Today's oneword post...

The flecks of chocolate swirled around in her glass like dark stars in a liquid galaxy. She stared into it, pondering exsistence.

I won't tell you what the word was, because that would be cheating! Someday I hope to be able to write more than two sentences in 60 seconds.

Wow. Lookie all the links in that last post!! Notice I did ZERO linking in the one before that. Because HP and Circuit City are the tools of the devil. Along with Sprint.
Just read my January 20, 2003 posts.
Or September 8, 2002.
And don't forget about August 31, 2002.

I apologize for not just linking to those posts...but Blogger's archives are also stored in the fiery pits of hell.

And now for something completely different...

I had a birthday. Which means that I had birthday money to spend. I am much like Vern on Trading Spaces. "If there's a penny on the table..."

So I headed to Kohl's where I managed to find very cute dishes that Mikey and I both like. I spent my entire birthday check on 6 dinner plates, 6 small plates, 6 bowls and 4 mugs. They are a variety of colors, including "cherry", "cobalt", "plum", "butter", white and "sage".

I am so excited to have actual matching dinnerware. Between that, our nice, heavy flatware and those great glasses we bought at Linens-N-Things I can now set an attractive table.

Not that we have a table. We'll just eat on these...which I got for 60% off today. Hooray for me!!!

Maybe it's me. Really. Maybe there is something about me...my walk, my face, my female-ness...that inspires salespeople to new heights of obnoxiousness and stupidity. I went to Circuit City to get a computer today. Unfortunately, it wasn't for me. I was commissioned to get it for my brother, because my mom is quite computer illiterate and intends to stay that way. Anyway, I went to CC because there was a great deal in the flyer we got this week. Computer, monitor, printer, extra memory all for under $400 after a few mail-in rebates. A good deal. Or so I thought.

After standing in the computer section for 10 minutes a sales rep finally showed up (when I am "just looking" they're all over me like white on rice).
Me - "I want to buy that (pointing at computer) and that (pointing to extra memory)."
Him - "I would recommend getting this one instead. It's the upgraded version." (It's also $100 more.)
Me - "No, I think I will just stick with the basic and the extra memory."
Him - "It's really a better computer..."
Me - "No, I..."
Him - "You are a stupid, idiot, dumb girl who knows nothing if you don't buy this better version." (Or something similar to that.)
Me - (Having had enough of this little game) "I don't WANT that one. I want this one and the extra memory."
Him - "Fine. Have it your way. Bitch." (He actually said "Okay." but this is what he was thinking. I heard it loud and clear!)

Tap, tap, click, click. He does some quick calculations and discovers that the best way to piss me off is by claiming to be out of the printers that are included and telling me that he is going to have to substitute a HP printer instead. (I have had BAD experiences with everything HP and as a rule choose not to give them my money. I find that if I just burn a wad of twenties instead I at least get to enjoy the heat for a while.) I calmly explain that I am willing to take any other brand they have. Unfortunately, this is the only printer available that I won't have to pay extra for. Nevermind that THEY didn't have the product they claimed to have. Instead of offering me the next step up and apologizing for the inconvenience, they tell me that I can either take the crap-tacular HP or forget about it. And to add insult to injury, he tries to convince me that it's good that I am getting a $50 cheaper printer because then I don't have to mess with the rebate. Of course, that really just means that instead of getting a $90 printer for $40, I got a $40 piece of crap for $40. Lucky me.

I finally decided that my brother really wouldn't care that HP printers are crap. And that I'm not really giving HP my money, since my mom is actually paying for it. And that I couldn't take one more minute of that guy's condescending attitude. I did get them to ship it to the house, however. A small victory, but a victory none-the-less.

Ugh. Why can't I ever deal with helpful, understanding salespeople who listen to what I need and then courteously work with me to achieve my goals? Is that really so much to ask?? (I know, I know...)

oneword is a great idea if you are looking for a way to get your creative writing juices flowing. All the books on how to write that I have read say this first and foremost...WRITE EVERY DAY. They make a point of saying that even if you don't have any idea what to write, just start putting words to paper and don't stop until you have reached your goal (number of words or time). Although I can't even pretend to be an actual writer I do like the idea of doing a little spontaneous writing and maybe occasionally ending up with something worth posting. Go try it. It's fun!

Joanie pointed me towards this one. She also passed on some words of good cheer and encouragement. : ) Thanks!

Aaawwww.
I love it when the Zazzy cat sits on my lap while I am working at the computer. She's so sweet.



EDIT: I just realized that you can almost read her "label" from here. If you look closely (and use a liberal amount of imagination dust) you can see that her markings clearly read "cat". See it? It's right there on her tummy. Adorable. Oh...and no, she isn't mad. That's how her ears are all the time.

I had an interview today. I am torn between hoping that I get to stay where I am and feeling excited at the thought of my very own classroom. Ugh. I'll keep you posted.

From the story that Mikey wrote for me...

---

    At first, the people of Wyrdin were completely lost. Shiya's advice and help was how they got through all their problems! They talked fondly of her, remembering how she'd flit from one to the next like a butterfly, setting everything right. Without her, they just didn't know what to do. Crops went unpicked (when Shiya returns, she'll tell me when the corn is perfectly ripe!), stitching went unmended (Shiya can show me how to do a double hoop stitch!), and all manner of domestic squabbles secalated out of control. It seemed only Shiya had been keeping things together in the village!
    But after a few weeks, the people learned to get along without Shiya...Before long they learned that they could live without Shiya, and their lives worked just fine that way. But they did miss her, terrilby. Finally though, it was her personality and friendship that they were missing, instead of just noticing how much she wasn't around to help them with!
    After she had been gone a month, the Urbals organized a search party at last (finally discovering how to do so without Shiya's input on who should play what role, and what kind of sandwiches to bring - egg salad), determined to find out at last what had happened to Shiya...
    With the charred bottom of a sandal, Shiya had scrawled a message on the surface of the boulder.

From up here, the view is amazing. I see a forest in the distance, mountains bigger than this one, rivers, rainbows, castles and maybe even a desert over there. I sat here a long time contemplating. And I knew what I had to do...The world is too big and wide, and I am too small. I need to see it all before I'm old and grey! I know I didn't do much in the village, just a little of this and that, so I hope I'm not too missed...I will be back, I promise...and with plenty of stories to tell.

---

I can't begin to explain how much this story meant to me. He actually got up in the middle of the night to write it because he knew how much I needed it. And the messages woven into the story tell me just how well he knows me and how much he cares. Such a little thing. Such a big deal. What a lucky girl!

I have been doing a lousy job of being mostly vegetarian. Every meal I have been eating meat and telling myself "This is special. I will start tomorrow." Well, no more. I am no longer going to trust myself to do right. I am going completely meatless for awhile.

Interesting thing I noticed on the planes...
The pilots all gave geography lessons. A couple of them rambled on for 10 minutes, telling us every mountain range, river and major city we would be going past. Of course we were flying above an impenetrable blanket of clouds so we couldn't see any of it. I have never noticed the pilots being so concerned about my geographic education before.

What a whirlwind trip that was! Our time was blocked out in hours rather than days. By day three my brain was toast. That reminds me...I really need to call Todd and apologize for the snippy-ness of me on Sunday afternoon. So here's a brief run-down of the less than restful vacation...

5-21-03
Woke up early. Called teaching partner to make sure she had everything she needed for the next week. I have a habit of bringing things home with me. Packed, cleaned and generally prepared for trip. Headed to P-I-L's house where we napped, went to dinner (Mmmm...Chevy's), and lounged in the spa. Stayed up later than I should have.

5-22-03
Up at 5:30 am. Arrived at airport 2 hours early like a good girl only to have several people cut in front of us in line because they were late for their flights. I am going to start showing up 30 minutes before take-off. Showed ID and boarding pass to 3 people within a 5 minute/20 foot span. Flew from SAN to ORD to MSP via first class. (Hooray for in-laws, frequent flier miles and full flights!) Aahh, the leg room and cheesy omelets. Landed at 5:30 pm and hung around airport inhaling cigarette smoke (yuck) and waiting for ride. Stopped for dinner on the way home, finally arrived at mom's and stumbled to bed at about 11:30 pm.

5-23-03
Woke early. Spend entire day with Mom, running errands. Stopped by high school and introduced old teachers to new hubby using first names all around. : ) Helped plant flowers at Grandma's house. Made a run to the Dairy Queen (only fast food joint in town). Visited with close friends, shopped for groceries and gossiped with mom. Busy, social day. Stayed up late talking with Mom.

5-24-03
BIRTHDAY!! Get up at a decent hour and head to Duluth. Visit with Dad and his sigoth all day - see his current house, his future house, and the Matrix Reloaded (again). Yummy shish kabobs for dinner followed by cake and fruit salad. I got to wear a tiara with my name on it. Don't head home until after 10 pm even though it's an hour drive. Up late.

5-25-03
Help mom get ready for graduation party. Get to graduation early so we can get enough seats together. End up sitting with Dad and sigoth on one side and Mom and sigoth on other side. Wierd. The valedictorian speeches were funny. The grown-up speaker was a long and boring. Brother managed to graduate dispite his best efforts not to. Head to grad party where popping balloons nearly give my sleep deprived body a heart attack. Getting snippy at this point. Father comes to take us to Brainerd area for dinner with him, stepmom, and grandparents. Wonderful food, great company, but I was in no shape to truly enjoy it. Open some lovely little gifts and head to bed around midnight.

5-26-03
Up at 7:30 am. Exhausted to the point of feeling sick to my stomache. Managed to enjoy yummy breakfast and visit with uncle and family anyway. Dropped off at Grandma's house where I use all my remaining strength to make small talk. Finally get back to Mom's where hubby and I crash for a nap. After that I help Mom in garden and with cooking. We have a fabu meal of Chicken Paprikash. Too tired to stay up late.

5-27-03
Berry crepes for breakfast. Mom and brother drive us to airport. Fly from MSP to ORD to SAN via first class. This includes a wonderful meal consisting of 4 courses. Amazing. Nap on plane. Drive home. So tired by the time I arrive home that I can't actually fall asleep. Read until about 11:30 pm and then sink into unconsciousness. Cat, desperate for attention, wakes us several times throughout night.

There it is. The whole trip in a nutshell. It was tiring, but I was very happy to see all my family. I can't wait for my trip in July.

okay...after deleting 200 spams and downloading 2 critical updates from MS, I am officially back. i have so much to tell you! of course, i wrote none of it down so chances are that i won't remember a single thing. we'll see what happens.

Okay. I am heading north. I don't expect that I will be posting much in the next week. Please be patient with me!! See you soon.

When I wake up, and my knees sound like they are filled with cellophane, I feel like 25 is very old.

I hate packing. I just know that I am going to forget something. I always do.

Interesting comment on the world today...

We are getting ready for a trip. Last night our outlets were filled with various technological devices that had to be charged up - laptop, GBA, cell phone, etc. We are truly in the digital age.

Watching America's Next Top Model. I am a glutton for punishment, what can I say?

The first thing they made them do was model swimsuits on the top of a very tall building in New York. In the wind. Just after the snow flurries stopped. No, wait. The FIRST thing they made them do was get a bikini wax. Then they went out in the freezing cold with nothing on. Good lord.

I do have one question. Why don't models get goose bumps? When I get cold I look like a plucked chicken. Why didn't they?? Just asking.

!@%!@$# Blogger. I hate having to re-type things.

Disregard this post. I am simply venting. Move along, please.

Most of the time I am content to be the one to sacrifice for others. I will bend over backwards to assure a loved one is protected, while leaving myself at risk. Everyone know that I am the one to can be trusted to be on time, to finish up the chores, to make the phone call, to save the day. I give it all to make sure that life is as good as possible for others. It is what I do. And like I said, most of the time, I am down with that. Makes me feel good.

However, every once in a while, a line is crossed. Twice in my life now I have been forced to give up something that is very important to me. It is a little thing that most people wouldn't think twice about. But to me, it's important. And I have lost it because of the poor choices and selfish behaviors of someone I love. Again.

It is times like this that I am reminded how easy it is to shift me to the back burner. I don't have to be looked after because I can take care of myself. I don't need to be supported because I am strong. I am the quiet kid in the back of the room who is ignored because the troublemakers in the front take so much of the teacher's attention. At least, that is what THEY think. They're wrong.

Oh well. I'll suck it up. I'll be fine. I always am. Because I can take care of myself. Right?

No, I really don't want to talk about it.

One of my students painted this picture. I love it. I think I am going to frame it.

I don't know if it's my computer (which has been making funny noises lately) or Blogger (which has always been a little...wierd) but it takes me FOREVER to load webpages (not all, just most) all of a sudden and I have had it up to about HERE (holding hand at about nose level). Bleh. Interesting how I was able to sneak in 4 sets of parentheses, though.

Hooray for chore days. I know that sounds sick, but it feels so good to walk through my house and see the vacuumed floors, the washed dishes, the cleared off table, the folded laundry...I can sleep better when my house is clean.

Speaking of sleep - what the hell is wrong with me? For at least a month now my sleep patterns have been trashed. For years I have gone to bed at about 10 pm and gotten up at about 7 am pretty regularly. On my days off I sometimes sleep in, but usually only until about 8 or 9 am. When I go to bed I usually fall asleep within minutes. This works for me. It keeps me from being tired. I like that. However, for several weeks it has taken me hours to fall asleep. I lie there in bed and for some reason my brain just won't shut off. It spins around and around in a million different directions, keeping me awake into the early hours of the morning. Last night, I was still awake at 2 am. Ugh.

I have found a way to put those hours to good use, though. I have designed a great little shelf system that I am going to build for my future classroom (someday when they decide to stop jerking me around and actually tell me where I will be). I have put together the perfect daily planner. I have thought about how to assign and check homework, how to maintain weekly contact with parents, how to develop classroom rules, and what jobs to assign to the children. Lots of good things, now if I could just get a classroom to use them in. : )

And to end this aimless, little post I would like to comment that it is difficult to follow movies on the Sci-Fi channel while doing other things. Especially on days like today. In honor of the Matrix Reloaded they were having a movie marathon. All the movies were about computer generated realities and artificial intelligence. A couple of them were actually pretty decent (compared to most movies on the Sci_Fi channel), but they are all conveluted enough that if you aren't paying attention you will quickly get lost.

Okay. That's it. I work tomorrow so I should probably get myself ready. Have a nice night, y'all.

Good lord. It is pretty amazing how many blogs there are out there. Even more amazing is how horrifying most of them are. Finding something worth reading is a daunting task.

You know those pictures where they tell you to look real close and then something pops out at you and scares you half to death? This isn't one of those pictures. I promise.

This weeks This or That questions...

1. Packrat or minimalist? Packrat living with a minimalist.
2. Computer: desktop or laptop? Desktop. Our laptop is a piece of junk.
3. Seashore or mountains? Seashore with mountains in the distance.
4. Carpeting or bare floors? Thick, wonderful carpet.
5. Drinking water: bottled or tap? Why is everyone so interested in the kind of water I drink??
6. Shopping websites: eBay or Amazon? Half.com
7. Cute little kitties or big scary tigers? Cute, little kitties that think they are big, scary tigers.
8. Front door or back door? Front door.
9. Lots of jewelry, or little/none? Wedding ring, engagement ring, and sometimes earrings or a necklace.
10. Thought-provoking question of the week: At the last minute, you obtain tickets to an event you're dying to attend. However, you have to work that day! Do you ask the boss for the time off, or just call in sick?
Since I have to call a sub no matter what, I would just call in sick. Of course, there are a limited number of times I can do that.

Here's the Friday Five...

1. What drinking water do you prefer -- tap, bottle, purifier, etc.?
We re-fill bottles with tap water that is run through the purifier in our fridge.
2. What are your favorite flavor of chips?
Plain, old corn chips dipped in sour cream and salsa.
3. Of all the things you can cook, what dish do you like the most?
I can't even begin to choose. First, we cook too many different things. Second, my taste is constantly changing. Third, I have a tummy ache, so all food sounds yucky.
4. How do you have your eggs?
Scrambled and cooked completely.
5. Who was the last person who cooked you a meal? How did it turn out?
Mikey. Fabulously, of course!

I knew it was coming, but I still missed it...

My blog turned 1 year old on Wednesday, May 14. Let's take a peek at my auspicious beginnings, shall we?

Tuesday, May 14, 2002

I think this is going to be cool. Not that I have anything even remotely interesting to say but it is worth a shot, isn't it? Everyone has one of these fancy websites and it is about time that I have one too! Here and now, I promise myself to write here as often as I can and to use this page to stretch my thinking muscles a little. Hooray!!
- Soleil, 5:14 PM

This is my first post. Is this even going to work at all? I really wonder.
- Soleil, 5:12 PM



Yeah, well I like to think it's improved some since then.

I have tried to maintain a journal many times in my life, but it never worked out. I would start out all gung-ho about it, gradually losing interest over the course of the first month or two. I thought that might happen with the blog, too. Instead, I got more and more attached to it. I rely on it more and more every day to vent the little frustrations that pop up. Before the blog, these frustrations would build until I had a major melt-down. Now, I let it all out on an nearly daily basis. I can feel the difference. I like it.

Perhaps I will peruse my archives and present you with a few of my better posts. Of course, *I* am the one judging what's to be labelled "better", so be warned. Or perhaps I will forget to do it at all, so don't hold your breath. : )

Saw Matrix Reloaded today. All I will say is that I liked it, I'm glad I rewatched the first one before going and you should bring your brain when you see it. 'Nough said. Already looking forward to Matrix Revolutions in November.

One good things about the recent chaos in my life - I woke up this morning with an idea for a children's story in my head. Let's see if I can get it out before it disintegrates.

Oh the drama!!! Life in the blogoshere is just too much like a soap opera. No wonder the only person I regularly converse with is someone I have known in real life for a very long time.

i got to school this morning at 8 am (my usual arrival time). I had about 15 minutes to get things done and then the phone started ringing. I was talking with parents non-stop until the bell rang at 9:00 and there was still a parent there to see me in person then. These conversations ranged from friendly and cheerful to annoying and frustrating (no, ma'am, it ISN'T my fault your son gave you false information and caused you to waste your entire afternoon, sorry). One of the moms I want to just hug because she is so wonderful and supportive and nice. Another makes me want to tear my hair out after 2 minutes. So it goes.

We finished our CAT/6 testing today. Standardized tests all morning long is the pits, but we sure had fun in the afternoons. We spend much of one day experimenting with watercolors. Another day we had some extra free play and today we played Heads Up, 7 Up. Hooray for having fun. Next week it's back to the grind. Boo, hiss.

Now I'm off to enjoy my weekend. We are going to see Matrix Reloaded tomorrow. The sun is out and the heat is on here in Temecula. My birthday is a week from tomorrow. The windows were all open all day and it smells nice in my house. I got to play a fun word game on the computer. (Thanks, Seth!) And life is good in general. Peace out.

For my Father
He worries, you know.

Had a nice talk with my principal today about the possibilities that are open to me for next year. There aren't many, but it's nice to know that he is behind me 110%. I am feeling much more relaxed about the whole deal, especially after clarifying things a little. It's all up in the air, but all the possible endings are ones I can live with.

And my cold is feeling better. I chased Mikey to the couch last night with what he politely called my "heavy breathing" (as if I don't already know that I snore like a chainsaw when I'm sick!), but I feel fine today. I can still breath through my nose several hours after the Sudafed should have worn off, so I think I'm on the mend.

Hee hee...I like this post about the top 10 things to hate about Star Trek. Don't get me wrong...I love Star Trek...but it's still funny. And it mentions one of my favorite (and unfortunately cancelled) shows - Firefly. I was aimed there by Wil Wheaton himself, no less.

I can't argue with this one, although I would have prefered a more romantic animal. I want to be a panther or a timberwolf or something...


What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla

Quiz found at Joni Electric.

You are a true nature girl!


Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Quiz found at Electric Venom. I WISH I looked like that. : ) What kind of woman are YOU?

I don't make a very good geek. I don't jump at the chance of using every little tech advance that comes along. Most of them are just too complicated for my simple mind. However I have finally started using Blogrolling after seeing it just about EVERYWHERE. I think I like it.

On a completely unrelated note...does anyone out there have trouble loading my site? It looks goofy on my computer (not placed right on the page and the botom part of the boxes refuses to load), but just fine on Mikey's. Is this a problem for anyone else? Does anyone have any ideas on how to fix it? I can't do a thing with it.

Participation Positives are a way to start each week off on the right foot. List the things you are thankful for today.

I am thankful for...

*the sun
*the sypathetic ears
*my vacuum
*my weedwacker
*my lawnmower
*running water
*the cute new cd rack from FYE
*free Cinemax all weekend
*feeling sick on days off rather than missing school (even though I whine about it)
*the nurse in the blood donor van who did such a nice job with the needle that it didn't even bruise a tiny bit
*11 days until I see MN again
*13 days until my birthday
*26 days of school left (only 13 are my days though - Egads!)

and, of course...
*my wonderful Mikey, who makes every day a little brighter and every load a little lighter.

What are YOU thankful for? Leave me a comment or link.

At lunch yesterday we were discussing the pros and cons of not having children. Being Mother's Day I was seeing many happy little family units all around and wondering if I was giving up something really important by not creating one for myself. However after some discussion I realized that I would rather have the occasional moment of doubt than a nonstop barrage of messes and noise and chaos and responsibility. I would rather be able to help many children at a time in my classroom then be exhausted by the one in my home. I like being able to spend as much time with my husband as I want rather than stealing tired moments after the kids have gone to bed. Yep, I envy moms for the cuddles they get, but I don't envy the extra laundry or cleaning up vomit or waiting until 3 AM for the teenager to come home or the food bills or the doctor's bills or any of the rest of it.

Moms - I am amazed and awed by your ability to deal with it all. You have my undying respect and admiration. And if you need a babysitter, give me a call. I'm always available. Unless I have run off on a spontaneous weekend with the love of my life. I couldn't do what you do.

Happy Mother's Day

It is an interesting phenomenon that when I am sick I end up getting more chores done. I feel guilty for my lack of energy and push myself to get things done that I normally would just leave until the next day. Why? When I am healthy I don't feel guilty for being lazy. Wierd.

Anyway, yesterday we got TONS of stuff done. We tamed the wilderness that had taken over both of our yards. Remember when I put the fertalizer on the lawns? Well, the most apparent consequence of this action is that both lawns immediately went to seed. The back yard had grasses standing as tall as my waist when I finally attacked it with the mower. Very sad. Then I called one of my grammas and my mom. Had nice, long chats with both of them. Took a shower and headed to Red Robin to have lunch. My students gave me a gift certificate for Teacher Appreciation Week. We even splurged and got an appetizer! We walked off the extra calories by wandering around the mall for several hours and then went home where I tried to use one of the iron on transfers that I made only to find that my cheap little iron doesn't get hot enough. Finished off the day with a conversation with my father and step-mother. Fell into bed and slept like a rock. Of course, I feel worse today, but at least I can spent the day lounging in the sun without feeling guilty. I hope.

Here's the Friday Five...

1. Would you consider yourself an organized person? Why or why not?
Absolutely. To a fault. I love to organize. In fact, I will waste huge amounts of time and money to get something organized, just to find that I don't like it that way and need to re-organize it. It borders on an obsession!

2. Do you keep some type of planner, organizer, calendar, etc. with you, and do you use it regularly?
I have a 3 ring binder that I use to plan my school days. I have a daily calendar that I write things in, but since I don't look at it every day it isn't always as helpful as it could be.

3. Would you say that your desk is organized right now?
Somewhat. It is organized into piles - Need to File, Need to Work On, Need to Respond To, Etc.

4. Do you alphabetize CDs, books, and DVDs, or does it not matter?
Yes. I don't really care if they are alphabetized or not, but it's fun to get them that way. Sometimes I split them into categories and then alphabetize. All depends on how much time I have to waste.

5. What's the hardest thing you've ever had to organize?
A classroom schedule. I was once in charge of an autistic preschool. There were 7 students, each with their own strict schedule, that needed to be attended to. I had to plan the day so that each student got the required amount of play, work, exercise, and rest according to their IEPs. I also had to schedule which of the 4 adults was responsible for which students during the day. It was pretty chaotic, but by the time we were 6 weeks into our 9 week program we had it pretty well down. : )

Yeah. I WISH I could get a good night's sleep. Something has to be done. I can't go on this way. This afternoon I was on the verge of tears out of sheer frustration at the complete lack of control I am feeling. I still can't get my brain to stop spinning when I go to bed. And now I am getting sick. I am obviously on stress overload.

Off I go to toss and turn in my bed so that I can wake up with a headache and a sore throat. And stiff knees. And chapped lips. Bleh.

There really are lots of good things going on, I'm just too tired to blog about them now. Check back tomorrow afternoon.

I have a Mastercard commercial** for you...

Intro to CLAD for classroom teachers - $295
Language Development and Structure for the Classroom Teacher - $295
Theories and Methods in English Language Development and Content for the Classroom Teacher - $295
Cultural Diversity and Its Impact on Education - $295
A set of ten (10) tapes - $65
The Crosscultural Language and Academic Development Handbook by Diaz-Rico and Weed - $50

A good night's sleep - Priceless

The Grieving Process or Oh, God, I'm Going To Lose My Job!

I realized today that I have been gradually making my way through the steps in the grieving process. I recently learned that although I am promised a part time job in the district, it may not be in my current classroom. My partner would like to return to full time and that most likely means that I will be forced to choose between working with another partner or losing my job. (Full time jobs are in short supply around here, thanks to budget cuts.)

Being my usual, difficult self I went through the stages in an atypical fashion.

1. Denial
Of course, I denied the whole thing at first. "She's not really serious." I said. She was. "They can't force me to move," I thought. They can. "There's nothing to worry about, it will all work out just fine." I told myself. It's not going to. I was hoping that I would just be moved into a new class on the campus that I am currently working, but the most recent rumors suggest fewer classrooms next year instead of more. I was stuck here (at this stage) for quite a while, largely because it worked so well when I was given my pink slip earlier. I just refused to believe that it would actually happen and - lo and behold - it was rescinded. Not this time.

2. Bargaining
I decided that I would work harder. I would impress my partner so much that she wouldn't be able to bear the thought of teaching without me. I would wow my principal to the extent that he would open a new class rather than lose me. I would have children begging to be in my class next year. Yeah right. I didn't fool myself long with any of this. On to the next step.

3. Depression
As evidenced by my moody and overtly self-pitying post last week, I quickly lost my perspective. As far as I could see I had been given a taste of perfection only to have it snatched away to the tune of "Neener, neener, neener!" Instead of being in the perfect school, with perfect co-workers and perfect students, I was being sent to hell to teach demons and wildcats all by myself. I had nightmares about not knowing where I should be, not being ready or not having a job. More denial at this point, since I refused to think about any of this during my waking hours and instead tossed and turned through many nights of troubled sleep.

4. Anger
By this afternoon, after some discussion with fellow teachers, I decided that I was being screwed by the system. Due to my part time position, my probationary status, and the huge chunks being taken from the education budgets on every level, I was going to lose my job at some point, if not this year. I was being mistreated or at the very least, underappreciated. The realization (be it real or imagined) that it is not my fault this is happening, made it easier to move on to the next step.

5. Acceptance
I came to the conclusion that the smart thing to do would be taking the following two steps. First, do everything I can to make myself more desirable as a teacher. This means taking classes, learning a second language, joining committees, etc. Second, start looking for full time positions in the district. I know that they say there aren't any right now, but I need to keep my nose to the ground, my ear to the wall and my eye to the keyhole. As soon as one comes available, I need to make it known that I want it. If I am going to lose my job, I am going to do it under MY terms, rather than those of the district. I have seen how well they look after their own.

I still don't like the idea of changing jobs but at least now I have a plan for dealing with it. I got right to work by starting a CLAD (Crosscultural Language and Academic Development) class which will not only make me more valuable to the district, but also help me when I have to renew my credential in 2005. I plan to speak with my principal in the next couple of days about watching for open positions. I feel better already.

We had adventures in that great expanse they call Outside the House. Hooray!

1. Bought transfer sheets at Staples. I am making tee-shirts for the family to wear to my brother's high school graduation in a couple of weeks. I found a wonderful (read: horribly embarassing) picture of him from a couple years ago and decided to get creative. It will be fun for all. : )

2. Test drove a Civic Hybrid. This was probably a mistake because now I am seriously jonesing for a new car. And unless I win the lottery there is no way I can afford one. Especially not the Hybrid which is about $21,000. *Sigh* Oh - and just a friendly tip for any of you hoping to become car salesmen - DON'T argue with the customer. They HATE that. When they tell you that they want to buy a hybrid type car for environmental reasons don't tell them that they could just "buy a Civic LX and donate a couple thousand dollars to an environmental agency". It's NOT the same.

3. Donated blood. I am a wuss and I HATE needles and pain of any kind, but I feel good about doing this. I now have a hole in my arm, a pretty blue bandage, a new tee-shirt and a $5 gift certificate for food. Of course, I feel kinda dumb because I managed to get light-headed and everyone made a big deal over me and I was embarassed. Such is the price for doing a good deed. : )

I have determined that Outside the House is a good place and will attempt to visit again soon. At the moment I am going to lie down and read smutty trash. I have to rest up for a night with the Js.

Geez...I don't know what put me in this funky mood, but I do know that a trashy romance novel and some chocolate milk will help get me out.

I'm going home for a week soon. As much as I love my family, this is a stressful thing for me. For as long as I could remember I have had distinct roles to play with each of my family members. I am, by turns,
the pillar of strength,
the fixer of problems,
the hearer of words,
the thinker of clever thoughts,
the dispenser of wisdom,
the mete-er (work with me here!) of discipline,
the teller of jokes,
the applauder of accomplishments.
Sometimes it is too much. Especially when deep down inside I still feel like I'm 14. What the hell do I know about any of these things? Of course, no one truly has these expectations of me. No one but me.

What to write? I feel as though I have been very shallow in my writing lately. Friday Five, This or That, rediculous quizzes...because I have nothing of depth to talk about? Or because I am repressing those deep thoughts I might be having? I honestly don't know. I read other blogs and I find witty, clever, deep, thoughtful people and I wonder why I can't be like that. I want to be like that. I strive to be like that. I feel fake and pretentious when I am like that. Ugh.

The things that are important in my life seem so shallow when they are turned into the written word. My students, my cats, my husband. They are so much more...more intense... more beautiful...more...they are so much MORE than I can express. How do I describe the frustration of seeing a little boy suffer from the inattentiveness of his parents and knowing that there is really nothing I can do to change it? How do I create the image of my little gray darling when she is lying upside down in the sun, asking for a tummy rub with the lazy blinking of her round eyes? How do I share the overwhelming depth of what I feel for the man who has seen my worst moments and still promised me his forever? There aren't words for it. Nothing I say can do any of it justice.

So instead I answer foolish questions about music and shoes and my first job. I compare chocolate ice cream to vanilla ice cream and couches to laz-e-boy chairs, all the while hoping that somehow you will take all the little bits and pieces and put them together to see that jigsaw puzzle that is me, that is my life. That puts the hard work, the challenge, on you rather than on me. And it leaves me the slight hope that no one will manage to put the pieces together quite right and notice that I am, in fact, not as deep or as beautiful or as spiritual or as special or as clever as I wish I were. It leaves me the impression that I might still have some of you fooled into thinking that I am all of those things. Perhaps it even leaves me the hope that I might fool MYSELF.

I don't think it's working.

Through the Eyes of a Child



This is a picture of our classroom as one student sees it from his desk. That is me sitting in the front. The white board behind me contains all kinds of information that we use every day. I find it interesting that the only two parts he considers important enough to actually represent are the date and the copy of the Matrix that was sitting in the white board tray*. The rest of the scribbles very accurately represent the placement of the rest of the words, if not the meaning.

(*The Matrix was there because it was "Dress as your Favorite Movie Star" day. I don't have a favorite movie star, but I do have favorite black clothes and I am excited about the upcoming release of The Matrix, Reloaded, so I dressed as Trinity. No one got it, but it was fun.)

Yesterday my students were required to complete a simile activity. They had to come up with a simile to describe (nicely) each member of our classroom. It was amusing to read through them last night. Some of the best...okay, maybe most creative is a better description...

S***** is as cool as a Pokemon.
T**** is as daring as a fire eater.
M******* is as generous as a tree.
O** is as handsome as Denzel Washington. (Interestingly enough, O** came up with this one!)
N*** is as fast as me. (O** came up with this one too. O** doesn't have any self-esteem problems.)
A****** is as peaceful as her guinea pig.
K**** is as funny as a possom. (??? I had no idea.)
O** is as quiet as a hyena. (Yep, that's the same O**. And yep, he's about that quiet!)
Mrs. H. is as pretty as a horse. (As my hubby was reminding me last night, that is a good thing in the mind of a child. They think horses are pretty.)
B**** is as energetic as a zebra foal.

We had fun with this activity. I am going to type them all up and make each child a book of similes about themselves. I think I will do this for the end of the year so they can use them like yearbooks. : )

Which country am I most like?


Switzerland -
A neutral power for as long as most can remember,
it has avoided war for several centuries.
However, it is still considered highly advanced
and a global power.


Positives:

Judicial.

Neutrality.

World-Renouned.

Powerful without Force.

Makes Excellent Watches, Etc.


Negatives:

Target of Ridicule.

Constant Struggle to Avoid Conflict.

Target of Criminal Bank Accounts.



Which Country of the World are You?
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I bet this doesn't surprise you at all.