Come Fly the Suspicious Skies

I am going to be flying to MN shortly and some of the things I am reading are making me a tad bit nervous.  But perhaps not for the reasons you might think. 

Let's take a look...
A woman and her family took a flight from Detroit to L.A. recently and had an experience that she says "caused [her] to question whether the United States of America can realistically uphold the civil liberties of every individual, even non-citizens, and protect its citizens from terrorist threats. " (emphasis mine) She wrote about this experience in an article called Terror in the Skies, Again? for WomensWallStreet*, an online financial resource/management "destination", where she is apparently a regular contributor.  To fully appreciate what I am about to say, you really must read the article.

On her flight, this woman was forced to spend 4 hours in an airplane with not just one, but FOURTEEN men who looked Muslim.  These men commited such horrible crimes as Going To The Lavatory, Talking To Their Travel Companions, and (what I consider a TRUE crime) Buying Take-Out From McDonald's.  Admittedly, these are nerve-wracking times, what with the Terror Alert bouncing from orange to yellow to orange like an igrob on a rainbow.  Perhaps these men really were up to no good?  Security met them at the gate and questioned them extensively, learning that they were musicians hired to play at an LA hotel.  This would explain those oddly shaped suitcases and their one way tickets (they were headed to yet another gig in another town afterwards).  But it still doesn't explain the McDonald's if you ask me!  Our Ever Alert Journalist wasn't satisfied either.  She sums up her article with the question "if 19 terrorists can learn to fly airplanes into buildings, couldn't 14 terrorists learn to play instruments?"

One other thing. 
In her blather about airport security, she wonders why no one checked their luggage after they had eaten, using METAL utensils, at an airport restaurant prior to boarding.  She is also concerned that no one checked "the folds in [her] newspaper or the contents of [her] son's backpack".  No one demanded to know what they had done, who they had talked to, or what they had purchased while wandering the airport.  Sure, these are legitimate security conserns.  I wonder why they aren't doing those things?  Oh, wait.  I remember.  Because loud-mouthed passengers raised such a ruckus when forced to spend 2 hours going through security.  Whiners and complainers, like Our Ever Alert Journalist, were upset by those investigative procedures that invaded their privacy and wasted their time.  We don't want EVERYONE to have to go through this, just the suspicious looking folks.  People like...

• that long-haired guy with the tie-dyed tee-shirt and hemp sandals.
• those two black guys with the saggy pants and the FUBU baseball caps they insist on wearing backwards.
• that woman wearing the burkha who doesn't speak English.

Those are the ones we should be suspicious of.  We need to quit wasting the time of the Right-wing, God-fearing, Red-blooded Americans**, and start focusing on the real danger - them damn fur-in-ers.
 
Down Soleil.
Oops.  Sorry.  Okay - back to why I am nervous about my trip.  I am not afraid of sitting next to a Muslim.  I know that I will end up chatting with my neighbor no matter their race, color or creed.  They should probably fear sitting next to my flapping jaw.  Nor do I fear getting caught in the triple-uber-mega-super-security check line.  This is something that happens to me.  I am okay with it.  Plus it means I don't have to sit around waiting at the gate with no one to talk to for quite as long.

I am terrified, however, that I will get stuck on a plane with someone like Our Ever Alert Journalist.  Someone who will allow their imagination to run away with them, resulting in a situation where there otherwise would have been none.  I am afraid that some gung-ho, vigilante type will take it upon themselves to "save" us all from an innocent McDonald's eating, turban wearing, Middle-eastern man with a limp***, getting everyone all riled up, forcing the Air Marshals to reveal themselves, getting everyone even MORE riled up, resulting in one of the windows getting accidentally shot out****, sending us plummeting to our deaths over Kansas*****.  All because of some guy's turban.

That is what I am afraid of.

I want to thank Mikey for pointing this whole situation out to me.  I also want to suggest that you read the opinion of an actual author and pilot.  You will have to sit through a short ad to gain a "day pass" but it is well worth it.  And I want to thank you, dear readers, for sticking through to the end of this ramble.  Tag, you're it.  Pass it on. 

A few notes
*Note the absence of an apostrophe, which is just bothersome.  Also - in their mission statement, the name of te group is misspelled "WomansWallStreet".  Ugh.
 
**I don't actually have a problem with Right-wingers, Christians, or Red-blooded Americans individually.  It is when you combine all three into one person and then put that person in what they perceive as a dangerous situation that I get worried.
 
***Our Ever Alert Journalist was concerned that people with orthopedic shoes can't be singled out for screening.  One of her dangerous looking musicians had a limp.
 
****I don't know if it is possible for the windows to get shot out.  Nor do I know what would happen if one DID get shot out.  But I have watched enough cabin-looses-pressure-man-gets-sucked-out movies to be a little concerned.
 
*****I have always been a little afraid of Kansas.