Big Fish

We just finished watching the movie, Big Fish, and it caused one of those eye opening moments that puts you smack dab in the middle of someone else's shoes. You see, it is the story of a man whose father is dying. Everything this man knows about his father comes from the tall tales he has heard all his life. As he says goodbye to his father, he struggles to tell the real from the fantasy and finds that they might not be as different as he once thought. But that doesn't really have anything to do with my moment of revelation.

There is a scene in which the dying man is soaking up water in the bathtub. His wife, with whom he is obviously very much in love, climbs in with him. Both fully dressed, he holds her as she struggles to control her tears. She is trying valiantly to keep up a brave front as the man she loves prepares to leave her forever.

I have had 3 grandfathers die of various illnesses. All were taken much younger than they should have been and each left behind a widow - 3 of my grandmothers. Previously, I have always thought of these men as grandfathers. They were the guys who wore thin white undershirts, let me slather their shaving cream all over my face, and built things with their own hands. They were old and grandfatherly.

Suddenly, I realized that they didn't think of themselves that way. Just as I don't often remember that I am an adult and not a teenager, I'm sure they didn't feel like old men. And each of my grandmothers had to face the very thing that this man's wife was facing. Although was never privy to it, or even thought about it, for that matter, I'm sure each couple had their own version of the bathtub scene. A moment (or more) when they had to acknowledge what was right around the corner.

My grandmothers are each strong women in their own way, and they have each carried on with their lives over time. I would never presume to know what was in their heads, but I suspect that moment was one of the hardest in their lives. I hope I never have to find out for myself just how hard. They have passed on many wonderful qualities, but I don't think there is enough strength in the world to get me through losing my Mikey.