All I Ever Wanted

There is no school (my 8 - 4 job) and no tutoring (my 4 - 8 job) for the next two weeks. I am on vacation, and as much as I hate being in school until the middle of June, I must say that I enjoy my long breaks. I have a large rolling crate, a big tupperware storage bin, and 3 filing baskets FULL of things that I have to deal with before January 5th. I have to revamp my math and reading programs to address the needs of myself and my students. I have a masters program that has been seriously neglected. And I have dogs who are so desperate for attention that we can't go outside without being attacked. Finally, I will have some time to address all of these things and more. I have plans to wrap presents as they come in (my overcrowded schedule kept me from Christmas shopping until about a week ago), knit a few scarves (a hobby I returned to this week during my snow-enforced free day on Thursday), and do a lot of sleeping in. It might be that I manage to do some more regular blogging, too, but I'm not making any promises. :)

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas...

Yesterday we had a snowstorm that would have even impressed some of my MN relatives (a little, at any rate). It snowed all day, leaving a thick layer of slush/snow/water/ice mixture covering our entire yard. This morning the sun came out long enough to burn off the layer of fog covering the whole world, then went back behind the gray woolen clouds. CalTrans currently has the main road closed to anyone without chains or snowtires starting just about where we are and going up into the mountains. A friend reported seeing several cars and an ambulance in the ditch last night as she drove home. I am trying to balance my intense guilt at missing school with a healthy concern for my own safety. Luckily, I have Mikey (my voice of reason) to weight in on the side of safety. We used Mikey's new video camera (a birthday present) to take footage, and turn a tiny bit of it into a YouTube video. It can be found by clicking here. While I doubt it will stick around long enough to make Christmas white, it was certainly exciting.

I'm Not Dead Yet!

Wow. That was a busy 6 weeks! I honestly wanted to sit down and write several times and just couldn't. I have barely had time to shower, eat, or sleep, much less communicate.
I have lots to share, so let's play a little game...

In Ten Words

Tutoring
students progressing
reputation blossoming
recovering from summer losses
exhausting, yet exhilarating

School
student teacher
many responsibilities
not enough hours
love my work

My Class
young and enthusiastic
chatty
willing to work hard
somewhat needy

Home
dirty, so dirty
comforting
too rarely visited
too often left

Solar Panels
saving money
cutting energy use
voting Obama
doing our all

FYI

* The solar panels have been put on hold due to our inability to procure satisfactory funding. We're currently saving up as fast as we can (drat - no more eating out) and if we miss the current tax rebate window (they expire on 12/31) then we'll just wait for the bigger and better one that President Obama is going to put together. :)

* My back is at about 90%. I can still feel stiffness and my range of motion isn't what it once was, but the pain is under control. In fact, I haven't had one flare up since my appointment a week ago. I haven't been able to say that since the beginning of July.

* The new fridge is beautiful and does its job well. It was worth the wait.

Time to get to work. I have Back 2 School presentations to give this evening and I'm trying to get a PhotoStory set up so that all I have to do is press "play". :)

School Days

I've been back at school for 3 days now. We're starting to get into the swing of things. A couple of notes about my class...

1. They are GREAT direction followers. I have been very impressed with how well they can stick with me as I am rushing through things trying to get everything done. When I ask for their attention, I get it.

2. They are still a little shaky on the organizational side, but I'm going to pick up some 3 ring binders and some dividers to share with some of them and then I think things will be better.

3. They seem to be able to handle a little extra freedom without letting it go to their heads. I can give them choices and trust that they will stick to the parameters I have set up and not go crazy.

4. They need LOTS of encouragement to participate in class discussions. This class seems to be made up primarily of those kids who normally just watch what's going on. They are paying close attention and they are learning, they just aren't being as overt in showing it. I'm working on changing that. Gotta get 'em verbalizing more (especially the English Learners).

5. On the other hand, in a very wierd paradox, they are VERY chatty. Lots of sharing ideas with neighbors and talking amongst themselves. I can already tell that I will be fighting a losing battle if I try to stop it completely. Since they seem to be able to get work done while they chat, I am going to plan lots of group work for this bunch. We just need to work on volume at this point.

This was an odd beginning of the year for me. I spent TONS of time in my room beforehand, but felt very unprepared on the first day. It took me nearly 2 days to get into the groove of being "the teacher" again. Conversely, I learned the names of my students by the second day. It typically takes me at least a week know remember all of them correctly. Of course the fact that I only have 29 students helps some.

I tend to be very individualistic when it comes to teaching. I am somewhat picky about how things are done (I can just hear Mikey saying, "SOMEWHAT?" when he reads this!) and I am not great at delegating work. I don't usually have a ton of support, so I have learned how to do it all myself. This year, I have an aide in my room full time AND I am going to have a student teacher starting Monday. YIKES! I'm having to learn how to include other adults in my own private little party. I'll keep you posted. For now, I can sum it up by saying that I am having a SUPER year.

Solar Flares

Just for the record, I hate Bank of America. They apparently have baboons setting up their programs. I have yet to try to accomplish something beyond basic deposits and withdrawals without ending up in a blind rage.

This time it's because we spent 3 weeks jumping through hoops, faxing various bits of information, and WAITING...always waiting before they told us that we couldn't have a home equity line of credit due to the fact that our home is of the manufactured variety. When asked why it took them so long (and 3 phone conversations with us) to come to this decision, they told us that it was because they had just gotten the paperwork that stated it was a manufactured home. DUH. I could have told them that. If this is something that automatically excludes you, shouldn't it be one of the FIRST things you ask about? I would prefer not to share all my tax info with the baboons running your office just for the fun of it.

Anyway. This all means that we are starting over from step one. Although I now know to ask them if they will work with our manufactured home status right up front. Mikey and I are going around and around on how much of a financial cushion we need to have, who we should talk to next, how much money we really need to borrow, how long it will take us to pay things back, etc, etc, etc. We have several options open to us (none that make us both happy) and I guess I should consider this a learning opportunity. The thing is...I never really WANTED to learn about this crap.

The most frustrating thing about this whole process is that we are just trying to do the right thing. We aren't doing it for the money (we'll be saving a whopping $50 a month). We just want to be doing something that will have a positive effect on our world and our fellow human beings. Using the sun to power things in Southern California is just the RIGHT THING TO DO. Why does it have to be so damn hard??

Update

Thought y'all might be interested in how life is shaping up around here.

1. Masters Class
I managed to slam through the essays needed for my Models of Teaching class. They are all sent off. Now I am just waiting for the final exam to show up so I can get it finished for reals.
The textbook for my next class, Career Development, arrived recently. I started working on it today, but I am having a little trouble getting into it. For one thing, I can't quite figure out why I have to be taking a class about how to be a better career counselor. The kids I work with are 10 years old for crying out loud. They all want to be sports stars or firefighters at this point and I am not going to tell them that it's time to think otherwise. Let 'em have their dreams through their first decade at least. I think I might have to email the school and find out what the point of this class really is, or I am going to have a hard time taking it seriously.

2. Fridge
We are now on Day 15 of The Great Fridge Wait of 2008. (Hey! That rhymes!) I called them yesterday and they have me attitude. "There is a 14 day window for delivery. This is the 14th day. We'll probably call you within the next day or two." Um. Yeah. When you tell someone that their fridge will arrive in "7 to 14 days" that kinda implies that 14 is the MAX. But that wasn't the worst of it. When I admitted that I was a little stressed because I had been without a fridge for 2 weeks he said, "You should have bought one that was in stock." If we had been having that conversation in real life I might have slapped him. He did have the good graces to admit that I might have had a reason for buying the one I bought, but still. Jerk. Anyway - The new fridge should be here any day. I am SOSOSOSOSOSO looking forward to not having a dead fridge in the middle of my kitchen (we pulled it out fro m its little hidey-hole so we could clean up the melted Popsicle puddle) and being able to drink all the cold beverages I can handle.

3. My Back
Well, I finally went to the chiropractor a week ago. He adjusted my back and it felt GREAT. In fact, in the course of popping everything back into place he made it so that I could once again touch my chin to my chest - something I hadn't even realized I could no longer do.
I really wish the story ended there.
The next day I was at a district training I leaned over in my chair to pick up my computer bag and POING! I finally understood what people mean when they say, "I threw my back out". I could feel how the part of my back that had previously stretched slowly out of place had gone from 0 to 60 in a fraction of a second.
I spend all last weekend on ice and the floor. On Monday, the chiropractor put things back into place again and told me a horrifying story about a guy who leaned over and threw his back out so hard that he paralyzed himself. Eeegads! I have been faithfully doing my exercises, and I have tried to be very careful about how I move my back. I see the chiropractor again on Friday, but I am feeling quite a bit better already.

4. Solar Panels
Did I mention before that we were hoping to go solar? I can't remember, and I don't feel like looking it up. Anyway. We are, and I called a couple of places. The BP Solar folks are coming out tomorrow, but I am not really very excited about it. This is mostly because the other guy I talked to gave me some bad news. It turns out that our electric utility - Anza Electric Cooperative - is one of only 2 utilities in the entire state of California that doesn't participate in the PV incentive program. Being a cooperative, they aren't obligated to do so. This means that a PV set-up in Anza costs 10 grand more than almost anywhere else in the state. Bastards. If the BP guy verify this tomorrow, we will have to put our solar plans on hold. We just can't swing $30,000+ at this point.

5. The Letter "M"
The M key on y keyboard had decided it is only going to work if I REALLY MEAN IT. Apparently, unless I a looking at the screen and hitting the key really hard (somehow I think this is the ore iportant of the two) it doesn't believe that I really want the letter M to appear. It's starting to drive e crazy!

Okay. That's all the news that's fit to print. Time to put the dogs in and head to bed. Nighty-night, all.

Procrastination

Okay. So, I'm supposed to be working, but I thought I would fill you in on the chaos that is my life these days.

1. FRIDGE
Our crappy, electricity guzzling (668 kWh/yr) fridge is dying a slow death. It seemed like it wasn't cooling properly before I left for my trip, and while I was gone it became evident that there was something wrong with it. Immediately upon returning, we went out in search of the most energy efficient fridge we could find. We had settled on a nice one from home depot and had gone through 99% of the process of actually buying it when we were told that the delivery service would bring it to our front yard. As in NOT the kitchen. Since Mikey's back is very touchy and mine has been acting up for some time now, that was a deal breaker. We ended up at Lowe's getting a cheaper, more efficient (440 kWh/yr) fridge that will actually be delivered and installed right into our kitchen. YAY!
Unfortunately, they had to order it from the factory for us. This means a 7-10 day wait, during which we are living out of a cooler full of ice and trying to eat everything in the freezer as it thaws and before it goes completely bad. I am embarrassed to admit that we still have the old one running, albeit poorly, in an attempt to slow the thawing process. I suspect in a couple of days I will no longer be willing to risk the potential salmonella just to avoid wasting a few bucks and we'll turn it off and empty it out for good.
This has not been good for my snacking options. While I usually pull out a stick of string cheese or suck down a glass of ice tea, lately I have been eating a ton of carbs - chips, crackers, pretzels, etc. - because that's what we have that is edible. We've also been eating out A LOT. I will be very happy when this new fridge shows up.

2. BACK
My back is killing me. I don't know what caused it to start hurting but it happened before I left for MN. It was somewhat painful during the trip which I attributed to sitting in a cramped airline seat, lugging around heavy carryons, and sleeping in a bed different from my own. However, since I got home it has continued to bother me. The only time it doesn't hurt is when I am lying flat on my back. Sitting with my back nice and straight is okay for a few minutes. Walking is alright as long as it is slow and easy. Bending over is impossible and sitting in just about anything (EZ chair, couch, car, etc) hurts like the dickens. I can stretch it easily to the sides or backwards, but anything forward is out of the question as are rapid movements of any kind. I keep trying to tell myself that I just need to rest it and it will get better, but I'm getting seriously frustrated at how this is hampering my summer plans.

3. Class
I am getting closer to finishing my latest masters class. Of the 10 questions that need to be sent out next, I have 3 finished, 4 outlined, and 3 yet untouched. Speaking of which - I am supposed to be working on them RIGHT NOW. Time to get back to work.

Going on Vacation

I'm heading home for a few days, so I won't be updating for a while. I don't really have much to say at this point, but I didn't want to leave that last bit of self-absorbed ranting at the top of my page.

I am excited about my trip because I am going to get to hang out with my sister, both brothers, and my litter of nieces and nephews all at the same time. It's going to be a good time! We've all been calling back and forth like loons on a lake for the last couple weeks as we set it all up.

Hope your 4th of July weekend is just as pleasant as I am.

Tidbits

1. Because I know some people will be wondering...if you read that last post, it wasn't about you. The reason it was safe to write is because the person who needs to hear it doesn't come here. So don't worry.

2. I am trying to win a copy of Wii Fit in an internet contest. I currently have a 4 in 5100 chance of winning. And those odds are dropping like stones. Wish me luck!

No, I don't want to talk about it. Thanks anyway.

I have never been arrested.
I have never flunked a class.
I have never gotten kicked out of an apartment.
I have never driven drunk.
I have never stolen anything.
I have never committed a violent act against another person.
I have never squandered large amounts of money.
I have never asked for anything.
I have never failed to be there when you needed me.

Perhaps if I had done a couple of these things, it would be a little harder to forget about me. A little harder to convince yourself that I can take care of myself. Or at the very least a little harder to put me dead last behind every other single thing you include in your oh-so-busy life.

It's not the lack of support that hurts because I really can take care of myself. It's the complete and utter lack of understanding you have for how little you have really done for me. It's the fact that you don't see the imbalance. And the fact that I will never, ever point it out to you.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Okay. Enough of that. I have had my pity party and I am moving on. I don't plan on letting this particular demon out to play again for some time. I apologize to anyone who happened to see this pathetic bit of self-absorbed whining. I now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Pissed Off

You know when you are so angry that you can hardly breathe through the pressure in your chest? That anger that fills your emotions and makes you unable to think about anything else? That rage that you can't find enough vile words to express? That bitterness that grabs onto every slight and insult, every injustice you have ever experienced and feeds on it, growing exponentially until you are pretty sure that everything has always been this horrible, if not a little worse?

Yeah.

Being that angry sucks.

Dinner and a Movie

Tonight, we watched a Japanese horror film called "One Missed Call". Even though I was watching carefully, and even though it was fairly well dubbed in English, I have NO IDEA what happened in this movie. People were getting phone calls from themselves time stamped about 2 days in the future. They would then die some kind of horrible death at the time the call was made. The main character (Yumi) and her kinda-boyfriend (Yamashita) spend some of their time trying to save her doomed roommate and the rest investigating the asthma death of a young girl. They suspected that the girl had been abused by her mother. More people die horrible, gruesome deaths. Then the last third of the movie is spent trying out one ending after another. It's like the director kept thinking up "one more thing!" The final plot has more twists and turns than Lombard Street. (Thanks, Mikey, for that reference.) I won't say that I hated it - there were some truly creepy scenes (if you like that kind of thing) - but it left me feeling a bit lost.

Mid-movie we stopped to make an ambitious meal - eggrolls! They are SO yummy, but they take FOREVER to make. Ours were filled with cabbage, carrots, glass noodles, and Hoisin marinated tofu. Sauteing, boiling, frying, and that's all before you even get to the wrapping and deep frying. We sure enjoyed them after all that work. Mikey made his special sweet and sour sauce, and we even had a couple of apple-cinnamon filled eggrolls for dessert.

To finish out the evening, we watched an anime show called "Rurouni Kenshin, wandering samurai" about a swordsman who has chosen a new, non-violent path. Unfortunately, it seems as though every swordsman in the area wants to use him to prove their own strength. It actually reminds me a lot of another anime show called "Trigun", except in that story it is an expert gunfighter who has repented his violent past.

Design Problem

Mikey and I have been trying to exercise for the last couple of days. Our favorite form of exercise is Dance, Dance Revolution, the Playstation game that you play with your feet. I have discovered (or rather re-discovered) a major design flaw.

No, not in the game. In me.

You see, when I start to exercise, I use muscles that I don't usually use. This is a good thing. Except that those muscles tend to protest this new abuse, causing me to ache and walk funny and leave things on the floor because it's too painful to pick them up. This means that the next day it is that much harder to motivate myself to exercise. Because it HURTS.

That is just foolish design. If I didn't hurt so much (and lest you think I actually did damage to myself - I'm a big baby and I'm talking about the normal aches and pains you get when you stop lying on the couch all day long - I am actually just fine), I wouldn't have to work so hard to convince myself that exercise is a good idea. And I wouldn't be so quick to give it up. And I wouldn't feel so guilty. And I wouldn't have to gorge myself on french fries and bad television to make myself feel better. And I wouldn't be so fat and lazy.

This is all a design flaw and has nothing to do with my inability to exert any kind of self-control over myself. So. Who do I sue?

Summer Vacation News

I have been on my summer break since June 15th. I'm managing to keep my self busy. Or at the very least occupied. :)

Bri-Bri!
Mikey's childhood buddy, Brian, came to visit for a few days. We greatly enjoyed exposing him to our Anza lifestyle, including profanity laden comedic television, a variety of video games, and breakfast at the local hick diner. We also saw the WORST M. Night movie to date (The Happening - don't see it 'cause it's not), ate overpriced Round Table pizza (these Poway boys seem to be addicted to the stuff), and generally stayed up way too late hangin' out. It was tons of fun, and our pal Bri is welcome here any time.

It's What I Do
I was going to use this title to talk about my summer tutoring but it's really more accurate to use it to talk about what I've been reading. In the last 2 weeks I have plowed through 4 or 5 books from the In Death series by J.D. Robb (aka Nora Roberts), sadly leaving me no more until the publish the next title in paperback. In the meantime, I am reading a textbook for my masters class called Models of Teaching, a young adult novel by Cory Doctorow called Little Brother, and the true story of the guy who started several schools for girls in the mountains in Afghanistan called Three Cups of Tea. I'm also popping in and out of a book about families that have adopted stray dogs called Second Chances.

The Other Thing I Do
I am currently responsible for covering our Tuesday (9:00-12:30, 2:45-6:15) and Wednesday (10:15-12:30, 2:45-5:00) hours at Escuela del Sol. My youngest student is going into 1st grade and my oldest ones are going into 8th grade. All of my students are focusing on either math or language arts (summer is when the students get back to the basics in an effort to avoid retention), and every one of them is a pleasure to work with. I managed to accomplish quite a bit of paperwork and organization in between students, as well.

Actual Work
The only thing I am doing that feels like actual work these days is trying to make progress on my masters program. The book I am reading isn't so bad, but the questions I am responsible for answering are uber-stupid. I don't like writing essays anyway, and feeling that what I am writing is useless and brainless makes it even harder. I have no choice but to power through as much as possible this summer, though. There is no time during the school year.

Ch-ch-ch-changes.
Thanks to Netflix's oh-so-helpful removal of that pesky multi-queue option and their dedicated interest in the needs and desires of their customers (watch out...don't get any of that dripping sarcasm on you!) we have decided to move our video rental loyalties over to Blockbuster. I am not thrilled with the idea of supporting a chain like Blockbuster, but it prefer that to supporting those arrogant bastards over at NetFlix.

Big Money
Now that summer is here and I'm not so dependent on my vehicle, I found the time to take it in for the numerous repairs that have been piling up. There is a VW dealer that is fairly close to Temecula, but I refuse to let them touch my pretty Jetta since the last time, when they caused more harm than good. This means that I have to go all the way to Escondido to the second closest dealer when I need major work done. This time I got to pay for...
- a new front bumper
- reattachment of driver side door handle
- 1 headlamp and 1 taillight
- a sun roof control
- a temp gauge
- repair of the central arm rest
- a timing belt
- a water pump and various related parts
- other bits and pieces from the engine
- 90,000 maintenance
- the labor and time that went into all these repairs
I'm quite pleased with the work they did. I even got a 10% discount on the labor and a free inside/outside wash due to the magnitude of my bill. I sure hope we don't need to do that again any time soon, though.

Yum Yums
On the brighter side, we got to have a lunch at one of our new favorite places, the Stone Brewery. Although we aren't huge fans of beer, we are huge fans of the 100% organic, mostly vegetarian menu. Mikey got a delicious tofu stir-fry, and I got a rich and creamy wild mushroom pasta. Yum!

Too Long?

Someone referred to the "I'm a ____ and I vote." bumper stickers. This is the one I want...

I'm a
fiscally conservative,
enviromentally conscious,
socially responsible,
vegetarian,
agnostic,
thirty-something,
cynical,
folk-music listening,
open-minded,
pet owning,
married,
home-owning,
literate,
self-respecting,
commuting,
hopeful,
entrepeneurial,
female,
technologically capable,
pacifist,
American
educator
and I vote.

I think I need a bigger bumper. :) Who are YOU?

Sick

Blegh. I got a sore throat Wednesday night. It was worse Thursday, but I went to school anyway. My reward for getting through the day was getting to stay home Friday. I am amazed at how well a combination of sleep, rest, and Airborne will do for my health. Saturday, I felt much better. After a couple of hours of cleaning, it was obvious that my system was still in "get better" mode. I have slept away Sunday, and I am looking forward to getting back to normal tomorrow.

PS - No. I did NOT use apple cider vinegar for the sore throat. :) But I did get up in the middle of the night to gargle with hot salt water.

You know it's a bad sign when...

...the movie you are about to watch is preceded by previews for The Benchwarmers and Click. Yikes.

You know you're really desperate when you go ahead and watch it anyway. :) In a couple of hours I will be able to tell you what I thought of the movie Fun With Dick and Jane starring Jim Carrey and Tea Leoni. I do not have high hopes.

A good thing to collect

I have gathered quite a collection of good things this week...

* my hubby has done numerous household chores, making it so that I didn't have to do them
* my principal sent me a complimentary note
* the transplant coordinator at Mayo who had to listen to me complain about what a pain it is to get my yearly crosscheck blood draws done was understanding and helpful
* I was able to find someone who was willing to be suckered into doing my blood draw
* Amy called to tell me that the kidney is doing spectacularly - taking good care of not just Amy, but also the little one she's carrying
* I got to come home relatively early this evening
* my cherry tree is blooming its little heart out even though it is not much more than a 3 foot stalk covered with leaves
* I have been given permission to use the little office off of my room as a classroom library - now I can give my kiddos a little elbow room (they're getting big, you know, almost middle schoolers!)
* there are less than 8 weeks of school left
* we now have 25 students enrolled for tutoring - we are actually making a small amount of profit each month - I think I'm currently earning about...ooh! a whopping 4 dollars an hour
* we got some new netflix today - now I can not only get my Lost on, but also my Battlestar Galactica, my Alian, and my Quantum Leap

Another Sign of Spring

It has finally reached the time of year when the rising of the sun occurs early enough for me to wake naturally rather than to the alarm clock. Today was the first day. As my eyes opened I panicked - "Did I forget to set the alarm? Why is it so light in here? Crap. I'm gonna be late." Seconds later, my phone started beeping at me.

I have the kind of internal regulator that works on simple commands. Light = wake. Dark = sleep. This makes getting things done in the summer a breeze and getting things done on rainy days near impossible. I have to draw all the blinds and turn on all the lights to trick myself into thinking it's sunny out. If I ever moved to Alaska, I would have whole months out of the year when I didn't leave the house. I would have to stuff myself on berries and salmon all summer just to get through my hibernation phase.

I've often considered trying one of those ambient light alarms, but I suspect it wouldn't really fool me. I would wake up, take note of the absolute black out my windows, pull the covers over my head, and attempt to sleep until spring.

Hmmmmm

I haven't had any inspiring thoughts lately. It is SUPER windy outside today. I am working and watching TV. My knees hurt. There are dishes to be done. None of this makes me want to write. Sorry about that.

Mountains in Springtime

What the desert flowers lack in stamina they make up in enthusiasm. The flowers on our hills have gone CRAZY. There are great swaths of purple and yellow all along my commute. It is so much fun to drive these days.

I have read about people having trouble going from the one environment to another because of the differences in the horizon. Cowboys who feel too confined by the mountains or those from the forests who feel that the plains are too open for safety. I enjoy all types of environments, but I am finding that the mountains are my very favorites. I have been living in CA for 8 years and I have been commuting through the mountains for 3 years now. I STILL am awed and inspired by the sight of the hills fading from blue to gray in the distance. Amazing.

It's a disease. I have no control.

I think that Submarina puts some kind of habit forming drug in their sandwiches. I am SO addicted. It has gotten to the point that they start putting the sandwich together as soon as they see my car pull up (okay, not really, but almost!). The order is always the same.

Two foot-long Combo Cheeses on whole wheat. Every cheese except the American (that means we get Provolone, Pepper Jack, Swiss, and Cheddar), lots of lettuce, and a little onion on both. Tomatoes, black olives, and cucumbers on one. Oil and vinegar on the other. Plenty of mayo (I know, bad for me, but SOOOO tasty!) and salt/pepper on both. Cut them in quarters.

Yum. I could eat at Submarina every night and be perfectly happy. Seriously.

Oh. And in case you're wondering. I have tried many times to replicate this sandwich at home. I worked in a deli making sandwiches for years. You would think I could manage. But, no. It never tastes the same. There is some kind of addictive secret ingredient somewhere (I think it's in the bread!) with which homemade sandwiches just can't compete.

...and Harold dropped off to sleep.

As I was driving home, I had a total "Harold and the Purple Crayon" moment. I suddenly realized that the moon was following me, just over my left shoulder, keeping me company. It was comforting to know that if I lost my way, I could simply draw my bedroom window around the moon and draw up the covers. :)

To Do

Things I have to get done this week:

- finish online traffic school
- finish final exam for Curriculum Eval course
- write Escuela del Sol introduction letter
- update EdS flier
- gather names/addresses of psychologists, counselors, principals, etc in district
- make 2 scarves - one red/blue, one pink/purple
- finish grading
- work on planning for last 10 weeks of school
- sweep/mop all floors in house

Hmm. School is back in session now. I guess the rest will have to wait until June? Let's hope not.

Oh! I get it!

I have this one dream that always seems to pop up during times of stress. I am in a classroom or school of some kind, responsible for a large number of students, and none of them will listen to me. Often I am late for something important, missing vital materials necessary for instruction, or just simply unable to manage behaviors. This dream usually ends with me completely losing my cool in a way that would get my ass fired in a real life situation, causing me to wake up in a cold sweat. I have always interpreted these dreams as manifestations of my inner fears.
"I won't know what to do."
"They won't like me."
"I won't do a good job."
"I won't be able to control my temper."

This morning I awoke from the same dream (unusual for this early in a vacation - typically it rears its ugly head a day or two before I go back to work) with a completely different take on the dream. It started out as the same old thing. I had a class I didn't know. I was hazy on the rules of the school I was in. There was something scheduled that I didn't know about. I couldn't get my kids to follow simple directions. It was chaos and no one was learning anything. My first waking thought:
"I can't teach in this setting."

OH. Well. For the first time ever, I woke from that dream knowing exactly how I could fix the situation. And the best part is - I am already well on my way to doing so. It felt good to realize that (at least in this particular version of the dream) the fault wasn't with ME, but instead with the SYSTEM. It was a very clear statement of what I have been feeling for some time. I am not able to do the work I was meant to do in the environment in which I am currently working.

Don't get me wrong. I am doing good. My students make progress. That progress is even comparable to the progress made by other students in other classes. The problem is this: I KNOW I could be helping students more. I KNOW I have the ability to get them further (or is it farther? I always have trouble with these two) than I am currently doing. I KNOW that I have a gift for reaching troubled, struggling children. And I KNOW that I am meant to do more than doggy-paddle my way through the muck of the public school system in its current incarnation, barely keeping my heart above water and struggling every day with the same decision. Do I do what I know is expected of me according to the rules of this environment so that I can keep my job, my health insurance, and my limited ability to influence the future? Or do I do what I know is necessary for the healthy development of this group of children so they can be the best they can be? This is NOT a decision I should have to be making. I should not have to be compromising between the two.

Since opening Escuela del Sol, I have only become more aware of the division. I can barely get through each 7 hour day at school. I am exhausted when the bell rings at the end of each day (and often a good 30 minutes before that!). It would be easy to say that this is because of the new routine, the new school, the challenging students, the details of teaching, but in reality those are the things I usually thrive on. They are why I love teaching. In truth, I am exhausted from fighting a constant battle in my brain between what I have to do and what I want to do. I know that this because I can leave school, exhausted, at 4:00, spend the next 3 hours working with struggling students at Escuela, and head home feeing rejuvenated. I feel the physical exhaustion that comes from working a 12 hour day, but the emotional exhaustion has melted away.

So, waking up from my regular stress dream with the thought, "I can't work in this setting." is a big switch from waking up to the thought, "I can't do this." I have been pushing pretty hard this year, but it is all with one thought in mind. By the year 2010 (probably sooner) I will have developed Escuela del Sol to the point where I can leave the public school environment that is so stifling me and focus on what I was put here to do - connecting with students and helping them reach their full potential. Or, as the Escuela del Sol logo promises, "Helping Kids Shine". I suffer no delusions that all stress dreams will vanish at that point. I'm a little too high strung for that luxury. But at least I will know that I am in a setting where I can reach MY potential. And isn't that the point?

*My cousin Raya's most recent blog post touches on this same topic from her perspective as a mom. Her comment regarding rules to understand the rules hits it right on the head. Go check it out.

Highlights and Lowlights

Highlights
1. The apple trees we planted 2 years ago (when we first moved here) are blooming! They started out with lots of tiny, hot pink buds, and those are now bursting open into delicate white flowers. I am extremely excited at the idea of getting apples. Especially if I can convince Mikey that he should be making apple pies with them. :)

2. The weather has been perfect for me to throw on a tank top and jeans, grab my shades and a book, and sit outside for hours. I have been reading almost a book a day. The dogs are loving the company and I am reveling in the relaxation.

3. You know you have a true friend when you can get together and have a lengthy, enjoyable conversation about religion, politics, and emotional health, especially when you disagree about fundamental parts of all three. I have just such a friend and I have been able to get together with her multiple times recently.

Lowlights
1. Mikey has been sick as a dog the last 3 days. He has a fever that reminds me of a couple of my students. You know, the ones who take FOREVER to leave after the bell rings, and keep remembering one more reason why they have to come back. Mikey's fever has several times left only to return a few hours later - "I forgot my math book!" He also has a nice, juicy cough and a nose that can't decide whether to drip constantly or freeze up completely. All this courtesy of his sister and nephew who were hosts to the same bug during our Easter get-together. I have been keeping a distance and crossing my fingers like crazy in hopes that I will avoid it. I don't want to miss out on my vacation and I can't afford to take sick days afterward.

Bookkeeping

I don't hate bookkeeping itself. The practice of recording and balancing actually appeals to my anal-retentive, obsessive-compulsive side. But trying to catch up on 3 months of back logs is the pits. My partner is great about documenting things, but her notes are often written in her own special code that I cannot decipher on my own. Since my brain is like a sieve, I don't remember what was happening a month or more ago. Which means I have spent the last 3 hours sorting through invoices, attendance logs, and payment receipts trying to figure out if we billed the correct number of hours and if the payments received covered the bills. Add on top of that the incredible number of illness related absences we've had lately (which we credit if given enough notice) and this has all been one big super puzzle. I will enjoy it much more when I am tutoring full time and have the ability to keep my bookkeeping current.

Real Life Math

being late to dinner with your in-laws
+
the XM radio game*
+
a road you drive twice a day
+
cresting a steep hill
+
a heavy car that builds momentum as it goes downhill
=
the first speeding ticket I have gotten since I was 16



*The XM Radio Game (for those who are curious)
The passenger is in charge of the XM controller, scrolling through the channels looking for a band that the driver might be able to recognize. The song doesn't matter, although the game is MUCH easier if it is a well-known song. The driver attempts to identify the musician (or group of musicians). If the driver is unable to do so, the passenger can supply hints.

Popular category hints include:
synonyms (e.g. Third Eye Blind becomes Unseeing Chakra)
word association (e.g. Good Charlotte becomes Some Pig in reference to Charlotte's Web)
factoids (e.g. Aerosmith becomes Alicia Silverstone because she once acted in a music video of theirs)
initials (e.g. Three Doors Down = TDD)
number of words (e.g. I think you can figure this one out on your own.)
personal preference (e.g. Mikey knows that if I am picking something country for him to identify it is going to be one of a select few people because he has a limited knowledge of country. Same goes for me and grunge or hair metal.)

Extra points are awarded for speed of recognition (we each have a couple of bands that we can recognize from the first riff of a song) or obscurity of the song (guessing the band from their top 40 hit is less impressive than identifying them from some B side song that you've never heard before). Of course, the fewer clues you need, the better.

Honestly, the clues are the real fun of the game. We try to make up clues with multiple layers so that the driver really has to figure them out to make their guess. One of the more convoluted clues we've created:
Santana becomes Veronica Mars
Veronica Mars is a television show written by a guy named Rob Thomas who is of no relation to the Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20 who once did a song with Santana.
This clue was for Mikey. I would recognize Santana right away. :)

The game is lots of fun, and it's how we spend most of our drive time when we're together. Just one warning if you become a player - be careful not to focus so much on the sound of the musician you're trying to guess that you forget to watch your speed. You'll end up like me, spending the first day of your vacation trying to get through to someone at your county court to find out how much it's going to cost you to go to traffic school.

Something New

Hi, guys! I'm on spring break, so I thought I might try to do some blogging. The question is - do I have anything interesting to say? And do I remember how to do this? Luckily, I had my password tucked away in a safe place.

To start things off, I'm going to share some of the fun things I will be doing during my break:

1. playing with my dogs and reading
The poor puppies are super lonely for me now that I am working so much. If I sit down in the kennel Mia climbs right into my lap and curls up, determined to stay there. She forgoes dinner in order to snuggle with me whenever possible. This morning, we sat in the sun together while I read an entire Sue Grafton mystery. It's possible I can make pretty good headway through the whole alphabet series with this two week vacation.

2. cleaning
It's amazing how easy it is to ignore clutter and mess when you are working a 12 hour day. Now that I am home during daylight hours I am getting to those chores that have been piling up. Today I managed to do 3 loads of laundry, wash all the dishes, straighten the kitchen, and clean out the fridge and freezer. There's plenty left to do, but it feels good to get things done.

3. tutoring
I have about 4 hours of tutoring lined up for this week. There are more hours next week, but that's Stephanie's week. We've had another big surge of sign ups recently. Hooray, Escuela!

4. master's work
There has been a final exam sitting on my counter for several weeks, and it's about time for me to get it done. I wonder how far I can get on my next class? I make no promises!

5. exercise
My long work hours have done wonders for my diet. Self-control is no longer an issue when there is NO time for eating. However, when I am on vacation, I spend the whole day stuffing my face. I'm trying to do more walking and less munching during this one.

And, of course, I am working on catching up on all the sleep I have missed since my last vacation. With that goal in mind, I am now signing off and tucking myself into bead. G'night!