My gift consisted of several small packages. Inside the first one was a paperdoll who looked remarkably like me (even down to the kidney scar!), designed, printed, and painstakingly cut out by my dearest.
A letter informed me that in order to receive the next package, I would have to identify which "Me" the doll represented. The first outfit was a shirt and skirt trimmed with apple decals, glasses, and a helper monkey. She was "Teacher Solee" of course! I got to open the next item!
Inside were some bumper stickers - "Honor Teachers", "children know everything", and "INFORMATION IS POWER" - a Cowboy Junkies cd (to listen to on my way to work) and a new outfit.
This time, I dressed my paper Solee in ratty, gross sweatpants, a tanktop, and a Harry Potter book. This, of course, was "I'm Going To Sit Here And Read And You Can't Make Me Do Anything Else Solee". Poor Mikey actually has to look at me in that outfit on a regular basis. Yech.
Anyway, I finally figured out which Solee this was and was given the next package to open. Contents = one previously unheard of Stephen King mystery, another bumper sticker - "READ BANNED BOOKS"- and a button reading "IMAGINE". And of course, a new outfit!
Now, Solee was wearing a Star Trek shirt, a Batman skirt, SuperGirl shoes and socks with monkeys on them (that I really have!), thick rimmed glasses and holding what looks very much like an Atari controller. Who else could this be but "Geek Solee"?
Her package, when opened, revealed a copy of the Hebrew Hammer (a cult classic if you ask me!), a button saying "The geeks shall inherit the Earth" and another bumper sticker - "All Your Base Are Belong To Us". And...You guessed it! Another outfit.
The new outfit was a puzzler...a white suit with blue stripes on the arms and legs, a sailor type hat, shaded glasses, and a word bubble saying "@#*!&@!!". Hmm. With a little help from Mikey I figured out that this was "Curse Like a Sailor Solee".
Sailor Solee got a couple of bumperstickers that she couldn't read aloud when she opened them - "F*** All Prejudice", "F*** Censorship" (oh, the irony!) - a button that reads "Do I look like a motherf***ing role model?", and a Stephen Lynch album. Needless to say, the parental figures found this one slightly disturbing, but I loved it. Also needless to say - there was yet another outfit!
The final outfit consisted of an ankle length skirt, a tie-dyed tank with a peace sign emblazoned across the front, sandals, a flower circle for my head, and rose-colored glasses. You know who this is..."Hippie Solee"!
For identifying this last representation of myself I was allowed to open a small wrapped box. Inside there were more bumperstickers - "SAVE THE HUMANS", "Pacifism Kicks A**", "TREEHUGGER", and "Where are we going? And why am I in this handbasket?" - along with a button that reads "Discover the Earth" and a Flying Spaghetti Monster decal. Among all the clutter, I also found a keyring, complete with key. A key that had that adorable little VW symbol on it. A key that was sitting atop a PICTURE OF A JETTA!!!!
Yes, all of the Solees now have a new car. Teacher Solee can get to school more efficiently, Slovenly Solee has a new place to throw her junk, Geek Solee gets to say she drives a European car, Cursing Solee has new tires to kick, and Hippie Solee will soon be able to announce that she is getting around using the power of corn oil! Whoot! It was quite an unwrapping, I tell you! When the sun comes up tomorrow, I will get some pictures of the actual thing.
Not sure if you can read them in the picture above, but I had previously gotten myself some bumperstickers for the car I hoped to get "someday". They are "Your Silence Will Not Protect You", "If evolution is outlawed only outlaws will evolve", "Plug Into Renewable Energy", "Question Authority", and "WILL WORK FOR PEACE". Now I just have to decide which ones get to go on the car and which have to find places elsewhere...
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