Exactly.

I always like to read Frazz, but today's strip is above and beyond. It is just so TRUE.

The Sign

Someone said to me recently, "You base a lot of things on 'signs'." They were right, and they didn't mean the street kind. As I said in my previous post, there was one house that really called to us. As we were leaving that house, I looked down to the ground to see this...



Truly, I don't know why I am even questioning it. I knew from that moment.

What 'til you see!

Okay. The amazing house was a bust. The layout was so lame that you were conscious at all times that the house was three trailers taped together. The landscaping was a confusing jumble and the neighborhood did not have a good feeling to it.

Before you get all sad for us though...we found 2 different houses that we adored. They are both in better locations. The houses are beautiful (one was 2100 sq ft!), the land gorgeous, and the drive to school managable. Now we have to make a decision. Do we make an offer on the big one with the panoramic view that is closer to the paved road and definitely has better selling potential? Or do we go with the less expensive one that is completely fenced (and gated) for privacy, surrounded by brush and trees, and has the perfect place for a pool? The first one is the one my mind (and real estate agent) recommends. The second one is the one my soul and gut are going for. I'm going to sleep on it tonight, think about it tomorrow, and then see what I think when we go out again Wednesday evening. Feel free to send me your thoughts. I'll tell you more about both places after school tomorrow. For now, I am in need of sleep - 6 hours of house hunting and socializing with realtors give me a headache!

We're doing WHAT?

So, the other day, we were fooling around online and we found a house for sale in a nearby area for a rediculously low price. Just for kicks, we called an agent today and we are going to go see it tomorrow afternoon. If it looks as good in real life as it does in photos, we are thinking about spending some time moving our newly reduced collection of belongings to a brand, spanking new location.

The Specs:
~1800 sq. ft.
~1 acre
1977 manufactured home (I know, that is a fancy way to say trailer home that's lost it's wheels, but if it comes with more than a postage stamp of land, I am happy)
3 bdrms, 2 bath
patio
pool
TENNIS COURT! (Seriously, folks, it says it has a tennis court.)

And all for LESS than we could sell this place for. Not too shabby, huh? I'll let you know what the catch is tomorrow, after we've had a chance to look at it for ourselves.

Latest Addiction

I recently discovered the fun and frustration that is Geneforge. Now that I have a Mac, I have been without gaming options. (At least, I WAS, before I set up the old PC again.) I often stopped by Jeff's site to read the stories about his daughter, but it was only a couple weeks ago that I looked into his games. I downloaded the demo for Geneforge 2 and I have been hooked ever since. I am no good at all when it comes to playing RPG type games, but I have managed to complete many quests and even win some battles. My strategy involves compulsively saving every few seconds (dying isn't quite so frustrating when you only have to redo one thing) and spending a lot of time running back to town for healing. There are lots of places to explore and tons of quests to work on. I have been playing for days and I'm only on the demo. I am a little worried that the demo will run out and I will be suffer from withdrawal symptoms as I wait for the actual thing to arrive.

You know you're a geek when...

*you find yourself looking for the "Add Guacamole" button when you realize that your cracker is topless.

*you own 6 different computing machines, all with their own purpose.

*you have to keep your old PC set up because your favorite games don't play on the new Mac.

*you understand (and LAUGH at) Penny Arcade.

Back in the Shadows Again

That sounds dark. I'm not really in the shadows, but it was the first thing that came to mind as I tried to think of a title about returning to school. I guess you could say I am in the shadow of the building because after a week of wandering around in the Mexico sun being trapped inside all day sucks. Anyway...

I am back at work. It was so much fun to walk to the line Monday morning and see all those familiar shining faces. Even though I had barely thought about them for two weeks on a conscious level, I was 100% honest when I said a heartfelt, "I missed you guys!!!". I did miss them. For two whole weeks I didn't have anyone shadowing me to ask if they could use the bathroom 3 minutes after they return from recess. I missed that. I didn't have parents calling to ask advise on how to get their kid to do his homework. I missed that. I didn't have to listen to the pencil sharpener, talk over kids who wouldn't shut up, or restate the rules for using the playground equipment. I missed that. I didn't have to answer difficult questions or puzzle out the meaning of rambling commentaries. I think that is what I missed the most. I've had some good questions/comments lately.

"So...is it possible, after you die, to be born again as another person, but with still as yourself?"

"If you are made up of molecules and you eat something and it is made up of molecules (because everything is made of molecules), then do you have MORE molecules in you afterward?"

"Is that character mentioning gold stars so often because he doesn't have any and he wishes he did?"

And my favorite question...
"Can I tell you something about my trip/vacation/new baby brother/favorite game/etc.?"

We are currently knee deep in some of my favorite 4th grade curriculum. We're studying matter, electricity and magnets in science. For social studies, we are reading a book about the CA gold rush. This book is also tied into our writing focus - responding to literature. Our math is focusing on algebra, which I have presented as "a bunch of puzzles where you just have to find the mystery number" and the kids are really enjoying. We're at a point when every activity we do all day long is a pleasure to teach. I have to give the credit for this to my kiddos, who have so much fun learning that I have gotten very excited about presenting them with each new topic. Sure makes getting up early (after 2 weeks of NOT) more bearable. I can't wait to get deeper into the gold rush and start working on geometry!

!#*#$&@#((%&@^%$@#

I lost my freakin' purse. We went to a restaurant for breakfast with the in-laws and then came home to clean out the office. I decided to go to school to get ready for tomorrow only to find that my purse, complete with wallet, driver's license, credit cards, AND room keys was missing. I called the restaurant twice and the condecending F**k that I talked to said he didn't see it. When I asked if he would take my number so he could call if he DID find it, he agreed, but didn't write down my name or a description of the purse. JERK. We're going to go back and retrace our steps to see if it isn't somewhere. Otherwise, I am in for a lot of crappy phone calls, getting cards cancelled and getting a new license. Bleh.

Update:
We drove back to the restaurant and I looked around. No purse. Mikey pointed out that it would be stupid to go all that way and not ask the people inside, so although I loathed the idea of having to be face to face with the guy I had talked to twice, I went in. As I was asking one of the waiters if they had seen it, the big guy at the counter laughed and made some snide remark about how the lady wouldn't believe him that it wasn't here. Embarrased, I explained that I just wanted to check before I drove back to TEMECULA. As we were walking out, our waitress came rushing out to hand me the purse she had found and tucked under the counter for safety. You should have seen how close I came to giving that guy the finger. Seriously, my arms flung out in a "give me a break" kind of gesture and I gave him a nasty, "talk down to me NOW" look. I thanked the waitress and walked out. I sure hope that guy realized what a jerk he was. We may not be going back there any time soon.

Quotable Quotes

As soon as we heard this one, Mikey knew it would become popular...

"Greater good? I'm your wife. I'm the greatest good you'll ever know!"

We just finished watching The Incredibles. Quite the movie. I won't go into details because I know that we are the last two on the face of Earth to see it. Darn waiting list on NetFlix. Suffice it to say, it was worth the wait.

Inspiration

I painted a picture, inspired by our trip to La Paz. Go here if you wanna see it.

Games Gotta Go!

We spent some time going through our spare room yesterday. Lots of things for the garage sale in there! Mikey has finally decided to let go of his old gaming systems - an Atari and a Sega Genesis - that he hasn't used for years. We hooked them both up this morning and found that the Genesis works very well (we played each of the games for a few minutes) and that the Atari would probably work if we had the right connector cable. Using the Genesis cable we could see that the game was running, but we couldn't really see well enough to play anything.


Here's the Atari. The controllers cover a variety of gaming options, but are in no way guaranteed to work. The games include: Breakout, Q-Bert, Video Olympics, Street Racer, Jungle Hunt, and several others.


This is the Genesis collection. There is one controller (shown) that works reasonably well. The games include: Sonic the Hedgehog 1 and 2, Target Earth, Thunder Force III, Musha, Mortal Kombat, Speedball, and a few others. All games (except Eternal Champions) include case, game and manual.

Anyway - these gaming dinosaurs will soon be e-Bay material. If anyone here is interested, I might be able to put in a good word to the boss on your behalf. He wants them to go to a good home, you know. Contact me if you have questions or are actually interested in purchasing (for a nominal fee) either of these machines.

Love Prevails

He has chosen to return to treatment. 28 days this time. Keep him in your thoughts.

Realization

Damn. Now that I am on the Mac, I can't play my Sims or Zoo Tycoon anymore. :(

Not that I played them more than twice a year anyway, but still...it was nice to know I could.

We just can't stop talking about it!

If you are interested in reading more about our trip, you can find it in Mikey's journal. So far, he has only written 2 installments, but there are several planned.

Small Victories

(This is the first in a series of stories and essays inspired by The Sun's Readers Write topics.)

A week into my first year of teaching 4th grade, I knew that Mark would pose a problem. He doodled during lessons, fought with his classmates, and shrugged his shoulders when I made him stay in at recess. I became more and more resentful of Mark's dismissive attitude toward school. I would ask for his homework each morning with a sigh and a shake of the head half started. "Damn it!" I would lament to my husband each night. "How can I teach students who don't care?" Conference time arrived and Mark's parents were "too busy" to come in to talk to me. At this point, Mark was failing every subject and completely disinterested in making any changes.

Desperate to get through to him, I agreed to make a home visit. Mark's little brother's similar failures in 3rd grade prompted his teacher to accompany. Our principal, hesitant to send us to a strange home, went with us as well.

As we walked up the sidewalk, we all commented on the shiny, new pick-up in the driveway. Inside, while I waited for my co-worker to finish her conference, I looked around the house. Aside from a big screen TV and a surround-sound stereo system, the room contained very little. No pictures on the walls, no books, the bare minimum of furniture. A younger sister ran rampant through the living room, and an older brother floated curses down the stairs. Mark and his little brother sat silently on the couch, eyes as wide as saucers. They were both stunned that anyone, much less their teachers, thought them important enough for a special home visit.

When Mark returned to school after the winter break, there was an almost imperceptible difference in him. I noticed him listening to my lessons. His homework made it to school at least once a week. Most importantly, he started making friends with his classmates. You had to look closely to notice the change, but it was there. Mark was starting to care.

As the year crawled towards summer break, Mark and I came to an agreement. I stopped sighing and shaking my head, recognizing the futility of trying to get any homework done at his house, and he began to volunteer to stay in at recess or lunch to finish important assignments. He arrived at school early some days and begged to stay late on others. His classwork, especially his writing, not only got done, it began to show a sense of ownership.

There was no great miracle on his final report card, although it was somewhat improved. He was still failing reading, writing and math, but he had managed a "C-" in both science and social studies. As we talked about it, Mark expressed both pride and frustration. He nodded seriously as I told him what to expect in 5th grade.

Next year, the little brother will join my class. I won't waste time shaking my head or sighing this time. We'll get right to work.

Randomness

My brain is whirling with stuff. Rather than allow it to affect my sleep another night, it is time to empty the vessel.

* Humans are social creatures who develop intricate relationships and complex societies. Why, then, does each individual still feel the need to function in a bubble? I see every day, in my friends, my family, stories I have read, and in my own interactions, that the times when we most need others are the times that we hide most diligently from them.

* My garden not only survived my absence, it apparently thrived on it. The beans and corn are each 2 inches tall, the sunflowers are coming up, and the tomatoes and peppers are still doing their thing. I have yet to see evidence of the carrots or onions. It could be that they take longer, or it could be that I was only peeking out the window. I will look closer after I shower.

* It is possible that I will begin biking to work again. The most convincing argument against? I would have to get up earlier. I hate that even though I know how good it is for me.

* The kitties missed us. Zazzy is sitting on my lap right now. Huzzah spent several hours on Mikey's lap after our return and slept between our heads. Bonsai spent much of the night lying on my chest, purring and snuzzling my face. It is good to be so loved.

* Balance is what it's all about. More on this someday.

* I sent my brother an e-mail some days ago, after hearing some distressing rumors. I have yet to receive a reply. I am torn between wanting to do more, more, more...and being totally fed up with the addiction and selfishness that seems so prevalent in my family, in society. While the largest part of me wracks my brain for answers and solutions, a tiny exhausted part of me wants to slam the door and unplug the phone to avoid the questions in the first place.

* The least pleasant part of a vacation trip? The morning after your return. There are bags to unpack, phone calls to return, chores to be done, and all you really want is to sit and enjoy the space that is your own.

* Several months ago, I wrote something for the Readers Write section of the sun. The issue in which it would have appeared arrived while I was in Mexico. As it didn't appear there, I will share it here. My intention is to submit something for each topic from now on. Of course, if I write something for the next deadline, it won't appear for several months. In the meantime, I will write here on the topics presented there. Perhaps.

We have returned.

Once again, I am safe in my humble abode with my adorable kitties and my own bed. We got home uneventfully (even the traffic from LA was bearable), and I am looking forward to the next week of puttering around here. I was going to promise more details about the last days of our trip...but they were lazy and boring and wonderful. We ate, we napped, we walked. It was much like the rest of the trip, but without the exciting bits inbetween. I will promise pictures to be forthcoming as soon as I can get them from the laptop. I'm sleepy from travel and ready for the comforts of a pillow that knows just how to fit under my head. Hotel pillows try, but they just don't have what it takes.

Also - I have learned that my very good friend, "D", had her baby last night and they are both healthy. Hoorah! I can't wait to meet the little guy.

Also more - Congrats to my cousin and her family. They are preparing to welcome their own bundle of joy in the upcoming months. I wish them the best of luck. My reaction, "Good thing we got rid of that kidney when we did! Apparently it was the fertile one." :) I'm glad it is being put to good use.

Dang

Everyone out there is talking about the Pope's death today, but while I recognize the historical significance (especially having spent the last week in a country as Catholic as Mexico), this is the death that hit me. I was really hoping to see Mitch perform one day. His observations were so...observant. :)

"An escalator can never break down, it can only become stairs. 'Escalator out of order. Sorry for the convenience' " ~Mitch Hedberg

Contrasts

I woke up this morning in tears. In one night, I dreampt first that my Daddy was lost and I couldn't find him and then that my brother had died in a car accident. I began the dream searching for my Daddy who had left money and cryptic, frightening notes all over for me to find. I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't find him, but also aware that it wasn't really my search in the first place. I couldn't find him and I felt as though I was letting him down. Later, I was heartbroken trying to come to terms with the death of my brother. I kept thinking "He'll pull out of it" and "He'll come back to us eventually" and even "It is a phase", but each time I was reminded that none of those things were true.

This afternoon, on the bus home, I found myself in a moment I would like to keep forever. The bus was rumbling around the corners of the road as the afternoon sun sparkled across the water. The gentle warmth on my face counterbalanced the breeze through the open windows perfectly. I held on to Mikey's hand and wished that it would never end. Of course, as soon as I realized how perfect the moment was, the spell was broken and life swept ever onward.

If only I could share these precious snippets of peace with those who need it so much. They need to stop running from the now, so they can see how beautiful it is, but it is hard to stand fast against the maelstrom no matter the promises made for afterward. I guess the best thing I can do is practice what I preach by enjoying the now in which I currently find myself. It is time for a cold shower to soothe my fiery feet and then it's off to find a place for dinner.

Beach Bums

We eventually got off our butts yesterday, if only to catch a taxi to the mall. We were told by "B" and "G" that we had to check it out. The main store was much like a SuperWalmart, with clothing, food, household staples, and books. We wandered around some before grabbing a bite at the food court. I finally managed to get some tostadas con frijoles and they were wonderful. Mikey had an itty, bitty gordita - also good.

This morning, we caught the bus to Tecolote again. I was able to relax and enjoy the ride, since I knew where we were going and when we needed to get off (not hard, it's the last stop!). We waited for a few hours to see if there would be enough people for a snorkling tour, but no one showed up. I am quite willing to pay 350 pesos a person, but I draw the line at 700 pesos a person. Instead, we wandered down the beach and snagged a few beach chairs. We spent most of the day reading and gazing at the water, while having food and drinks brought to us. Loverly.

I kept slathering myself with sunscreen all day and managed to avoid burning my face or shoulders. However, I have a bit of warmth on my lower arms and my feet are on FIRE! Oops. Forgot about them. The tricky thing is how the wind just keeps blowing non-stop at Tecolote, so you never get too hot...until it is too late!

We had to fend off 3 different people who wanted us to make reservations to go snorkling tomorrow. Even though we were interested in making the trip, I didn't want to be tied into a schedule. Maybe I won't feel like catching an early bus tomorrow! :) It is our last day, after all, and I suspect we will be spending it in a leisurely fashion.

Quiet Day

It is beautiful here and I am really enjoying myself, but I will be very happy to get back to my own bed, my own town, my own kitties, my own kitchen, and my own closet. Window shopping and walking along the bay are great fun...the first 4 days in a row! We only have a couple of days left and we will have fun with them and make many memories, but it will be good to get back on that plane and head home. Especially since there is still a week left before the school calendar resumes its march toward June.

Today we have been quite lazy. We stayed in bed, reading and web-surfing, long after we woke up, and then we went to get breakfast at a little hidey-hole place we found a few days ago. The woman recognized us and even gave us a 10% discount coupon for our next visit! :) We walked several blocks to the Archeological Museum and spent some time trying to translate the signs on each display. I was surprised at how much I was able to guess. My understanding of written Spanish is much better than that of the spoken word. And my understanding is infinitely better than my own attempts at communication! On the way back to the hotel for a potty stop, we got some Aqua de Horchata and Aqua de Limon - both quite refreshing.

We have yet to make it back out into the wilds of town. The cool of the air conditioner and the comfort of the bed were too tempting. Mikey is already napping and I am thinking of joining him soon. I guess we will pick up our adventuring tomorrow, after we have recharged our batteries.

Ventured and Gained

As planned, we rented a car and headed a few kilometers out of town to visit with some friends of a friend. When my co-worker "A" heard where we were going, she hooked us up with her friends "B" and "G", saying that they knew all about La Paz and we should chat with them. Boy did we! But let me start at the beginning.

It turns out that if you want an automatic transmission, you have to pay 200 pesos more, so I bit the bullet and offered to be the driver for the day. We rented our car, a cute little azul Nissan Platina, from Hertz and followed the directions to the house. Thankfully, the speed limits here are all ludicrously low (40-60 km/hr), so I didn't feel pressured to move too quickly, although most of the locals were flying past me. Crazy American drivers! We got there safe and sound with hardly a mistake - something I am quite proud of.

"G" had made a delicious lunch of frittata and salad, which we enjoyed after a brief tour of their house. They designed it themselves and it is beautiful. Because the weather here is so wonderful and consistent (highs of 80-100F and lows of 40-60F year-round), they built three small buildings rather than one big one and connected them with covered breezeways. The main building contains the kitchen and living room. Then off to one side is the bedroom/bathroom and den/office and off to the other (in an L shape) is the guest room/bathroom and laundry room. There was a palapa covered screen gazebo where we ate lunch and the whole yard was filled with cactus, palms and flowering bushes. The yard was covered with crushed rock and there was a pool smack dab in the middle of everything.

We spent quite some time talking with them about their experiences. Both are retired now and quite settled in La Paz, but they spent 15 years earlier sailing around the world on their own boat. They love being in Mexico and they have many of the same ideas about life that Mikey and I have. Our conversation was far-reaching (from pets and vets to politics to children to efficient living) and quite educational. I hope that we will see them again when we come back, for surely we will be doing so. I would like to make this our regular vacation spot!

We managed to tear ourselves away from our new friends and make our way back home in the late afternoon. In order to return the car with the same amount of gas as we got it, we had to stop and buy 7 liters of gas from the Pemex (apparently the one and only gas station around, possibly because they have a refinery/plant just out of town). We dropped of the car and walked back to our hotel. My head hurts a bit from the concentration required for driving in a different country, but I am thrilled that we took the chance to make this trip.

Thursday's Journal Entry

Thursday, March 31, 2005

We have come to the conclusion that being in America is very much like being in the Kiddie Pool. Everything is designed to be safe and one is protected from all dangers including one’s self. Mexico, on the other hand, is the big pool. Not only that, but there is no railing on the steps and the diving board is labeled “Use At Your Own Risk” - if it is labeled at all. I like being in the big pool - there’s lots more room to swim - but it sure makes me realize how coddled I have been.

Yesterday morning, we headed out with two goals. We wanted to find breakfast and we wanted to take the bus to Pichilingue (one of the beaches). We stopped at the bus station first, and lo and behold, the bus was leaving in 2 minutes. So, instead of getting breakfast, we got on the bus.

You know how in America the buses have maps all over showing the route and all the stops? And how the drivers (or a PA system) tell you which stop is next at all times? And how all the cities and towns and even crossroads are clearly marked so you always know where you are? Well, that isn’t the case in Mexico. Or maybe it is and my lack of language made it seem as though it wasn’t, but I was watching very carefully. Anyway, we ended up getting off about a ¼ mile from our actual stop (my fault for freaking out and thinking we were going to miss it) and walking the rest of the way. By the time we got to the beach, we were both hungry and stressed at having been lost (although only slightly). The restaurants weren’t yet open, so we walked up and down the beach some, took some pictures, ate a little snack from our bag, and decided to head out.

We walked back to where the bus had dropped us off and found a taxi. Rather than calling it a day and going back to the hotel like wusses, we decided to go to Tecolote (another beach that had been recommended to us). I’m glad we did because it was more like what I was expecting. We managed to find a good lunch and made plans for a snorkeling tour on Sabado (Saturday). We took more pictures and lounged on the beach just long enough for my face to become slightly blotchy (ugh). Rather than stress about how to find and catch the bus back to La Paz, we grabbed another taxi, getting home safely.

We cooled off in the room for awhile and then did some walking. Mikey managed to find a churro stand and I got to do some window shopping. We watched the sun set over the water and looked for shells on the beach. Later, we had dinner at a nice little restaurant where the waiter tried to explain what a huarache was even though he didn’t know English and we didn’t understand the Spanish. I ordered it anyway and really enjoyed it. It turns out that it was beans, lettuce, cheese and tomato on a thick corn tortilla-like bread. I got the one with nopalitos (chopped cactus leaf) added. I ate cactus!!

I was exhausted by the time we got back to our room and went to sleep shortly thereafter. Today, we are going to meet with friends of a friend back home who have retired here. We are also going to brave the Mexican roads and rent ourselves a car. I just have to remember that even if things don’t go exactly as planned, it will be okay. We can’t possibly get so lost that we won’t eventually find our way back to La Paz. Especially since anyone we ask will be able to help us. I’m still keeping my fingers crossed that the directions I got are good ones and the roads are easy to manage.

Wednesday's Journal Entry

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Mmmm. Yesterday, we found a great little, hidden away restaurant for breakfast. We got to have frijoles for the first time on our whole trip (the hotel we’re at serves mostly American and Italian style foods). The women there were very nice to us, but didn’t speak any English, so we had to fumble through our ordering carefully.

We had plans to make some stops for snorkel gear and such, but everywhere we went was either closed or non-existent. So, we wondered away from the Malecon, toward the center of town. The sidewalks here are unbelievable. You have to watch your step or you risk not making the 2 foot drop from one brick to another in some places or falling into a gaping whole in others. I guess they figure that humans should be capable of looking out for themselves, something that is not common in the US. I can only imagine the lawsuits that would happen!

I took tons of pictures (from the outside) of the local mission. I wanted to be able to show it to my students, as we just finished learning about CA missions. Since it is still being used as a church and I was clothed in shorts and a tank top, we didn’t go inside, but I may venture in sometime later. We also saw the Governor’s house, which was located on the other side of a garden square. The old buildings are really something to look at. I thought it was interesting that the mission was located at the corner of Independencia and Revolucion streets. Irony, no?

Walking in the sun made us hot, hot, hot, so we stopped in an ice cream shop for goodies. Mikey got yummy Fresa Crema (Strawberry Cream) ice cream in a cone-cup and I had a pina (pineapple) popsicle. There were Popsicles with Mango con Chile and Tuna (which, it turns out, means Prickly Pear). The wonders of the internet tell us that La Paz is known for its wacky ice cream flavors.

We once again napped and lounged on the sun terrace through the hottest part of the day, venturing out around 6 to find our dinner. We were hoping to find an authentic Mexican restaurant (something that is proving dificil), but it was closed, so we had pizza instead. Our waitress was very patient and understanding with our limited Spanish and we completely enjoyed the experience. They were even having a 2 for 1 discount!

Today, we are planning to hit the beach (via bus, since we are still afraid of renting a car) at Tecolote for some non-walking sun and snorkeling. I’ll let you know if we see anything exciting.

Tuesday's Journal Entry

regular font = Sol, italics = Mikey

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

It looks like I am going to be about a day behind on my journaling for this whole trip! What happened to us yesterday? Hmm…

We got up on Monday at a reasonable hour and took our time showering and getting ready to face the world. For breakfast, we headed down to the hotel Café. I’m quite proud of myself because I ordered the whole meal in Spanish. The waiter didn’t laugh at me, either - although I could see that he wanted to. It is a good thing that I trust this hotel, because as soon as I had finished my meal of Tomate Mozarela Cuernito y ensalada, Solee realized that she had been told not to get salads (“ensaladas”) because they are often rinsed in tap water instead of purified water. So far all is well though! And we ended up both having salads at lunner (also at the hotel).

Anyway, after breakfast, we chatted with Norbert, one of the hotel’s owners, and asked him what to do around here. He went on for days and days with lists of things, so we just started walking up the Malecón to see things. There are tons of little shops and restaurants, and one pier with a missing board you have to jump over. It’s for the brave. We must have walked for miles…or at least it seemed that way. We found lots of mercados, restaurants for future meals, a casa de cambio (money exchange), the bus station, and many interesting things to look at.

When we returned to our room after several hours of walking and sun, it was time for una siesta. The rest of the afternoon was spent at the hotel, checking e-mail, lounging on the sun terrace, enjoying dinner and watching a DVD on the computer. There is a television with cable in our room, but we haven’t turned it on yet. I would enjoy listening to Spanish TV, I think, but I am afraid I will learn there is English TV too. We’ve worked hard to get American TV out of our systems lately. It would be a shame to give in now.

This morning, I got to sleep until almost 9. Ah. I miss the kitties, but not their insistence that they be fed at 6 am! We are going to do some more exploring in town today. I think we’re going to end up renting a car for a few days so we can check out the out of town areas (and the beach) tomorrow.

Monday's Journal Entry

* regular font is Sol, italics is Mikey

Monday, March 28, 2005

Our trip so far has been uneventful - just the way you like the travel parts to be. We originally left about an hour earlier than planned, which was good because 20 minutes into the drive to LA we realized that we hadn’t gotten our passports. Even with the backtracking, we left our car at the parking lot and made it to the airport exactly 2 hours pre-flight time. While we grabbed a late lunch at the International Food Court (I’ve seen more international choices at the mall!) our flight got pushed back 30 minutes or so. Just when I was starting to wonder what was going on, they boarded our flight.

Our first stop was in Hermosillo. Everyone de-planed (De plane, boss, de plane!) and we went through a customs line. Then we got back on the plane for the second leg of the journey. We arrived in La Paz last night at about 9:30. Our plane went on the Guadalajara, but we got off, found our bags, and headed for the curb. Someone called for a taxi and we took a 5 km ride for $270 (pesos). From the look on the guys face as he handed us our bags, we got fleeced, but we were just happy to be at the Hotel Mediterrane without any problems.

Our room is small, but clean and well furnished. But not very furnished - there’s no phone! And unfortunately, the wireless network they proclaimed doesn’t appear to reach our room, so, combined with our cell phone not operating in Mexico, we’re truly incommunicado. (It turns out the internet works, you just have to be in the right spot!) It’s like the darkest reaches of Africa, but with cable TV. The ceiling is this vaulted thing with paint sponged in pastel colors, and if you look up at it long enough it starts to look like it’s underwater. Or maybe I was just very tired from the rowdy neighborhood all night.

Now this morning we need to have breakfast, then obtain más pesos. If a cab ride’s going to cost us $25, we need more than the handy startup cash Uncle Joe provided for us. That sure helped though! Then perhaps a walk on the Malecón to see just what La Paz is about.

Today's Events:

~ Woke up around 8, spent leisurely time getting showered and ready
~ Breakfast in the Cafe, ordered entirely in Spanish, much to the amusement of our waiter
~ Chatted with hotel owner about things to do in La Paz
~ Wandered along the Malecon (boardwalk) and back through town for several hours
~ Napped in our room
~ Late lunch in the hotel restaurant (YUM...mushroom filled spinach ravioli in cream sauce, spinach gnocchi in cream sauce)
~ Phoned friends of a friend and arranged to meet later in the week
~ Loosely planned week's events, including lots of snorkle time
~ Read on the Sun Terrace as the sun set and a nice breeze blew
~ Back to the room to check e-mail and tell y'all about my day

Sounds pretty good, doesn't it? 7 more days of that in my future! I love vacations.

Buen Viaje!

We have arrived. The room is great, the weather warm, and there are no escalators in sight. We ordered our first breakfast entirely in Spanish and the waiter did his best not to laugh at us. We're off to find something interesting to do as soon as Mikey finishes with his 7 kajillion e-mails. Talk to you later!

Couch Sessions

So, last night I had a dream. Not the Martin Luther King, Jr. kind. More of a Sigmund Freud kind. I was riding up an escalator and I couldn't get off. It ended in a wall with only a small platform off to one side that you had to jump to get to. I couldn't go back down because it was going too fast. I just kept trying to jump and failing. I was stuck. So, doctor, whaddaya think it means?

Ta ta for now.

No kids, no troubles, no alarm clocks, no work, no worries for 8 whole days. Instead I will be relaxing to the very best of my ability in beautiful La Paz. Perhaps you will hear from me, perhaps not. Have a good weekend, a joyous Easter, and a nice spring break if you are lucky enough to have one. :)

More Bad Kat

I have to keep my house plants at school because the baby chews them down to nubs if there are within his reach. I had the brilliant idea of growing him some grass (the lawn kind!) that he can chew on and not get in trouble. A very good idea, except for one thing. Until it grows, there is nothing but a pot of dirt. Or at least there WAS a pot of dirt...

Bad Kat

The baby just figured out that the big bag in the kitchen contained cat food, so he started gnawing at the corners of the bag. I stopped him just before he was covered in a sea of Restricted Calorie. This is why we usually put the cat food in rinsed out kitty litter tubs. No gnawing on the corners.

I survived!

We had our 4th grade field trip to the San Luis Rey mission in Oceanside today. The mission is always fun to see and the kids did a great job. I am always a little manic on these trips, feeling responsible for not only my kids, but any within eyesight of me, as well as all the parents who come along to help. I spend the whole time frantically scanning the crowd for problems and come home wound like a spring. This is entirely my own issue, however, since everything went smoothly and all were present and accounted for on the trip home (my worst nightmare is leaving a kid somewhere!). Everyone had a good time, meaning that we accomplished what we set out to do.

Scenes from my Life

Me (talking about something extremely important, I'm sure): So, I'm kind of, somewhere in the back of my mind, ...

Mikey interrupting: Really? Well, don't get lost in there.

Talent

I am helping with our school talent show again this year. There are a few kids who are really talented - they can do ballet or gymnastics, sing, play an instrument, or even just put on a funny skit. But the majority, maybe even 75%, of the kids who tried out were doing nothing more than jumping around to loud music. This kind of dance is fun, but I am not sure it qualifies as talent, especially when all one is doing is copying the bump and grind moves of today's famous females. Do parents really think this music (and even worse - those moves!) are appropriate for their kids. If they are relaxed enough to allow their kids to listen to songs about dressing up as a french maid and doing it on the kitchen floor, do they think it is appropriate for school settings? I don't understand.

In my class, we have a talent show each year on my birthday (I hate working that day). It is completely done by the kids, invitations, decorations, performances, you name it. This year I am requiring each child to spend at least 1 minute (no more than 3) telling us about something they do well. They know that it can be anything from yo-yo tricks to jokes to sharing artwork to reading a poem. They also know that there will be NO booty-shakin' in my room. I can set limits even if some parents can't. (Actually, I have great parents and no worries about what my kids will be doing.)

Sad, but Fitting

I took Rojo to school today to find him a good home. One of the fifth grade teachers has a small tank in his room and I figured that it would be better to have him in something aerated as soon as possible. This tank had only one fish in it, but he was from a lake nearby. Perhaps I should have enquired into the species of fish, because Rojo didn't last the day. When I talked to the surrogate-owner this afternoon, I was told that the other fish had eaten Rojo partway through the day. The kids in that class, having heard the story of why he was in their tank, thought he had gotten what he deserved. I am inclined to agree that what goes around comes around, but I am still sad. As Mikey said, "I feel as though we failed him somehow." Perhaps if we had done an intervention...

Photos with Isha

It's been awhile, but I once again have photos to share. Since I couldn't decide which to put up first, and the chances are good that I won't do it again for awhile, I am putting up several days worth right now. Enjoy!


While I was in MN, I got a chance to visit with a baby cousin. Here are his ADORABLE feet!


I told Mikey I wanted to grab something for dinner after my flight landed, "nothing fancy", so he packed a picnic meal (complete with homemade coleslaw!), and we ate by the bay. This was our view.


Since Rojo: Satanic Fish killed Jay Edgar, the fishtank has gotten very dirty. We finally decided to get a new pleco. (The internet superstition is that if you spell pleco out, the fish will die.) Since he will need algae to eat after he cleans the place up, we got some other new fish, too. Here, you can kinda see the two Platys (Sunrise and Sunset) and most, if not all, of the 6 Neon Tetras (currently called The Gang). Rojo immediately started tormenting the male Platy, so he has been banished to a bowl until I can find a student who would like to keep him. I will NOT allow him to kill any more fish.


This is what Bonzai thinks of the new fish.

There you have it - my life in photographs! :)

Lighter than Air

I sang along with every song.
I twirled on the way into the kitchen.
I laughed as we played a game.
"You are happy", he said.
I smiled back. "He doesn't hate me. I did the right thing."

Thankful

With my stomach tied in knots, I sent out an e-mail to my brother. Our last parting was tense, to say the least. We both said things that were hurtful - some intentionally, some not - and neither of us was at our best. I reached out today, terrified that I was going to find that he really didn't want to have anything further to do with me. Instead, a long letter that ended with:

"...Thank you for the help Solee. Talk to you
later.

Love,"

The relief is beyond words. Way, way beyond words.

"If it ain't one thing, it's another..."

"...or another, or another. The life I lead's in perfect harmony - out of key."

My daddy wrote this song when I was a kid. Back then, I just thought it was funny that my sister and I were mentioned (one of us couldn't find our clothes for school and the other was falling asleep in the oatmeal, can't remember which is which). Now, I understand a little bit of what was really being said. Fortunately, I have never had a very picky ear, so my out of key life is pretty much okay with me. It's when everything is being played in minor notes that I get upset.

Some of the off-key chords I've heard recently...

~ My students are doing an art project. They need to cut up construction paper and glue it down. I gave each them a zip-lock baggie to store their tiny construction squares. Silly me forgot to remind my 4th graders that it was unsafe to put plastic bags over their mouths, so when I turned around they were doing just that. I freaked out and gave a huge lecture about the dangers of such behavior and the importance of common sense. I told them that anyone with their baggie by their mouth would have to have an envelope instead so they couldn't hurt themselves. Two minutes later I turn around to see a boy with his bag over his mouth. Sometimes I worry about the fate of mankind, I really do.

~ We have made a contact with some friends of a friend in Mexico. Hopefully, they will be able to help us make this upcoming trip as authentic as possible.

~ I have a stack of papers to be entered into the computer that you wouldn't believe. And I don't care. Hmm. Spring Fever?

~ I have recently been gifted living things by two different people. A co-worker gave me a beautiful, red Peace Lily and my Daddy and his wife sent me a wonderful little zen garden complete with Zen grasses, sand, rocks and rake. I have to keep all at school for the time being because That Darn Cat won't leave any living thing alone. I think I will have to get him some cat grass.

I'm sure there is more, but I should be heading to school. I am quite pleased that it is Friday, except for the fact that I have lots of laundry, shopping, cleaning and errands to do this weekend. If it ain't one thing...it's another.

Time Flies

I am figuring it is about 5 days since I helped settle my bro into his temporary surroundings. I suppose I should call and find out what is happening, but I am afraid to know. Do I call or do I just wait for someone to fill me in? I dunno...

Back in the Saddle

Okay. So the chaos has once again been reined in (as best it can be) and I am back to the calm that is my daily life. We had a typical day at school, the kids were on their best, and it felt good to be doing what I do. Something for me to remember whenever I am trapped in a moment of madness - it always comes to an end eventually.

I have talked about my brother here before, and without going into too many details, I would ask that you all keep him in your thoughts and prayers. He is going to need as much support and love as can be sent his way in the upcoming weeks. I have done what I can and faced the consequences. The rest is out of my hands.

As far as my own mental health, which I will admit was suffering for a few days there, I am doing okay. I am not proud of some of the things I had to do in the last week, but I know that they needed to be done. I don't know that I will ever come to terms with making the ends justify the means (something I have never agreed with), but I do feel that my actions have saved a life. My brother was going to either harm himself or someone else (inadvertantly). I know I did the right thing. Dealing with the consequences of taking action can be quite a challenge though.

Fortunately, I have a very loving and supportive family. I can continue to give of myself for them because I know that it will be payed back with interest should I ever be in need. My father and my step-mother both took time from their schedules to help me through this past weekend. My daddy has expressed a concern and understanding that leaves no doubt of his commitment to my well-being. My mom, grandmas, aunts and uncles, siblings, husband, step-families - all have done everything in their power to share the weight of this load. I strive every day to be as giving and supportive as possible with all around me and it is these people who do the same for me that make it possible. I sit in awe of their generosity.

For those who have expressed concern for me - I am doing well. I know I don't sound like myself, but I am sorting things out and putting things in order. I suspect that I will be forever changed by this experience, and I am working to make sure that it will be a change for the better. I know it will be some time before I can talk about this whole situation without being very sad, but that, unfortunately, is how life is. I can deny it, or I can embrace it. I guess I'm just working out the best way to hug such a prickly package.

Dear Universe,

Thank you for this test of my flexability. Thank you for checking to see just how much I can balance on my cafeteria tray at once. Thank you for expecting so much of me and then adding more just when it looks like I might be able to handle it. Thank you for waiting until the last minute. Thank you for all of the chaos and frustration. It keeps me on my toes.

I have to run - gotta keep on top of this balancing thing, you know.

Sincerely,
Soleil

Too Much

*input trimester 2 scores
*write letter
*pack
*make sub plans
*put away supplies
*grade decimal quiz
*grade poetry book
*grade book clubs
*plan for next week
*complete paperwork
*contact district office
*call for sub

not enough hours in the day

Visitors

An example of just how used to my daily routine I am? Tonight, when I arrived home, I thought I had somehow turned at the wrong street (even though there is no other street like this) and pulled into the wrong drive. Why? Because there was a car in our driveway. I'm not used to having a car in our driveway unless it is mine. Especially not ones with Nevada plates. So, after quickly checking and double checking that, yes, in fact, I am at the right house, I walked up to my door, wondering what was going on.

What a wonderful surprise - my aunt and uncle had stopped by on a Cabin Fever trip they were taking. They flew into Vegas and drove through the desert by way of Temecula on their way towards the ocean. We caught up over a yummy dinner at our favorite Indian restaurant (thanks again for dinner, you two!) and then gave them some suggestions on how to continue the trip.

I am absolutely thrilled to have family stop by for a visit. Usually, I only get to see family when I head home to MN, and those trips are always too hectic and too short. It was great to be the one to get visited. :)

I get by with a little help from my friends...

I can't imagine what kind of a mess I would be on a regular basis if it weren't for the wonderful people who surround me. I go to work and people listen and sympathize and care. I come home to be surrounded by love. I talk with family members who do everything they can to help me. I am truly a blessed person. I am thankful for this every second of my life.

Photos with Isha

Shit

Sometimes life sucks hard.

Because of Winn Dixie

My pal, D, and I invited our students to meet us at the local theater to see Because of Winn Dixie this weekend. Together, we had about 8 kids show up, which was just fine with my migraine battling self. Although I was worried that the movie wouldn't hold up under the adoration I have for this book, my fears were unfounded. A splendid time was had by all.

I can't tell you how much I enjoyed this story. I first read the book last year, after ordering it through Scholastic book clubs. As soon as I finished reading it myself, I started reading it to my class. We were all sucked in by the perfect blend of reality and humor. The kids talked about it for the rest of the year, often referring back to different characters or events while reading other stories. They drew pictures of Winn Dixie and Gurtrude and Otis's jar of pickles.

One of the things I enjoyed most about the book (and they handled well in the movie) was the up front way that it dealt with difficult issues. Alcoholism, abandonment, loneliness, death - all are mentioned in an understanding, but hopeful way. These are issues that more and more kids face every year. I really liked having such a kid-friendly way to open and guide discussions about these things.

Anyway - I would highly recommend both the book and the movie. Share them with a kid you love. :)

Bzz Bzz Bzz Bzz

The most horrifying thing happened while I was driving today. My friend C and I were headed home from a baby shower, deep in conversation, when suddenly I thought "What the heck is headed our way?" I had a fraction of a second to ponder the cloud hanging in front of us before it struck. It looked and sounded as though it had suddenly started to rain very hard for about 3 seconds and then all was still. Cindy looked at me and asked, "What was that??" As we gazed in bewilderment through the windshield, we noticed the remains of many mangled wasps resting on the wiper blades. It was at least 5 minutes, and a gallon of wiper fluid, before we recovered.

Visitor

My niece is in 1st grade. Her class is conducting a project where they send shadow tracings of themselves to friends and family with the hopes that they will have grand adventures and then return to school to tell about them. Flat Alexa arrived at my doorstep, suitcase in hand, two days ago. She has been an exemplary houseguest, although I would much prefer the real thing.

For her California adventures, FA took a trip to school yesterday. She had her picture taken with my whole class and made lots of new 4th grade friends. Today, she hung out at home while I worked, playing video games with Uncle Mikey. She also played with the cats. We took some pictures so she can show her friends back in MN how much fun she had.



FA has to be back to school by March 15, which leaves me wondering if I should risk sending her to someone else or just send her home. I think that I will call up my Grandma and see if she will be around for the next few days. I know that she would be sure to get her to the school on time.

I sure enjoyed having FA here. I just wish I could have the real Alexa here. I miss her bunches and I can't wait until she and her brother are old enough to travel by airplane on their own. They could come stay with me for a week in the summer and I wouldn't feel like they were growing up without me.

Sun, Shine Down on Me

Finally, after weeks of rain, we have had a couple days of sun. The air is still a mite chilly (according to CA standards), but the sun is out and things are looking up. It's a good thing I'm not still in the Northwoods. I get Seasonal Affective Disorder after 2 weeks of gray. I wouldn't survive a whole MN winter.

No, Tell Us What You REALLY Think.

It seems I am having a weekend of honesty and communication. Friday, I sent my brother a letter telling him how I feel regarding his drug use. Last night, I talked with my mom about several things that were bothering me. Today, I had a very open discussion with my grandma about her depression. I'm letting it all hang out. Hopefully, others are feeling that these were productive discussions as well.

Update

It is amazing how phone call can make such a difference in how one is feeling. After about an hour of conversing with my mother, I feel better about our relationship, my brother's future, and a whole host of other things. Communication truly is the key. Maybe I'll be able to sleep tonight!

Photos with Isha

This is the plum in our backyard. I managed to catch this photo during a break in the rain that seems bent on flushing all human life out of southern CA.

If you can't say something nice...

It's been a few days. I was sick of whining about things and I didn't have much good news coming my way. Anything I thought about writing was either depressing or negative. Well...it's all still rattling around in my head, so I figure what the hell. That's what this blog is for, right? So be warned that this post is going to be unpleasant. Don't worry. I'm fine. Or I will be, once I get this crap out of my head.

I have a brother. I wrote about him recently. He's about 20 and he is of the artistic/moody type. He is a deep thinker and a deep feeler and he doesn't know what to do with all of it. So, he medicates himself with drugs and alcohol in an attempt to numb his brain, his emotions, his fears - I don't actually know what. He insists that everything is fine and he doesn't have a problem at the same time that he is inducing grand mal seizures in himself with his concoctions. He cuts himself off from the rest of the family (something I can almost relate to at times) and he holes up in the darkness, waiting for it to go away. All I can do is sit here waiting to see if he pulls himself out of it or if he gives up. It scares me and saddens me and pisses me off.

I have a mom. We have always been close, more like friends than mother/daughter. Not necessarily a good thing in most cases, but it worked for us. Until last summer. Suddenly, I was replaced by another in my role as confidant and supporter. I am not taking this well. If she has to cut a call short, I feel bad. When our conversations revolve around all her problems and rarely even touch on my life, I feel bad. When I have to fucking beg her to come to the hospital when I have surgery - I FEEL BAD. Most likely this has everything to do with my perception of things and nothing to do with my replacement, but every incident is adding more fuel to the fire. I have trouble talking to her because there are so many things I am not saying. It scares me and saddens me and pisses me off.

I have a personality. It causes me to immediately start thinking about what I can do to help when someone tells me about a problem, whether they have asked for help or not. My interactions with others end up focusing on their issues and my solutions. I need to stop. I can't take the stress and I'm tired of feeling like others are taking advantage of me. The reality is, they probably don't have any idea that I am taking their problems on as my own. 90% of the disagreements I have had with people in my adult life stem from this habit of mine. I need to stop being scared and sad and pissed off.

Okay. Now it is out. Frankly, I'm tired of worrying about all this shit. Time to go make dinner.

Cool as a Cucumber

It turns out that when you don't care about the results of an interview, you perform your best. I decided that I wasn't going to look at is as them interviewing me. After all, I have a job. Instead, I looked at it as a chance to interview them. Much nicer. The observation went well, too. My kids were in fine form and I was calm and relaxed (still not caring much what they thought.) It went infinitely better than I imagined when I was lying awake at midnight on Saturday. :)

PS - When a teacher asks you what you think her number one priority in the classroom should be, "The students, of course!" is a great answer. Don't ruin it by clarifying, "Student achievement." Because those are two very different things.

Viva La Mexico!

Mikey and I have just finalized our plans for a week long trip to La Paz, Mexico. In an attempt to really connect with the culture and the people, we are NOT getting an all inclusive resort package. Instead, we're going to expose ourselves to as much "real life" as we can. I can't wait!!

Big Sister stuff

My brother used to come to my room when he was little and he needed help in the night. You see, he would sometimes have asthma attacks that reduced his breathing to strangled gasps. We both slept on one end of the lower level, and it was much easier to get to me than to get all the way upstairs to my parents' room. I would calm him and help him to the cool night air that would allow him to breath more easily. It was most likely born of necessity, but it always made me feel special - needed - that he would wake me up first.

My brother is older now. Neither of us live at home and, since he doesn't have a phone, it is difficult for us to keep in touch. I worry about him constantly. When the phone rings at odd hours, my first thoughts are of him. I know that he's an adult now, and I know that he has to make his own mistakes and choices. I respect that, remembering how desperate I was to be treated as an adult at that age, but I can't help wishing that I was once again down the hall from him, ready to hold his hand as we face whatever nightmare is troubling him. If only so he would know that he isn't dealing with it alone.

Again?

Last week, my fellow teachers and I were asked to vote on a proposed contract addendum. After two years without a cost of living raise and a serious slashing of our insurance benefits last year, we were being offered an increase retroactive to January. I'm not going to go into it too deeply - I don't want to be Dooced for my thoughts - but many of us weren't thrilled with the offer. As I mentioned before, we were working contract hours only, picketing, and trying to rally our parents behind us as we prepared to fight for a reasonable offer. At my school, people were geared up. We looked at this vote as a way to resoundingly show the district that we weren't going to fall for their retoric and we weren't going to be steamrolled.

Yesterday, I was told the results of the vote. The proposal was accepted by something like 52% of the teachers who voted. Once again, I am left shaking my head and wondering how there could be so many people who don't understand the consequences of their actions. We are supposed to be negotiating a whole new contract next year. The district now knows that they can do anything they want, and we will fall in line. We're screwed. It seems that this is how things are going on so many levels. Nationwide, unionwide, everywhere - I am part of a vocal and energetic minority that fails to change the mind of the complacent majority.

So, what does this mean for me? I'm not sure yet. I have already been informed that I might be relocated to a new school next year. They are opening two new schools and a percentage of our student population will be leaving us. I am one of the more recent hires, so potentially one of the transfers as things are rearranged. I am saddened at the thought of leaving my school and, more importantly, my team, but the worst part is that I don't just get moved. No, I have to INTERVIEW to keep my job. Because I am going to have to move, the principals needing teachers get to look me over, peering at my teeth and assessing the number of good years I have left in me. Okay - so that might be a bit melodramatic, but it offends me that I have to go through the interview/observation process as though I were fresh out of college, or worse, as though I hadn't been good enough to keep my last job. It is insulting.

As you know, I am not a fan of change. This is the worst situation possible for me because everything is up in the air. I MIGHT have to move. I MIGHT not. I have to live a double life of preparing for both possibilities. Ugh. And I have to do it with half a raise and crappy insurance, thanks to those who weren't willing to fight. Teaching in a public school setting - the only thing I have ever wanted to do - is slowly, but surely losing its appeal. Maybe their hiring at McDonald's?

Unrest

I had trouble falling asleep last night. Too many monsters living in my head and not enough pillows for them all. I finally had to get up and write some of them out. It seems that my brain is becoming too smart for itself. When I think "I don't have to write it down, I'll just remember it in the morning", I no longer fall for it. So, at about a quarter to twelve, I was sitting in the dimly lit living room, pouring my thoughts onto a yellow legal pad, in hopes that they would stay there. Thankfully, it worked and I was able to return to sleep about an hour later. Time to start keeping that legal pad by the bed, I think.

Ouch

What do you get when you combine a distractingly cute kitty with a dangerously pointed corner?



What a way to start the day.

Paint me a Poster

Somewhere in my ramblings I learned of an online paint program. It allows for fun creations, but the best part is that you can play it back and watch your picture appear right in front of your eyes. Give it a try. And if you get something you feel like sharing - e-mail it to me. I wanna see!

I made a couple worth sharing.
This one is of some splatter art.
This is a picture of my baby, Bonsai.

Mikey also made some nice pictures. He's a much better artist than I.
Here is his version of Bonsai.
This one is Zazzy on my chair.
And here's Huzzah, upside.

WTF??

So many things to complain about...

Button Woes:
I opened my site this morning to find a huge, obnoxious button on the lower right, throwing everything out of wack. Initially, I suspected Blogger (forgive me, please?), but after some poking around, I learned that it was the ServUStats button. For some reason, they thought it would be okay for them to put that ugly ad on my page without asking first. Nope. They - and all their buttons - are now gone.

Wither the Weather:
It is raining again! Now, I admit that my expectations for CA weather are a little warped because we have been in serious drought for the 4 years I have lived here, but this is gettting rediculous. After meticulous research (read: after talking with my friends who have lived her longer than I) I have come up with the following numbers...
5 = average number of inches of rain yearly since I have lived here
13 = average number of inches of rain yearly
30 = number of inches of rain parts of CA have received SO FAR this year (they tell me that the rainy season is counted from start of July to end of June)
We've had some seriously schizophrenic weather. This morning I took this picture:


Literally two minutes later the rain had stopped and the sun was beating down on the backyard. Scary!
And finally...

With Friends Like These:
Remember a while back when the president of Harvard stuck his foot in his mouth at some something or another, saying that women just weren't built to be as good as men in the areas of math and science? (Having read the transcripts, I don't actually think he stuck his foot as far into his mouth as others think he did.) Well, in today's Washington Post there was an essay about it. I actually agreed with author Sally Quinn for the first few paragraphs.

The problem is that some of the women who heard what Larry Summers said did exactly what they are stereotypically criticized for doing. They got hysterical.
What we know is that there are many more male mathematicians and scientists than there are female, both in the worlds of science and academia.
The question is why.

Then things took a horrible turn.

I for one would like to know the truth. If it should turn out, after careful scientific study, that men are hardwired to do better in math and science, I can handle it. It would certainly ease my mind about my own shortcomings in these areas. I'm serious.
I can barely add and subtract...I took botany as my science requirement thinking it was flower arranging.

Um. Shut up? This woman should be embarrassed to admit things like this if they are true and should be blacklisted from womanhood for using such exaggerations to make this point if they are not. My 4th graders can add and subtract. He wasn't talking about ADDING AND SUBTRACTING. Good grief.

What's bothering YOU these days?

PS - I would love to hear from you regarding your thoughts on Summers' speech. Was he out of line? Or was he bringing up questions that need to be answered?

Photos with Isha

My baby.

Surprise

I have recently learned two things regarding kidney donation. One I was warned about and am just now experiencing firsthand. The other came as a surprise - unconvenient, but not horrible.

Before the surgery, I was told to expect some fatigue for several months afterward. It was explained to me that my body would be doing adjusting type things (mostly stregthening the remaining kidney) and it would take a certain amount of energy. Up until last week I thought they were wrong. I was feeling just fine without any extra napping or resting. However, when I caught this cold bug from my class, it proved that my system is still in recovery mode, whether I realized it or not. A simple headcold - something I would normally deal with for a couple of days and then send on its merry way - knocked me flat for a full week. Then, instead of going on to bother some other poor soul, it morphed into a wonderful sinus infection. Despite being on antibiotics for a full 48 hours (which would normally have me back to normal and forgetting to take my dosages), my head is still a pounding mess by 2:00 every afternoon. I am particularly surprised at how strongly this cold hit since Mikey - the human germ magnet - managed to get off scott free.

The second surprise happened when I went to the dentist on Monday. I guess that since I had a recent surgery that left small bits of what-have-you (clamps/staples) in me, I cannot have dental work done without either A) permission from my doctor or B) a round of "pre-med" antibiotics. This is because the bacteria released through a routine dental cleaning has been known to migrate to surgery spots and start infections. I had to reschedule my cleaning once again so the dental office can talk to the kidney office and work out what kind of precautions are necessary. I'm glad that my dentist is so concerned for the safety of my remaining kidney, but I'm a tad irritated that I have to wait until MAY for my cleaning.

It is particularly odd to have these little things pop up now that I am feeling 100% healed from the surgery. It is a little reminder that I will have to keep a closer watch on my health from now on. It is also a little (very little, I know) taste of what Amy goes through every day - needing to keep her health in mind every day, no matter how healthy she might feel.

How cool is THIS?

Valentine's Day is all about the hearts...and this guy knows just how to show it.

Photos with Isha

We usually take our walks in the afternoon, after school. This means that we get lots of interesting shots of backlit trees. I have discovered that these shots look best to me when done in black and white, especially with the amazing skies we have been having.

Photos with Isha

These are the hands that:
*keep me safe.
*hold me up.
*make me laugh.
*touch my face in just the right way.
*provide for me.
*accept what I can give.
*share the work.


Here, they are doing what they do best - providing a safe, loving place for someone to rest.

Photos with Isha

Ooops. I forgot to put up a photo. I have backdated this one for the correct day.

This is a picture I took from the car on our way home. We had breakfast with the Mikey's parents in a nearby town. Personally, I think this kind of false advertising has to stop.

Just So's Ya Know

Some people tweak their chats to make them stick more closely to the point they are trying to make when they blog them. Not me. Those conversations were completely unedited. That is how amazingly clever and witty we both are in real life. With head colds,even. Impressed much?

Speaking of Being Sick...

me: lagging how...not producing?
her: hee hee, might have something to do with 4 of my drugs having insomnia as a side effect
her: yeah it takes longer for it [my darling kidney] to wash out all the fluid
her: I'm almost certain it's just the drug
her: but we are watching it pretty closley anyway
me: i'll have a chat with her...can't have her falling down on the job
me: not that she'll listen to me...you know how they are once they leave home...
her: it's got to be hard working when the whole body is in sick mode
me: no kidding
me: i was working on an equation the other day.
her: they are more likley to appreciate your advice once they leave home
her: what equation were you working on?
me: something about how the bodies energy level must be greater than or equal to the total of regular activity + recovery from illness activity + whatever the world throws at you on any given day
her: in that case I'm screwed
her: although I often balance the equation by lowering the regular activity because recovery from illness activity takes up most of what is allowed in the equation
me: i was trying to explain why i got knocked for a loop by a simple cold when normally they don't phase me. it's because my regular energy need is up as i bulk up the remaining kidney, my sick energy was already being tapped from an infection, and my energy income was low because of the diet i'm on.
me: seee...that's the trick
me: to tweak the equation where you can to balance the parts you can't help
her: yeah
her: in fact i"m doing that right now
her: if I were feeling well I would go and get a freezer and a card file and then go hang out at my store
me: but that would increase your RE needs...
her: yeah
her: and I'm not balancing the equation well as it is
her: the healing needs may outweigh the energy even if I don't add the other two things
me: is it YOU not balancing it well, or the fact that you have a fucked up equation to start with?
her: hee hee, I think it's the equation
me: so you gotta just do what you can
her: you have to factor drugs into both sides of the equation
her: it lowers both sides
her: which is nice on the healing side. . . not so nice on the energy side
me: and the energy income side can only be tweaked so much...if you up it too much you are just getting fat.
me: you = people
me: not you=you
her: hee hee
me: i gotta get some lunch...working on my EI, you know

Good to have someone who understands...

me: ugh. my sinuses is buggin me
me: i am so sick of blowing my nose that i could just scream
her: he hee I know how you feel
me: and someone is messing with the volume dial of the world...little stupid noises are super loud and hurt my head and the stuff i want to hear like the tv or mikey are coming from somewhere underground
me: okay
me: i'm done whining
her: I know that feeling well too
her: although right now mine is more coughing stuff up
her: which is pretty disgusting too
me: don't you just love it when you cough and something comes up and smacks against the roof of your mouth. hehe
me: sorry...that was gross
her: ha ha ha, I have a five year old that is tame compared the things I'm told about

Photos with Isha

I am going to try to start putting a picture up regularly. Today's picture is from the display stand in front of the nearby drugstore. Daffodils always make me think of Alice in Wonderland - you know the part where she's in the White Queen's garden and the flowers are all talking to her? I half expected these little guys to start hollering because I was disturbing their sunny snooze.

Valentine's Day?

Here at Casa del Sol, we don't celebrate Valentine's Day. We are both of the "It's nothing but a Hallmark Holiday" crowd, and besides - how meaningful is your proclamation of love if it is made under the "everyone's doing it" influence? So, we ignore Feb. 14.

How about you? Are you a bah-humbug like me? Do you go the whole nine yards, complete with flowers and chocolate and teddy bears with clever phrases on their bellies? Who doesn't love Love, after all. Or are you somewhere in between, just grateful that there is one day where people won't think you a slacker if you take off early to catch some face time with your sigoth?

I will be at the dentist on Valentine's Day. What will YOU be doing? More importantly - are you doing it because you want to, or because you don't want to take up permanent residence in the doghouse?

And finally, if you will allow me to go off on a tangent, what OTHER holidays do you ignore? Personally - I wouldn't notice if St. Patrick's day fell off the face of the calendar. But I've never been a fan of throwing up - green or otherwise.

A Message

I'm not sure who this message is for...but it has been in my head for days now and I feel as thought the only way to get it out is to share it, hopefully with the person for whom it is meant.

"Love is how it's lost,
not how it's found."
~Azure Ray

This is from a song that I hear often, but I can't at the moment figure out which one. Anyway, if this message is for you, I hope you know what to do with it. Peace.

ps - thanks to Mikey for helping me figure out the artist
pps - it turns out the lyrics are exactly the opposite of what I originally thought. makes the message a bit sadder...but I guess I should pass it along anyway.

Good Neeeeeeews Everyone!

Last night, at about 11:30, I woke up wondering why I had thought I needed to wear a sweatshirt and sweatpants to bed under my down comforter. I broke out the ol' thermometer and discovered that my temp had indeed returned to normal. (Which for me is slightly abnormal - I tend to run at about 97.6. Yesterday, I was up around 98.9.)

My sinuses are still killing me and I am still staying home from work, but I am feeling way better than I did yesterday. There will be lots of sleeping and playing of video games while I continue my recovery. Now, we just have to hope that Mikey doesn't get sick. He would NOT enjoy having what I had.

And the winner is...

...anyone who predicted that I would pull a muscle in my stomach blowing my nose before school even started, develop a slight fever, and end up back at home halfway through the day!

Thanks for playing!

Seriously, I don't think I have been this sick in a long time. I just don't get bad colds. Usually, I get a stuffy nose, take a few Sudafeds, and get over it. It is always something I can work through, albeit uncomfortably. Not this time. Right now, my nasal passages hurt like I have been cleaning them out with barbed wire, and my whole head feels like it is going to explode. I have already called in sick for tomorrow and I am not at all sure that I will be returning by Friday. Please send all the healing vibes you can spare.

Pushing My Luck

I present to you now, the opportunity to say "I told you so!" in the near future. I am going to work today, despite the fact that I am coughing, mouth-breathing, and popping Tylenol like Jelly Beans. All because my favorite sub is unavailable. I just need to make it through today. Then, either I will be better (hopefully), or she can take over again. Now is your chance to make predictions about the rest of the week.

My Prediction:
By the end of the day, I will be unable to speak above a whisper, but it will be okay, because the kids will be great listeners.

Your turn.

cough, hack, snarl - the second coming

Dear Karma,

Please forgive me for assuming that my kids would do something to upset me yesterday. I made an ass of myself, I know. There is no need to punish me further by taking away my voice and thickening the mucus that keeps running down my throat. I recognize that they were on their very best behavior and that I owe them something wonderful (How does 5 minutes of extra recess sound?), so can you please lift this brain fog (or is it Nyquil fog?) and allow me to return to my normal routine of eating, sleeping, and working? Pretty please? I have learned my lesson and I promise to never assume the worst about my darlings again.

Peace,
Soleil

PS - Thanks for having my favorite sub available today. :)

cough, hack, snarl

Think good thoughts for me today. I am not feeling much better than I was yesterday, but I am not feeling bad enough to take a sick day (esp. since I have none left!), so I am going to try to teach my bunch with a sore throat and a limited sense of humor. Wish me luck, but mostly send good vibes for my kiddos who will have to put up with me all day even though none of this is their fault. :)

One Moment

This afternoon, I sat in my dining room, sipping hot tea to soothe my throat. As I sat, I listened to the quiet of my house, broken only by the trickle of the fishtank. The light slowly bled out of the room as the sun dropped behind the mountains. For one short moment I felt like an adult. For some reason, this left me feeling sad. I'm sure both feelings will pass soon.

And now, a word from our whiner.

I have been feeling pretty good lately. They told me I would be tired for several months after the sugery, but I only notice this at about 7:30 each night, when my body says, "Bed Time!" and goes into Automatic Shut Down Mode. I am able to get up at 6:30 each morning with no problem, and I don't feel worn out during the day. Unfortunately, that is currently being put to the ultimate test. Despite the many times I am growling, "Cover your mouth when you sneeze! I don't want your germs!", I think one of the urchins passed on a bug. I woke up during the night with a sore throat and my stomach turned on me shortly after that. I spent the day reading and dozing and reading and napping and the resting to recover from it all. I think I have whipped my tummy back into shape - behaviorally, not literally - as I was able to finish a bowl of Ramen soup, but my throat is still a little tickly. I just hope I can get to sleep tonight!

Lovely Lawn

We have indeed decided to cancel our gym membership in favor of:

1) going for a walk every day with our camera in hand, and

2) using the money to pay for someone to take care of our lawn for us.

I know, we are lazy, fat, disgusting Americans and we should be ashamed of ourselves, but MY LAWN GOT MOWED TODAY. For the first time in...let's just say months, and leave it at that.

And, no, I don't need to hear about how you would all just LOVE to be mowing your lawns if they weren't under 16 feet of snow. I know and I am sorry. :)

Can I Just Tell You?

Have you ever noticed how certain people use certain phrases often enough that they become eternally connected in your mind? Some phrases that make me think of specific people...

"Can I just tell you..." - my best bud at school uses this one all the time. It is cute.

"I was SOOOOO mad." - This is my sister 110%. She used to say this all the time as a teenager and we used to all tease her about it. I hope she knows it was because it was funny, not because we were making fun of her.

"...on the whole entire face of the world." - My pal from college used to say this all the time and it would drive me crazy. There is just something wrong about it. I can't pinpoint what exactly, but it's not right.

"So, here's the thing..." - I'm not sure which of us started it, but this is a very common phrase in our house. It is always followed by, "So, what's the thing?" Always.

What are the phrases that instantly bring a face to your mind? What's the story behind them?

Ritualistic Reading

When I get my Sun magazine, I always read it the same way. There is ritual to be followed and routine to be taken up when I see that stark black and white photo waiting for me.

First, I read through the Letters to the Editor, tallying in my head how many are heaping praise and how many are throwing stones. Often, I have no recollection of the articles to which they refer, but I am drawn to these bits of personal response none-the-less. I suspect that I am checking to see if I measure up as a "normal" Sun reader.

Next, I search out the Readers Write section. No matter what the topic, I am always amazed at the width and depth of human emotion. A single word or phrase causing so many varied thoughts. Usually, my mind boggles at the pain and sorrow that fill this world. It is a constant reminder that my life has been much easier than most.

Finally, I skim through the Sunbeams on the back page, letting them catch my eye as they will. Each month, I am newly surprised to find that the quotes are related to the Readers Write topic. It is always the ones expressing hope or joy that float in my head for the next few days.

After completing this ritual, I flip backwards through the remainder of the magazine. I read nearly all the fiction, but rarely do I stop for the poetry or the interview. Oddly enough, it's those, the meat and potatoes of the magazine, that I feel I should be reading, while I feel guilty for enjoying the voyeuristic letters and the quotes swallowed in handfuls like popcorn.

Although I am sure that there are others who get much more from Mr. Safransky's magazine, I am just glad to be given a brief peek into the reality that is our collective being. I am happy to be comforted by the routine of connecting - if in a disconnected way - with those around me.

Just a Side Note

It is remarkable how much work I am getting done now that I have NO time to sit around and chat with my buddies. Instead of gossiping for an hour after school and then getting ready for the next day, I am busting my ass to get my schedule up and my things organized before rushing out the door. And although there are some things that aren't happening (grading, for one) I am pretty much keeping things running as usual. I don't think the kids have noticed a great change in how the class runs. Parents will notice a differnce when I don't sent home work reports on Friday, though.

Big Fish

We just finished watching the movie, Big Fish, and it caused one of those eye opening moments that puts you smack dab in the middle of someone else's shoes. You see, it is the story of a man whose father is dying. Everything this man knows about his father comes from the tall tales he has heard all his life. As he says goodbye to his father, he struggles to tell the real from the fantasy and finds that they might not be as different as he once thought. But that doesn't really have anything to do with my moment of revelation.

There is a scene in which the dying man is soaking up water in the bathtub. His wife, with whom he is obviously very much in love, climbs in with him. Both fully dressed, he holds her as she struggles to control her tears. She is trying valiantly to keep up a brave front as the man she loves prepares to leave her forever.

I have had 3 grandfathers die of various illnesses. All were taken much younger than they should have been and each left behind a widow - 3 of my grandmothers. Previously, I have always thought of these men as grandfathers. They were the guys who wore thin white undershirts, let me slather their shaving cream all over my face, and built things with their own hands. They were old and grandfatherly.

Suddenly, I realized that they didn't think of themselves that way. Just as I don't often remember that I am an adult and not a teenager, I'm sure they didn't feel like old men. And each of my grandmothers had to face the very thing that this man's wife was facing. Although was never privy to it, or even thought about it, for that matter, I'm sure each couple had their own version of the bathtub scene. A moment (or more) when they had to acknowledge what was right around the corner.

My grandmothers are each strong women in their own way, and they have each carried on with their lives over time. I would never presume to know what was in their heads, but I suspect that moment was one of the hardest in their lives. I hope I never have to find out for myself just how hard. They have passed on many wonderful qualities, but I don't think there is enough strength in the world to get me through losing my Mikey.

A Request

Since the computer switch, I have been without my e-mail, passwords, or ICQ numbers - all of which were hidden away in the depths of my old system. Today, we managed to go in and dig most of the necessary information out to get me reconnected to the world as I previously knew it. Unfortunately, I forgot to copy the list of people who I talk to on ICQ. So here's the request...

Send me an ICQ message, so I can add you to my list again. I miss talking to y'all, but I was so reliant on the ICQ system that I have no idea how to find you in the search thingy. Have you ANY idea how many people there are with the nickname of "turtle"?

Belly news

A couple of things to share regarding my belly...

1. It's been awhile since t'all have seen me, so here's a picture of what I looked like this morning.



Actually, it was Twin Day at school, and I was dressed up like my pal, D, who is 10 weeks away from having her first child. I told her I would make her feel skinny for a day, and boy did I! The funniest part was seeing the looks on the faces of kids and parents who were in my class last year. Jaws were dropping all over the place. A couple of my kids from this year even asked, "Is that real?". All of the blood drained from Mikey's face at the mere thought of me looking like that.

2. My real belly is actually giving me some trouble. There is a spot just above the right end of my insicion that is paining me. When I sneeze it suddenly feels like it did just a few weeks after the surgery. I can't really lean on anything without discomfort. I am going to put myself on "couchrest" for the whole weekend, and if that doesn't make it get better, I will be calling my coordinator on Monday. I suspect that I just overdid something and pulled a muscle, though. What a pain.

Solidarity

Stormy Weather

I took these the other day at school and on my way home. It was a funny weather day - the kind that would have had me looking for tornadoes if I were in MN. Here everyone says "Must be an earthquake coming".





This one was taken later that same night.

We went walkies!

More pics from around our neighborhood:


This scruffy looking fella lives down the street from us. We occasionally see him in our yard.


Purty.


More purty. When I got home from school yesterday, a little girl was dancing in the drifting petals falling from the tree her mom was shaking.


Mikey is always looking for the unique perspective.


I like the detail in this one.


I am obsessed with pictures of the sun. Hmmm. I wonder why?

Have a Happy Day

It's fun when you go to the mailbox and find a package with your name on it and when you open it there is cute paper for various uses because paper rocks and can be used for things and this paper has my initials on it and happy little people dancing so I will have to find something to do with it so I can share its cuteness with the world. Do you like my run-on sentence because I am pretty sure reading 30 stories filled iwth sentences like this is considered some kind of torture and I could probably get workers comp for the damage it has done to my brain and my own writing ability but I won't because I'm just glad that my spelling skills seem to be intact and our insurance sucks anyway which is why we are working contract hours only so hopefully I will recover from reading all the 4th grade sentences while I am doing something OTHER than grading papers.

Sorry about that. I have been too tired to make coherent thoughts since about 5:00 this afternoon after our union meeting. I will be able to start taking naps with my free time now that I will be leaving school (and all related schoolwork) behind at exactly 3:30. I promise to be more interesting tomorrow.

The Old Switcharoo

Sometimes I wonder if there isn't an actual switch buried deep inside me, controlled by my hormones. I can always tell when my hormones are in flux, because I flip from one personality to another within seconds. Last Thursday, I suddenly became the Green Menace in the middle of the day. I ranted and raved over the smallest things that my students did. I expected them to toe the line BEFORE they even knew where the damn line was. Today, I turned into a big ol' marshmallow midway through the day, gazing adoringly at my little monsters as I gently asked them to "please lower your voices" for the 127th time in 5 minutes. No wonder they can't seem to figure out the rules. Their too young to realize that the rules are strongly tied to the calendar.

Disclaimer: I have always hated the "I have PMS" excuse and this is in no way supposed to be a justification for my crazy moodswings. Rather, it is an observation and hopefully a way of monitoring myself more closely. However, I don't suggest you take it for granted that I have learned any self-control during my more deadly moments. I take full responsibility, but that might not help you after I have disemboweled you and eaten your liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Emergency!

Last week my kidney model (the one we were using for a bathroom pass) was broken. I don't know how because the little urchin who broke it just put it back where it belongs and has yet to 'fess up. Since this is the second bathroom pass they have lost/broken, I told my class that we would no longer be using the restroom during class time. Of course, I make exceptions for this rule based on the look of urgency in their eyes when they ask, but for the most part, pee breaks have been limited to recess and lunch.

This afternoon, I almost had to break this new rule myself. My remaining kidney seems to be working just fine and it was all I could do to get the last kid out the door before I went racing down the hall to the nearest bathroom. Which is exactly why I will never be able to apply an "Absolutely No Bathroom Breaks During Class Time" rule in my room. You never know when those beans are going to start working overtime!