We watched Saving Private Ryan today. That is an intense movie. It took us 4 hours to watch it because I kept stopping to do little things. I just couldn't take it all at once. I am not a big fan of blood and gore in movies anyway, but there is something even more upsetting about watching war stories. I keep realizing that real people really went through those things. There really was a Normandy battle and people really died there. Leaders really had to send their troops into situations knowing that someone (if not everyone) was going to die. People really took up weapons and ran towards other men with guns, knowing that at some point they were going to be shot. It tears me apart to watch it.

But I have always been drawn to these stories. When I was in highschool I went through a phase during which I only read about the horrors of war. Blitz Cat. M*A*S*H. Catch 22. Johnny Got His Gun. Red Badge of Courage. All different wars, all different perspectives. They make me cry. They make me dislike humans. Even when the "hero" is managing to survive, it is only because some other man is dying. I hate these stories of the very worst mankind has to offer.

Why do I keep reading and watching? Because with every wounded soldier, with every destroyed building, every burning city, I am reminded why I abhor war. I remember that every person who dies, no matter what side they are on has a home, a family, a future. I think about all the lives that are lost in war and I am driven to find a better way. A peaceful way.