I didn't realize how strongly I had attached myself to the idea of teaching 5th grade at Nicholas Valley until I found out today that all the positions had been filled. I was near tears. I felt betrayed! I have been using all my positive thinking to make that job mine and I felt as though it already was. Not only have I lost the opportunity to teach at that particular school, it was that principal who was supposed to call me in for interviewing. Since that "in" fell through, I am now just another applicant in a pile of 700 others. I am very disappointed and having a hard time visualizing the upcoming year. I don't really want to sub again...it is a big let-down after being so excited about having my own classroom. I really need to shake the feelings of dispair and failure that swamped me this afternoon though. They are not going to help me get a job in any way. I have always felt that visualizing myself in a situation could get me there...the self-fulfilling prophecy sort of thing. I guess one good thing is that I can focus strongly on getting my 30 credits finished now. I was wondering how I was going to do that.

On top of that, my house is a mess! I spent all that time trying to make sure it would be clean when we got home. And it was. Until we unpacked the car and dumped everything all over the bedroom and living room! Ugh. I am such a slob. Also...it is about 800 degrees here. Anyway...I am done whining now. I think I am having a hard time adjusting to real life after so much wonderfulness.