom without letting it go to their heads. I can give them choices and trust that they will stick to the parameters I have set up and not go crazy.

4. They need LOTS of encouragement to participate in class discussions. This class seems to be made up primarily of those kids who normally just watch what's going on. They are paying close attention and they are learning, they just aren't being as overt in showing it. I'm working on changing that. Gotta get 'em verbalizing more (especially the English Learners).

5. On the other hand, in a very wierd paradox, they are VERY chatty. Lots of sharing ideas with neighbors and talking amongst themselves. I can already tell that I will be fighting a losing battle if I try to stop it completely. Since they seem to be able to get work done while they chat, I am going to plan lots of group work for this bunch. We just need to work on volume at this point.

This was an odd beginning of the year for me. I spent TONS of time in my room beforehand, but felt very unprepared on the first day. It took me nearly 2 days to get into the groove of being "the teacher" again. Conversely, I learned the names of my students by the second day. It typically takes me at least a week know remember all of them correctly. Of course the fact that I only have 29 students helps some.

I tend to be very individualistic when it comes to teaching. I am somewhat picky about how things are done (I can just hear Mikey saying, "SOMEWHAT?" when he reads this!) and I am not great at delegating work. I don't usually have a ton of support, so I have learned how to do it all myself. This year, I have an aide in my room full time AND I am going to have a student teacher starting Monday. YIKES! I'm having to learn how to include other adults in my own private little party. I'll keep you posted. For now, I can sum it up by saying that I am having a SUPER year.

Solar Flares

Just for the record, I hate Bank of America. They apparently have baboons setting up their programs. I have yet to try to accomplish something beyond basic deposits and withdrawals without ending up in a blind rage.

This time it's because we spent 3 weeks jumping through hoops, faxing various bits of information, and WAITING...always waiting before they told us that we couldn't have a home equity line of credit due to the fact that our home is of the manufactured variety. When asked why it took them so long (and 3 phone conversations with us) to come to this decision, they told us that it was because they had just gotten the paperwork that stated it was a manufactured home. DUH. I could have told them that. If this is something that automatically excludes you, shouldn't it be one of the FIRST things you ask about? I would prefer not to share all my tax info with the baboons running your office just for the fun of it.

Anyway. This all means that we are starting over from step one. Although I now know to ask them if they will work with our manufactured home status right up front. Mikey and I are going around and around on how much of a financial cushion we need to have, who we should talk to next, how much money we really need to borrow, how long it will take us to pay things back, etc, etc, etc. We have several options open to us (none that make us both happy) and I guess I should consider this a learning opportunity. The thing is...I never really WANTED to learn about this crap.

The most frustrating thing about this whole process is that we are just trying to do the right thing. We aren't doing it for the money (we'll be saving a whopping $50 a month). We just want to be doing something that will have a positive effect on our world and our fellow human beings. Using the sun to power things in Southern California is just the RIGHT THING TO DO. Why does it have to be so damn hard??

Update

Thought y'all might be interested in how life is shaping up around here.

1. Masters Class
I managed to slam through the essays needed for my Models of Teaching class. They are all sent off. Now I am just waiting for the final exam to show up so I can get it finished for reals.
The textbook for my next class, Career Development, arrived recently. I started working on it today, but I am having a little trouble getting into it. For one thing, I can't quite figure out why I have to be taking a class about how to be a better career counselor. The kids I work with are 10 years old for crying out loud. They all want to be sports stars or firefighters at this point and I am not going to tell them that it's time to think otherwise. Let 'em have their dreams through their first decade at least. I think I might have to email the school and find out what the point of this class really is, or I am going to have a hard time taking it seriously.

2. Fridge
We are now on Day 15 of The Great Fridge Wait of 2008. (Hey! That rhymes!) I called them yesterday and they have me attitude. "There is a 14 day window for delivery. This is the 14th day. We'll probably call you within the next day or two." Um. Yeah. When you tell someone that their fridge will arrive in "7 to 14 days" that kinda implies that 14 is the MAX. But that wasn't the worst of it. When I admitted that I was a little stressed because I had been without a fridge for 2 weeks he said, "You should have bought one that was in stock." If we had been having that conversation in real life I might have slapped him. He did have the good graces to admit that I might have had a reason for buying the one I bought, but still. Jerk. Anyway - The new fridge should be here any day. I am SOSOSOSOSOSO looking forward to not having a dead fridge in the middle of my kitchen (we pulled it out fro m its little hidey-hole so we could clean up the melted Popsicle puddle) and being able to drink all the cold beverages I can handle.

3. My Back
Well, I finally went to the chiropractor a week ago. He adjusted my back and it felt GREAT. In fact, in the course of popping everything back into place he made it so that I could once again touch my chin to my chest - something I hadn't even realized I could no longer do.
I really wish the story ended there.
The next day I was at a district training I leaned over in my chair to pick up my computer bag and POING! I finally understood what people mean when they say, "I threw my back out". I could feel how the part of my back that had previously stretched slowly out of place had gone from 0 to 60 in a fraction of a second.
I spend all last weekend on ice and the floor. On Monday, the chiropractor put things back into place again and told me a horrifying story about a guy who leaned over and threw his back out so hard that he paralyzed himself. Eeegads! I have been faithfully doing my exercises, and I have tried to be very careful about how I move my back. I see the chiropractor again on Friday, but I am feeling quite a bit better already.

4. Solar Panels
Did I mention before that we were hoping to go solar? I can't remember, and I don't feel like looking it up. Anyway. We are, and I called a couple of places. The BP Solar folks are coming out tomorrow, but I am not really very excited about it. This is mostly because the other guy I talked to gave me some bad news. It turns out that our electric utility - Anza Electric Cooperative - is one of only 2 utilities in the entire state of California that doesn't participate in the PV incentive program. Being a cooperative, they aren't obligated to do so. This means that a PV set-up in Anza costs 10 grand more than almost anywhere else in the state. Bastards. If the BP guy verify this tomorrow, we will have to put our solar plans on hold. We just can't swing $30,000+ at this point.

5. The Letter "M"
The M key on y keyboard had decided it is only going to work if I REALLY MEAN IT. Apparently, unless I a looking at the screen and hitting the key really hard (somehow I think this is the ore iportant of the two) it doesn't believe that I really want the letter M to appear. It's starting to drive e crazy!

Okay. That's all the news that's fit to print. Time to put the dogs in and head to bed. Nighty-night, all.

Procrastination

Okay. So, I'm supposed to be working, but I thought I would fill you in on the chaos that is my life these days.

1. FRIDGE
Our crappy, electricity guzzling (668 kWh/yr) fridge is dying a slow death. It seemed like it wasn't cooling properly before I left for my trip, and while I was gone it became evident that there was something wrong with it. Immediately upon returning, we went out in search of the most energy efficient fridge we could find. We had settled on a nice one from home depot and had gone through 99% of the process of actually buying it when we were told that the delivery service would bring it to our front yard. As in NOT the kitchen. Since Mikey's back is very touchy and mine has been acting up for some time now, that was a deal breaker. We ended up at Lowe's getting a cheaper, more efficient (440 kWh/yr) fridge that will actually be delivered and installed right into our kitchen. YAY!
Unfortunately, they had to order it from the factory for us. This means a 7-10 day wait, during which we are living out of a cooler full of ice and trying to eat everything in the freezer as it thaws and before it goes completely bad. I am embarrassed to admit that we still have the old one running, albeit poorly, in an attempt to slow the thawing process. I suspect in a couple of days I will no longer be willing to risk the potential salmonella just to avoid wasting a few bucks and we'll turn it off and empty it out for good.
This has not been good for my snacking options. While I usually pull out a stick of string cheese or suck down a glass of ice tea, lately I have been eating a ton of carbs - chips, crackers, pretzels, etc. - because that's what we have that is edible. We've also been eating out A LOT. I will be very happy when this new fridge shows up.

2. BACK
My back is killing me. I don't know what caused it to start hurting but it happened before I left for MN. It was somewhat painful during the trip which I attributed to sitting in a cramped airline seat, lugging around heavy carryons, and sleeping in a bed different from my own. However, since I got home it has continued to bother me. The only time it doesn't hurt is when I am lying flat on my back. Sitting with my back nice and straight is okay for a few minutes. Walking is alright as long as it is slow and easy. Bending over is impossible and sitting in just about anything (EZ chair, couch, car, etc) hurts like the dickens. I can stretch it easily to the sides or backwards, but anything forward is out of the question as are rapid movements of any kind. I keep trying to tell myself that I just need to rest it and it will get better, but I'm getting seriously frustrated at how this is hampering my summer plans.

3. Class
I am getting closer to finishing my latest masters class. Of the 10 questions that need to be sent out next, I have 3 finished, 4 outlined, and 3 yet untouched. Speaking of which - I am supposed to be working on them RIGHT NOW. Time to get back to work.

Going on Vacation

I'm heading home for a few days, so I won't be updating for a while. I don't really have much to say at this point, but I didn't want to leave that last bit of self-absorbed ranting at the top of my page.

I am excited about my trip because I am going to get to hang out with my sister, both brothers, and my litter of nieces and nephews all at the same time. It's going to be a good time! We've all been calling back and forth like loons on a lake for the last couple weeks as we set it all up.

Hope your 4th of July weekend is just as pleasant as I am.

Tidbits

1. Because I know some people will be wondering...if you read that last post, it wasn't about you. The reason it was safe to write is because the person who needs to hear it doesn't come here. So don't worry.

2. I am trying to win a copy of Wii Fit in an internet contest. I currently have a 4 in 5100 chance of winning. And those odds are dropping like stones. Wish me luck!

No, I don't want to talk about it. Thanks anyway.

I have never been arrested.
I have never flunked a class.
I have never gotten kicked out of an apartment.
I have never driven drunk.
I have never stolen anything.
I have never committed a violent act against another person.
I have never squandered large amounts of money.
I have never asked for anything.
I have never failed to be there when you needed me.

Perhaps if I had done a couple of these things, it would be a little harder to forget about me. A little harder to convince yourself that I can take care of myself. Or at the very least a little harder to put me dead last behind every other single thing you include in your oh-so-busy life.

It's not the lack of support that hurts because I really can take care of myself. It's the complete and utter lack of understanding you have for how little you have really done for me. It's the fact that you don't see the imbalance. And the fact that I will never, ever point it out to you.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Okay. Enough of that. I have had my pity party and I am moving on. I don't plan on letting this particular demon out to play again for some time. I apologize to anyone who happened to see this pathetic bit of self-absorbed whining. I now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Pissed Off

You know when you are so angry that you can hardly breathe through the pressure in your chest? That anger that fills your emotions and makes you unable to think about anything else? That rage that you can't find enough vile words to express? That bitterness that grabs onto every slight and insult, every injustice you have ever experienced and feeds on it, growing exponentially until you are pretty sure that everything has always been this horrible, if not a little worse?

Yeah.

Being that angry sucks.