Odds and Ends

I was inspired by my cousin Amy's post last night. I, too, cooked a yummy vegetarian squash dish. Acorn Squash with Onion and Apple Saute'. It's quick and easy (microwaved the whole thing). It didn't go over well with Mikey (too sweet for him) but I sure liked it. I think I will have leftovers tonight.

I met the parent of one of my students in the grocery store a few minutes ago. It was a little eerie to hear a total stranger call me by name, but that is something I am going to have to get used to! He seemed very nice and sounded eager to help out in the classroom. That is always a good sign.

Happy Birthday X 2!!!
Despite the chaos in my life I remembered to call my father and wish him a happy birthday. It was also my stepmother's birthday recently. Since the birthday excitement consisted of having a garage sale I am forced to suggest that they go do something a little more celebratory. Live it up!!! You guys sounded WAY too laid back. :) I am thrilled about the new coffee table, though!

I am having a dilemma. Recently I have had hits from two searches that could quite possibly be parents of students from my class. That totally changes the feel of this blog and means that I may have to shut it down. Or at the very least start up a more anonymous one elsewhere. Fish sticks.

My comments seem to have taken a vacation. Hope they are enjoying themselves.

Going out to celebrate the successful completion of my first week as a really real teacher of my own really real class. Chili's, here we come!

We have a thing called DAQs in my class. DAQs are when FAQs are taken too far. Instead of just being Frequently Asked, they are added to the Don't Ask list. This list is reserved for those questions that you already know the answer to if you would just think for a moment. Questions like "Do I have to put my name on this?" or "Do we have to raise our hands?"

Today I was telling the students to raise their hands if they were done with a certain assignment when we discovered a new DAQ. Someone asked, "What do you mean by done?"

I just blinked. Then I asked, "What do you think done means?"

Sometimes you have to laugh, or you'll cry.

I have the funniest team members. As we eat lunch (okay, so it's not a COMPLETE lack of time) they keep me in stitches! And they are so good about making me feel like I am part of the group. There has been very little awkwardness at all. And the amount of support and help they have provided goes above and beyond the call of duty. I am a lucky girl.

Something about my schedule, either the biking every day or the complete lack of time in which to eat meals, has caused me to lose 4 pounds over the last 2 weeks.

I love going back to school.

Whew. This is fun. :) Sorry I haven't been posting much. I have been working 12 hour days and then collapsing in a heap upon reaching my couch. I'm having a blast though. I have some really fun kids in my class and I am actually quite proud of how I have handled this first week. Tonight I planned next week and it looks like it will continue to rock! Hooray.

Today is the first official day of "Operation: Bike to Work". As of today I am supposed to bike to work unless I am really sick or it is really raining. The idea is that eventually I will be in better shape and at the same time I am helping the environment by not relying on my car for everything. The only problem is that it is ALL UPHILL. Both ways. Just like the route my father used to walk to school in the snow. :)

I currently have 15 fourth graders and 3 fifth graders. They are all very nice and we had a great day. There were lots of things I could have done better, but overall I was very happy with my preparedness and my presentation today. We hit it off well and the atmosphere in the room just crackles with potential (theirs and mine). Although I was beyond tired by the end of the day, I was still sad to see it end.

Today was

entertaining, enthusiastic, energizing,
effective, ephemeral, enveloping, educational,
exhausting, envious, entrancing, elemental,
emotional, engaging, exciting, eloquent,
empowering, engrossing, electric, endearing,
embryonic, effervescent, eclectic, easy,

and only the beginning.

I think I'm going to throw up.

It's the first day of school. I am thrilled and terrified. Part of me knows that I will be just fine. I always am in front of a group of kids. The other part of me is looking around the office that is my brain - with all the piles and Post Its and stacks of books and lists - and wondering what the hell I just got myself into.

Is my behavior plan going to work?
Are the kids going to like me?
Do I have tp hanging from the back of my skirt?
Did I plan enough to do today?
Is my schedule going to go as planned?
Will the principal be happy with my work?
More importantly, will the parents?
Most importantly, will the students learn what they want/need/are required to?
Will I ever see my darling husband again for more than 5 exhausted minutes in the evening?

On the up side, I was able to sleep last night and there were no nightmares. This is a very good sign. Wish me luck. Keep your fingers crossed. Talk to you later.

Hey, guess what? I'm still up! No nap. Tired. Eyes hurt. Feet hurt. Room is looking better. More work tomorrow.

Still have to...
- visit the dollar store to get all kinds of cheap storage containers
- visit the teacher store to get a record book and whatever other fun goodies I can afford
- visit JoAnn Fabrics to buy more ribbon for my bulletin board boarders (who knew those spools were so short?)
- put away everything in my room in an organized (hence the storage containers) fashion
- finish my supply order form
- set up the second computer (one from home) in my class
- get my schedule finalized (as much as possible)
- work on planning

For the third night in a row I woke up at approximately 3:30 with ideas and plans and lists and fears running through my head. On the previous nights I laid in bed until my frantic mind finally wore itself out and I returned to slumber for at least a few hours. My mind was having none of that last night. At 4:45 I finally decided that it would be better to utilize all the awake time I have. After all, I can take a nap this afternoon if I make use of the mid-night hours, right? Riiiight. But it was enough to convince me to get up and finish my class website. (I mentioned it to a parent the other night, so there's no backing out now!)

It is now 6:30 and I have the whole thing pretty much put together. I am still working on the FAQ page, but since there have been very few Q's so far I'm not all that worried. I keep meaning to ask of the other 4th and 5th grade teachers have websites. I suspect not many do.

Today I am going to:
- visit the dollar store to get all kinds of cheap storage containers
- visit the teacher store to get a record book and whatever other fun goodies I can afford
- visit JoAnn Fabrics to buy more ribbon for my bulletin board boarders (who knew those spools were so short?)
- put away everything in my room in an organized (hence the storage containers) fashion
- finish my supply order form
- set up the second computer (one from home) in my class
- get my schedule finalized (as much as possible)
- work on planning

I best get started.

I have a meeting today (have to be trained in the new reading program we're adopting) and then I will be working my tail off to put this room together. Expect light posting for the next couple of days (or more likely, weeks).

There is nothing quite as satisfying to me as facing a parent who clearly worried about having their child in my class (not because of me, but because of the set-up of the class) and being able to answer their questions and leave them not only less concerned, but even excited to be part of my class. That is a good thing.

I met the parents of my 3 fifth graders last night. All were concerned, all asked many questions, all left feeling that their concerns had been address and looking forward to the year.

HOORAY!!!

You are reading the blog of the newest full time, 4/5 combo teacher at my school. I have officially been given my own classroom! I have the keys and I will start setting things up tomorrow (provided they excuse me from the useless meeting I am scheduled for). Hooray, hooray, hooray!!!

As of right now, I have 15 fourth graders. This number will rapidly rise, I am sure. From the numbers I have been given it looks like my class is going to end up being mostly fourth grade with a couple of fifth graders thrown in eventually. I have an ELL/GATE class. This means that I will have a few students who are not native English speakers and a few (one so far) who are considered gifted and talented. And since they are fourth graders there is the possibility that I will have some of my students from last year! I am excited to see my class list tomorrow to see if that happened. The kids are at the school right now seeing who their teachers are.

HOORAY! :)

My school website is looking so cute! If only I had a classroom to go with it.

Tomorrow I have another guitar lesson and between my cold and the stress and the migraines I have done next to no playing this week. BAD SOLEIL.

Last night I started making a classroom website. Because I wanted it to look semi-professional I decided to try using a Wod template. OMG. It is SO much easier. I can hardly believe it. Of course, I am glad that I did my personal site by hand because that knowledge base makes it much easier for me to know what needs to be done to fix up the template. But I am very glad I'm not trying to make all those columns and such by hand.

I filled out a new request for transfer today. If I am going to get jerked around at the school I currently belong to, then I am going to take my chances with another school. Of course, I still have to wait for them to call for an interview. But at least I am doing something. I had a really bad day, feeling like my head was just going to implode with all the different pressures that have been put on me lately. I just can't take it anymore. I need it to be a week from today so that I will know what I am supposed to be doing, whether I am ready or not.

I have been playing the Sims a lot lately. Mikey thinks it is because it gives me a sense of control. I think he's right. I have been finding some relief in telling my little computerized families what to do and where to go. I have even made most of them quite successful. Perhaps someday I will once again get control of my own life, rather than letting it be controlled by the whims of everyone else. I can only hope.

Oh my gosh. I have an actual appointment tomorrow. I actually have to get up early enough that I will be able to get my bike ride and shower done before 8:40. That would mean setting an alarm clock if I didn't have such OBNOXIOUS cats.
Did I tell you that we have started just booting them out of the room and closing the door when they wake us up at way-too-early-o'clock? It works for me, but Mikey can still hear them meowing and scratching at the door. So they get their breakfast before they should anyway. Naughty kitties.
That is all. Goodnight.

Wow. Ever wonder just how much magazine models are improved on before they hit the stands? Wonder no more...

Woman #1 - Notice how they even changed the shape of her jaw?

Woman #2 - They even skinnied up her arm. Looking at the real thing I feel much better about my own bellybutton.

Man #1 - Even the men have to be touched up. No wonder I can never get that flat tummy look...

A shoe??? - Okay. That is just silly. :)

I added pictures to my picture page. Enjoy.

I finally did what I have been threatening to do for nearly a year. I cut my hair. No, not a trim. I do that all the time. This was a real CUT. Here's the evidence...

BEFORE


AFTER


This is the first time Mikey has seen me with short hair. He's a little weirded out. And I am sure my dads will both be sad. But I like it. :)

Odd little aside: I would honestly not recognize these pictures as myself, especially the short one. In my mind's eye my hair is still the dishwater blonde it was when I was a kid. I don't know when this reddish brown hair snuck up on me. Hmph.

Woke up this morning feeling fine. Made breakfast, did the dishes and watched Mikey play Ape Escape 2. After 2 hours I was so tired I had to take a nap. I am feeling better again, but I am not planning on running any marathons. I am planning on getting my hair cut. I even took a "before" picture so that I could show the dramatic difference. I'm sure you are all on the edge of your seats waiting to see.

I have started putting together some "Bulletinboard In A Bag" sets for if I end up in this new class. That way I will have something to put on the walls. Rather than wasting all the butcher paper like teachers usually do, I have taken an idea from a fellow conservationist teacher and decided to use fabric for my backgrounds. I bought several yards of different solid colors as well as a few fun prints (have to have something special for the December holiday season, right?) and some extra wide ribbon to use as borders. I hope it will look as good on the wall as it looks in my head.

Felt a little better today when I got up so I went out biking (I am trying to train for when school starts so that I can ride to school every day without killing myself), did some work at school, bought some school supplies and did some other errands. It was too much and I was totally wiped out for the afternoon. I have a headache that has completely ignored the 2 Aleve I took earlier and my nose is still trying to decide if it is stuffed up or not. I just hope I feel better tomorrow.

Woke up this morning with a stuffy nose, aching muscles and a headache. The stress of this whole job situation has finally gotten to me. Ugh. All I can say (yet again) is "Hooray for Tylenol Sinus" (and Rice Crispie Bars and Swedish Fish) And a hubby who is willing to go to Rite-Aid to get me some. Thanks, Hubby.

I found this fun observation quiz over at Gut Rumbles (he stole it from Across the Atlantic). How many of these questions can you answer without cheating? I got 18 right. Since I can't hide the answers, I will direct you here for them. Good luck!

1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?
2. How many states are there?
3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty’s torch?
4. What six colors are on the classic Campbell’s soup label?
5. What two letters don’t appear on the telephone dial? (No cheating!)
6. What two numbers on the telephone dial don’t have letters by them?
7. When you walk does your left arm swing w/your right or left leg?
8. How many matches are in a standard pack?
9. On the United States flag is the top stripe red or white?
10. What is the lowest number on the FM dial?
11. Which way does water go down the drain, counter or clockwise?
12. Which way does a “no smoking” sign’s slash run?
13. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?
14. Which side of a women’s blouse are the buttons on?
15. On a NY license plate, is New York on the top or bottom?
16. Which way do fans rotate?
17. Whose face is on a dime?
18. How many sides does a stop sign have?
19. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side?
20. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?
21. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?
22. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who’s missing?
23. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?
24. On which playing card is the card maker’s trademark?
25. On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?
26. On the back of a $1 bill, what is in the center?
27. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits?
28. How many curves are there in the standard paper clip?
29. Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise?

(For the record, I missed 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 10, 12, 16, 23, 25, and 26. I gave myself credit for 29 because I answered what they asked even if I didn't answer what they meant.)

And the frustration continues to mount with 8 days until school starts and no decision in sight. I have done nothing but be flexible and open and I am still stuck in no-man's-land as far as a job because of everyone else's issues. There is absolutely nothing I can do about any of it. It all makes me want to scream.

oneword:

She offered him her shoulder, to cry on, to lean on. She gave him stability, strength and balance. She was his purpose and his goal. She gave him her shoulder.

I don't like this one. I am trying not to use the word so early in the writing. I want to have the writing by inspired by the word, not driven by it. Ah, well. There is always tomorrow.

I have begun the tedious task of turning my my children's book collection into an actual library for my classroom. This means each book is cataloged and has a information card inside so that when children borrow them I know who to flunk when they don't get returned. Being the organization freak that I am, I got 5 different colors of book cards and have them color coded just for the fun of it. Non-fiction is blue, mysteries are yellow, historical fictions are green, fantasy is pink and the rest of fiction is lumped together on white. I have an index card for each book that tells the title, author, illustrator, basic story line, most prominent topics and publishing information. I can't wait to get the boxes sent from my mom's because I went through all my old bookshelves while I was home. There were lots of classics and personal favorites that I have been unable to find within my price range (25 cents to a dollar). When those boxes get here I should have my collection up over 300. I'm running out of shelf space and I couldn't be happier.

Hot enough to turn the air on again today. Yuck.

I love reading stories that remind me why I don't want kids. These poor people. I bet they used to be able to go out to dinner and have a quiet, romantic meal, including dessert*. Like I can whenever I want. I bet they used to have relatively clean houses that stayed clean until they, themselves, messed it up*. Like I do. I bet they used to go on vacations to fun, exciting places that did not include kiddie meals, kiddie rides or kiddie movies unless they wanted them to*. Our vacations always include kiddie stuff, but only because WE choose it. I would even go so far as to bet that these people used to be able to have grown up, deep, philosophical discussions with their significant others whenever they wanted*. We could if we wanted to.

I do, indeed, have The Life.**

* This is not trying to say that the life these people have chosen are in any way bad or undesirable. For them. I am just saying a brief moment of thanks that I chaos I can handle, as opposed to chaos that would leave me huddled in a corner, sobbing and muttering under my breath in a few short days. Bless all of you grownups who can handle kids on a 24/7 basis. You have my undying respect and gratitude.

** This also does not mean that there aren't a few things that I am a little envious of.

Thanks to Gut Rumbles, A Small Victory, Raising Hell, Being Daddy, Moody Mama, MomBrain, and all the other parents out there for the stories.

I'm new to the whole asthma thing (a cold type cough hung on and seems to have permanently damaged my lungs somehow), so somebody help me out. Why do I only get attacks right before bed so that the racing heart and shaking muscles brought on by my Albuterol inhaler are at their peak as I try to fall asleep? I have the serious twitchies right now.

EVEN MY JAW IS TWITCHING, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. I feel like a crack addict.

UPDATE: And 30 minutes later I am crashing like a Kennedy. Must sleep. Gotta love those inhalers. G'night all.

I can only assume that Blogger just ate this evening's much expanded oneword post as a sign from a being more knowledgable than myself. I was typing along, feeling quite proud of myself for being inspired to write so much beyond my original 60 second's worth when suddenly it was gone. Sent to a deep, dark hole - hell for the written word - from which even Mikey couldn't save it. Obviously, someone or something felt the need to save me from utter humiliation and loss of face. Rather than cursing that someone (or something) with every nasty word I have ever heard and some that are made up on the spot, I will take a deep breath, give thanks and go on with my life. As soon as I can unclench my teeth.

In the meantime, here's the original 60 seconds. I am not going to try to re-write the rest. I will say that it was several short paragraphs more and I thought it was, if not good, at least readable. Obviously the universe disagrees.


"I almost got some yardwork done today," she said with a smile. "Instead I read a book and pet the cat. I guess my yard can wait. I needed a break." He laugh(ed and threw a cherry pit in her direction. "What could you need a break from?")

Whoo hoo! Another $25 gift certificate from Amazon. My share went to a Nora Jones album. I heard her playing at the Hollywood Video (they were playing a concert video or something) and really liked her sound. I'm interested to hear the whole album.

Mikey's share (plus all the money the chore fairy earned for him this week) went towards 3 games. Surprise! :)

Just got a notice from the school. Basically it is just a collection of notes regarding back to school events and new office hours. There was a list of "placement decisions" from the principal. We weren't even on the damn list. Not only did we not get the changes we were asking for, they didn't even consider us important enough to consider worth listing. Pisses me off, I tell you. Someday I am going to learn that believing anything administration tells you is a big, fat mistake. Especially when they are telling you that they really like your work and feel you are an important part of the team. What they really mean is that they just want you to feel secure so that you will do your job, but if something better comes along they are going to snap it up. Well, same goes for me buddy. I would have been loyal to the end, but now I am ready to go with anyone who will give me the respect I deserve as a teacher and a person. Damn.

Wow.

I am so glad it is Sunday. For the last week I have been the chore fairy. This means that I have done every single chore all week long (even the ones that we often just skip) and given Mikey the credit, and consequently the money for all of them. This was one of my anniversary gifts to him and considering that he has been working 20 hour days lately it came at an appropriate time. Since I am still just hanging around waiting for school to start, mostly reading and playing the Sims, it really wasn't a hardship.

But I am glad it is Sunday.

I hate waking up cranky.

I am lime with envy over this person's ability to find vegetarian restaurants. Of course, she IS in New York. I'm not even as picky...no let's say discrimintating...as she is. Perhaps she is just more motivated. Because I must admit that we have been very happy with the vegetarian selections at Chili's (not much of a selection, but quite yummy), Aloha J's (abomidable service, but quite yummy) and Taste of India (lunch buffet for $6.99, over half the items consumable by non-meat eating types). I guess it's just a slow process. I'm still lime, however.

On a related note, we are slightly concerned about a potential invitation to eat at the in-law's soon. We have sworn off meat entirely for the month of August and frankly I don't see us changing back too quickly. The in-laws cook with a lot of meat and it's soooooo tempting. What to do?

It is too hot to live today. Fortunately, I have been spending most of the day with Death and his apprentice, Mort. Terry Pratchett is funny. If you liked The Hitchhiker's Guide (by Douglas Adams, possibly the funniest author in all of history) you will enjoy Mr. Pratchett's style. I am currently reading "Mort", my first adventure into Discworld, but definitely not my last. Thanks to my father for sending htis book home with me. And lucky for him I didn't read it until now, because I would have absconded with most of his collection.

Random selections from "Mort":

"To Mort it was rather like going for a walk after a really bad thunderstorm - everything was quite fresh, nothing was particularly unpleasant, but there was a sense of vast energies just expended."

"...Cutwell had learned once again that one universal manifestation of raw, natural magic thoughout the universe is this: that any domestic food store, raided furtively in the middle of the night, always contains, no matter what its daytime inventory, half a jar of elderly mayonnaise, a piece of very old cheese, and a tomato with white mold growing on it."

"...with some of the more distressing pages clamped shut, (although on quiet nights he could hear the imprisoned words scritching irritably inside their prison, like a spider trapped in a matchbox...)"

"They heard him cross the library floor as though he had a grudge against it, and slam the door behind him."

Enough. You know you are interested. Go read the whole book. It makes more sense. Kind of. :)

one word:

The rhythm of the music pouring from the house next door would have been acceptable, entertaining even, if it hadn't been the middle of the night. As it was, the beat of the drums and the (trumpet of the horns did nothing but keep her awake.)

This is autobiographical. Our neighbors across the fence in the backyard are often playing loud music or having loud parties. This is not usually something that upsets me, but I do wish they could find a time not quite so close to 3 AM for these get togethers. Ugh.

I haven't done a Friday Five for a long time. Here it is...

1. What's the last place you traveled to, outside your own home state/country?
Minnesota. That is where I grew up and I love to go visit. It doesn't feel like home anymore though. I used to watch all the people in CA, thinking how different they were. Now when I go back to MN I am amazed at how different everyone is and when I land in San Diego everything seems normal (or as normal as CA can get) again.
2. What's the most bizarre/unusual thing that's ever happened to you while traveling?
Bizarre, unusual things don't happen to me. One time I was driving along one of those Minnesota back roads to visit a friend and I saw a hitchhiker standing in the middle of the road. He was naked except for shoes and socks. He looked scary. I wasn't about to let this guy in the car with me so I just drove past him very carefully. He got mad and threw one of his shoes at me.
Okay. That never really happened. But it would be bizzare and unusual, wouldn't it?
3. If you could take off to anywhere, money and time being no object, where would you go?
Italy. My husband owes me an uber-romantic date in a vineyard. Complete with picnic lunch and fanning with a palm leaf.
4. Do you prefer traveling by plane, train or car?
My favorite is by train. There is something so soothing and carefree about train travel. Especially if you are on a train with a dining car and a lounge car. It's like a hotel on wheels.
I also like flying. My favorite flights are the ones where you get a touch of turbulance so that everyone is clutching their armrests. It's like being on a rollercoaster. And I love that feeling. As long as it's mellow and shortlived. The best thing about flying is that it gets me from CA to MN in 4 hours rather than 2 days.
I hate to travel by car. Driving is stressful and being a passenger is boring. My butt gets numb, my knees get achy, and sometime I get carsick. An all around unpleasant way to travel.
5. What's the next place on your list to visit?
Mikey is going to take me to San Luis Obispo (SLO) sometime soon. That is where he went to college and he is always telling me how wonderful it was. We were going to go this summer, but there were too many other trips happening. I want to take the train. Someday.

Random Ramblings

I really can't decide if I am bored to tears and want school to start ASAP or scared to death that I won't be ready when school starts (August 26). Oh, the emotional rollercoaster!

Just finished watching Terminator (I saw the butt of a potential CA governor!) for the first time. I wasn't all that impressed. I mean, it was entertaining, but I guess I was expecting more. I had problems with the plot in several places. T2 is coming in the mail soon and then we'll be all ready for T3 when it comes out.

Mikey is having a blast watching the counter that shows how many people are currently browsing Hamumu Software. I keep hearing him mutter "6 people" and "broke the record!". How cute. He's very excited about this new site. For good reason. Have you gone to see it yet? Well? Have you?

I can't help but wonder what world domination plans my Zazzy Cat has when she stares at me with those big, round, unblinking eyes. I just hope she plans to keep me around as a pet or something.

Time for bed. See you in the AM.

oneword

"The medicine said "for external use only" on the package. Unfortunately, Sam couldn't read."

I know. Two sentences is pretty pathetic. I'm out of practice.

If I'm going to be asked to vote for an actor in the upcoming recall elections, I'd like it to at least be one that I like. Let's all rally behind everyone's favorite author and former Enterprise crewman. I had the biggest crush on him (and River Pheonix) in Stand By Me.

230 Incorrect Username/Password Combination

I don't even have to enter my usename and password to get here. I have a direct link. Not only that, but when I did log out and then back in, it accepted my username and password but STILL won't publish.

I can't wait until Mikey is done with this game so that he can start working on my new blogging program. -sigh-

Hooray!
One of the big projects that Mikey has been working on is done! I would like everyone to go over and see his brand-spanking-new website.
Hamumu Software
While browsing, keep in mind that he did every once of work to put it together. He made all those characters. He wrote all the code. He made all the games (with the exception of one). He designed it all. He is a whiz. Drop into the forum and tell him how awesome it looks!

He has been working on this project for a couple of months. At the same time he has been busting his butt on the game that is soon to be released (Dr. Lunatic: Supreme with Cheese), doing artwork for a friend and fellow indie developer and totally rehauling how we** sell the games. When people order from Hamumu now, every single aspect of handling the order is done by one of us. We take the order, we handle the money, we burn the cd, we print the manuals, we (*I*) cut and fold the manuals, we print up stamps, we mail them off, we handle questions, WE DO EVERYTHING. It feels good to have so much control over our business and seems to me like a giant step forward. I am so incredibly proud of Mikey for everything he has done with this business. Lots of people say they want to start their own business. He made it work.

**For all future references, when speaking about the company "we" equals Mikey unless otherwise stated. I just like feeling like I am a part of it.

Seeing my daddy in my dreams used to mean love and warmth and family. It used to leave me feeling joy and togetherness. Now, he appears and I feel anger and betrayal and frustration. I used to have dreams in which we would talk for hours, take in baseball games and enjoy each other's company. Now, in my dreams, we speak harsh words and avoid each other. I wake up sobbing.

Last night, as I slept, my family sat down to dinner together. I watched in impotent rage as my daddy pinched my mother. He spoke words of disregard and contempt. He laughed at my silent anger. I sat at the table, hands in my lap, with tears streaming down my face. My mother and siblings went on eating as though nothing was wrong. I awoke too sad to even cry.

Angry

One day while I was home I had a very difficult and sad conversation with my mom. I said things that made her feel bad and, of course, that made me feel bad. Upon going our separate ways I drove home, listening to my Matchbox 20 cd. As the first song played I thought about my mom and our conversation. I automatically sang along under my breath. Suddenly I listened to the words I was singing...

"And it's good that I'm not angry
I just need to get over
I'm not angry
it's dragging me under
I'm not angry"

and I realized as I choked on these words that I was, indeed, very angry. That was a revelation to me. I had spent the last 2 years hiding, denying, burying my anger as I clung desperately to what used to be. I was afraid that by showing my anger I would make things harder on my mom, my dad, my siblings.
From childhood I have been afraid of my anger. I have seen the damage that anger can do to situations, relationships and families. It took years of careful practice to control my baser emotions rather than letting them control me. I am coming to realize that it is okay for me to be angry. I can be angry at my dad for having an affair. I can be angry at his girlfriend for giving him a reason to leave his family. I can be angry at my mom and her new husband for getting married quickly despite my own discomfort with it. I can be angry at all of the adults for acting like children and not noticing how hurt the actual children really were by all this. I can be angry at my brother for making self-destructive decisions. I can be angry. I AM angry.
Now I have to decide how much of that anger needs to be discussed with others and how much just needs to be acknowledged by myself. I am still not comfortable with the idea of admitting to my family how angry I am with them. But I have admitted it to myself and that is a big first step.

From Russia with Love

I am having an odd breaking of the fast this morning. It's a habit that I picked up while in Russia and although I haven't been there for...8 years (wow, time flies)...I still get the urge every once in a while. I am currently eating thin spaghetti noodles with butter and parmesan, a couple of vegetarian meatballs (the closest non meat replacement for the cutlet patties they actually served), tomato/cuke salad with sour cream, and juice (it should be tea, but I was too lazy.)

I don't know if this is something that they actually eat for breakfast or if I just thought lunch was breakfast because I didn't get up until noon or noon-thirty on any given day. It doesn't really matter. It was the first meal of the day for most of the 6 weeks I was there. I liked it!

OMG!!!!
I can't even tell you how wonderful my Mikey really is.

The previous post took me more than an hour to write up. Upon finishing I clicked "Post", remembering as soon as the screen went blank that I hadn't saved it anywhere else. It was gone. I was devestated. Mikey came to the rescue. With a few quick clicks my post was back and my heart was once again beating. I didn't have to throw my computer out the front door and I didn't have to hunt down the creators of blogger, the internet and computers in general and kill them all with my own bare hands.

And life was good.

The Chore Game or No More Nagging!

I have mentioned this before, but I don't know if I actually described what it was really all about. Since I have to type up the rules for my stepmother anyway, I figured I would write it up here too.

The Idea
Mikey and I are very different when it comes to keeping house. We both like things relatively clean, but he can ignore a certain amount of clutter while I can't relax unless things are neat and tidy. Neither of us is good at putting things away when we are done with them. Soon after we started keeping house together we fell into a housekeeping pattern. I would do chores because I wanted things clean and I wanted them clean NOW. Mikey would do things as he had the time and the inclination, often showing up to help just as I was finishing a job. Needless to say, this didn't make for a happy house. He felt guilty and nagged. I felt overworked and underappreciated. Something had to be done.

When you put a game designer and an elementary teacher, both of whom retain many endearing child-like (not childISH, sheesh!) qualities, together solutions to problems tend to take the form of games. We soon came up with a game that provided motivation and rewards for getting jobs done.

The Game
First, list all the chores that need to get done around the house. We broke ours down into three catagories: daily, weekly and monthly. Any chores that are done on a less than monthly basis are dealt with on an individual basis (see below for details). Our chores include the following...

Daily - dishes, kitchen, kitty litter, making the bed, and watering the garden.
Weekly - laundry, vacuuming, dusting, cleaning bathrooms, yardwork and paying bills.
Monthly - flip mattress, wash cars, clean garage and clean fridge.

You should, of course, adapt your list to include anything that needs to get done, especially things that no one likes to do.

Then, go over your household budget. Look at how much money you are spending on "fun" things like movies, meals out, games, etc. In the future these things will only be allowed if they are paid for out of someone's "allowance". The money that used to be spent on entertainment type things will now be used to pay for having chores done.

Assign each job on your list a value. Be sure to consider the size of the job, how often it needs to be done and whether it is something everyone hates or just something they forget to do. At our house, doing the laundry is something that no one likes doing so it is worth $4.00 a week. Making the bed is easy and not all that important so it is only worth $0.25 a day. Remember that you need to stay within your set budget, so start low. You can always increase the wage for a job if you find it isn't getting done often enough.

If you so choose, you can also include fines. When we started, we said that dirty dishes left around the house were a $0.25 fine each. Forgetting to floss (something our dentist had recently lectured us about) was $0.50 each time. However, we soon found out that it was easy to "forget" to mark our lapses down and rather than get into policing each other, we let it slide.

You will need a chart to keep track of the chores done each week. We originally made a chart on the computer and printed them up as needed, but now we use a white board. Electrician's tape works well to make the grid. When a chore is done, mark the appropriate square with your initial. To avoid confusion, we decided early on that if you didn't mark a job within 24 hours it bacame a "freebie".

Each Sunday we are paid, in cash, for the previous week. We each have a "personal savings" jar and there is a "household money" jar as well. Any time we want to do something "fun" or get a treat for ourselves we have to pay for it out of our personal savings. Video games, non-work related clothing, books, dinner at Sizzler - all paid with allowance.

The Benefits
Since we started the Chore Game we have not had a single fight about household chores getting done. Don't get me wrong, I still end up doing more, but it is worth it because I get paid more. Every time I start getting cranky about doing the dishes AGAIN I head over to the Chore Board and add up my earnings for the week. It's amazing how much that helps. And if it isn't worth it for me to do the vacuuming for $4.00, I know that it's not really all that important for it to get done. Rather than getting mad at Mikey for not doing it, I take a cue from him and ignore it. Mikey does way more stuff around the house too, because they are no longer guilt/nag-induced and every time he cleans the kitty litter it gets him a little closer to that new game he's been wanting. Chores are things we CHOOSE to do rather than things we HAVE to do.

Since we can only go on the town when one of us pays it has become something special. Now when we eat out it is usually because one of us wants to treat the other. There are extra warm fuzzies. And who doesn't like warm fuzzies?

Buying treats for ourselves has become less of a problem too. Rather than wishing I could get those new sandals and knowing that Mikey would think it was a waste and feeling resentful, I know that all I have to do is save up my money and get them. Same goes for Mikey and his games. No guilt, no explaining, no problem.

The Problems
Of course, this isn't the perfect solution. (Perfect would be a chore fairy doing everything - very quietly - during the night, right?) The Game only works if you are willing to make it work. There are still some things that don't get done very often around our house. We still end up doing things we would rather not have to do. We have had to adjust the jobs and the wages some to account for changes in our budget or jobs that just weren't getting done (had to DOUBLE the bathroom wages before it was worth it to either of us!). Some weeks everything gets done. Other weeks we get by on the bare minimum. But it all balances out. And we aren't fighting about it. That was the main goal in the first place.

Extra Thoughts
I would suggest re-evaluating things on a monthly basis to make sure that everything is balanced, fair and, of course, affordable. And if money isn't a big motivator for you, you can always use something else. Reward yourself with Remote Control Minutes or candy or vacation time. Find whatever it is that makes it worth the work for you.

As I mentioned before, there are some things around the house that don't need to be done on a monthly basis, but that still need to be done. For example, our windows REALLY needed washing. Yuck. In cases like this, we have two choices. Sometimes we share the job and chalk it down the the joys of homeownership. Other times whoever finally does it is rewarded with a little extra cash.

On the TODO list for today...

1. vacuum
2. bills
3. practice guitar
4. class video #10
5. bathrooms
6. mow front yard
7. mow back yard
8. put away laundry
9. filing
10. make dentist appointments
(11. mop floors)
(12. dishes/kitchen)

How many of these things will I get done? C'mon people, start placing your bets!

(Important bit of information - I am not allowed to play SIMS until I have my chores done!)

UPDATE: Do you SEE how many things I got done today? Whew. I didn't do the class, but I have until the end of the week and I only have 2 tapes left. So there. I am rewarding myself with the SIMS. :)

I must play SIMS.

Kitchen Hint #1

Salsa has many uses. It is good to have some stocked up at all times. When opening a new jar of salsa, remember that (much like a bottle of ketchup) there may be a seal of sorts formed between the jar and the salsa. Using a knife or spatula to losen the seal is a good way to get the salsa to begin pouring out of the jar. Tipping the jar completely upside down, while getting the salsa moving, is also a good way to get the salsa all over your leg, your husband's leg, the stove, the floor and the cabinets. Unless this is a decorating style that interests you I would recommend using the knife method.

Good Luck and Happy Cooking!

This morning I had my first official guitar lesson! I was so excited about it that I had nightmares last night. Not like the one I woke up sobbing from the other night, but my usual "I had something important happening and I missed it" nightmare. If I could consider any of my nightmares recurrent, it would be this, although it is a little different every time. If school is starting, I dream about that. If I have a plane to catch, I can't get to it to save my life. If I have an appointment, I forget all about it. I kinda like these dreams since they keep me from actually missing any of these things.

So, anyway. The lesson. My instructor is a very nice guy, originally from South Africa (so he has a nice accent), who was very easy to talk to. He prefers teaching adults and his philosophy is that you should know why you are doing what you do, not just memorize motions. Our first lesson consisted of learning the part of the guitar (very easy) and an introduction to TABS (guitar notation, basically). This is something I had studied some on my own and it was nice to learn that I had been doing it right. I was given a song to practice (Remember learning "Hot Cross Buns" in Jr. High band? It's something like that.) and a hand exercise to help me learn my way around the frets. The best part is that he told me that I don't have to practice every time I pick up the guitar. He said he WANTS me to jsut play around and make noise and have fun. Of course, he also wants me to practice. But not in a way that makes it a chore. Fine by me!

I had a good time and I am happy to be learning from someone who I am comfortable with and who's teaching method I think I can really learn from. Hooray for me. Did I tell you that I am calling my guitar "Isha"? Adds yet another layer to the title of my blog. How fun.

We watched Saving Private Ryan today. That is an intense movie. It took us 4 hours to watch it because I kept stopping to do little things. I just couldn't take it all at once. I am not a big fan of blood and gore in movies anyway, but there is something even more upsetting about watching war stories. I keep realizing that real people really went through those things. There really was a Normandy battle and people really died there. Leaders really had to send their troops into situations knowing that someone (if not everyone) was going to die. People really took up weapons and ran towards other men with guns, knowing that at some point they were going to be shot. It tears me apart to watch it.

But I have always been drawn to these stories. When I was in highschool I went through a phase during which I only read about the horrors of war. Blitz Cat. M*A*S*H. Catch 22. Johnny Got His Gun. Red Badge of Courage. All different wars, all different perspectives. They make me cry. They make me dislike humans. Even when the "hero" is managing to survive, it is only because some other man is dying. I hate these stories of the very worst mankind has to offer.

Why do I keep reading and watching? Because with every wounded soldier, with every destroyed building, every burning city, I am reminded why I abhor war. I remember that every person who dies, no matter what side they are on has a home, a family, a future. I think about all the lives that are lost in war and I am driven to find a better way. A peaceful way.

Look at Those Tomatoes
I have made a huge batch of spaghetti sauce AND a huge batch of pizza sauce and I still have 2 big bowls full of tomatoes. And another bowlfull that will be ripe in the next two days. Temecula is good tomato growing country. If you are willing to water your garden every single night.

Congrats, Geoff!

Go see Geoff's new addition. She's gorgeous!

Grocery bagger Scott, from the next lane over, told the lady whos groceries he was bagging, "I want to be a BLF. A Bagger For Life."

I was grabbing handfuls of mushrooms at the grocery store when a voice behind me said, "Have you heard anything yet?" My partner's husband stood there with their twins buckled into one of those grocery carts shaped like big plastic cars. "Not yet," I said. After a moment of idle chatter we headed to different check-out lanes.

7 whole dollars gone to waste. How sad.

Actually, it started out as 2 dollars. I bought each of us a lottery ticket. I do this occasionally because I like to gamble. I had further reason to buy the tickets that day though. The night before I was babysitting the Js. Their parents are a bit, let's just say New Age-y. Monday nights when I am babysitting they are at a class to help them tap their psychic potential. Anyway, they had put up new signs all over the house.

"Know what you want in Love, Life and the Lottery."
"Know how much money you will win and how you will spend it."
"Past failures don't prevent future successes."
"If you feel lucky, do something about it."
"Be a winner."

And more. So after spending the whole night reading those signs I was feeling lucky. And I did something about it. I even spent some time visualizing how much I would win and what I would do with it. (Hey, you never know...) I managed to win 8 dollars with the first ticket and 7 dollars with the tickets that I bought with that money. All my luck must have washed off in the shower though, because I won NOTHING tonight. Unfortunately, I won't be going back to watch the Js for 2 weeks. Guess I'll hold off on that trip to the casino! (We have one in town, you know. I went once and had quite a bit of fun with 20 bucks.)

I managed to keep my promise to myself by going into school today. I spent about 3 hours there doing a variety of tasks, big and little. I have decided that since, as near as I can tell, my partner has not set foot inside that room since the day BEFORE school ended I can do whatever the hell I want to it and she can change it if and when she decides to show her face there. Today I did some arranging of furniture, worked at organizing some of the chaos and did some odd little jobs. You know, the kind that never get done when school is actually in session. I untangled the mess of cords behind the computer (I couldn't find the place to re-plug one of them...oops!) and sorted through the extra crayon bin (threw out about a pint-full of crayon stubs, all less then an inch long).

It is so frustrating to have so much energy to pour into a classroom and not have the classroom available for the pouring. I am working in the room I had last year, but since it is shared I know that anything I do might be undone if my partner doesn't like it. I also know that my district has reserved the right to move me at any moment. So I hesitate to be pouring too much energy now. What if I need it for a mad rush to get a room ready in 36 hours when I am moved to a 4/5 combo at another school two days before school starts?? Ugh. Despite that I enjoyed puttering around in "my" room today.