Back in the Saddle

Okay. So the chaos has once again been reined in (as best it can be) and I am back to the calm that is my daily life. We had a typical day at school, the kids were on their best, and it felt good to be doing what I do. Something for me to remember whenever I am trapped in a moment of madness - it always comes to an end eventually.

I have talked about my brother here before, and without going into too many details, I would ask that you all keep him in your thoughts and prayers. He is going to need as much support and love as can be sent his way in the upcoming weeks. I have done what I can and faced the consequences. The rest is out of my hands.

As far as my own mental health, which I will admit was suffering for a few days there, I am doing okay. I am not proud of some of the things I had to do in the last week, but I know that they needed to be done. I don't know that I will ever come to terms with making the ends justify the means (something I have never agreed with), but I do feel that my actions have saved a life. My brother was going to either harm himself or someone else (inadvertantly). I know I did the right thing. Dealing with the consequences of taking action can be quite a challenge though.

Fortunately, I have a very loving and supportive family. I can continue to give of myself for them because I know that it will be payed back with interest should I ever be in need. My father and my step-mother both took time from their schedules to help me through this past weekend. My daddy has expressed a concern and understanding that leaves no doubt of his commitment to my well-being. My mom, grandmas, aunts and uncles, siblings, husband, step-families - all have done everything in their power to share the weight of this load. I strive every day to be as giving and supportive as possible with all around me and it is these people who do the same for me that make it possible. I sit in awe of their generosity.

For those who have expressed concern for me - I am doing well. I know I don't sound like myself, but I am sorting things out and putting things in order. I suspect that I will be forever changed by this experience, and I am working to make sure that it will be a change for the better. I know it will be some time before I can talk about this whole situation without being very sad, but that, unfortunately, is how life is. I can deny it, or I can embrace it. I guess I'm just working out the best way to hug such a prickly package.