Just finished watching "Windtalkers".

Note to self: our psyche is a little too fragile for war movies right now.

I don't normally enjoy the blow-shit-up scenes in movies. Blood and violence have always made me flinch, whether seen on screen or read on the page. That is something I cultivate in myself. I worry if I see gore and don't flinch. When that happens I make myself think of the pain and suffering that goes along with it. I will not allow myself to become desensitized to violence. That is the first step down a very slippery slope.

That doesn't mean that I don't watch war movies or read war books. In fact, I went through a phase in highschool when I read nothing else. Johnny Got His Gun, Red Badge of Courage, M*A*S*H, Catch 22, Bliztcat, Diary of Anne Frank - I read them all. I learned from them all even though I had no idea what war was really like.

Today was different. Turning away during the worst of the firefights in Windtalkers didn't help. Actually, it made it worse. Turning away made it easier to image the men and women who are fighting and dying in the present. It changed the sounds from those of WWII weapons to the weapons of today, the weapons of this war. Rather than just flinching at the imagined deaths, I cried for the real ones. I shed tears for those who will not be coming home, for those who will never know their fathers, for those who's sons and daughters will be buried before their time. I shed tears for all of us and the anger and hatred that so easily overcomes our human hearts. I shed tears for myself, my impossible dream of peace and harmony.

I hate this war. I hate the death and the violence and blood. I hate the furthering of hatred that comes from it. I HATE THIS WAR.