34 kids is too many for one person to spend all day with but if i complain about it i am just a whiner and if i just put up with it i am someone to take advantage of because i am willing to do what my bosses ask even if i think it is truly wrong like cramming 34 kids into one room with one adult with very little experience and two curriculums and then just walking away not giving any feedback or support other than saying you're doing great, keep it up because no matter how many times you say that i will always know that there are things i could be doing better but since i don't know what they are i don't know what to do to change them and even if i did i am too tired to even try so i guess it is just as well because it would just be one more thing to feel guilty about like not covering every single standard that is required or not using the sugary sweet wonderful happy tone of voice every single minute of every single day or not changing my bulletin boards all year long because who has the time or not being able to support the ELL students in my class who don't understand enough english to really be doing the work we are doing but since i am barely keeping my head above water as it is i just let it go and hope that they won't think back on 5th grade as just another year when no one cared because i do care even if i can't do what needs to be done.
mmmm....chewy chocolate chip cookie
okay. enough venting. time to play Diggin' Dinos Monopoly and stop thinking about school as much as i possibly can until tomorrow when i have 34 writing contracts to look through and a week to plan.
Saturday, January 31, 2004
Things that make you go "Hmmmm."
I went to bed at 10 pm last night. I woke up at 10 am this morning, walked into the other room, napped for a while, surfed the web and watched some anime, napped some more and here I am. Tired. Over at ASV, Michele is talking about the dreaded mononucleosis, something my mother was always worried I would get (along with appendicitis). Hmm.
Commenting at ASV, a guy named Matt linked to this article. Despite my desire to vote my conscience (green party), I have pretty much decided that the only safe thing to do is vote my fears (democratic). Even that seemed like a lost cause to me. Knowing that "8,279 primary voters wrote in the names of Democratic challengers to Bush on their Republican ballots" and "219,787 Granite State voters took Democratic ballots Tuesday, shattering the previous record of 170,000 in 1992" in New Hampshire last week makes me feel a little better. There may be hope for the world after all. Hmm.
The longer I work under conditions that go directly against my contract and the more times I agree to keep doing it because of things that are promised "in the near future", the more I feel like a donkey with a carrot dangling in front of it. If it weren't for the kids, I would have told them to take this situation and shove it. Better that it affect me, than letting it affect all or even some of my kids. At least that is what I tell myself when I get up for work each morning these days. Continuous failure on the part of management cannot be overcome by good intentions and self-sacrifice forever, though. I am beginning to feel...not an apathy...more of an anti-desire...when it comes to work. I have every desire to do right by these kids, I am simply unable to meet the increasingly stressful expectations of my position. My mind, body and spirit are all screaming "OVERLOAD!" Hmm.
Commenting at ASV, a guy named Matt linked to this article. Despite my desire to vote my conscience (green party), I have pretty much decided that the only safe thing to do is vote my fears (democratic). Even that seemed like a lost cause to me. Knowing that "8,279 primary voters wrote in the names of Democratic challengers to Bush on their Republican ballots" and "219,787 Granite State voters took Democratic ballots Tuesday, shattering the previous record of 170,000 in 1992" in New Hampshire last week makes me feel a little better. There may be hope for the world after all. Hmm.
The longer I work under conditions that go directly against my contract and the more times I agree to keep doing it because of things that are promised "in the near future", the more I feel like a donkey with a carrot dangling in front of it. If it weren't for the kids, I would have told them to take this situation and shove it. Better that it affect me, than letting it affect all or even some of my kids. At least that is what I tell myself when I get up for work each morning these days. Continuous failure on the part of management cannot be overcome by good intentions and self-sacrifice forever, though. I am beginning to feel...not an apathy...more of an anti-desire...when it comes to work. I have every desire to do right by these kids, I am simply unable to meet the increasingly stressful expectations of my position. My mind, body and spirit are all screaming "OVERLOAD!" Hmm.
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
Substitute Angel
Thank goodness for substitute teachers. Especially mine. I was able to enjoy my observation day without any worrying because I knew my class was in good hands. When I don't know the sub, I worry if they are being too mean or too lax or too weird. (There are some REALLY strange people out there!) Today I knew that my sub would be friendly, but firm and that she would try to get everything on the schedule done without being a taskmaster. The best part is that she is also available to fill in for me tomorrow when I am taking a sick day.
I still feel like crap and I want to sleep in and rest all day long tomorrow. I know that I will end up feeling guilty for not being there, so I brought home a TON of correcting and paperwork that I will do in front of the television in-between naps. I figure it is better to stay home and recover today than to try to work and lose my just now returning voice and possibly a couple of days. Besides - I have earned a mental health day if nothing else.
I still feel like crap and I want to sleep in and rest all day long tomorrow. I know that I will end up feeling guilty for not being there, so I brought home a TON of correcting and paperwork that I will do in front of the television in-between naps. I figure it is better to stay home and recover today than to try to work and lose my just now returning voice and possibly a couple of days. Besides - I have earned a mental health day if nothing else.
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
Quiet
Voice gradually disappeared thoughout the day. Good thing I have an observation day all lined up for tomorrow. No talking for me. This is the THIRD time this year.
Controversy
When I heard about MoveOn.org's 60 second, anti-Bush commercial contest, I was all set to see inflammatory, offensive commercials. Because that is what happens. Then my computer refused to show them (I was missing some vital bit of computer wizardry) so I didn't get to see them at all. Finally today, I got to see the winning commercial. It was not at all what I expected. And it made an excellent statement.
CBS is refusing to air this commercial during the Super Bowl, while giving the go-ahead to a White House sponsered ad. I am not going to shout "Censorship!" and "Special Interests!" because I have been too buried under school work to do the necessary research, but the folks at MoveOn and a few people who's opinions I trust have been hinting at just those things.
Check it out. See what you think. Then do what your conscience moves you to do.
Personally, I think CBS has the right to refuse to run an ad they think will cost them money (through loss of viewers or other advertisers), however I signed the petition to let them know that their decision NOT to run the ad is costing them viewers as well.
CBS is refusing to air this commercial during the Super Bowl, while giving the go-ahead to a White House sponsered ad. I am not going to shout "Censorship!" and "Special Interests!" because I have been too buried under school work to do the necessary research, but the folks at MoveOn and a few people who's opinions I trust have been hinting at just those things.
Check it out. See what you think. Then do what your conscience moves you to do.
Personally, I think CBS has the right to refuse to run an ad they think will cost them money (through loss of viewers or other advertisers), however I signed the petition to let them know that their decision NOT to run the ad is costing them viewers as well.
Sunday, January 25, 2004
Jungle Fever
My backyard has gradually become more and more jungle-like since the beginning of school. At my house I am the only one who really enjoys doing yardwork (I like my powertools!) and when I am too busy to do it, the yard does what comes naturally - GROW. Today I decided that if I didn't get those papers graded for another week it wouldn't be the end of the world, but if I didn't take back some of my yard from the grass and pepper trees I might never get it back again. A couple of hours of physical labor and my yard is once again safe for small children. It feels good. It looks good. I hope it last for a little while at least. Next weekend - the rosebush gets it.
I am seriously thinking about looking into a yard service. Maybe after we have our backyard redone. We will never be able to sell with things looking this way. Not that we are planning to sell anytime soon. But someday...
I am seriously thinking about looking into a yard service. Maybe after we have our backyard redone. We will never be able to sell with things looking this way. Not that we are planning to sell anytime soon. But someday...
Cheese Day in WI
Tuesday, January 20 was Cheese Day in Wisconsin Rapids, WI. Some stunning revelations were made...
"I like cheese on sandwiches too." said Stephanie Jinksy
"I like it plain and I don't mind it on crackers either." Zach Vruwink said
Deep.
In honor of the day I thought I would list some of my favorite uses for cheese as well.
Mozzarella, tomato and basil sandwiches with LOTS of mayo on Rosemary bread
Cheddar and Velveeta sauce over noodles
Fresh cheese curds as is. I love the squeak. This is something my hubby has yet to experience fully.
Nacho cheese with salsa and kidney beans mixed in for dipping corn chips
Parmesan cheese over spaghetti or buttered noodles
Swiss cheese on crackers
CoJack on tacos or scrambled eggs or broccoli or baked potato or anything else that needs a little zip
So what kinds of cheese do YOU like?
Thanks again to FARK for the link.
"I like cheese on sandwiches too." said Stephanie Jinksy
"I like it plain and I don't mind it on crackers either." Zach Vruwink said
Deep.
In honor of the day I thought I would list some of my favorite uses for cheese as well.
Mozzarella, tomato and basil sandwiches with LOTS of mayo on Rosemary bread
Cheddar and Velveeta sauce over noodles
Fresh cheese curds as is. I love the squeak. This is something my hubby has yet to experience fully.
Nacho cheese with salsa and kidney beans mixed in for dipping corn chips
Parmesan cheese over spaghetti or buttered noodles
Swiss cheese on crackers
CoJack on tacos or scrambled eggs or broccoli or baked potato or anything else that needs a little zip
So what kinds of cheese do YOU like?
Thanks again to FARK for the link.
Jesus needs better PR
Recent article from the UK:
Psychologists asked more than 2,500 young people aged between 16 and 24 to nominate the individuals they most admired.
They were given the opportunity to choose great political thinkers, artists and religious leaders as well as men and women whose faces regularly appear on TV and in glossy magazines.
THE LIST
#1 David Beckham (soccer player)
#2 Brad Pitt (actor)
#3 Justin Timberlake (singer)
#4 Michael Jackson (singer and...oh nevermind)
#5 Jennifer Lopez (singer and actress)
#6 Robbie Williams (singer)
#7 Orlando Bloom (actor)
#8 Brittney Spears (singer and...no, I'll be nice)
#9 Keanu Reeves (actor)
#10 Angelina Jolie (actress)
#69 Tony Blair (Prime Minister) and David Blaine (street magician)
#123 Jesus (carpenter and son of God) and George W. Bush (President and son of a...shhhh!)
There is something seriously WRONG with the world as we know it. SERIOUSLY. Thanks to FARK for the link.
Psychologists asked more than 2,500 young people aged between 16 and 24 to nominate the individuals they most admired.
They were given the opportunity to choose great political thinkers, artists and religious leaders as well as men and women whose faces regularly appear on TV and in glossy magazines.
THE LIST
#1 David Beckham (soccer player)
#2 Brad Pitt (actor)
#3 Justin Timberlake (singer)
#4 Michael Jackson (singer and...oh nevermind)
#5 Jennifer Lopez (singer and actress)
#6 Robbie Williams (singer)
#7 Orlando Bloom (actor)
#8 Brittney Spears (singer and...no, I'll be nice)
#9 Keanu Reeves (actor)
#10 Angelina Jolie (actress)
#69 Tony Blair (Prime Minister) and David Blaine (street magician)
#123 Jesus (carpenter and son of God) and George W. Bush (President and son of a...shhhh!)
There is something seriously WRONG with the world as we know it. SERIOUSLY. Thanks to FARK for the link.
I Believe
As I have mentioned many times before, my dad used to read The Polar Express by Chris Van Allsberg to us every year at Christmas. He worked hard to create and maintain in us a belief in Santa - not as a way to make us behave ourselves, but as a way to encourage us to keep the peace during that one particular season. We might fight like cats and dogs all year long, but during December we go out of our way to show the ones important to us how much they are loved.
Anyway, in the story a little boy is allowed to choose whatever he wants as the First Gift of Christmas. He chooses a bell off of the harness of one of the reindeer, but he loses it on his way home. When it shows up under the tree the next morning he knows that he didn't dream the whole thing, that it really happened. Unfortunately, his parents can't hear the tinkle of the bell - they no longer truly believe in Santa. Over time the bell falls silent for all of his friend, too. The little boy never forgets his magical trip and never loses the ability to hear the bell's tiny sound.
I know I have talked about this story and it's importance to me before. One year Santa left a tiny bell for each of us on the plate covered with cookie crumbs. I still have that bell on a chain and I would wear it each Christmas season. This year I didn't. Perhaps it was how busy the school year had been or perhaps it was a side effect of all that has happened in my family over the last few years. Whatever it was, I thought about the bell a couple of times, but never got it down.
One of the very last things I opened this year was a small box from my dad. Inside was a beautiful, silver bell on a chain. It has tiny etchings and a wonderful chime. I immediately put it on. It hasn't come off for more than the length of a shower since. The old bell was a symbol of my belief in the Christmas spirit. This one is so much more.
Wearing this bell is a statement of belief as well. I believe in Love even when it is tarnished and tired. I believe in my family members, despite (or perhaps because of) their weaknesses and failings. I believe in myself and my ability to accomplish my goal of changing the world. I believe in Peace, no matter how thick and dark the hatred gets all around me. I believe that there is a purpose to each event in my life even though I often have no idea what it may be. When I need a little encouragement - a little belief boost - hold the bell tightly in one hand and think about all these things. I focus on the important things and it always makes me feel better.
Anyway, in the story a little boy is allowed to choose whatever he wants as the First Gift of Christmas. He chooses a bell off of the harness of one of the reindeer, but he loses it on his way home. When it shows up under the tree the next morning he knows that he didn't dream the whole thing, that it really happened. Unfortunately, his parents can't hear the tinkle of the bell - they no longer truly believe in Santa. Over time the bell falls silent for all of his friend, too. The little boy never forgets his magical trip and never loses the ability to hear the bell's tiny sound.
I know I have talked about this story and it's importance to me before. One year Santa left a tiny bell for each of us on the plate covered with cookie crumbs. I still have that bell on a chain and I would wear it each Christmas season. This year I didn't. Perhaps it was how busy the school year had been or perhaps it was a side effect of all that has happened in my family over the last few years. Whatever it was, I thought about the bell a couple of times, but never got it down.
One of the very last things I opened this year was a small box from my dad. Inside was a beautiful, silver bell on a chain. It has tiny etchings and a wonderful chime. I immediately put it on. It hasn't come off for more than the length of a shower since. The old bell was a symbol of my belief in the Christmas spirit. This one is so much more.
Wearing this bell is a statement of belief as well. I believe in Love even when it is tarnished and tired. I believe in my family members, despite (or perhaps because of) their weaknesses and failings. I believe in myself and my ability to accomplish my goal of changing the world. I believe in Peace, no matter how thick and dark the hatred gets all around me. I believe that there is a purpose to each event in my life even though I often have no idea what it may be. When I need a little encouragement - a little belief boost - hold the bell tightly in one hand and think about all these things. I focus on the important things and it always makes me feel better.
Saturday, January 24, 2004
Grow Your Own
Just before Christmas, a large box was delivered to our house. On the side it said "Grows Quickly" and "100% Fresh" and "Start Immediately". Upon opening we discovered what looked (and smelled) like a box of manure. A pamphlet contained all the instructions needed to turn the box of manure into our own little mushroom garden. Being a good girl, I followed the instructions.
About a week later, this is what I saw when I took the box down from the cat-safe shelf to apply its daily spritzing.
I decided it was time to harvest the first batch. Don't they look beautiful?
I quickly sliced up the remaining shrooms and tossed them in a pan with some onions and garlic.
Before long...
They were delicious. Although I must admit before tasting the first one, my thoughts flashed to an Agatha Christie story in which the murder weapon was a deadly fungus.
I have made spaghetti twice this week already. I can't get enough. Homegrown mushrooms are bigger and have more mouth feel (yes, I DO watch the cooking channel, why?), and contain more of their own moisture. The second batch of fungi, harvested just last night, were even bigger than the first.
This was probably the most useful, educational, and edible gift I got! Thanks, Mom! :)
About a week later, this is what I saw when I took the box down from the cat-safe shelf to apply its daily spritzing.
I decided it was time to harvest the first batch. Don't they look beautiful?
I quickly sliced up the remaining shrooms and tossed them in a pan with some onions and garlic.
Before long...
They were delicious. Although I must admit before tasting the first one, my thoughts flashed to an Agatha Christie story in which the murder weapon was a deadly fungus.
I have made spaghetti twice this week already. I can't get enough. Homegrown mushrooms are bigger and have more mouth feel (yes, I DO watch the cooking channel, why?), and contain more of their own moisture. The second batch of fungi, harvested just last night, were even bigger than the first.
This was probably the most useful, educational, and edible gift I got! Thanks, Mom! :)
Classroom Update
As promised last week, I have rearranged my classroom into rows - all students with a clear view of the whiteboard in the front of the room. On Tuesday, things were better all day, but fell apart at 3:00. (The last 15 minutes of my day are consistently the worst.) On Wednesday, again all day was good and again things wanted to fall apart at the end of the day, but I spent the last 15 minutes calmly repeating "Our mouths are closed, our bottoms are in our chairs and our binders (where they record homework) are open" non-stop until it was time to leave. I praised them profusely for following directions. Thursday, I didn't have to repeat it constantly, just when someone would start to talk. By Friday, the whole day was going smoothly. I have faced my darkest fear (truly - I have intense nightmares about losing control of my class) and overcome it. Once again we are spending our time learning instead of battling each other. It is a good thing.
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Shark Jumping
If Team Angel expects me to continue staying up until 10 every Wednesday, they better pull their story line together and start doing something interesting. I'm not buying the "We're running Wolfram and Hart so we can change it from the inside" line and I am getting tired of the devisiveness and whiny gritching from each and every gang member. Bleh. That's right. I said Bleh.
Pass It On
Today the daughter of a co-worker of mine stopped in my classroom to say hello. She does this fairly regularly, allowing me to have all the fun of interacting with a pre-teen without any of the hassles so common with the "black hole" gang. This time we bonded over some Beatles music. She listened to several songs on my "Please, Please Me" album before letting me convince her that if she liked the Beatles, she would like John Lennon.
She listened to Imagine once as she drew on the board. Then she went to the stereo, started it over and listened to it again, this time reading the lyrics and singing along. When it finished for the second time, she looked up and said, "This is the best song ever." She proceeded to listen to it two more times before she had to go home, each time commenting on how cool it was.
It was very cool to watch a member of this up-and-coming generation relate to such a timeless message. I feel like I have passed on something important. Some messages never die.
She listened to Imagine once as she drew on the board. Then she went to the stereo, started it over and listened to it again, this time reading the lyrics and singing along. When it finished for the second time, she looked up and said, "This is the best song ever." She proceeded to listen to it two more times before she had to go home, each time commenting on how cool it was.
It was very cool to watch a member of this up-and-coming generation relate to such a timeless message. I feel like I have passed on something important. Some messages never die.
Sunday, January 18, 2004
Amen
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate.... Returning violence for violence multiples violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. "
---Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
---Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
"A day on, not a day off."
Tomorrow is MLK, Jr. Day. I would be lying if I said I weren't thrilled to have a day off of school. I'm sure many people feel the same. However, I hope that you take a moment to think about the reason for the extended weekend. Not sure where to start?
Please Note: I am linking these sites in the interest of creating thought and discussion, NOT BECAUSE I SHARE ANY PARTICULAR BELIEFS. If you choose to visit these sites, please do so as a rational, intelligent person. As with any news source, you need to think about the authors and their motivations.
Dr. Martin Luther King Scavenger Hunt - an interesting collection of questions and resources designed to get you thinking and reading about Dr. King and his life.
Martin Luther King, Jr. Student Projects - a timeline, word searches, thoughts, and letters by students at Poantico Hills School in Sleepy Hollow, NY
"I have a Dream" - Dr. King's speech
The King Center - information about Martin Luther King, Jr. and Coretta Scott King
The Martin Luther King America has Ignored - a Christian Science Monitor article
Martin Luther King: A True Historical Examination - a site suggesting that King was a plagarist and all around not very nice guy
Martin Luther King: Traitor - an article by one Alan Stang, just like it sounds
Martin Luther King: Communist Fraud - another article by Mr. Stang, just like it sounds
Please Note: I am linking these sites in the interest of creating thought and discussion, NOT BECAUSE I SHARE ANY PARTICULAR BELIEFS. If you choose to visit these sites, please do so as a rational, intelligent person. As with any news source, you need to think about the authors and their motivations.
Dr. Martin Luther King Scavenger Hunt - an interesting collection of questions and resources designed to get you thinking and reading about Dr. King and his life.
Martin Luther King, Jr. Student Projects - a timeline, word searches, thoughts, and letters by students at Poantico Hills School in Sleepy Hollow, NY
"I have a Dream" - Dr. King's speech
The King Center - information about Martin Luther King, Jr. and Coretta Scott King
The Martin Luther King America has Ignored - a Christian Science Monitor article
Martin Luther King: A True Historical Examination - a site suggesting that King was a plagarist and all around not very nice guy
Martin Luther King: Traitor - an article by one Alan Stang, just like it sounds
Martin Luther King: Communist Fraud - another article by Mr. Stang, just like it sounds
Trading Places
A co-worker and I spent about an hour chatting about teaching and the state of education. My biggest concern was the lack of passion when it comes to initiating change. There are many teachers that I know who are truly dedicated to doing what is right for children and who feel that state and district mandates are only leading us further and further astray. However, rather than fighting the good fight and tilting at these mammoth windmills placed in their paths, they either do as they are told or close their classroom doors and do what they want.
This particular co-worker has been teaching since the 70's and has watched this passion fade over time. It was good for me to talk to her - seeing a teacher who feels the same way I do after 20+ years of battling red tape and politics gives me hope. And (I hope) talking to me was good for her - seeing that new teachers are willing to fight for what they think is right instead of just following the leader.
This particular co-worker has been teaching since the 70's and has watched this passion fade over time. It was good for me to talk to her - seeing a teacher who feels the same way I do after 20+ years of battling red tape and politics gives me hope. And (I hope) talking to me was good for her - seeing that new teachers are willing to fight for what they think is right instead of just following the leader.
Sunday
Good afternoon. I hope you are enjoying this "middle of a long weekend" Sunday. A few random ramblings...
~I got my hair cut yesterday. It is now just to my shoulders with long layers. With the extra weight off, it is much wavier and bouncier than normal. I like. Mikey like. It's all good.
~I have a migraine today. The kind that doesn't really hurt so much as it makes me feel ever so slightly nauseated and makes the top of my head feel cold. Yes - when I get a migraine the cap of my scalp feels cold. I get a band of pressure that goes around my forehead and everything above it is chilly. This is the kind of headache that doesn't really make life unbearable, but it certainly takes a lot of the joy out of everyday things.
~We just returned from a trip to the 99 cent store. Normally something I really love - today something that was a necessity. I got lots of things for school and Mikey got candy.
~Speaking of Mikey - he is making chili in the crockpot today. We are experimenting to find out what makes a good vegetarian chili and how long it should be crockpotted. I think he has hit on a working recipe. The secret ingredient is condensed tomato soup. We were all out of tomato paste.
~My e-mail has been down all day. It makes me cry. Fortunately, the wonderful Geoff is working on it. (Or says he is.)
~We ate lunch at about 12, before running our errands. At 2:30 when we got back I had to have 1.5 tomato and mayo sandwiches on Rosemary-Olive Oil bread. It is an addiction. I need help.
~Written on the sidewalk outside of the FanDiego store in Murrieta - "Read a F***ing Book!" (censoring mine) Inside the FanDiego store in Murrieta - overpriced fans, too many people and disinterested salespeople.
I should really be doing some planning for the next couple of weeks. I don't think I will though. Why do today what I can put off until tomorrow?
~I got my hair cut yesterday. It is now just to my shoulders with long layers. With the extra weight off, it is much wavier and bouncier than normal. I like. Mikey like. It's all good.
~I have a migraine today. The kind that doesn't really hurt so much as it makes me feel ever so slightly nauseated and makes the top of my head feel cold. Yes - when I get a migraine the cap of my scalp feels cold. I get a band of pressure that goes around my forehead and everything above it is chilly. This is the kind of headache that doesn't really make life unbearable, but it certainly takes a lot of the joy out of everyday things.
~We just returned from a trip to the 99 cent store. Normally something I really love - today something that was a necessity. I got lots of things for school and Mikey got candy.
~Speaking of Mikey - he is making chili in the crockpot today. We are experimenting to find out what makes a good vegetarian chili and how long it should be crockpotted. I think he has hit on a working recipe. The secret ingredient is condensed tomato soup. We were all out of tomato paste.
~My e-mail has been down all day. It makes me cry. Fortunately, the wonderful Geoff is working on it. (Or says he is.)
~We ate lunch at about 12, before running our errands. At 2:30 when we got back I had to have 1.5 tomato and mayo sandwiches on Rosemary-Olive Oil bread. It is an addiction. I need help.
~Written on the sidewalk outside of the FanDiego store in Murrieta - "Read a F***ing Book!" (censoring mine) Inside the FanDiego store in Murrieta - overpriced fans, too many people and disinterested salespeople.
I should really be doing some planning for the next couple of weeks. I don't think I will though. Why do today what I can put off until tomorrow?
Saturday, January 17, 2004
Duh
I have been tearing my hair out since returning to my class after winter break. Things have gotten so ugly that I felt like we had all teleported back to October. Do I need to remind you what I sounded like in October? It was NOT a pretty picture. Anyway, the discipline in my room has been atrocious and I have been so very frustrated, wondering what the heck happened. Things were going so well...
And suddenly, last night - while in a stupor from yet another mind numbing day of chaos and upset - it hit me.
I used to have the class arranged in rows. This gave everyone enough elbow room and discouraged the incesent chatter that seems to pour out of this group of kids. As our numbers rose and our behavior improved, I decided to form table groups of 4-5 students as a space saving device.
Bad Idea.
VERY BAD IDEA.
As of Tuesday (no school Monday, you know) we will be returning rows of bright, shiny faces all facing straight forward. Just the theory of this change has lifted an enormous weight off of my shoulders. Whatever spirit saw fit to provide me with that little kernel of insight has my complete and undying gratitude. I do believe I will make it through the end of the year - something that was decidedly questionable as of 3:30 yesterday afternoon.
And suddenly, last night - while in a stupor from yet another mind numbing day of chaos and upset - it hit me.
I used to have the class arranged in rows. This gave everyone enough elbow room and discouraged the incesent chatter that seems to pour out of this group of kids. As our numbers rose and our behavior improved, I decided to form table groups of 4-5 students as a space saving device.
Bad Idea.
VERY BAD IDEA.
As of Tuesday (no school Monday, you know) we will be returning rows of bright, shiny faces all facing straight forward. Just the theory of this change has lifted an enormous weight off of my shoulders. Whatever spirit saw fit to provide me with that little kernel of insight has my complete and undying gratitude. I do believe I will make it through the end of the year - something that was decidedly questionable as of 3:30 yesterday afternoon.
Friday, January 16, 2004
The Silver Lining
Apparently, angst makes me more creative. I have truly impressed myself tonight with my ability to move from chord to chord on my pretty little guitar. For the first time, I played "You left it up to me" by the Indigo Girls in a way that made it actually sound like a song. Hooray me!
A Word to the Wise
"God will never give you more than you can handle."
"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."
No matter how helpful and supportive you are being when saying these words, if the person you are saying them to is actually feeling overwhelmed and stressed, it will only make them want to hurt you.
"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."
No matter how helpful and supportive you are being when saying these words, if the person you are saying them to is actually feeling overwhelmed and stressed, it will only make them want to hurt you.
Hard
It is hard to be strong.
It is hard to be trusted.
It is hard to accept.
It is hard to succeed.
It is hard to apologize.
It is hard to grow.
It is hard to lead.
It is hard to persist.
It is hard to give.
It is hard to forgive.
It is hard to work.
It is hard to learn.
It is hard to protect.
It is hard to create.
It is hard to love.
It is hard to provide.
It is hard to cushion.
It is hard to support.
It is hard to let go.
It is hard to shine.
It is hard to lean.
It is hard to TEACH.
It is hard to be trusted.
It is hard to accept.
It is hard to succeed.
It is hard to apologize.
It is hard to grow.
It is hard to lead.
It is hard to persist.
It is hard to give.
It is hard to forgive.
It is hard to work.
It is hard to learn.
It is hard to protect.
It is hard to create.
It is hard to love.
It is hard to provide.
It is hard to cushion.
It is hard to support.
It is hard to let go.
It is hard to shine.
It is hard to lean.
It is hard to TEACH.
I'm Begging You
Is it really too much to ask that the hair care industry come up with SOME way to make hair ties that will survive more than a day around my unruly locks? Every freakin' time I use a hair band (And I am talking about the ones that are wrapped - just plain rubber bands are BAD for your hair) it breaks either as I am putting it in or while it is in. Now, I know that I have exceptionally thick and wonderful hair - but that should make me the ultimate test subject, not the freak who can no longer tie back her hair because all 1, 836 hair ties in her possession have broken. Ugh.
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
Random Question I Found On MoodyMama's Site And Used To Avoid Working
What kind of underwear are you wearing and what color?
I dunno what you call them - bikini? Anyway their purple.
What is the song you want played at your funeral?
Um. I did pick one once. But mostly I don't think about it. I'll get back to you on that one.
What would your last meal be before getting executed?
My mother's Spinach/Cream Cheese quiche, mozzarella sticks, a vanilla malt and one of those pills that makes you invincible.
Beatles or Stones?
Beatles or who? :) I am definitely a Fab Four Fan.
If you had to pick one person on earth who should die, who would it be?
Me. I know that sounds suicidal, but it isn't. It is just that I believe I only have the right to make that decision for myself - no one else.
What is the thing most important to you (as far as physical) about the preferred sex?
arms
Do you secretly hate some of your friendsters but are too nice to reject them?
Nope. I adore all my friends. If I didn't, I wouldn't consider them friends.
If you could have any super power what would it be?
super (yet controllable) strength
Favorite hangover cure?
Avoiding alcohol.
How many drinks does it take to get you drunk?
No idea. Never made it that far.
Favorite Outkast lyric?
Um. who?
Hair color you most like someone you're dating to have?
I have never even thought about it. Is that something that is supposed to matter?
If you had to be blind or deaf?
Deaf. I am a very visual person.
Do you have any psychiatric problems?
Don't we all?
Siblings that should go to rehab?
Yep.
Least favorite month?
February - it may be the shortest month, but it FEELS like the longest
First movie you can remember seeing as a kid?
E.T. and it scared the living daylights out of me. I actually made my dad take me out of the theatre! We sat in the car while my aunt finished watching.
Favorite person in the whole world?
Mikey, of course.
When's the last time you went on a date?
Mikey and I went to a movie a couple weeks ago.
Do you like violent movies or dirty movies?
Yep.
Fall or spring?
I prefer springing over falling.
Person you most wish you hadn't made out with?
I would have to think on that on...probably K.
Where do you want to live when you are old and brittle?
Kauaii - modest shack on the beach
Who is the person you can count on most?
Mikey - anytime for anything
If you could date any celebrity past or present, time and age are not factors?
I wouldn't date a celebrity. Too many paparazzi, too many "issues"
What books have you pretended you've read?
Any text assigned during college.
What's a word you would use to describe your life?
ControlledChaos
Favorite drinking game?
the "Which Flavor of Martinelli's?" game
What did you dream last night?
don't remember. I tend to sleep too hard to remember these days.
Favorite bands?
So many...
I dunno what you call them - bikini? Anyway their purple.
What is the song you want played at your funeral?
Um. I did pick one once. But mostly I don't think about it. I'll get back to you on that one.
What would your last meal be before getting executed?
My mother's Spinach/Cream Cheese quiche, mozzarella sticks, a vanilla malt and one of those pills that makes you invincible.
Beatles or Stones?
Beatles or who? :) I am definitely a Fab Four Fan.
If you had to pick one person on earth who should die, who would it be?
Me. I know that sounds suicidal, but it isn't. It is just that I believe I only have the right to make that decision for myself - no one else.
What is the thing most important to you (as far as physical) about the preferred sex?
arms
Do you secretly hate some of your friendsters but are too nice to reject them?
Nope. I adore all my friends. If I didn't, I wouldn't consider them friends.
If you could have any super power what would it be?
super (yet controllable) strength
Favorite hangover cure?
Avoiding alcohol.
How many drinks does it take to get you drunk?
No idea. Never made it that far.
Favorite Outkast lyric?
Um. who?
Hair color you most like someone you're dating to have?
I have never even thought about it. Is that something that is supposed to matter?
If you had to be blind or deaf?
Deaf. I am a very visual person.
Do you have any psychiatric problems?
Don't we all?
Siblings that should go to rehab?
Yep.
Least favorite month?
February - it may be the shortest month, but it FEELS like the longest
First movie you can remember seeing as a kid?
E.T. and it scared the living daylights out of me. I actually made my dad take me out of the theatre! We sat in the car while my aunt finished watching.
Favorite person in the whole world?
Mikey, of course.
When's the last time you went on a date?
Mikey and I went to a movie a couple weeks ago.
Do you like violent movies or dirty movies?
Yep.
Fall or spring?
I prefer springing over falling.
Person you most wish you hadn't made out with?
I would have to think on that on...probably K.
Where do you want to live when you are old and brittle?
Kauaii - modest shack on the beach
Who is the person you can count on most?
Mikey - anytime for anything
If you could date any celebrity past or present, time and age are not factors?
I wouldn't date a celebrity. Too many paparazzi, too many "issues"
What books have you pretended you've read?
Any text assigned during college.
What's a word you would use to describe your life?
ControlledChaos
Favorite drinking game?
the "Which Flavor of Martinelli's?" game
What did you dream last night?
don't remember. I tend to sleep too hard to remember these days.
Favorite bands?
So many...
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
Some people
In my line of work, I see every kind of parent - the good and the bad. I have seen parents who are barely more than children themselves. I have met parents who push their children much too hard and parents who don't push nearly hard enough. I have heard parents say things that brought tears to my eyes, whether from anger, sorrow or joy. I have dealt with parents who are loving, parents who are scared, parents who are frustrated, parents who are doting, parents who are careless...you name it, and I have seen it. From all of the parents I have seen, I have learned one thing.
Some people are meant to be parents, while some people are not.
My observations of the joys and frustrations of parenting, along with my certainty that some people just don't have what it takes, plays a large role in my own decision to avoid that position myself. I don't know that I have what it takes. I can teach children. I can love children. I can respect children. But I can only do it in short intervals - perhaps 48 hours on the outside. Beyond that - I just don't know. More than 48 hours and they start interfering with travel plans and romantic evenings and my desire to eat nothing but cake for dinner. Perhaps I would be one of those wonderful people who can place their own wishes and desires a step behind those of their children. But PERHAPS I would be one of those parents (the ones I see all too many of) who instead tries to live life exactly as before, resenting every childish distraction. I doubt it. But I am not willing to risk a child's life and happiness on it.
My heroes are the men and women who allow their children to be the most important things in their lives (while not spoiling them, of course) - providing a stable foundation for the youth that are our future. They are willing to face a challenge that still leaves me curled up in a fetal postion under the covers. Kudos to them. In part, it is for them - to support and assist them - that I teach.
This rant was inspired by Wil's lovely description of dinner with his family. As I said, some people are meant to be parents.
Some people are meant to be parents, while some people are not.
My observations of the joys and frustrations of parenting, along with my certainty that some people just don't have what it takes, plays a large role in my own decision to avoid that position myself. I don't know that I have what it takes. I can teach children. I can love children. I can respect children. But I can only do it in short intervals - perhaps 48 hours on the outside. Beyond that - I just don't know. More than 48 hours and they start interfering with travel plans and romantic evenings and my desire to eat nothing but cake for dinner. Perhaps I would be one of those wonderful people who can place their own wishes and desires a step behind those of their children. But PERHAPS I would be one of those parents (the ones I see all too many of) who instead tries to live life exactly as before, resenting every childish distraction. I doubt it. But I am not willing to risk a child's life and happiness on it.
My heroes are the men and women who allow their children to be the most important things in their lives (while not spoiling them, of course) - providing a stable foundation for the youth that are our future. They are willing to face a challenge that still leaves me curled up in a fetal postion under the covers. Kudos to them. In part, it is for them - to support and assist them - that I teach.
This rant was inspired by Wil's lovely description of dinner with his family. As I said, some people are meant to be parents.
Monday, January 12, 2004
Back in the Saddle
The last two work days I have opened my eyes exactly 1 minute before my alarm was to go off. To me that says I am back in the swing of things. Wish me luck in my IEP meeting this morning. I am very concerned about this child and, although I hate to say it, I can't provide what he needs. Cross your fingers that something good will happen for him.
Sunday, January 11, 2004
Hard Lessons
I often find myself here, blogging through my jumbled thoughts, after watching good movies. This afternoon is no exception. We just finished watching American History X and I feel compelled to write down all the things in my head before they vanish in the fog.
The Amazon dot com review states the movies message simply - "that hate is learned, and can be unlearned". It goes so much further than that to me. Not only does this movie tell you to let go of your hatred, it slaps you upside the head with the reality that walking away from hatred doesn't mean that hatred is going to walk away from you. Just because you grow/learn, doesn't make you immune to the fallout of those who refuse to do the same.
Personally, I watched the end of this movie and heard it whispering that you have to expect and accept the fallout, while still encouraging others to walk away. I looked into the older brother's future and saw two paths - one a return to hatred, the other a solidifying of his new beliefs. Both are equally possible and both are realistic.
Go. Watch the movie. And then come back here and tell me which path you think he chose. I'm putting my money on the second - as far as I can see, that's the only path with a true destination. The other is simply a glorified dead end.
Now I am off to see the deleted scenes. Perhaps they will inspire something more.
The Amazon dot com review states the movies message simply - "that hate is learned, and can be unlearned". It goes so much further than that to me. Not only does this movie tell you to let go of your hatred, it slaps you upside the head with the reality that walking away from hatred doesn't mean that hatred is going to walk away from you. Just because you grow/learn, doesn't make you immune to the fallout of those who refuse to do the same.
Personally, I watched the end of this movie and heard it whispering that you have to expect and accept the fallout, while still encouraging others to walk away. I looked into the older brother's future and saw two paths - one a return to hatred, the other a solidifying of his new beliefs. Both are equally possible and both are realistic.
Go. Watch the movie. And then come back here and tell me which path you think he chose. I'm putting my money on the second - as far as I can see, that's the only path with a true destination. The other is simply a glorified dead end.
Now I am off to see the deleted scenes. Perhaps they will inspire something more.
Time to trim the blogroll
If there are any links on my blogroll that you use regularly, you might want to save them somewhere. I am going to be deleating ones that I never use and adding new ones that I have started using.
Saturday, January 10, 2004
OneWord
I thought the movie I watched last night was going to haunt my sleep. For some reason, while watching Jeepers Creepers, I got really freaked out. It was to the point that I couldn't finish watching the movie, but I couldn't bear to leave the room and lie alone in my bedroom while Mikey finished it. He was enjoying it. I basically curled up in a fetal ball facing the back of the couch with my head in his lap and my shoulder scrunched up so that it would block out most of the sound. Then I forced myself to think about other things.
When it was finally over (I did roll over for the last couple of minutes.) I snuggled safely under the covers with Mikey and thought briefly about leaving the light on. I decided I was tired enough that I wouldn't have to worry about it. I have never liked horror flicks, but I have never had one affect me that way. I mostly dislike them for their campy-ness and horrific plots. When in the right mood, I don't LOVE them, but I have been known to watch voluntarily. This one just plain creeped me out. I'm sure the makers would be thrilled.
When it was finally over (I did roll over for the last couple of minutes.) I snuggled safely under the covers with Mikey and thought briefly about leaving the light on. I decided I was tired enough that I wouldn't have to worry about it. I have never liked horror flicks, but I have never had one affect me that way. I mostly dislike them for their campy-ness and horrific plots. When in the right mood, I don't LOVE them, but I have been known to watch voluntarily. This one just plain creeped me out. I'm sure the makers would be thrilled.
Oooh! Shiny!
An Olympa man's apartment got a touch of redecorating while he was gone over New Year's. You just have to see the pictures.
Memory Lane
My grandpa was the first person I knew who had a computer in his basement. My sister and I would play games on his old TI whenever we got a chance. Later, he gave us one for our own basement and we could play "Alpiner", "Jungle Hunt", and "Touch Typing Tutor" to our heart's content. This I remember clearly. Where my memory grows hazy is when it comes to two other games. In one, you were a jewel thief who had to run up and down ladders and dig holes for bad guys to fall into. We called it "Runner" but I'm not sure what the real world called it. In the other there were spiders. And boxes that counted down to become spiders or hatch spiders or something. I have no idea what it was called.
If there is ANYONE out there who can help me it would be greatly appreciated. I have been trying to explain this spider game to my hubby and he thinks I am nuts.
UPDATE - It was called "The Attack" and they weren't spiders. They were aliens.
If there is ANYONE out there who can help me it would be greatly appreciated. I have been trying to explain this spider game to my hubby and he thinks I am nuts.
UPDATE - It was called "The Attack" and they weren't spiders. They were aliens.
What's in an almanac?
This is a common question in my class, because many of my students have never seen one, much less used one. Apparently it is also a common question at FBI headquarters. Being seen with an almanac is now right up there with wearing a turban, speaking something other than English and refusing to put an "I hate Iraq - Bush is King" bumpersticker on your car when it comes to deciding who's a terrorist and who's not.
Reference books, including encyclopedias, dictionaries, thesauruses and (yes) almanacs, are included in the CA standards for elementary school students. Perhaps I should be careful in admitting that, lest I am suspected of teaching our children something more sinister than thinking for themselves...or perhaps I shouldn't admit to doing that either?
My mini rant can't hold a candle to the one Wil wrote...check it out.
Reference books, including encyclopedias, dictionaries, thesauruses and (yes) almanacs, are included in the CA standards for elementary school students. Perhaps I should be careful in admitting that, lest I am suspected of teaching our children something more sinister than thinking for themselves...or perhaps I shouldn't admit to doing that either?
My mini rant can't hold a candle to the one Wil wrote...check it out.
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
Oh yeah
I wanted to post about this search that landed someone at my site...
"short, descriptive sentences that has the word towel and that is 4th grade level that are for kids"
I don't know if the searcher was a student, a parent or a teacher, but I am a little worried. It shouldn't be that hard to come up with a sentence that fits the bill. In fact...
1. The large, blue towel lay on the counter.
2. He grabbed a towel to clean up the spill.
3. Karen buried her face in the fresh, linen towel.
4. "Don't forget to pick up that stinky towel!" shouted Mom.
I could go on. But I won't.
Mikey thinks I am helping someone cheat on their homework by doing this post.
"short, descriptive sentences that has the word towel and that is 4th grade level that are for kids"
I don't know if the searcher was a student, a parent or a teacher, but I am a little worried. It shouldn't be that hard to come up with a sentence that fits the bill. In fact...
1. The large, blue towel lay on the counter.
2. He grabbed a towel to clean up the spill.
3. Karen buried her face in the fresh, linen towel.
4. "Don't forget to pick up that stinky towel!" shouted Mom.
I could go on. But I won't.
Mikey thinks I am helping someone cheat on their homework by doing this post.
The Bloggies
I just spent 30 minutes nominating people for the Bloggies. Who do I want to see winning? Here are some of the blogs I offered up...
Hamumu Journal
Confessions of a Grade School Rolemodel
Mom Brain
Sugarmama
Gut Rumbles
In Passing
Participation Positives
One Word
Wil Wheaton dot Net
FARK
Moody Mama
Because I Say So
Where is Raed?
...I think there were more...but I can't remember what. Oh well.
Now be a good reader and go nominate me for something fun. :) Voting kicks off on January 21st.
Hamumu Journal
Confessions of a Grade School Rolemodel
Mom Brain
Sugarmama
Gut Rumbles
In Passing
Participation Positives
One Word
Wil Wheaton dot Net
FARK
Moody Mama
Because I Say So
Where is Raed?
...I think there were more...but I can't remember what. Oh well.
Now be a good reader and go nominate me for something fun. :) Voting kicks off on January 21st.
I cut meat. Can I cut meetings too?
The things I really dislike about my job are the meetings. (I hope you didn't think I was going to say kids!) It is the third day back and I have already had to sit through 2 meetings with 2 more scheduled today, 1 tomorrow and at least 2 next week. Rediculous.
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
Aging
You know you are growing up when you watch "Real World" and feel sorry for the participants and their pathetic, impulsive, out of control lifestyle rather than feeling jealous. I used to think they looked like they were having fun. Now I think they look like they are desperately trying to figure out what the hell life is all about.
Obviously I am ASKING for trolls now...
The commercial for the new season of The Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica says, "If they were any cuter, they'd be puppies."
Immediate response from our couch is, "If she were any dumber, she'd be a puppy."
Hehehe. That's funny.
Immediate response from our couch is, "If she were any dumber, she'd be a puppy."
Hehehe. That's funny.
Pet Peeve
What is it about people who make movies that makes them think the following scenario is in any way realistic?
Not-so-bright-Guy wants a grilled cheese sandwich. He can't figure out how to cook said sandwich so he falls back on a tool he is more comfortable with - the IRON.
Um. Yeah. A guy who can't use the stove will automatically think of heating up his bread with that semi-triangular shaped item he probably can't name, much less use. Bleh.
Not-so-bright-Guy wants a grilled cheese sandwich. He can't figure out how to cook said sandwich so he falls back on a tool he is more comfortable with - the IRON.
Um. Yeah. A guy who can't use the stove will automatically think of heating up his bread with that semi-triangular shaped item he probably can't name, much less use. Bleh.
School Daze
Hehe. Okay, so that one wasn't very original. Or funny. But it amused me. You know what they say about simple minds.
Anyway, the first day back was wonderful as always. There were countless times, as I listened to an answer or comment, that I thought, "Wow. These are great kids. I love my job." It was as rejuvinating as the two weeks away from them! Of course (and anyone who works with kids will understand this) the very next thought each time was, "I wonder how long it will last." That is just how it goes. But everything went well yesterday and I was able to start off the new year with a positive, happy day in my classroom. That is how we like to do things.
Time for day 2. Think it will be the same? Place your bets! :P
Anyway, the first day back was wonderful as always. There were countless times, as I listened to an answer or comment, that I thought, "Wow. These are great kids. I love my job." It was as rejuvinating as the two weeks away from them! Of course (and anyone who works with kids will understand this) the very next thought each time was, "I wonder how long it will last." That is just how it goes. But everything went well yesterday and I was able to start off the new year with a positive, happy day in my classroom. That is how we like to do things.
Time for day 2. Think it will be the same? Place your bets! :P
Sunday, January 04, 2004
Grindstone
Yep. It's that time. I am headed back to work. My vacation is over, my classroom beckons. I wonder what how the kids will be tomorrow. I am guessing either exceptionally well behaved or totally crazy. Let's all cross our fingers and chant the magic mantra that will make it the first choice.
Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrock!
We just got back from the movies. Today's choice was School of Rock and I must say, it met all of my expectations and then some. I loved it. J.B. was FUNNY, the kids were adorable and talented and the message was great. I'm sure that the right people (kids) won't see it because it is rated PG-13 and has a few more swear words than necessary. Regardless, I liked it and I would recommend it for your viewing pleasure. It seems to me that it would be especially good for those families that have children about to enter that "I hate the world" phase. Just go see it. It will rock your socks off!
Because I Can't Stop Myself
I know that it is a mistake to discuss politics here. First, because none of my faithful readers are interested. Second, because it is practically begging for some troll to come spewing violence and curse words all over my blog. However, for reasons mentioned in the title, I have some things to say.
I have no doubt that there are people in the world who hate us. They probably have elaborate plans on how to bring us to our knees and collections of weapons they feel are capable of doing so. I know that these people wouldn't hesitate to kill little old me if it would further their beliefs or their plan. This knowledge has nothing to do with race, religion or politics. These are certainties that come from being part of the human race.
I am just as certain that our beloved government has NO FREAKIN' CLUE how to stop them. Their actions for the past several years have been those of a bully, a spoiled brat and a frightened child all wrapped up in one. They tell us what they want us to hear, cover up what they don't and trust us to trust them, despite decades of knowing better. They know that we will believe whatever The Media feeds us provided it is done with the right catch-phrases and blinking headlines, the right mixture of panic and "we shouldn't be telling you this, but...".
Speaking of which, I would trust my 2 year old nephew to pass on information before I would trust The Media in this country - heck, in the whole world. Especially the up and coming source - the Blogosphere. This makes me sad, because I had great hopes for bloggers to rise up and tell things like they were. However, being human, we rarely wait to find out how things really are before we start spouting off our mouths. Instead of creating a medium that shares the truth - we have created yet another medium for the gossip and propaganda the government wants us to hear. (Please understand this is a generalization. I know there are many who research and think before they write. They are in the minority.)
I'm not saying that I have the answers. I don't. I have no idea how to solve the worlds problems or ensure the safety of everyone who deserves protecting. I am not saying that I know who is right or who is wrong. I am just saying that I am not going to be one of the ones who packs up my Bombshelters-R-Us overnight bag and heads for the nearest bunker every time someone shouts "Act of Terrorism!!". In fact, I am not going to let terrorists affect my day-to-day life at all. I am going to live the way I feel I should be living. If that means that I am a fool and I will be among the doomed few still above ground when the final blast hits, so be it. At least I will not end up like Brendan Fraser's character in Blast From The Past, hiding underground as decades of real life pass me by.
So there. Now I will shut up. I would be more than interested to know YOUR thoughts on this topic, but please be civil if you feel compelled to disagree with me.
One more thing - I must add that I do understand that I live in one of the most protected, coddled countries in the world. I am free to say, sing, eat, worship, believe what I want (for now) and I can boldly announce that I will not let terrorism change my day to day life because the chances that it will even try are very small. However, I hope that what I see when I look into my heart of hearts is correct and that I would be saying this same thing no matter where I lived. I have to believe that is true.
I have no doubt that there are people in the world who hate us. They probably have elaborate plans on how to bring us to our knees and collections of weapons they feel are capable of doing so. I know that these people wouldn't hesitate to kill little old me if it would further their beliefs or their plan. This knowledge has nothing to do with race, religion or politics. These are certainties that come from being part of the human race.
I am just as certain that our beloved government has NO FREAKIN' CLUE how to stop them. Their actions for the past several years have been those of a bully, a spoiled brat and a frightened child all wrapped up in one. They tell us what they want us to hear, cover up what they don't and trust us to trust them, despite decades of knowing better. They know that we will believe whatever The Media feeds us provided it is done with the right catch-phrases and blinking headlines, the right mixture of panic and "we shouldn't be telling you this, but...".
Speaking of which, I would trust my 2 year old nephew to pass on information before I would trust The Media in this country - heck, in the whole world. Especially the up and coming source - the Blogosphere. This makes me sad, because I had great hopes for bloggers to rise up and tell things like they were. However, being human, we rarely wait to find out how things really are before we start spouting off our mouths. Instead of creating a medium that shares the truth - we have created yet another medium for the gossip and propaganda the government wants us to hear. (Please understand this is a generalization. I know there are many who research and think before they write. They are in the minority.)
I'm not saying that I have the answers. I don't. I have no idea how to solve the worlds problems or ensure the safety of everyone who deserves protecting. I am not saying that I know who is right or who is wrong. I am just saying that I am not going to be one of the ones who packs up my Bombshelters-R-Us overnight bag and heads for the nearest bunker every time someone shouts "Act of Terrorism!!". In fact, I am not going to let terrorists affect my day-to-day life at all. I am going to live the way I feel I should be living. If that means that I am a fool and I will be among the doomed few still above ground when the final blast hits, so be it. At least I will not end up like Brendan Fraser's character in Blast From The Past, hiding underground as decades of real life pass me by.
So there. Now I will shut up. I would be more than interested to know YOUR thoughts on this topic, but please be civil if you feel compelled to disagree with me.
One more thing - I must add that I do understand that I live in one of the most protected, coddled countries in the world. I am free to say, sing, eat, worship, believe what I want (for now) and I can boldly announce that I will not let terrorism change my day to day life because the chances that it will even try are very small. However, I hope that what I see when I look into my heart of hearts is correct and that I would be saying this same thing no matter where I lived. I have to believe that is true.
Saturday, January 03, 2004
Wow.
These are the country domains listed in my hit counter...
Japan
Australia
United States
United Kingdom
Canada
Netherlands
Germany
Belgium
France
South Africa
Brazil
United Arab Emirates
Spain
New Zealand
Italy
Mexico
Sweden
Denmark
Israel
Finland
Switzerland
Norway
Taiwan
Austria
Greece
Nepal
Singapore
Czech Republic
Ireland
Turkey
Poland
Croatia
Trinidad and Tobago
Cyprus
Hungary
Chile
Bahrain
Lithuania
Luxembourg
Compare this to the last time I checked...
Japan
Australia
United States
United Kingdom
Canada
Netherlands
Germany
Belgium
France
South Africa
Brazil
United Arab Emirates
Spain
New Zealand
Italy
Mexico
Sweden
Denmark
Israel
Finland
Switzerland
Norway
Taiwan
Austria
Greece
Nepal
Singapore
Czech Republic
Ireland
Turkey
Poland
Croatia
Trinidad and Tobago
Cyprus
Hungary
Chile
Bahrain
Lithuania
Luxembourg
Compare this to the last time I checked...
Fan Mail
Hee hee.
I got a fan letter today. My first ever! I feel so...special! :)
Actually, it's fun. I always wonder how many people there are that read who don't ever comment. I know from the hit counter that there aren't many, but I know there are some. You should say hi! Nothing to be afraid of here! :)
I got a fan letter today. My first ever! I feel so...special! :)
Actually, it's fun. I always wonder how many people there are that read who don't ever comment. I know from the hit counter that there aren't many, but I know there are some. You should say hi! Nothing to be afraid of here! :)
I Knew It!
Squirrels are evil. Don't believe me? Read this story (the author leaves it up to you to decide if it is fact or fiction) that had me laughing out loud.
Neighborhood Hazard (or Why Cops Won't Patrol Brice Street)
Neighborhood Hazard (or Why Cops Won't Patrol Brice Street)
Croc Bait
People are stupid, none moreso than celebrities whose careers are failing. Despite Mr. Irwin's defense of his actions, I can see that child is in danger just by how he is holding him. This kid is ONE month old. I just spent time with my two month old neice and although she is beginning to hold her head up, we all still provided some support in case she should have one of those "Who's in charge of these things" muscles spasms that babies always have. Irwin's boy could have hurt himself with one of those spasms or fallen from his arm after a wiggle-worm moment, not to mention the very obvious danger of having a crocodile nipping at his toes. Steve Irwin has the right to put himself in that kind of danger for publicity, but he DOES NOT have the right to place his child there. If we aren't allowed to drive without children safely buckled up for fear of what MIGHT happen, then this kind of thing shouldn't be allowed either. Sadly enough, it comes down to what is and isn't allowed because nitwits like Steve Irwin can't be trusted to make intelligent decisions about things like this.
Friday, January 02, 2004
ProcrastiNation
It is amazing how important little things like re-filling the cinnamon/sugar shaker and pulling the dead leaves off the houseplants become when I am trying to avoid real work. I have TONS of things to grade and plan today, but I have spent my morning vacuuming and tidying up instead. Ironically, when I have lots of housework to do, I avoid it by doing school work. Go figure. I console myself with the thought that I am not the only one on this great planet who works this way.
Sum it Up
The Mayfly Project challenges you to sum up your life in 20 words or less. Although some chose to use short sentences, I found that I needed each word to carry too much meaning to confine it to context! I would love to see your list. How would YOU describe your year? Post in the comments, send me an e-mail or link to your own page...
2003
Husband. Love. Laughter.
Teach. Overwhelmed. Growth. Capable. Joy.
War. Anger. Sorrow. Vegetarian.
Family. Distance. Tears.
Cats. Housework. Inner Calm. Perfect.
I forgot to say thanks to Da Goddess for providing the link to this interesting project. Thanks!
2003
Husband. Love. Laughter.
Teach. Overwhelmed. Growth. Capable. Joy.
War. Anger. Sorrow. Vegetarian.
Family. Distance. Tears.
Cats. Housework. Inner Calm. Perfect.
I forgot to say thanks to Da Goddess for providing the link to this interesting project. Thanks!
Thursday, January 01, 2004
Traaaaaaaaaaa-dition! (must be read with thick Russian Orthodox accent to make sense)
Part - no, most - of my blues this holiday season were based on the demise of many cherished and honored traditions. Time has continued to flow its slow, meandering path and despite my best efforts to back-paddle, I have been swept right along. The stories, the songs, the parties of my youth are relegated to the many boxes in the warehouse of my mind* - out of the way, but available for perusing should I need a shot of nostalgia.
The Christmas tree hunt alone - with its hot cider in trusty thermoses (thermosi?), treks through the snow, choruses of Oh, Christmas Tree (changed to Oh, Taunenbaum after my sister's 2nd grade holiday performance) before each person took his or her turn with the axe, lights and cookies and fudge and toffee and eggnog...the list goes on - takes up most of one shelf.
Next to it sits a pile of holiday stories: The Polar Express (Van Allsburg), Christmas at the Tomten's Farm (Wiberg), The Nutcracker (Hoffmann/Sendak), each with their own little sheaf of memories tucked in the front cover.
Beyond that is a huge box of ornaments. No, not the typical balls and lights. The Salt Dough Gingerbread Man I made during my only year in Brownies. The clothespin Rudolph. The ice cream cone Santa. The picture frames and magnets and figurines that my siblings and I presented each year with such pride. The delicate Alaska ornament that my Uncle Joe sent one year. The cardboard star with the scotch tape loop on the back and a new layer of tin foil for each year it was hung in it's place of honor on top of the tree. These are the ornaments that fill that box to the brim and beyond.
There are shelves and shelves of this type of thing. It is wonderful to rifle through the boxes, but sad to know that none of it will happen in real life again. Those days are past. My sorrow on Christmas morning was not so much for the passing of the moments, after all that is what life is, but for the passing of the feelings that accompanied those moments. I was grieving the loss of that safe, warm, homey feeling that always surrounded me for the month of December, for the peace and harmony that seemed to take hold of us.
What I need to remember is that that feeling isn't gone. It is here all the time - surrounding my new house and my new family every day. If I want to feel is especially at Christmas time, I need to develop new traditions - new moments to share with my new friends and family. I need to notice the things that make me feel warm and fuzzy each year and remember them, storing them not in the back recesses of my memory, but on the clean organized shelves of the front of my warehouse where I will be able to find them when I need them. I need to get a nice, new box and start filling it up with the things that make life special for Mikey and me. In time it will come to match the tattered and battered boxes that hold my childhood memories - making the contents not less valuable, but more.
Although I have had trouble replacing my Christmas memories, I have done a better job with the New Year's ones. Perhaps because the originals weren't quite so near and dear. Last night, Mikey and I spent the second year in a row snuggling on the couch, watching MST3K and snacking on our favorite appetizers (Jalepano Poppers for him, Mozzarella sticks for me). We made goals for the upcoming year as we sipped Martinelli's and tucked ourselves quietly into bed at about 12:17. Calm, quiet, peaceful. A new tradition for the holidays, a new box for the warehouse.
I can live with that.
*I must give Stephen King's Dreamcatcher credit for this metaphor. I LOVED the images of Jonesy and his warehouse mind.
The Christmas tree hunt alone - with its hot cider in trusty thermoses (thermosi?), treks through the snow, choruses of Oh, Christmas Tree (changed to Oh, Taunenbaum after my sister's 2nd grade holiday performance) before each person took his or her turn with the axe, lights and cookies and fudge and toffee and eggnog...the list goes on - takes up most of one shelf.
Next to it sits a pile of holiday stories: The Polar Express (Van Allsburg), Christmas at the Tomten's Farm (Wiberg), The Nutcracker (Hoffmann/Sendak), each with their own little sheaf of memories tucked in the front cover.
Beyond that is a huge box of ornaments. No, not the typical balls and lights. The Salt Dough Gingerbread Man I made during my only year in Brownies. The clothespin Rudolph. The ice cream cone Santa. The picture frames and magnets and figurines that my siblings and I presented each year with such pride. The delicate Alaska ornament that my Uncle Joe sent one year. The cardboard star with the scotch tape loop on the back and a new layer of tin foil for each year it was hung in it's place of honor on top of the tree. These are the ornaments that fill that box to the brim and beyond.
There are shelves and shelves of this type of thing. It is wonderful to rifle through the boxes, but sad to know that none of it will happen in real life again. Those days are past. My sorrow on Christmas morning was not so much for the passing of the moments, after all that is what life is, but for the passing of the feelings that accompanied those moments. I was grieving the loss of that safe, warm, homey feeling that always surrounded me for the month of December, for the peace and harmony that seemed to take hold of us.
What I need to remember is that that feeling isn't gone. It is here all the time - surrounding my new house and my new family every day. If I want to feel is especially at Christmas time, I need to develop new traditions - new moments to share with my new friends and family. I need to notice the things that make me feel warm and fuzzy each year and remember them, storing them not in the back recesses of my memory, but on the clean organized shelves of the front of my warehouse where I will be able to find them when I need them. I need to get a nice, new box and start filling it up with the things that make life special for Mikey and me. In time it will come to match the tattered and battered boxes that hold my childhood memories - making the contents not less valuable, but more.
Although I have had trouble replacing my Christmas memories, I have done a better job with the New Year's ones. Perhaps because the originals weren't quite so near and dear. Last night, Mikey and I spent the second year in a row snuggling on the couch, watching MST3K and snacking on our favorite appetizers (Jalepano Poppers for him, Mozzarella sticks for me). We made goals for the upcoming year as we sipped Martinelli's and tucked ourselves quietly into bed at about 12:17. Calm, quiet, peaceful. A new tradition for the holidays, a new box for the warehouse.
I can live with that.
*I must give Stephen King's Dreamcatcher credit for this metaphor. I LOVED the images of Jonesy and his warehouse mind.
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