worried

I care for all of my students, each in a special way and for special reasons. I cannot remember a student that I have truly disliked, although there were some who drove me a little crazier than others. My empathy is my saving grace. If there is a student with unpleasant attributes, there is always an underlying cause which allows me to feel sympathy.

At the same time, although I would never, ever admit it to them, it is hard for me not to have favorites. Usually this is a student who has been through particularly difficult situations, often struggles to maintain, but continues to have something shining through. I get very attached to the ones who shine despite their problems. Not surprisingly, I also get very attached to the ones who are more willing to let me help them.

This year I have a small handful of needy ones, all of them fighting to overcome some difficulty or another. While I lie awake worrying about each of these children, there is one who has really taken over my heart. This individual shines with untapped talent and caring and strength, while at the same time almost buckling under unresolved fears and sadness. This student is never far from my mind.

Since school let out on Friday, I have been unable to stop worrying about this little favorite of mine. When I get to watch over my kiddos for the majority of their waking hours it is easy to trust that they will be all right, knowing that I will be there for them soon, if not immediately. Now that we are on break, I can't stand the thought that something could go wrong for this child and I won't be there to support, care, or provide solutions. What am I going to do when this one goes off to 6th grade? If only I could follow along, a guiding hand, for the remainder of this childhood. Perhaps it would be easier to let go.

Probably not.