I finally put my finger on the peculiar feeling of dread/discomfort that accompanied learning of my cousin's death. I have been sad for the obvious reasons, but there was an odd, unrecognizable aftertaste that hung in my mind each time I thought about him - beyond my regret that I couldn't attend the funeral - more than just my dismay at not getting to know him better in past years.
As I ended a conversation with my father this afternoon, I asked him to hug the surviving sister for me. It was all I could do to say goodbye without bursting into tears, for I suddenly realized that this poor girl was mourning the loss of a brother. A BROTHER. Not someone she saw occasionally at family gatherings. Not a distant relative that she read about in holiday newsletters. The boy she grew up with, the only person to share parents and upbringing with her, is gone.
Even now, I want to cry thinking about this. I can't imagine how I would go on if one of my siblings died. I know that I see them only rarely - half a continent seperates us - and I know that I don't talk to them nearly often enough, but I think about them on a daily basis. They are an elite few who truly understand who I am and where I come from. I am so proud of each of them and so amazed that 4 people who are so completely different can be so tightly bonded. And of course, being the oldest, I feel a certain amount of responsiblity and obligation when it comes to their well-being. Losing them would be losing a charished and vital part of myself. I can only imagine a pale reflection of what Kelsey must be going through.
I am so, so sorry for her loss. And so profoundly greatful that I was able to call each and every one of my siblings today. We talked about the weather and our parents and each other and jobs and all the mundane little things that make up our lives. I wish I could say that this attention to them would remain strong. Unfortunately, it often takes a shocking loss to make us appreciate that which is with us every day. I will keep this in mind as long as I can.
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Saturday, October 23, 2004
Testing Day 2
Once again, I was required to fast for my first test of the day. I had to eat my final meal before 6 pm and avoid all food and water after 10 pm. This would have been bad enough, but I also had to drink a big bottle of lemon-flavored laxative. At about 1:00 am, I woke up and spent about 30 minutes in the bathroom. I will leave the rest of the details to your ample imaginations. Needless to say, this - coupled with the fasting - left me quite dehydrated. This is where the excitement comes in.
My first test was a CT scan. For those who have never experienced a CT scan, you lie down on a big table and they move the table back and forth through a big circle (looks a lot like a Stargate). They needed to inject a much larger amount of contrast solution so they could see the parts that they wanted to get images of (kidneys, ureter, bladder, etc.) so they had to insert an IV port. For some reason, the port needed to be in my right arm which is NOT my good arm for injections and draws. The veins in that arm only show themselves after I have been working out heavily. The first attempt (in my elbow pit) didn't even catch a vein - I suspect it nicked one though, because I still have a bruise there.
The nurse then decided to try my right hand, which would have been fine, except that she said, "It's harder to get these ones in because they roll." Gee, thanks. I needed to hear that shocking lack of confidence just as you were aiming a needle at me. Between the nerves and the dehydration and the minor pain and the being tensed up and not breathing the way I should, I managed to nearly pass out. I didn't faint, but I must have gotten pretty darn white, because I had the undivided attention of every nurse in the room. One was holding my feet up, one was holding a cold rag to my forehead, one was grabbing the blood pressure cuff (after I told her that my BP drops dramatically in these situations), and several others were watching and asking how I felt. It was quite embarassing. Eventually, I managed to bring my BP up high enough that they would believe me when I said I felt fine. I headed over to have my CT scan.
The IV in my hand was hurting the whole time they prepped me for the scan. When they were going to hook me up to the contrast solution I mentioned how sensitive it was, so they decided to move it to my elbow again. After yet another needle stick I was ready for the scan. It involved lots of lying on a table with my arms over my head. I had to hold my breath each time they took an image. The worst part was when they inflated the little balloons strapped to my abdomen. I think they were supposed to prevent the contrast dye from travelling too quickly, but it mostly just felt like they were jabbing straight through me. I had a hard time staying still during this part. After they got all the images they needed, I had the IV removed and headed out to the series of meetings I had scheduled.
First, I met with the hypertension nurse, who explained the results of my blood tests and my 18 hour BP eval. Next, I talked with my coordinator briefly. We talked about scheduling and she made sure I didn't have any questions. After a break of a couple hours (occupied with window shopping and feeding our faces), we went to a little educational class. They summarized all the info that everyone else had given me in the last 2 days. We got to watch a DVD of an actual kidney removal. It was facinating. Finally, I met with the nephrologist again and he gave me the final "go ahead" after looking over the results of all the tests.
There you have it. The entire two days of testing to be a kidney donor. My hope is that someone who plans to do this in the future will read this and now what to expect, because I didn't have a clue. To anyone who is worrying about these tests, I just want to tell you that it is not bad. I whine and complain about the fasting, but it was really not bad at all.
My first test was a CT scan. For those who have never experienced a CT scan, you lie down on a big table and they move the table back and forth through a big circle (looks a lot like a Stargate). They needed to inject a much larger amount of contrast solution so they could see the parts that they wanted to get images of (kidneys, ureter, bladder, etc.) so they had to insert an IV port. For some reason, the port needed to be in my right arm which is NOT my good arm for injections and draws. The veins in that arm only show themselves after I have been working out heavily. The first attempt (in my elbow pit) didn't even catch a vein - I suspect it nicked one though, because I still have a bruise there.
The nurse then decided to try my right hand, which would have been fine, except that she said, "It's harder to get these ones in because they roll." Gee, thanks. I needed to hear that shocking lack of confidence just as you were aiming a needle at me. Between the nerves and the dehydration and the minor pain and the being tensed up and not breathing the way I should, I managed to nearly pass out. I didn't faint, but I must have gotten pretty darn white, because I had the undivided attention of every nurse in the room. One was holding my feet up, one was holding a cold rag to my forehead, one was grabbing the blood pressure cuff (after I told her that my BP drops dramatically in these situations), and several others were watching and asking how I felt. It was quite embarassing. Eventually, I managed to bring my BP up high enough that they would believe me when I said I felt fine. I headed over to have my CT scan.
The IV in my hand was hurting the whole time they prepped me for the scan. When they were going to hook me up to the contrast solution I mentioned how sensitive it was, so they decided to move it to my elbow again. After yet another needle stick I was ready for the scan. It involved lots of lying on a table with my arms over my head. I had to hold my breath each time they took an image. The worst part was when they inflated the little balloons strapped to my abdomen. I think they were supposed to prevent the contrast dye from travelling too quickly, but it mostly just felt like they were jabbing straight through me. I had a hard time staying still during this part. After they got all the images they needed, I had the IV removed and headed out to the series of meetings I had scheduled.
First, I met with the hypertension nurse, who explained the results of my blood tests and my 18 hour BP eval. Next, I talked with my coordinator briefly. We talked about scheduling and she made sure I didn't have any questions. After a break of a couple hours (occupied with window shopping and feeding our faces), we went to a little educational class. They summarized all the info that everyone else had given me in the last 2 days. We got to watch a DVD of an actual kidney removal. It was facinating. Finally, I met with the nephrologist again and he gave me the final "go ahead" after looking over the results of all the tests.
There you have it. The entire two days of testing to be a kidney donor. My hope is that someone who plans to do this in the future will read this and now what to expect, because I didn't have a clue. To anyone who is worrying about these tests, I just want to tell you that it is not bad. I whine and complain about the fasting, but it was really not bad at all.
Testing Day 1
I spent Sunday night fasting (food and water) so I could be ready for my blood test first thing Monday morning. And when I say "first thing", I mean it. We were up at the clinic at 5:50 am. The Mayo clinic has a different desk for every possible test/procedure you can need. This means you have to first track down the desk in The Amazing Medical Labyrinth, and then sit in a waiting room each time you need something done. There is no multi-tasking there.
The first desk got my signature regarding insurance and sent me to the second desk where I got my schedule for the two days. There were at least 14 appointments on it. They gave me a brief (and LOUD - why have the other patients stand back for privacy reasons if you are going to shout so they all can hear anyway?) rundown of the days' events and sent me on my way.
The first appointment was a typical blood draw. I wanted to take the nurse who did it home with me so she could be my regular Vampire Lady. The one I have now is awful. I would love to get blood drawn and NOT look like I was a heroine junkie afterwards!
The second appointment was a renal function test. Of course, this was scheduled right after I have been fasting for about 12 hours, so I had to chug the water pretty hard for awhile. This was okay, since I was practically dying of thirst! They set me up in a little room, injected a small amount of contrast solution into the back of my arm and told me to wait for an hour. Not as bad as it might seem. They provided me with a nice warm blanket, my book, and a bottle of water. Mikey was there to keep me company, too. When they got back, I had to pee into a bucket and give some blood. I then waited another 45 minutes and repeated. Not so bad, except for the starving part. Luckily, I had a short break at this point and managed to grab some food from the hotel breakfast.
Next, I met with a nephrologist for my general medical exam and a surgeon for a basic discussion about the surgery. (Two different desks in two different parts of the clinic, of course.) This was followed by an ECG. This was quick and painless, although the gel pads were cold and sticky. I then headed to yet another section of the building to meet with a nurse who hooked me up to an 18 hours blood pressure monitor. Although this didn't hurt, it was annoying as all get out. The thing went off every 10 minutes and each time I was supposed to sit or stand still until it was done. It also made my arm sweaty.
My last test was a chest x-ray, taken by a very nice man who didn't really seem to know what he was doing. In fact, I had to go back a second time to redo one of the pictures. The most difficult part of this test was figuring out how to put on the paper gown, which had 3 - yes, 3 - arm holes. Being a clever girl, it only took me a minute to solve this little puzzle.
Mike and I then met with a social worker (she didn't really seem to know what she was doing either, but she was very nice as well) and answered questions about my support system (great), my work (great), the amount of pressure I was getting from people to donate (none), and whether I can afford to miss work (yes). This meeting ended at about 4:00 pm. Neither of us had eaten a decent meal all day and both of us were exhausted, so we headed back to the hotel for a nap and dinner.
So ends Day 1 of the testing adventures. Stay tuned for Day 2 - by far the more exciting day.
The first desk got my signature regarding insurance and sent me to the second desk where I got my schedule for the two days. There were at least 14 appointments on it. They gave me a brief (and LOUD - why have the other patients stand back for privacy reasons if you are going to shout so they all can hear anyway?) rundown of the days' events and sent me on my way.
The first appointment was a typical blood draw. I wanted to take the nurse who did it home with me so she could be my regular Vampire Lady. The one I have now is awful. I would love to get blood drawn and NOT look like I was a heroine junkie afterwards!
The second appointment was a renal function test. Of course, this was scheduled right after I have been fasting for about 12 hours, so I had to chug the water pretty hard for awhile. This was okay, since I was practically dying of thirst! They set me up in a little room, injected a small amount of contrast solution into the back of my arm and told me to wait for an hour. Not as bad as it might seem. They provided me with a nice warm blanket, my book, and a bottle of water. Mikey was there to keep me company, too. When they got back, I had to pee into a bucket and give some blood. I then waited another 45 minutes and repeated. Not so bad, except for the starving part. Luckily, I had a short break at this point and managed to grab some food from the hotel breakfast.
Next, I met with a nephrologist for my general medical exam and a surgeon for a basic discussion about the surgery. (Two different desks in two different parts of the clinic, of course.) This was followed by an ECG. This was quick and painless, although the gel pads were cold and sticky. I then headed to yet another section of the building to meet with a nurse who hooked me up to an 18 hours blood pressure monitor. Although this didn't hurt, it was annoying as all get out. The thing went off every 10 minutes and each time I was supposed to sit or stand still until it was done. It also made my arm sweaty.
My last test was a chest x-ray, taken by a very nice man who didn't really seem to know what he was doing. In fact, I had to go back a second time to redo one of the pictures. The most difficult part of this test was figuring out how to put on the paper gown, which had 3 - yes, 3 - arm holes. Being a clever girl, it only took me a minute to solve this little puzzle.
Mike and I then met with a social worker (she didn't really seem to know what she was doing either, but she was very nice as well) and answered questions about my support system (great), my work (great), the amount of pressure I was getting from people to donate (none), and whether I can afford to miss work (yes). This meeting ended at about 4:00 pm. Neither of us had eaten a decent meal all day and both of us were exhausted, so we headed back to the hotel for a nap and dinner.
So ends Day 1 of the testing adventures. Stay tuned for Day 2 - by far the more exciting day.
My Trip
The overall trip to MN was very enjoyable. I got to visit with my father and my step-mother, as well as my cousin (the future recipient) and her hubby. We did lots of eating out, lots of lounging around lazily, and quite a bit of watching Clerks: the Animated Series on DVD. The flights were good and the hotel room was good (even though they didn't have the hot tub working). I managed to get my hair colored like I had been planning. The non-medical stuff was all pretty typical. Just the way I like it. Stay tuned for more detail about the actual reason I was there.
Friday, October 22, 2004
Tidbits
I am 100% in agreement with this political rant from MomBrain.
I am eating pretzel sticks and root beer for dinner. And that doesn't bother me. Unless Mikey makes ravioli. Yum.
Here's the current hairdo.
This shows the color pretty well, with the obligitory beam of light.
Here's the new me.
And here are some pics of the kitties.
That's the baby on top of the door. This is his latest trick. His next trick will be figuring out how to get down. Stupid cat.
Zazzy likes to sit in my chair. She has the cutest face!
Huzzah is our big boy. Really big.
I am eating pretzel sticks and root beer for dinner. And that doesn't bother me. Unless Mikey makes ravioli. Yum.
Here's the current hairdo.
This shows the color pretty well, with the obligitory beam of light.
Here's the new me.
And here are some pics of the kitties.
That's the baby on top of the door. This is his latest trick. His next trick will be figuring out how to get down. Stupid cat.
Zazzy likes to sit in my chair. She has the cutest face!
Huzzah is our big boy. Really big.
Thursday, October 21, 2004
In Brief
I have tons to say about the testing that was recently done, but I am exhausted both physically and mentally at the moment. But I do want you to know that I have been given the official "Green Light" by the nephrologist. This means that we are now waiting for them to schedule the surgery.
Oh, and I dyed my hair red. I will post a picture as soon as I get around to taking one. Probably this weekend. :)
Oh, and I dyed my hair red. I will post a picture as soon as I get around to taking one. Probably this weekend. :)
The Big Stuff
My cousin, Kyle, died in his sleep last night. Although his life had by no means been an easy one, it still came as a shock - completely unexpected. Please send healing thoughts to his mother, father, and sister, as well as a prayer of guidance for him whereever he may be.
There are many, many thoughts running around in my head tonight, but I am incapable of gathering them into coherent sentences. I am swamped by thoughts of the past, when I knew Kyle better, the present, and the numerous dramatic things that are happening in our family, and the future, wondering if I can possibly ever be greatful enough for all that I have. I just keep coming back to this one thought...
Life is just too fucking strange.
Peace be with you, Kyle. We love you.
There are many, many thoughts running around in my head tonight, but I am incapable of gathering them into coherent sentences. I am swamped by thoughts of the past, when I knew Kyle better, the present, and the numerous dramatic things that are happening in our family, and the future, wondering if I can possibly ever be greatful enough for all that I have. I just keep coming back to this one thought...
Life is just too fucking strange.
Peace be with you, Kyle. We love you.
The Little Stuff
What a craptacular day. Maybe it is coming down off such a good day that made it seem worse, but this was not a day I want to remember for long. It all started first thing in the morning...
1. Stomach cramps nearly kept me from work. I was on my way out the door when I actually had to lie down on the floor and curl up in a ball to get through one. This has happened to me before, but not on a day when it was so vital that I go to work.
2. Something in my inner ear was thrown off by the airplane or the listening to music through headphones on the airplane or something. I have had the dizzies since we landed last night. I turn my head to look at someone and the whole room sways.
3. My class full of angels, who were very well behaved for the sub - praise all that is good, were not so angelic for me today. Their little halos were definitely tarnished, what with all the talking out of turn and wandering around the room and telling me what to do. I actually had someone say, "Do you want me to tell you how Mrs. T (the sub) got us to be quiet?". Um. NO. Who's class is this anyway?
4. My head has been throbbing off and on all day.
And that's just the little stuff.
1. Stomach cramps nearly kept me from work. I was on my way out the door when I actually had to lie down on the floor and curl up in a ball to get through one. This has happened to me before, but not on a day when it was so vital that I go to work.
2. Something in my inner ear was thrown off by the airplane or the listening to music through headphones on the airplane or something. I have had the dizzies since we landed last night. I turn my head to look at someone and the whole room sways.
3. My class full of angels, who were very well behaved for the sub - praise all that is good, were not so angelic for me today. Their little halos were definitely tarnished, what with all the talking out of turn and wandering around the room and telling me what to do. I actually had someone say, "Do you want me to tell you how Mrs. T (the sub) got us to be quiet?". Um. NO. Who's class is this anyway?
4. My head has been throbbing off and on all day.
And that's just the little stuff.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Word of Advice
Don't have an IV put in. :) I had quite an adventure with the IV they gave me for my CT scan this morning. It was embarassing. I'll tell you all the gory details later. Gotta go talk to the coordinator.
PS - My sodium level ROCKS, and my BP is great, but I need to work on my cholesterol a bit. I know more about myself than I ever have before!
PS - My sodium level ROCKS, and my BP is great, but I need to work on my cholesterol a bit. I know more about myself than I ever have before!
Monday, October 18, 2004
The Patient
but boy have I seen a lot of doctors today! This is my first day of testing and I have been running all over the mazes of halls that make up Mayo Clinic and it's affiliates. I have had an ECG, blood tests, renal function tests (where you have to pee on command), consultations, and all kinds of waiting.
The one thing I have not had time for was eating. The other thing I have not had time for is sleeping. I am hungry and tired and ready to take a nap. No such luck. I have to have a chest x-ray in about an hour and then meet with the psychologist at 3. I will be able to rest a bit until 6 pm, when I have to take a powerful laxative to get me ready for tomorrow's tests. It will be a blast. Figuratively. I hope.
I am currently looking like I have serious problems because I have a BP cuff attached to my arm and a little machine in a bag strung around my neck. It will be taking my BP every 10 minutes for the rest of the day and every 20 minutes during the night. It doesn't hurt or anything, but I have to stop what I am doing and stand still when it starts to do its thing. Sometimes this happens at inopportune times.
My cousin has been here having some bloodwork today as well, although she is on her way home now. She really isn't feeling very good lately and I know she would like to get this transplant done as soon as possible. So far everything is pointing that way. (Oops...have to pause to get my arm squeezed! ... Okay, I'm back) One of the doctors told me that I was "in perfect health, a perfect donor" and so far all the tests have come out great. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
I am keeping a more thorough journal on the lap-top (this daily journaling has become a habit, I think), and I will be sure to fill you in on more details when I have more time. For now, I want to give Mikey a chance to do some surfing before our time runs out. Ciao!
PS - You wouldn't believe the ways my name has been butchered today! :)
The one thing I have not had time for was eating. The other thing I have not had time for is sleeping. I am hungry and tired and ready to take a nap. No such luck. I have to have a chest x-ray in about an hour and then meet with the psychologist at 3. I will be able to rest a bit until 6 pm, when I have to take a powerful laxative to get me ready for tomorrow's tests. It will be a blast. Figuratively. I hope.
I am currently looking like I have serious problems because I have a BP cuff attached to my arm and a little machine in a bag strung around my neck. It will be taking my BP every 10 minutes for the rest of the day and every 20 minutes during the night. It doesn't hurt or anything, but I have to stop what I am doing and stand still when it starts to do its thing. Sometimes this happens at inopportune times.
My cousin has been here having some bloodwork today as well, although she is on her way home now. She really isn't feeling very good lately and I know she would like to get this transplant done as soon as possible. So far everything is pointing that way. (Oops...have to pause to get my arm squeezed! ... Okay, I'm back) One of the doctors told me that I was "in perfect health, a perfect donor" and so far all the tests have come out great. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
I am keeping a more thorough journal on the lap-top (this daily journaling has become a habit, I think), and I will be sure to fill you in on more details when I have more time. For now, I want to give Mikey a chance to do some surfing before our time runs out. Ciao!
PS - You wouldn't believe the ways my name has been butchered today! :)
Friday, October 15, 2004
The Good Stuff
1. I was positively wallowing in the happiness that is my classroom these days. Even when the kids are being brats, it is fun. Because they are being bratty in a friendly, funny, good-humored kind of way. They make me laugh on an hourly basis.
2. My team members were slathering me with good luck and well wishes for my testing next week. I am definitely going in high spirits.
3. I managed to get things ready for my sub. It isn't easy to plan for three days, because I do so much adapting of my schedule every day. I hope that I have left enough work to cover the time. These kiddos are always getting done faster than I expect! :)
4. My honey got me a special treat today. He says it is a Kidney Day present! :) I was completely and utterly surprised to find a copy of the 7th book of The Dark Tower series in my underwear drawer as I was packing. I didn't even know it was out yet. I now have something wonderful to read while I am flying and sitting around waiting for tests. What a wonderful guy I have. The book was accompanied by a very sweet letter that made me teary-eyed. I am one lucky girl.
2. My team members were slathering me with good luck and well wishes for my testing next week. I am definitely going in high spirits.
3. I managed to get things ready for my sub. It isn't easy to plan for three days, because I do so much adapting of my schedule every day. I hope that I have left enough work to cover the time. These kiddos are always getting done faster than I expect! :)
4. My honey got me a special treat today. He says it is a Kidney Day present! :) I was completely and utterly surprised to find a copy of the 7th book of The Dark Tower series in my underwear drawer as I was packing. I didn't even know it was out yet. I now have something wonderful to read while I am flying and sitting around waiting for tests. What a wonderful guy I have. The book was accompanied by a very sweet letter that made me teary-eyed. I am one lucky girl.
Baby, You Can Drive My Car
We have pretty much decided against getting a Hybrid car since the cost is prohibitive to us, and the benefits aren't that much improved from the Escort I already drive. I am going to save up my money and get a car that runs on Biodiesel instead. Looks very good.
My Hero.
You all know that I heart Jon Stewart. He's is a funny, funny man and I have a deep appreciation for that. Today he was on Crossfire and he chewed them up and spit them out. They were expecting him to come on being a total doofus, cracking jokes and playing nice. Instead he accused them of being political hacks and demanded that they explain why they never hold the politicians accountable for anything. He was funny, but he was also deadly serious. The Crossfire guys got very defensive (especially the little idiot in the bowtie) and asked him why HE didn't ask the hard hitting questions. His response?
"Because my show is on Comedy Central. The show that leads up to me is puppets making crank phone calls."
HA!
He spends the entire time asking, begging, and pleading them to take their jobs as journalist seriously. They wanted, and asked for, the funny Jon and he told them, "No, I won't be your monkey." and went right back to an attempt at serious discourse. Brilliant.
Anyway, you can find some discussion including several transcript links (and possibly a video link) here. Enjoy.
"Because my show is on Comedy Central. The show that leads up to me is puppets making crank phone calls."
HA!
He spends the entire time asking, begging, and pleading them to take their jobs as journalist seriously. They wanted, and asked for, the funny Jon and he told them, "No, I won't be your monkey." and went right back to an attempt at serious discourse. Brilliant.
Anyway, you can find some discussion including several transcript links (and possibly a video link) here. Enjoy.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Whoa
I have a busy day tomorrow. Not only do I have to finish writing lesson plans for the three days I am missing next week, but I also have to help set up the Fall Festival and I am supposed to work out. Given that my house is in no shape for me to leave, I think the working out is gonna have to wait.
PS - Amy, I hope you know of a hair place that will be open on Sunday, because I have been psyching myself up for a change in hair color for the last week. I have decided on Strawberry Blonde or something similar. :)
PS - Amy, I hope you know of a hair place that will be open on Sunday, because I have been psyching myself up for a change in hair color for the last week. I have decided on Strawberry Blonde or something similar. :)
So I Married a Nerd...
I was reading Mikey this post and asking him what the hell it meant. I didn't get it. But, as I suspected, he did. He also commented (previous to me reading hime the last line) that it didn't make any sense and that he probably meant an AT-ST, which made me laugh until I cried. He's such a nerd!!!
Of course, our friends who came for dinner and a game think I am a total wack-job because I didn't even have to look at the puzzle reading "K_ _ _K _" after I heard the clue "Japanese Theater". I immediately said, "Oh! Kabuki." I'm a nerd in my own right.
Of course, our friends who came for dinner and a game think I am a total wack-job because I didn't even have to look at the puzzle reading "K_ _ _K _" after I heard the clue "Japanese Theater". I immediately said, "Oh! Kabuki." I'm a nerd in my own right.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Rambles
Interesting things from today...
1. We had a great presentation at our staff development today. The guy was there talking about utilizing the "40 Developmental Assets" to improve self-esteem and motivation in schools. It was nice to see research that supports my use of class time to build relationships rather than focusing entirely on test results and standards. Unfortunately, this isn't the outlook that the district seems to take. We are informed in subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways that the test scores are all that matter. I wonder how long it will take for them to decide they don't like my resistance to this teaching style.
2. As part of our staff development, we had to do one of those "run-around-and-get-signatures-from-people-because-they-can-do/say-specific-things" games. One of the signatures you needed was from someone who does volunteer work. About 7 different people specifically sought me out for this, saying things like, "Ooh! I know YOU volunteer!". That made my day.
3. I had a heartbreaking conversation with a co-worker about how the evils perpetrated on you in childhood can continue to haunt you even as an adult. Especially in your sleep. I had a wonderful childhood with very few yucky things to deal with, but I know all too well how those inner demons can creep out into your dreams. I couldn't fix her problem, but I was able to listen. I hope it helped.
1. We had a great presentation at our staff development today. The guy was there talking about utilizing the "40 Developmental Assets" to improve self-esteem and motivation in schools. It was nice to see research that supports my use of class time to build relationships rather than focusing entirely on test results and standards. Unfortunately, this isn't the outlook that the district seems to take. We are informed in subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways that the test scores are all that matter. I wonder how long it will take for them to decide they don't like my resistance to this teaching style.
2. As part of our staff development, we had to do one of those "run-around-and-get-signatures-from-people-because-they-can-do/say-specific-things" games. One of the signatures you needed was from someone who does volunteer work. About 7 different people specifically sought me out for this, saying things like, "Ooh! I know YOU volunteer!". That made my day.
3. I had a heartbreaking conversation with a co-worker about how the evils perpetrated on you in childhood can continue to haunt you even as an adult. Especially in your sleep. I had a wonderful childhood with very few yucky things to deal with, but I know all too well how those inner demons can creep out into your dreams. I couldn't fix her problem, but I was able to listen. I hope it helped.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Trust
I have mentioned before that my co-workers are very good to me. They are also quite funny. You remember the Label incident. It is a real testiment to our relationships that I can be so openly myself with them. They know that I am a tree-hugging, hippy freak who can't spell or do math in my head, but can be counted on to have important papers filed away in a safe place. They know that I am spacey about some things and analy retentive about others. And they are okay with that.
It is still hard for me to accept that though. I am so used to feeling out of place, that it feels wierd to be accepted. Today, I was telling C and D about the book clubs I am going to be starting next week. As I was showing them the lists and organizers and files and folders that I have created, they kept saying "Wow, you're amazing. How do you stay so organized?" I still felt like a total geek, but at least I felt like an understood geek. I was happy to be able to share some of my ideas and ease some of the work off them.
I am realizing that it has taken me nearly 35 minutes to type this so far and I am having to fix every single word because of typos. This tells me that my brain is in "OFF" mode and I need to go to bed beroge I hurt mydlef. :) Goodnight.
It is still hard for me to accept that though. I am so used to feeling out of place, that it feels wierd to be accepted. Today, I was telling C and D about the book clubs I am going to be starting next week. As I was showing them the lists and organizers and files and folders that I have created, they kept saying "Wow, you're amazing. How do you stay so organized?" I still felt like a total geek, but at least I felt like an understood geek. I was happy to be able to share some of my ideas and ease some of the work off them.
I am realizing that it has taken me nearly 35 minutes to type this so far and I am having to fix every single word because of typos. This tells me that my brain is in "OFF" mode and I need to go to bed beroge I hurt mydlef. :) Goodnight.
Monday, October 11, 2004
Um.
Not really much to say. Just wanted to pop in and say I'm still here. Had a nice chat with my father last night. Got lots done in school today. Excited about Wednesday being a non-student day. Wanted to go out to dinner, but didn't. Worked out. Did some recording of grades. Lost three fish - two of The Beatles and one of the Presleys. I suspect naming the fish after musicians who died young wasn't such a good idea. Want to buy nearly everything in the latest Newport News catalog. Still haven't gone to Kohl's - maybe tomorrow. I think I'll ask Debbie if she wants to go with me. Left my lunch at home this morning and a handsome man brought it to me - we were smooching in my room. Shhhh...don't tell the hubby! :) Got the items I ordered from Oriental Trading Company. It was like Christmas - except I had to pay for it all...but it was on a card, so it didn't really feel like paying for it. Deck the Halls... Was wondering in the shower how long I will have to go without washing my hair after the surgery. Not that I think washing my hair would be bad...just that I have no way of washing it without getting my whole body wet or seriously contorting myself. Hoping my sis is doing okay. She's having a rough pregnancy. She just has to hold out until Nov. 6th. Keep her in your thoughts. It has been getting chilly at night. By chilly I mean around 60ish. Feels good. This house is not fit for visitors, and we have a game night scheduled on Thursday. Ugh. This weekend I crawled out from under a massive amount of paperwork for various things (appointments, classes, etc) and it feels good to not have it hanging over my head anymore. Dots are good. Time for bed. G'night, all. Stay happy. Peace.
Sunday, October 10, 2004
Shopping Day!
At dinner last night, my MIL presented us with 2 Target gift cards and a store credit for Kohl's. We're gonna go spend every last cent (and then some) as soon as Mikey gets out of the shower!
Saturday, October 09, 2004
Of Course
I have received a jury summons. For November 8th. Because this whole scheduling thing was working too smoothly. I was so excited to be only missing 3 weeks of school for the kidney thing, so Fate had to throw a wrench in it all. I don't even have a problem being called. I really don't mind doing my civic duty. (I guess I am one of those who are too stupid to get out of it.) I just wish it could have been at a more convenient time. Or that I could postpone it until summer, but they only allow 90 days.
Maybe I will get lucky and it will turn out like the last time. I had to call in several times, but managed to avoid getting called in.
Maybe I will get lucky and it will turn out like the last time. I had to call in several times, but managed to avoid getting called in.
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