I have lots of parents. This in not so unusual now, but when I was a kid it was difficult to explain to my friends how the whole divorced/remarried thing worked. (Several of them eventually got to experience it first-hand, I'm sorry to say.) As I mentioned in my list of 100 things about me, I have my mom, my dad, my father and my step-mother. They are all wonderful and they have all played an enormous role in making me who I am today. Each one can be credited with at least one of my more endearing characteristics...Mom taught me how to be patient and empathetic (no, not Pathetic - that I learned all on my own!), Dad gave me my love for reading and for teaching, my father gave me a wacky sense of humor and creativity, and my step-mother taught me that being organized and making lists is in fact a FUN thing! They each gave me some less than endearing qualities too...I tend to let people take advantage of my willingness to help and empathize, I can be moody and impatient, I have a hard time following thru on my creative endeavors and I sometimes require monster stickers for my crabbiness. It has been a blessing to have so many inspiring people in such important roles in my life. I wouldn't trade any of them for anything.

It wasn't always easy to have so many parents tho. I didn't always appreciate them all the way I do now. I went thru the "you aren't my dad" thing with my dad when I was a teenager. I took advantage of feelings of guilt. I spent much of my time trying to sort out who all these adults were to me and how they fit into my life. I missed people alot. When I was with one family, I wasn't with the other. When I was with one family, I talked about the other constantly. I listened for the phone to ring on the promised day to no avail. I gave up listening and expected disappointment. I daydreamed about my parents getting back together (mostly because that is what everyone in the books wanted, I think...I don't remember ever desperately wanting it to really happen...what would have happened to my siblings?? interesting...) I cried the night before I switched homes...for no apparent reason. I didn't even know why I was so sad. It was just emotionally overwhelming to settle into a routine and then have it changed so dramatically. I played two different people. I was Solee Bonkoski - eldest of four, responsible, mature, well behaved most of the time and Solee Hunt - only child, spoiled, mischevious, challenging part of the time. I had to remember where I was and what role I was in at all times. I didn't really - but at the time I felt it very important to do so.

I had it easy. I don't remember the early days of that divorce. What I can remember is that I never felt forced into doing anything, I never felt compelled to do either parents dirty work. If they had problems, they kept me out of it. I am greatful for that and I mourn for every child who doesn't have that. I had a hard time dealing with divorce under the best of circumstances. I can't even imagine what must be going on in the heads of those who have to bear the brunt of their parents' anger and pain as well as their own.

Eventually, I grew up and figured out how to juggle so many relationships and accept my parents for who they are. I had things all worked out. I knew what was going on. I was happy. And then it happened all over again. My mom and my dad are now divorcing and I am again in the position of having to re-balance relationships. Re-organize my life in an attempt to give each what they need while still getting what I need. More people thrown into the mix, more anger and pain. I am not able to explain my reactions or feelings regarding this new break-up nearly as well. It took me 20-odd years to come to terms with the first one! All I can say is that anybody who thinks it is a good idea to stay together "for the kids" with the idea that it will be easier for them when they are older is a fool. It isn't easier. It is NEVER easier. It is scary and painful and confusing to see a marriage break-up. The only thing scarier and more confusing is seeing your parents continue to live a lie. Kids aren't dumb. They know when there is a problem and living in a household rife with constant tension is no better for them than juggling two families. So, I am glad that all my parents are living the lives they feel they need. I am glad I have the parents I have. I am glad to be who I am today and I wouldn't be that person if I hadn't dealt with divorce. But collectively, it has been the most diffucult and painful aspect of my life. I guess that makes me a pretty lucky person.