I hate this god-damned, mother-fucking, son-of-a-bitch laptop.

Driving to the in-laws the other day, Mikey and I discussed the whole "killing is wrong all the time" statement that I made on my blog a few days ago. The argument was presented that self-defense is something that is inately human and so something that should be excluded from that statement. I, however, still feel that killing is wrong. That no matter what the reason, if you intentionally kill someone (in this I include things like drunk driving and the like...crimes commited due to a lack of caring for your fellow person), you have done something wrong. Ghandi and Martin Luther King, Jr. had it right when they preached non-violence. The only way to stop the cycle is to refuse to be drawn into it. To be strong enough to stand for your principles even in the face of death. I cannnot claim to be that strong. I do think that if, by some miracle, a large number of people could collectively agree to commit to a 100% non-violent lifestyle it would eventually (and I am talking several generations) make a major difference. In the last 200 years we have gradually grown more and more accepting of violence in our day to day lives. We have come up with excuses and justifications and we have taught our children to do the same thing. In the last month I have seen two news stories that illustrate my point well. In one case, a van full of teenage judo students foiled a would be highjacker by beating him up and restraining him until the police arrived. I was disturbed by the joy in their faces as they talked about kicking and punching him. I am glad that they are safe and that they stood up for themselves, but I think it was taken to an extreme. The second case was even less acceptable to me. A group of parents took it upon themselves to beat the crap out of a man they suspected had molested a child a few days beforehand. They spotted him in the park and instead of relying on the police they went vigilante on his ass. Again, I can understand their feelings and motivations. I would have been furious too. But I still think that it is a case of two wrongs not making a right. I was disappointed when the article implied that they were heros instead of punishing them in some way for harming another human being (no matter how scummy that human is, he is still innocent until proven guilty in this country). Now, I know that there are all kinds of passionate emotions that take over a person when children are threatened. I have devoted my life to protecting children. But I think it is for the childrens sake, more than anything else, that we need to change this acceptance of violence as a way of solving our problems. I know that it won't happen in my lifetime, if ever, but I truly think the only way that is truly going to change is what I mentioned before. Enough people commiting to a completely non-violent lifestyle. Enough people willing to sacrifice themselves for their beliefs. Enough people who can understand that it is going to get worse before it gets better and that they can't give up because of that. Because we aren't going to change the people who are out there now commiting violent acts. We need to focus on our children, teaching them - and more importantly - showing them, that violence is wrong and not to be resorted to in any situation. Would it work? I think it could. Will it happen? No. Too many people value their own lives over the good of the species. And I am one of them. What can I do about it? Nothing, aside from trying to change my own behavior. God help us all.

I am tired. Remind me tomorrow to tell you all about my day...applying for continued education classes, seeing baby Trey, hanging with a sister-in-law, catching a movie, Round Table for dinner...it was all good. My eyes are burning and ready for bed, tho, so you have to wait till tomorrow! Night.

I have noticed that our movie industry is strongly connected to politics. I know, you are all saying "Duh, Sol", but it have become frighteningly apparent lately. In the last year and particularly the last few weeks all we have seen is blow-them-up, hunt-down-the-enemy, go-to-war type movies. Is this art imitating life? Or life imitating art? Or the American people being brainwashed by the government through the entertainment industry? Now excuse me while I go set up my UFO spotting equiptment and check my phone line for taps.

Mikey has this facination with really really REALLY bad sci-fi, monster, horror films that I just don't understand. I mean, I can watch them and see the humor in how poor the acting is and how bad the script is and how fake the special effects are. It IS funny. But for Mikey it is a true liking. All I can do is keep a book handy while I watch and let him wallow in the "B"-ness of it all.

went roller blading again this afternoon. down to the park, three times around and back home again. my legs were tired! it feels good to be doing something that resembles exercise tho. and i didn't fall down once.

"Seems like everyone is out looking for the sun.
They're singing rain and pain on he who hesitates.
Well, it'll shine when it shines.
You might think I'm wasting time,
but I'm just a good old boy
who's learned to wait."

---Ozark Mountain Daredevils---

My daddy sang this song when I was a kiddo and he put it on the cd he made for my wedding gift. Every time that cd pops up in the random rotation of our music it always gives me a little shock to hear his voice. Damn, I miss being a kiddo.

the first day of school is not a good day for someone who makes a living as a sub. : )

I am bad at friendships. I do very well with roommates. People who are around me all the time so that I am constantly reminded that they are there and wonderful and needing to be appreciated. I do very poorly with people who live far away. I think about them often, but not always at times that it is possible to tell them that I am thinking of them. And by the time I am in a situation to tell them how wonderful they are or even just continue a conversation with them - I am distracted by the immediacy of my own life. This makes it hard to maintain friendships, especially since I am thousands of miles from most of my friends. I want to sit on the couch with them eating a pizza, drinking a Coke and watching a bad movie (or possibly an episode of Mystery Science Theatre?) and giggling/complaining about the foolishness of it all. I want to stay up late discussing religion and politics and what comes after the fourth dimension (you have a dot, a line, a square, a cube...then what? remember that, Amy?) I want friends to play with! Not that I am any good at that either. I am always criticizing my words, clothes, timing, humor, self in an attempt to be a good friend. Via real life, internet, phone, e-mail - you name it. I cannot seem to quiet the voice in my head that is always saying things like "they won't understand what you are saying and they will be offended." or "that is stupid, don't say that" or "it doesn't matter what you say" or any number of other things that make me think it would be easier to just remain in a solitary state. Have my co-workers and my Mikey and leave it at that. As soon as you start trying to be friends you make things complicated and scary and hard. But I want friends. Damn.

Do any of you out there always feel like you are constantly standing on the fringe of a really fun party, knowing that it's okay to join, but not sure how to do it? Does anyone else understand what I am saying? So often I feel like I am peering in a window, not being able to find the door. Or afraid that maybe the invitation I got in the mail was a mistake, meant for the guy next door. Or that it was for me, but as soon as I open my mouth everyone will notice that I wasn't really the kind of person they had in mind anyway. Or something like that. God, I am pathetic. I know, I know, I should just get a grip on some confidence and stop worrying so much. I know that. But how do I DO it?

spent some time this morning reading the paper and listening to the talking heads go on about Iraq and Osama bin Laudin and oil and bombing and war. Then I got tired of that box making noise and turned on a different one. 40+ cds on full random and what comes on? Good ol' Joni...

"Sittin' in a park in Paris, France (or on a couch in Temecula)
Readin' the news. It sure looks bad.
They won't give peace a chance.
That was just a dream some of us had."

---Joni Mitchell---

Yeah. Without having a damn thing to back it up aside from gut feeling I feel deep down inside that war is wrong. Hate is wrong. Killing is wrong. There is no if, no but, no "justifiable reason". It is wrong. That is a hard thing to accept. Even I find myself thinking of self defense and "what if"s and several situations in which I would use violence to protect myself. But none of that changes my fundamental belief that it is wrong. It just proves that I have a long freakin' way to go. Feeling philosophical and looking for something to add to my father's birthday card I found these words...

"ch 17 He who does not trust enough will not be trusted.
ch 31 Weapons are instruments of fear; they are not a wise man's tools. He uses them only when he has no choice. Peace and quiet are dear to his heart, and victory no cause for rejoicing. If you rejoice in victory, then you delight in killing; if you delight in killing, you cannot fulfill yourself.
ch 52 Yielding to force is strength. Using the outer light, return to insight, And in this way be saved from harm.
ch 66 Because he does not compete, He does not meet competition.
ch 67 From mercy comes courage; from economy comes generocity; from humility comes leadership. Nowadays men shun mercy, but try to be brave; they abandon economy, but try to be generous; they do not believe in humility, but always try to be first.
ch 72 When men lack a sense of awe, there will be disaster.
ch 73 A brave and passionate man will kill or be killed. A brave and calm man will always preserve life.
ch 78 The truth often sounds paradoxical."

---the Tao Te Ching---

"Somebody once asked, 'could you spare some change for gas? I need to get myself away from this place.' I said, 'Yep, what a concept. I could use a little fuel myself. And we could all use a little change'."

---Smashmouth---

"This is not a black and white world. To be alive I say the colors must be swirled. And I believe that maybe today we will all get to appreciate the beauty of grey."
---Live---

I wanted to reply to JB's comments, but I figure it is better to do it here than in a comment box...there is a 2500 word limit, you know! : )

First, I want to say that I don't have an issue with teaching opposing ideas. My problem is that they aren't teaching enough opposing ideas. I say teach our kids that there are LOTS of ideas and lots of theories...that is, after all, what they all are - even evolution. But to say that what they are doing is balanced? I really don't think it is. Balanced between those two ideas, perhaps, but considering that there are dozens - if not hundreds - of creation stories and theories out there I find this very unbalanced. I see it as an attempt of the majority to once again push their beliefs on the minority.

Granted, I look at the whole thing from a different point of view than many. I have no organized religion. I have my own faith and belief system and it isn't connected to any one writing or building or organization. I don't need to convince anyone else in the world that what I believe is true. Unfortunately, I think most organized religions inherently have a need to convert and defend. If they don't there is the chance they will lose their members to other religions, especially children, who are very impressionable and curious about things. Hence the desire to teach their own beliefs in public school without including those of any other religion. How can it possibly be okay to teach the Christian creation theory without also covering that of the Native Americans and the Hindus and Atheists?

Since I haven't read the particular letter JB is refering to I am not going to attempt to argue the whole church vs state issue. I will read it and get back to you. However, for the time being I am going to stick with my understanding that in the Constitution it states that we have a freedom of religion in this country. I do not buy into the Christian religion and I feel that being forced to learn (or teach, for that matter) creationism as the ONLY ALTERNATIVE to evolution is a violation of that right. Sure, present it to me as one of many theories (in a Origin of Life Theories class) and tell me to think about it and decide what works for me, but don't say we need to balance our Science classes and then give me the choice of evolution or creation. (Neither of which has been, or probably ever will be, proven in a way that removes all doubt from my mind.)

Okay...I feel like I am drifting. I have been working on this post for an hour (sad, isn't it?) and I am not saying exactly what I want to say. I will keep trying. Maybe. I much prefer this kind of discussion in person. I am a better talker than writer. Off to dinner with the in-laws. 'Night, all.

OH, OH, OH...and here is something that set me off in a BIG way!!!
(from p A3 of the 8/24/02 edition of The Californian)

"Amid angry debate among parents, Georgia's second-largest school district adopted a policy Thursday night that would require teachers to give a "balanced education" about the origin of life, giving equal weight to evolution and biblical interpretations."

I can't even imagine. What about seperation of church and state? I could get behind this (and most people wouldn't) if it were saying that we had to equally teach all creation stories...almost. I am all for people learning about a multitude of beliefs and developing understanding and acceptance of people who are different. I really liked my classes in college that discussed a variety of religions. But to say that evolution isn't the only option and then only expand it to evolution and Christianity? Give me a break? That isn't acceptable in any way, shape or form. How can they even begin to justify that? Well, here's how...

"Members of the Cobb County Board of Education said they were not restricting the teaching of evolution or encouraging the teaching of creationism, but that the policy was simply a reflection of the distric's philosophy of teaching a wide and objective range of ideas (italics are mine)..."

Wide and Objective. Right.

I just finished reading Fahrenheit 451 for the first time. It has such a strong message, especially in this time of vanishing freedoms and looming wars. There were several passages that spoke to me so strongly that I marked them for later perusal. Here are a few...more to follow, I'm sure.

Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury
Upon Escaping the City (p 144)

"He stood breathing, and the more he breathed the land in, the more he was filled up with all the details of the land. He was not empty. There was more than enough here to fill him. There would always be more than enough."

This passage made me think of Acidman, JB, Jake (my neighbor and best friend while growing up), my dad, my father and all the others I know who really appreciate the environment. Not in a tree-hugging, save-the-whales, lobby washington kind of way. In a sleep-under-the-stars, live-off-the-land, appreciate-all-living-things kind of way. I am so glad there are people like that out there and I am greatful that I have had the luck to know so many of them. I am slowly working toward being filled with less materialistic junk and more land, but it is a slow process. Fortunately, there will "always be more than enough" to fill me up...no matter how long it takes me. I hope.

Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury
After the Destruction (p 163)

"There was a silly damn bird called the phoenix back before Christ, every few hundred years he built a pyre and burnt himself up. He must have been first cousin to Man. But every time he burnt himself up he sprang out of the ashes, he got himself born all over again. And it looks like we're doing the same thing, over and over, but we've got one damn thing the phoenix never had. We know the damn silly thing we just did. We know all the damn silly things we've done for a thousand years and as long as we know that and always have it around where we can see it, someday we'll stop making the goddamn funeral pyres and jumping in the middle of them. We pick up a few more people that remember every generation."

I have read about the phoenix dozens of times and in dozens of references and this is the first time it struck me that it symbolizes the human race so closely. It seems to obvious now, but I never made the connection. I really like it.

Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury
From the Afterward (p 179)
"In sum, do not insult me with the beheadings, finger-choppings or the lung-deflations you plan for my works. I need my head to shake or nod, my hands to wave or make a fist, my lungs to shout or whisper with. I will not go gently onto a shelf, degutted, to become a non-book."

This is a wonderful thing for an author to say, but I think it is also appropriate for all of us these days. We are being beheaded, chopped and deflated with every passing day. We are handing over basic freedoms without a whisper because to abject is to declare yourself unAmerican. We are allowing our government to mistreat and manhandle innocent people because they share skin tone or religion with those we dislike. It is an insult.

She did it again today. I was sitting with Kaitlyn while I read the comics to her (try reading and explaining the comics - even the really simple ones - to a child someday...it's not easy!) and she leans up close to me and says "Sometimes it's good to die." I have to admit that one threw me for a loop. I asked her to explain. She settled in and told me all about how in a certain video game you reached a point where you have accomplished your goal in a particular area and need to go a long way back. The best way to do it was to die and you would come back closer to where you needed to be. Again, she is walking on territory that has been trampled by the feet of a million philosophers without realizing it. I know this is a simple thought for her and has no connection to real life for the moment. I just wonder if it was a passing thought that will never again come to her mind or if this is something that is going to sit in the back of her mind and affect her future thoughts in a subtle way. Fascinating.

y cats are cool. They are both so full of personality.

Huzzah thinks he is in charge and sometimes needs to be reminded that he isn't. He picks on the little one (altho I think often she started it without us noticing) and I need to re-establish myself as The Boss. He likes to be able to do whatever he wants and gets upset with whatever is standing in his way in a 4 year old kind of way. The other day I was blocking him from climbing onto my bedside table and he smacked me with his paw (no claws - just saying "but I wanna!"). He is a habitual overeater and wishes we would let him go outside to establish his dominance over the other males in the neighborhood. Huzzah is quite demanding about his affection as well. He is always climbing onto our laps and patting our faces for attention. He is pretty high maintenence - a cat diva.

Zazzy is the exact opposite. Altho she seems to like us, she is very independent. She is often found curled up in some corner, not at all interested in what the people are doing. The only times she directly initiates communication is when she wants something...food, help onto the highest shelf or someone to play with. She likes to play catch with clear plastic caps off a certain brand of water bottles (only that brand will do) but she doesn't fetch. She also likes to chase bubbles. She thinks she can pop them with her mind by staring at them intensely. She is my kind of cat...sweet, adorable, able to take care of herself!

I adore them both. They are the best kitties in the world and I have them. I am one lucky person!!!

I love to spend time with kids. They have such a fresh outlook on life. Everything is new and unusual and interesting. I really like when they come up with something deep and amazing out of the blue. The other day Kaitlyn, the little girl I am babysitting, stepped on a thistle and got a thorn stuck in her toe. I couldn't get it out and we decided she would have to let it work itself out. Later in the day she was upset because it was still hurting and she looked at me and asked, "Why does God let things hurt?" I was speechless. She had no idea that she was coming up against one of the biggest and most confusing theological questions ever discussed. She just wanted to know why she had a sticker in her big toe. All I could say was "That is a very good question, Kaitlyn and I don't think anyone in the world knows the answer." Kids are the coolest. Totally amazing.

*whiney voice* I'm boooooooooooored.

I have a house full of toys and no motivation to play with any of them. I feel like I am a teenager again! : ) Maybe I'll make Mikey take me for a walk.

Dinner - Aug. 17 2002

Mikey and I have done it again. I don't know why it suprises me so much that we make kick-ass food. We do it consistently! I love it. Very few things in my life make me feel quite as good about myself as pulling off a good meal. I think I feel so good, because being able to cook is something that I respect in others. I love it that I am able to do it to.

Tonight we made tacos. I made the tortillas from scratch (actually very easy, but I made WAY more than we need and it took a long time to roll them out) and Mikey made salsa from our own tomatoes and peppers. He also cooked up a breast of chicken with a delicious mix of spices. I am sorry for the people who are so busy with other things that they don't get a chance to experiment and experience cooking because it is our favorite way to bond (well, almost! *wink, wink*). We love to talk about our day while we cook our evening meal.

I got my pictures from the honeymoon back. How fun. There were tons of them...we took 8 rolls of film. The equivelent of 1 whole roll was bad pics (too blurry, whatever). Now you know why I took so many rolls in the first place! I can't wait to show the pictures to family. Now I am off to make tortillas so we can have tacos for dinner. With fresh homegrown tomatoes and hot peppers. Yum.

A few links to discussions about reparations...i have not read them...i am posting them here so that i will be able to find them and read them when i have time...let me know if you have thoughts...

For
Against

Okay...before I forget what I am thinking about this...

I hate to admit it, but tonight I agreed with Bill O'reilly. GASP. He was interviewing (if that is what you call his pushy manner of carrying on a conversation) a man who was an advocate for reparations. Money for African Americans who are decendants of slaves. Bill said that it would cause a "major backlash" against black americans and was a very bad idea. I have to say that I agree. I find it a disturbing idea that people today seem to think that the only way to get past hurt or unjury or death is to put a monetary value to it. Getting money is nice, but it is not going to change the past. It is not going to suddenly cause all the little black children and little white children around the world to join hands and sing "We are the World". It is going to cause a huge resurgence of the kind of hatred that spawned the KKK. It is going to take us millions of miles away from any kind of peace between races. I can't think of a better way to drive a wedge between people of different colors. And just how do they think they are going to do it? Do you have to have a certain percentage of African blood in you? Do you need to have a certificate that proves that your relatives were slaves? And what about the people that are decended from both sides of this argument? I realize that this is a huge issue and that slavery was a horrible, terrible, wrong thing. It is wrong for any one group to claim superiority over and ownership of another. I also realize that there are many people out there who still chafe at the injustice of it. But this is not the answer.

And while I was typing this idiot was speaking...
Family Research Counsil President, Ken Conner says that we know "from literature and research" that gays and lesbians are dangerous to our children and should not be allowed to mentor them as part of the Big Brother, Big Sister Program. As we all know they are more likely to "abuse or recruit children to their way of life". OMG. I can't even fathom the shriveled up, twisted, ignorant mind that would produce statements like that and think that they are protecting our future. Kudos to the BB,BS program for demanding that all their chapters evaluate their volunteers on personality, character and ability to relate to children rather than their sexual orientation.

I actually have a reason to get up and get dressed today! Gotta go babysit. Motivation is wonderful. Not only did I brush my hair, but I also paid the bills, wrote thank you letters and cleaned the living room. And I got up before 8 this morning. I finally feel like I have recovered from that trip!

Okay. I am going to start really reading some of these informative articles that have everyone on Hooked talking so much. Wanting to be informed and involved is not enough. I have to do something about it. Being disgusted and terrified and confused by everything that I hear about state of the world today is not a valid excuse for avoiding the information. And refusing to listen to the jokers who read the tv news doesn't mean that I can't find a good radio station or look online or read a friggin' book, for crying out loud. When I was a kid I went to rallies and political events and felt like I was doing something. I want that again. I want to be able to tell my students to get out there and make a difference and not be a big, stupid, hypocritical fucktard (to borrow a phrase) while I do it.

I am going to make myself a "smoozy" to have for lunch. Yum. The only question is: milk based or orange juice based? That IS the question.

actually, i didn't have a smoothie at all. i took a nap and had a cheezy hotdog when i could feel my mouth. i managed to eat it without chewing a hole thru my cheek. so talented.

For the sake of us all I will write the rest of my posts as if one side of my face weren't made out of senseless, unfeeling rubber. : )

Last night we put up some of our shelves. We are totally inept at even the most basic of home improvement tasks. Mikey's dad is going to be appalled. But, we have shelves and they are capable of holding things. For now. My dad always made finding studs so easy. A little tap, tap here. A little tap, tap there. Voila! Stud found. Not so. I tapped until my knuckles were swollen and still couldn't find the damn things. We got lucky for a couple of the shelves and managed to screw into something fairly substantial (probably something that shouldn't be screwed into), but for the little ones they are pretty much held up by the sheetrock. Whatever. They are strong enough to hold the little knicknacks I wanted to get off the dresser. Good enough. Aren't you all shocked and horrified by my lazy and sloppy workmanship? You should be!

i done like da dentist. he maksh my moush all numb. i cand feel my tung at all. he wash very gendle and didnd hurt me at all, however. i sink i will keep him. i wish da novacaine would wear off so i could have lunsh, doh. perhapsh i will drink my lunsh doday.

Today I went to Home Depot to get what I needed to make myself some shelves for this house. I am running out of counter space in my kitchen and we want to make a way for the kitties to get to the top of the bookshelves. They like it up there. Anyway, I measured where I wanted them to be and then let go of my pride long enough to ask two high school boys to help me. They must have thought I was a complete dimwit because I had to ask so many questions...what kind of wood?...what kind of screws?...how to I make them stable?...what size bracket should I use?...and so on. They train their kids well at Home Depot, though, neither of them even twitched at my complete lack of knowledge. How greatful I was!! : ) Now I have the wood (cut to my measurements by another polite high school boy), the brackets and the screws. All I have to do is find the studs in various walls and put them up. Yikes. We really love our house and have lots of ideas, but neither of us in any good at home improvement type things. This is my feeble attempt at filling that gap! Wish me luck!

"More than half of teenaged girls who attend family planning clinics say they would stop or delay using certain or all services--including testing and treatment for sexually transmitted diseases--if practitioners were required to inform their parents that they had sought prescription contraceptives, US researchers report. "

DUH. We spend more money researching the stupidest things. *rolling eyes*

Egads. The Mets are 19 games back from 1st place. And they lost to the Padres of all teams. Disappointing. Not a surprise, but still disappointing.

"Yet the US is not experiencing an epidemic of child abduction. Figures released by the FBI indicate that the number of children kidnapped by strangers has been declining. The number of such abductions averaged 200-300 per year in the 1980s; last year they were down to 93. Despite this good news, anxieties about "stranger-danger" continue to thrive. It is no wonder: the cumulative effect of the ceaseless exploitation of the issue of child snatching by the US media is poisoning the relationship between adults and children." (Frank Furedi: Panic over child abduction is the wrong response)


I hate the TV media. Papers and radio and all that are just as bad these days, but they just don't have the same emotional punch that TV has. And they use that punch to hurt us. It is all done in the name of education and information, but that is bullshit. they find a topic that gets people riled up and keeps them glued to their TV and they squeeze every single rating out of it they can get. This summer it is child abductions. Last summer it was shark attacks. There is always something.

Parents aren't completely off the hook with this subject tho. As Joie and I discussed, what are these parents doing instead of watching their child? So many of these cases are obviously related to how closely the adult was watching the child. How responsible they were being. I realize that people make mistakes and I don't think that anyone deserves to have something like this happen, but some people are just asking for trouble. You hear a strange noise in the house and find the door open, but assume that your spouse did it and go back to bed without checking the kids? You go to the park and just let them run off, assuming that your 5 year old will keep an eye on your 3 year old? Come on!!!

Ugh. It is all too disgusting. I am tired. I am probably not making any sense. I apologize.

One of the great joys of life is finding someone who is online and ready to chat at the same time you are!

That apple cobbler that Mikey made was yummy, in case you were wondering. In fact, I am going to go steal a bite right out of the tupperware we are storing it in. Shhh...don't tell Mikey! : )

hehehe. Mikey has a forum over on his business website and there are lots of pre-teen and nearly teen kids who hang out there. They sometimes bug the hell out of us, but I am glad they have a safe place to be. One of the kids is starting 8th grade this fall and asked for advise (there are several teachers or former teachers that post there too). I had fun coming up with these words of wisdom...anything I should add?

Well, my advise would be the same for anyone starting any grade...

1. Pay attention in class. The more you get during school hours, the less you have to do out of school. That may not be a very teacherly thing to say, but I think it's good to know. So many kids hate school because it eats up their fun time. If they used their school time more efficiently, that wouldn't happen. I am not saying that if you pay attention you don't have to do any outside work. I'm just saying it would be significantly less.

2. Do your homework ASAP. There are multiple reasons for this. You get it over with and no one will be bothering you saying "have you done your homework yet??". You do it while the information is good and fresh in your mind. It doesn't pile up. Nothing is more frustrating or harder to overcome than a backlog of homework that you don't really remember in the first place. So keep it current.

3. Make new friends. I am sure that you have lots of friends. But new ones are always good. You find out about new things, learn about people who are different and can nearly always find someone to hang with if you don't limit yourself. I didn't do this in high school, I was too shy and I regret it.

4 Stick by your friends. Basically that means be nice! As a teacher I see so much back stabbing and name calling and rudeness between people who used to be best friends. Have some loyalty. I will qualify that statement though. I am talking about friends who have earned it. People who are mean to you, get you into trouble or are only interested in you when you have some new toy to share are NOT your friends. Find someone else to hang with.

5. Be careful. There are lots of things happening in the world today. It is a scary place sometimes. I know that teens feel invincible, but you aren't. Drugs, alcohol, sex, guns, strangers - they are all even more dangerous if you think they can't hurt you. So be careful. Be smart. You are facing way more issues than even I had to face and it wasn't that long ago that I was in high school myself. You also have access to way more information than I did. Use it and be smart. THINK!

6. Finally, don't lose touch with your parents. I remember thinking that my parents were totally clueless and had no idea what I was going through. I was wrong. Parents remember what being a kid was like and it scares them to have to watch you go through all the same things they did. Be patient with them and remember that all they really want is to make sure you are safe. Let them know who you are hanging with, where you are going, what you are doing. If it is something you can't tell them about, chances are you shouldn't be doing it...think twice before you do something stupid. (See #5)

So...that is my long, long rant. I know you will ignore most of my advise, after all, that is what teenagers do best! I hope some of it means something to you though. I wish you well and I am sure you will have a blast in 8th grade. Keep us posted! : )

Being a kid these days is tough! And being a teenager is a wierd, scary thing. I remember getting very upset, arguing with my dad and feeling like no one in the world had ever been as misunderstood and mistreated as myself! Now I think back and I wonder "what the hell?". Yikes. I wouldn't go back there for anything in the world. I'm just glad I made it out in one peice, which is better than I can say for lots of my friends.

"He was the true man's man. And yet, with his love, he was melted butter. It was something to behold--the transformation that took place in the man around his love. Even moreso, was her response. As he "submitted" to her, she seemed intent on even further "submission.' It was like the most pleasant war you would ever want to see." JB on Hooked on Blogging

This is a very reassuring post to read. Being a newlywed, I am high on love, smitten, twitterpated. However, being the child of a couple of broken marriages, I know how ugly love can get as it fades away. I think that Mikey and I have a relationship like the one mentioned above. We have our own opinions and beliefs and desires, but we rarely fight. We give in to each other, respecting each other and wanting to know more, see more, feel more about the other. When I first met Mikey it was so quiet and peaceful I would wonder "Is this right? This isn't like the loud, firecracker love that I used to know." I used to be in a relationship in which each conversation was a match. You were the winner or the loser. You had to fight to keep your pride intact. Harmony was a rare and strange thing. I am used to it now and I revel in it. There is honesty and because of that occasionally hurt feelings or stepped on toes, but mostly there is respect. And love. I think we are going to do alright.

I had the best lunch ever! I finally broke out of my jet lag and got up off my lazy butt. Mikey and I decided to play around in the kitchen (cooking, just cooking!). He made an apple cobbler sort of thing and I made cream cheese wontons. I mix the cream cheese up with minced bell pepper and onion, add some garlic and wrap it all up. Then deep fry. I also made some sweet ones with cream cheese, apple, cinnamon and sugar. These ones get powdered with cinnamon sugar when they are done frying. It is all quite nutritious, I assure you. We gorged ourselves. It was delicious. I am going to go throw up now.

I have a vague memory of reading about taking a bath on a blog...did this happen or am I making it up? In either case, this is what triggered the memory...

"Americans prefer showers because showering is a kind of job - you stand, you scrub, you shampoo. In comparison, bathing is inactive. You lie in a bathtub, your eyes closed. You accomplish nothing. By the end of a long bath, you're slightly older and slightly cleaner." (from Bathifying by Sparrow, The Sun, Aug 2002)

Mmm mm mm. Smoothies. It is an addiction I think. This morning was strawberry, banana, peach and orange juice. Mmmm.

My cats are mad at me for putting them on a diet. Well, one of them is on a diet. Our big boy is nearly 20 pounds and the vet was not happy with me. He doesn't like being hungry and walks around crying if there is no food in his dish. It is a good thing we don't intend to have children, because we are having a hard time disciplining our cats. We both tend to give into those cries because they make us feel guilty and they are annoying. See? No kids for me. I would ruin them.

I am tired and my head hurts. I have had a tension sitting in my eyebrows causing me agony all day. I dislike it. So I am going to go off to bed and try to get up at a normal hour tomorrow. We'll see. I have thank you letters to write. Ugh.

"Simplicity doesn't mean to live in misery and poverty. You have what you need, and you don't want to have what you don't need." Charan Singh

Sounds so easy, right? Wrong. I wish I could live my life this way. I wish I could be happy with the important things - Mikey, a roof, a little food, something useful to do with myself. But no. I want that cute dress I saw in the catalog and I wish that my bedroom were decorated a little nicer and I find myself longing for that seafood alfredo from the Olive Garden. I don't need these thing. I know I don't. I just want them. And most of the time I don't even feel guilty about it.

One of the few people I have ever heard use the word "kiddo" besides my dad. The Long Haired Country Boy struck a chord with me right off the bat. Check out his site...I like the variety. He thinks it is funny that I called Acidman a marshmallow, but he's got a mushy streak himself, I think.

And speaking of friends...this Gut Rumbler totally reminds me of my folks' friend, Todd. All spit and vinegar on the outside and marshmallow goo on the inside! It's a pleasure to read your blog, Acidman.

Whee! I feel like I am making friends!! I have been invited to join a group blog called Hooked on Blogging. I love reading here because there are actual discussions about interesting and important issues. Of course, that also means that I am in no way qualified to speak there, but I will give it a shot! I just hope that Acidman and JB recognize me for the sensitive sol that I am and don't come down on me TOO hard! Thanks, Joanie, for the invite!

oops! wrote that post yesterday and then didn't publish! hee hee

So much for getting on a schedule. I stayed up til midnight again and then slept until nearly 10:30. ick. that is just awful. I am normally the kind who is in bed by 9:30 or 10 and up by 7:30. I will be glad when the school year starts and I have a job again. I am not a good self motivator. I need a schedule or a boss or something. Otherwise I spend all my time reading, blogging, eating and sleeping. bleh.

Mikey says we have to start working on getting ourselves back on some kind of normal schedule - for California time instead of Hawaii time. So I shall head off to bed and read into the wee hours instead of blogging. To hell with a schedule! : )

Well, I told Joie that I would be chatty in my blog today and then I spent all day melting in the heat instead. Sorry, Joie!

I was mentioning all my new toys earlier. Well, as much as I like the fancy kitchen toys we got, my favorite gift is the CD that my daddy gave me. It is a recording of himself playing guitar and singing several of the songs that he used to play all the time when I was a child. Many of them are songs he wrote himself and my sister and I helped him write one...The Poky Little Puppy. Some of my strongest and fondest memories are of the parties that my parents and their friends would have. 100+ people, lots of potluck food, a few mind altering substances (legal and otherwise), a big bonfire, skiing or naked volleyball depending on the season and at the end, when only the real die-hards are left - a jam session. Everyone would pull out their guitars and dulcimers and drums or whatever they played and the music would begin. I would usually sit next to my mom with my head on her lap and close my eyes, basking in the circle of love that flowed around the bonfire. My dad played lots of old hippy folk songs and lots of anti-nuke stuff. Joni Mitchell, Buffy St. Marie, Beatles, Steve Goodman, so many that I recognize, but don't know the names to...that is the stuff I grew up on. I learned many things at those parties. If you have a talent, share it. Your closest friends are the ones that stick by you no matter how late it gets. When your parents are busy partying, you can get away with just about anything as long as you don't get caught. And that my Daddy overflowed with love for family, friends and all living things.

Listening to my CD today brought all of that back in a rush. My dad and I are in a rocky, difficult place in our relationship right now. He has done a lot of things that I don't respect, but today I remembered many of the things he has done that I DO respect. Today I was reminded of the love that he has inside, whether he knows it or not. Just listening to some old songs rekindled many desires in me...the desire to play guitar...the desire to teach young children that Love is what it is all about...the desire to keep fighting for that relationship with my Daddy that I miss so much. Thank you, Daddy, for once again finding the perfect gift. I love you.

1. Do you have a car? If so, what kind of car is it?
I drive a dark red Ford Escort. It isn't much to look at and it is filthy inside and out, but she hauled all my stuff across the country when I decided to move from Northern MN to Southern CA. Everything I owned was stuffed into a UHaul trailer and the back end of that car and we made it over the mountains without any problems. She's a trooper.
2. Do you drive very often?
I hate to drive so whenever possible I get Mikey to do it. In fact, on our honeymoon he did all the driving because it costs too much to add my baby self (under 25) to the contract. I was in heaven! Usually, I drive every day to and from work, but since none of the schools in this district are more than 20 minutes from my house it's not so bad.
3. What's your dream car?
I have been lusting after a Toyota Tacoma with an extended cab lately. I like driving smallish vehicles, but I also like being above the other drivers (at least the ones in cars...can't compete with those SUV's).
4. Have you ever received a ticket?
When I was 16 I was pulled over for going about 20 over the limit. I was SO scared! And while I was working up the nerve to tell my mom I was stopped in the hall right outside her office and asked in a very loud voice "hey! was that YOU I saw pulled over last night?". I paid the ticket and drove much slower for a long time!
5. Have you ever been in an accident?
Nothing beyond the typical parking lot fender bender or land-you-in-a-snowbank slide, both caused by slippery, ice covered MN roads. My cars tend to have more accidents without me.

OMG it's too hot to live!!! I can't stand it. Of course, it is my own misguided attempts at being cheap and "environmentalist" that prevents me from turning on the air conditioner. We have fans going, but I am pretty certain that one more day like this is all it will take to break my will and turn me into the energy company's bitch. At least in Hawaii it would rain every once in a while!

I had lots of fun shopping for groceries. We had a huge list that was totally justifyable because we had emptied our fridge and cabinets so well before we left. Now I can do lots of cooking...gotta feed my man right, since he is the only one working these days! : ) We are even going to make our own ice cream with our new ice cream maker. Tonight we made smoothies with our new blender. For those of you wondering if it's worth it to make your relationship "legal and binding".....you get some really cool new toys if you do!!! : )

I didn't realize how strongly I had attached myself to the idea of teaching 5th grade at Nicholas Valley until I found out today that all the positions had been filled. I was near tears. I felt betrayed! I have been using all my positive thinking to make that job mine and I felt as though it already was. Not only have I lost the opportunity to teach at that particular school, it was that principal who was supposed to call me in for interviewing. Since that "in" fell through, I am now just another applicant in a pile of 700 others. I am very disappointed and having a hard time visualizing the upcoming year. I don't really want to sub again...it is a big let-down after being so excited about having my own classroom. I really need to shake the feelings of dispair and failure that swamped me this afternoon though. They are not going to help me get a job in any way. I have always felt that visualizing myself in a situation could get me there...the self-fulfilling prophecy sort of thing. I guess one good thing is that I can focus strongly on getting my 30 credits finished now. I was wondering how I was going to do that.

On top of that, my house is a mess! I spent all that time trying to make sure it would be clean when we got home. And it was. Until we unpacked the car and dumped everything all over the bedroom and living room! Ugh. I am such a slob. Also...it is about 800 degrees here. Anyway...I am done whining now. I think I am having a hard time adjusting to real life after so much wonderfulness.

Why is it that people can have so much patience with some and none whatsoever with others? On our return flight I saw several altercations between one of the attendants and an elderly passenger who had obviously lost some of his faculties. In one instance, he tossed his empty cup at her cart as she went past. She stopped, bent over and said "No! We do not throw things! You could have hurt someone." in much the same voice you would use for a three year old. I was okay with this as she was obviously just trying to make it understandable. It was her saying, quite audibly, to the next passenger "That was a new one!" and rolling her eyes that bothered me. And later this same elderly man got lost on his way back from the bathroom. He went down the wrong side of the plane. She explained that he was at the wrong seat and showed him where his seat was. Again, quite appropriate. Until I heard her response to his apology - "I was going to say it would be nice for you to say you were sorry!" in a snippy tone. The whole thing was a little un-nerving to me. I dislike seeing rudeness at all and when it is someone who is unable to help it I dislike it even more. Some people are just not cut out for the kinds of jobs that require human interaction!

So...what have we done? We went to a Luau last night and I ate poi. That is a goopy dip sort of thing that is made of boiled and ground up Taro root. It used to be a staple for the natives. It has very little taste and the consistence of very thin gruel. It was not yummy. There were hula dancers and a fire dancer. It was something else!

We went to the Kilauea lighthouse and saw lots of birds and panoramic views which promply killed my camera and ruined a whole roll of brand new film. I replaced the battery, but didn't get any of the amazing shots I wanted. Stupid technology.

We tried to snorkle again, but the choppy waters made everything very murky. We did get to see a family of angelfish-type fish. There were a couple big ones (about the size of a half-dollar) and a whole bunch of little ones (about the size of a penny). I was not comfy with the amount of pushing the waves were doing and I didn't like not being able to see more than a couple feet in front of me...I am a big pansy and there are scary things that live in the ocean!

All in all, we have had a blast here! We have done just about everything I wanted to do (I would love to go kayaking and take a helicopter tour, but we need to be much wealthier for those adventures!) and I have enjoyed every minute of it. Now we are ready to head home and see our beloved kitties. They have been alone for 12 days and we need to give them some lovin! We are both ready to get back to work too. Hopefully, there will be a message on our answering machine saying that they want to interview me for that 5th grade position at NVES and they will hold it until I call them back! : )

Hey! Remember that 48 hour game contest Mikey was in? I can now brag up my new hubby because he placed in all the categories.

Overall - FIRST
Gameplay - Third
Fun - Third
Sound - FIRST
Technical - Third
Graphics - FIRST
Completeness - FIRST

Hooray, Mikey!!! Go check out Scarecrow: Heart of Straw. It's free!

It seems that we are destined to have semi cloudy days for the rest of our trip. I don't mind the clouds so much, they make my sunscreen even more effective, but the water has been choppy. It's like snorkling in fog! Don't I just have a troubled life? : )

Yesterday was a quiet, hang-out-by-the-pool, read, catch-a-movie kind of day. We saw Austin Powers: Goldmember and then grilled ourselves some porkchops that were very yummy! It sprinkled on and off all day and then as we were walking home from the movie it suddenly poured! It stopped long enough for us to cook our dinner on one of the communal grills and then it poured again!

This morning was grey and somber. We drove a little to the south to find a man made cove for snorkling. There were TONS of fish! A school of big, blue and yellow butterfly fish swam past us several times and at one point we were surrounded with a hundred or so fish of different variety. It was amazing! Snorkling is my kind of sport. You can be active and swim around looking into all the nooks and crannies or you can just lie there and float, watching things swim past you while the waves rock you gently. It is so quiet too! The only things I could hear were my own breathing (sounding like Darth Vader!) and the waves crashing on the rocks in the distance. Sometimes I could hear bubbles. Very peaceful. Quite a contrast to what we were hearing with our heads above water. There were some teenaged girls that were screaming and grabbing the nearest person every time they saw something move. The kind of person who should just stay in the hotel pool! I just stuck my head underwater and kicked in the other direction.

I am stiff this morning from all the hiking. Good things we have massages planned! : )

How is it that the water here is so much more beautiful than anywhere else? This is the same ocean we see off the Cali shores, but it is not so green and charming there, somehow.

Today was overcast and it sprinkled a bit now and then. We were on a hike inland to a waterfall and enjoyed the feel of the rain on our overheated bodies. I got to stand right under a waterfall and feel it beat down on me. Cleansing. This whole island is so spiritual. It is so easy to live in the now when the now is so beautiful. Now to stock up on the serenity that I feel here and keep it to bring it out during those Temecula traffic jams.

I ate the most delicious seafood linguine today...multi-colored noodles slathered with a rich cream and garlic sauce surrounded by shrimp, scallops, mussels and fish. Yum. I am tired from the hike and stuffed from the dinner and pretty much as happy as a clam at high tide. Aaahhhh.

I stand on the lanai looking out as far as I can see. The pale blue of the sky and the indigo of the water make a crisp line. I can't help but compare it to my recent marriage. It stretches out in front of me, long and beautiful and a bit overwhelming. At the moment, the surface of the water is calm and the sky above is filled with fluffy, harmless clouds. But I know that it is not always that way, the water will become choppy, the sky will darken and the wind will blow cool and sharp. Altho these days make me want to climb into bed and pull up the covers, I know that they eventually end. I am greatful for them because they give me a new appreciation for the calm and beauty of the ocean between storms. I stand on the lanai today and imagine the storm, rejoicing that the sun is out and the sea is peaceful.

I finished reading blogs and went outside to the lanai (patio) to watch the waves and damned if I didn't get poetic! I have always had a facination with the white spray that comes of waves - Pacific, Atlantic, Lake Superior - it doesn't matter where...it is just beautiful to me. All motion and excitement and random, but smooth and constant and soothing at the same time. I love it.

I am totally infatuated with this island. We chose Kaua'i over the other islands so that we could get away from some of the crowds and touristy things (Hard Rock Cafe and the like) and see some of the really special things. We have thought about living here for some time now and being here is just making me more interested in that. I love the mountains and the ocean and the green and the little lizards and the adorable little shacks that serve up the best fish burgers and the winding roads. Being here really has an effect on me...even clock driven, ultra organized me...there is no need to hurry because nothing is all that far away and it will all still be there when you finally show up. We drove around for 20 minutes trying to find a parking spot at the snorkling beach we finally chose. This would normally have be climbing the walls, but it didn't matter. I was greatful for the chance to go past the beautiful scenery we saw the first time around! I wish we were going to be here for a longer time so that we would have time to really explore the inner island...the hidden streams and secrets. We looked at some real estate pamphlets while we were driving. $500,000 would get us a bunch of land and a huge house on the coast. And all we want is a cozy little place and the sound of the surf. I'm gonna start saving as soon as I get home! : )

We have been on Kaua'i for 3 days now and we LOVE it! Today has been the best. We got our fancy new room (due to some mix-up we were downgraded for two nights, so they upgraded us to an OCEANVIEW room for the rest of the stay) and we rented snorkle gear and we drove all along the north shore and found some cute little snorkle beaches. The parking was awful, but we saw wonderful little fishes! Mikey really likes the needlefish. I am searching for a humuhumunukunuku apu a'a (the Hawaiian state fish) and some sea turtles. The guy at Snorkle Bob's (the rental place) was really friendly and told us where to find the best fish and get away from the big crowds. Mikey's mask was leaking, but we both had a blast. I think that is what we will spend the majority of our time doing.

Yesterday we hung around the hotel and the shopping center. We are still on CA time so we are getting up really early and getting tired really early! We enjoyed the pool and did some grocery shopping. We were both excited to see that they have an abundance of Japanese cooking and snacking foods as well as lots of organic, scoop-your-own dry goods sorts of things right in the regular grocery store. Those are things we normally have to search out! We got to see a hula show at the place we went for dinner.

Our original room left something (or many things) to be desired...no clock, no glasses, not enough towels, etc...but our new room is like an apartment! We could be perfectly comfy living here...in fact, I think it is about the size of our first apartment! My favorite thing about it is the sound of the waves coming through the open door. The first thing we did was shut off the air and open the sliding door. I am very happy here!