WHAT did you just say?

My class and I often joke about my "Laser Eyes", the ones that I inherited from my great-grandmother and only come out when I am upset at someone. They never really knew what they were until today. Today, right in the middle of class, one of my students decided to have a Battle of Wills with me. I asked him to do something and he first gave excuses and then flat out refused to do what I had asked. I could actually feel a click as I transitioned from my "I'm irritated that we are taking class time to deal with this" face to my "Think hard before you say another word" face. Everyone else in the room froze - not a twitch out of them - while they waited to see how I would react. My whole body went cold with fury. I gave him alternative directions, ones that required him to complete the task I was asking of him, but in a way that avoided the aspect that was causing him to balk. I warned the rest of the class that I was in a dangerous mood and it would be risky to push my buttons and then we moved on. I then avoided interacting with him for the rest of the lesson so that I woundn't say or do something I would later regret.

At recess we had a talk. Since I was over my anger at his utter disrespect for me and my expectations, I was able to approach the matter in a way that focused on the important issues. I didn't want him to think that it was me versus him. That kind of battle of wills never solves anything, usually just increasing the animosity and frustration on both ends. Instead, I explained to him the importance of my authority in the classroom - that I needed to be someone the students could trust and follow because of my responsibilities as a teacher. I commended him for not just following rules because they are rules and for wanting to change a rule that didn't work correctly, but I explained that there are ways of doing that that won't undermine the authority of the classroom. I asked him to come up with a solution that would cover both of our needs, which he did quite quickly. We came to a comfortable agreement, I thanked him, and he headed out for recess.

I am glad that I managed to defuse the situation without sacrificing my classroom expectations. I am glad that I had the chance to model self-control to my students. I am glad that I was able to encourage this student to question authority in a productive way, while discouraging the kind of disrespectful, impulsive behavior that would get him in so much trouble in middle school next year. Mostly, I am glad that I didn't say a naughty word in front of my class. :)